Home Announcements Domestic Violence – An Indiscriminate Social Affair

Domestic Violence – An Indiscriminate Social Affair


Today’s post is a guest post from Katherine, a member of Omega Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. SBM has decided to become an official sponsor/partner of the Ray of Hope Walk coming up on October 28th, 2012. SBM feels that in addition to providing content on the urban male perspective to our readers via our website and events, it’s important to have an imprint in our community. We are excited to work with an organization such as Omega Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. because of their longstanding and relentless work in spreading awareness about Domestic Violence and it’s affect on all of us. Please enjoy today’s post.

Domestic Violence (DV) seems to be something that we all know about, yet no one realizes the severity of the issue until you are personally affected by it. It is present in many households, relationships, work place and even in our media. It is present in any race, any class – as we’ve seen with Rihanna/Chris Brown and recently with Evelyn Lozada/Ocho Cinco. Despite the detrimental affects it had on these social icons, their conflicts have shed some light on the issue. Awareness has even reached the White House, where in April a Presidential Memorandum was released outlining the establishment of policies addressing Domestic Violence in the federal workplace.

The first time I heard of domestic violence was in high school when my cousin had ran away from her boyfriend who wanted to assault her. He claimed she was flirting with the cab driver as they rode back to her apartment and he threatened to beat her once they got back to her place. Luckily, my mother was able to escort her into her apartment and she didn’t suffer any harm.

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Unfortunately, not all stories of domestic violence end the same. Although it is something that we think may not affect many, statistics say differently as seen in 2007 where “about 1/3 of female murder victims aged 12 or older were killed by an intimate partner, vs. roughly 3% of male victims.” Reality is that domestic violence is there, in marriages and in relationships, it’s something very common. Domestic violence is like a nasty flu, it hits anyone without discrimination of sexual orientation, gender, age, or race.

So if there seems to be some spotlight on domestic violence why is this still a social conflict?  I believe the answer lies on awareness and education. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, “Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone”. Not enough people know what domestic violence is; the signs, affects, and resources available for victims and abusers. This form of abuse not only affects one person, but the family and everyone around the abuser and victims, so it is up to us to shed awareness and educate those around us. It is too prevalent amongst under-represented communities where education rates are often low and poverty rides high. Thus, via education we can empower others to step out and speak up about domestic violence.

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In the month of October, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I challenge you to save a potential DV statistic! Educate someone on DV, attend an event, and support an organization. What are you going to do to stop domestic violence?


Katherine Laureano, Director of Community Service of Omega Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.

If you or any loved one is dealing with issues of abuse or if you’d like to obtain further information, please utilize the following resources:

Amnesty International: www.AmnestyUSA.org/women
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: www.NCADV.org
Safe Horizon: www.SafeHorizon.org
The Rape Crisis Center for Children and Adults: www.RapeCrisis.com
WomenWatch: www.un.org/womenwatch

Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673)
Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-HELP (4357)
Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline: 212-277-3000
TDD Phone Number for all hotlines: 800-810-7444


  1. I agree. Yes, the issue is out there but there is not enough prevention. Often times as a society we try assist a victim and offer support for people who are in abusive relationships so that when they are ready they can leave the unhealthy relationship.

  2. Full Comment-
    I agree. Yes, the issue is out there but there is not enough prevention. Often times as a society we try assist a victim and offer support for people who are in abusive relationships so that when they are ready they can leave the unhealthy relationship.

    DV affects everyone as stated. I would personally like to see more abusers be challenged on this type of behavior more. We are always trying to assist a person who is in this situation but the perpetrator of the abuse is not addressed? This is something that has negative impact on the person being abused as well as those who are witnessing this (sometimes children).

    I would like to see men speak out more on this issue. Kudos on the posting! We need to develop a zero-tolerance stance on this type of behavior. Don't ever be afraid to speak out…you could be saving a life.

  3. Part of the problem is the system, often these couples share homes, children, dependent upon each other's income just scraping by, they're unhappy but they're stuck. She takes abuse she doesn't deserve but too afraid to leave, the system is just as scary as he is. You could have him arrested but if you look at a Chris Brown/Ochocinco they got slaps on the wrists, endorsers did more damage. I know of regular people with DV cases, pay a fine and probation now they're back on the streets and now angrier. Its sad.

  4. One big problem is our perception of all criminals. We are almost exclusively a punishment-oriented society with little interest in rehabilitation and even less interest in prevention. We catch them after the crime has been committed, lock them up for a while, then release them back into society. Not only do we often not fix criminals but we often make them worse because of the environment that we put them into. We also have a for-profit prison system that has no incentive to reduce recidivism.

    We need methods of spotting the abusive personality type and offering, or mandating, counseling before the damage is done.

  5. Education needs to be out there , So many schools are able to teach Safe Sex with condoms, but where are the classes teaching Safe and Healthy Relationships. Education =Prevention

  6. So true! There needs to be more attention on awareness. Too often people may sense something is wrong but don't want to get involved in someone's business. There needs to be more education on steps to take and how we can help our friends and loved ones who feel trapped, alone and can't help themselves!

