Home Featured How Committed Are You in Relationships? Maybe Not as Much as You Think.

How Committed Are You in Relationships? Maybe Not as Much as You Think.

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Taylor and Danielle on the Today Show sharing their story. Source

If you were dating someone and they got into a serious accident or contracted a life-changing illness, would you stick around or take off?

Not an easy question to answer. There’s a good chance you said “It depends.” You probably thought about the severity of the accident or illness. You’d consider how long you were with the person, the depth of your feelings for them. There’s a lot that you’d have to think about. And feel free to tell me if I’m wrong, but if you weren’t married or engaged to the person, there’s a good chance you’d leave. Why? Because you’re more selfish than committed.

I started thinking about this because of a story I came across a few days ago. It was the love story of a couple told in 22 pictures. The guy, Taylor, had joined the navy and transitioned to a military unit that identifies and disables explosive devices. While out on a mission, he stepped on a mine and lost his legs, an arm and a hand — the penultimate sacrifice for one’s country.

Enter Danielle, his long-time girlfriend. The first image of Taylor after the accident is of him in the hospital with Danielle standing at his bedside. The next image is him wrapping what’s left of his arms around Danielle and her embracing in return. And for me, that’s where the story really begins. Not just in this particular article, but for all of us. They’re still together. She’s helping him through therapy, carrying him up the stairs and standing by his side. What would it take for you to do the same?

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Click here to read the rest of the article on UPTOWN Magazine. 

While this is only part of my article, there’s enough here to start a discussion today on SBM. Would you stick around or would you be out? How do you determine how committed you are in a relationship? Should we be getting into relationships if we can’t commit to sticking with the person if something happens to them?

Twitter: @slimjackson

Comment(23)

  1. It depends what direction our relationship was going in before the accident happened. We’re we engaged getting married or workin on it. If we were just chilling or dating ( 3 to a yr ) then I would probably take a step back, I would defenitley still be a friend if the person wants me too but I couldn’t commit to him because its a lot to handle in the beginning of a relationship or in a relationship that has no real future or next step just yet. It’s also not fair to the other person for me to stick around out of guilt and not out of love.

    I mean even if its not in the context of a freak accident happening , everyone goes through a phase where they have to decided how committed they are to the person they are dealing with. A lot of relationships end because arent on the same page commitment wise. Commitment is more than just being monogamous. Are you willing to rearranging , sacrifice, compromise ,and become think about that person before you think about yourself ( sometimes ). I also think there are different levels of commitment , that comes with time , and getting to know and love and understand the person your with.

    1. Don't know why this comment got ThumbsDown

      You made some very valid points..

      Of course everyone would like to think they would stand by a BF/GF if something happened to them that left them severely disabled/without a limb/horribly disfigured but let's be honest here folks!! That's a tough jagged-edged pill to swallow

      Now a Husband/Wife that's a different ball game; If it was my husband.. OF COURSE I would stay.

    2. I agree and disagree w/ this… but will say this is REAL TALK…

      Although after a certain age I think adults should realize that we all have problems and running away is just foolish…

  2. Hopefully you love the person you are in a relationship with and therefore it wouldn't even cross your mind to leave. Love is not a fleeting feeling, it is an action…it is what you do.

    What's so thought provoking about this whole Taylor and Danielle case is that they are young. Most young people rarely think a tragedy will happen to them. You never know what life has in store for you. Shallow relationships begot shallow commitment. In the last 5 years of my life I analyzed all my associations. I truly took a deep look at whether reciprocity existed in my all my relationships.

    At some point in a long term relationship you will have to deal with a loss; loss of job, health, mind, body, or soul. It is inevitable.

  3. I mean, I think about this and I partially agree, but I partially think that they'd stay out of sympathy, but not love. And if I were in that position (the one injured), I don't know if I'd rather be alone or just have you stay with me for sympathy. Well, I know right now as a healthy guy that I can say that I'd rather you just leave me, but depending on how hard the injury is and who else I have helping me with it, I could easily see myself just wanting some companionship. But that's a tough question.
    My recent post Learning the Apriori Algorithm

  4. My bf and I have talked about this. Those pics make me want to cry…sooo beautiful. I wonder if that was their son…

    Prior to marriage, I think my thing would be…can we still…uh…do the do. If we can still do the do, and I love you, I'm gonna stay. If we cannot do the do, then I'm gonna expect you to release me and remain good friends (in time, if possible). If we are married, I'd stay regardless.

    1. Cyn, is the only thing thats keeping you there the fact that your married and took vows to this man?
      Do you think that will be enough for you to remain with him and remain faithful to him for life?
      just curious

      1. I just know that if I married him, I'd love him to deeply to bounce on him when he really needs me. I'd be willing to implement all sorts of alternatives/creative ideas to make sure I'm good as I love him through the tramatic experience. That kind of love you can't just flip on and off.

  5. I'm glad someone is addressing this aspect of relationships. I have always felt that people often claim to be in love and committed to a person, but when things get tough, they split. This is the for better or worse that needs to be considered when thinking about marriage or considering a partner for the long haul.

    If you wouldn't stay with that person through a situation of this caliber then you probably don't love that person like you think you do and you're not as committed as you claim to be. Hopefully, knowing this, you would see the relationship for what it is, temporary.

    Considering the relationship I'm in now, I would stay but I know how taxing it can be dealing with someone, anyone even family in situations like this, and it isn't easy. I think I would rather be alone than to allow my s/o to stay by my side, but if he chooses to, God bless him. Great post.
    My recent post Are Men Less Concerned About STDs?

  6. As a married dude, I see different levels of commitment. Somebody 3 months into a relationship generally not as committed as a 6 monther versus a year versus married. Somebody upthread mentioned the fact that commitment is more than just monogamy, and I couldn’t agree more. Being committed to someone is in all aspects of life: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and even financial. It’s why marriage is such a serious step. People are willing to pick and choose what parts of commitment they want for their life. But to be totally committed, it takes all the above mentioned parts. If the whole package can’t be taken,.perhaps no commitment actually exists.

  7. I went to go read the full story.
    She. Carried. Him.
    She. Carried. Him.

    That's what you call love right there. I can honestly say that I don't know if I could be as strong (literally/emotionally).

    She. Carried. Him.
    So beautiful.

  8. Would I stick around?
    Seriously, yes…
    Although, there needs to be a REAL Connection.. Real Love…A Real Bond within the relationship 1st!

    You should do these things out of love and not obligation.

    If (& when) the day comes I think we all would want someone by our sides that CARED that much 🙂

  9. I would stick around however the dynamics of the relationship would likely change and would be especially dependent of my age. Either way, like they said above, that is a jagged edged pill to swallow. With love and marriage there is the horrible accident/sudden disability variable