  7. I think it goes beyond that too–it's a social issue. In a patriarchal society, this has become the social norm because it is the acceptable and expected behavior for "men to be dominant." Look at contemporary culture, it is movies, TV shows, reality TV. Drink a little, hit a little. Look at Rihanna and Chris Brown, hate going there, but the two of them have more power and influence for the simple fact that they are inescapable–constantly in the public eye. Yes, positives have happened such as the recent Evelyn and OchoCinco situation and it is a commendable step in the right direction.

    That's why the end of this article is so moving. All it takes is one voice!

  8. More awareness and educational resources need to be created and addressed to the public. There are seminars/sessions/counseling on Safety and Healthy Relationships, but its not advertised nor encouraged to attend. You have to understand though that DV has been happening for centuries whether or not it was considered "domestic violence". The word domestic violence has been expanded and defined to mean a lot more now than what it used to be before. Its an old issue, but its now being spoken of more and more and it's starting to get notoriety in the public eye. Compared to before, more people are speaking out, more people are seeking help, there are more resources and awareness of this issue. Change is on the move, but it comes with time. Yes we may not have "time", but this is why we have these walks, events, etc to raise money to support organizations against DV, and to educate and spread the awareness against DV. Change is coming, but we need to keep on pushing and hit the ground running.

  9. Domestic Violence only becomes an issue in our society when it is publicized. Otherwise victims suffer silently. There should be more legal consequences for domestic violence. Then maybe victims would be more likely to report it.

  10. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) ".. I put my son in harms way so many times by my driving or my yelling at him to get in the car faster so I could chase after Jason..I knew what I was doing was wrong and crazy……I used to get so upset that I would yell at my son and I would drive erratically or couldnt' function or thought of all sorts of things to get back at him..” 4/15/06 #8420, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  11. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “I wanted him to hit rock bottom so bad that when someone would make a joke like ‘hey I got a friend who would hurt him’ I was taking him seriously.I wanted his car destroyed..I wanted him hurt so that he could be in the hospital.. I put my son in harms way so many times…" 4/15/06 #8420, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  12. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “I go to therapy, however I’ve had 10 years or so of trying to find the right one and walking out after I didn’t feel understood…when it gets real bad, I’ve even gone twice or three times a week…walking in feeling like I want to jump…” 3/27/06 #8000, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  13. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…during our relationship he was SUPER and then it stopped…he’s so helpful and giving to others and I get NOTHING…” 4/19/06 #8522, . http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

    Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…I tend to do things for the reaction…an hour later I will be disappointed if I don’t get the reaction I wanted, then my plan has backfired…”, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  14. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…As far as using Blaise…maybe on some level…one level is that I am finally accepting he will fail me over and over so it’s like I need to tell him, so he can reject me, so I can get it through my fat head…but secondly a small part of me is thinking that there is no possible way he can reject a little baby that just last week he was so concerned about by a little tiny cough he had…” 6/6/06 #9305, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  15. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…if J hadn’t called the cops on me and made upa story last year then I would have kept on callinghim and what not…even after that I still checked for himo n the internet anddroveto seehim at drag racing…basically there was no way to find out about him…I had checked on him so many times it’s like it called to me…” 7/5/06 #9833, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  16. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…I found out he rented a uhaul as his get away vehicle..170 pllus gas and tolls one way from mass to RI…andtheguys at the desk told me he was talkingshit about me…devastation again…I got a no abuse order andandorderfor him to stayaway form myhouse…a couple days later I got emails an instant messages all hours of the day and night saying he makeamistake, couldn’t live without me and needed me. I ignored him thenoneday I responded because I needed answers to some questions. He made the promises to make things up to me and plan to continuewithhis batterers program,attend na, and get therapy as well as his own apt…” 10/20/06 #11564, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  17. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…HE should be scared to see ME because of all he missed…for months I’ve been desperate for him to come…the moment a little crankiness comes I fell like I’m having a heart attack…he said to me don’t worry Angelique, I’m not leaving…” 5/12/06 #8835, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  18. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…I do not have one person supporting me besides my therapist and I even feel at times that if I get in one disagreement/argument with even a stranger I can’t handle ANYTHING with J…about starting over …although I’m 26 I have a whole sleu of health problems…and embarrassing ones…and I met this guy right after I left my husband…so I went from a failed marriage to a wonderful relationship to him leaving…its hard for me to open up about the embarrassing medical problems…and I still deal with that now…how can I possibly start over…” 4/21/06 1:59 pm, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

  19. Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…myhusband,jeremiah, things got bad between us, and I kepttellinghim and he was cold and callous I said one day, that I felt like I would cheat on him…in telling Jason this story he said if I ever said that to him he would die and wouldn’t let me go…well I’ve said it several times to him and he hears nothing…” 6/4/06 #9266, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsuppo

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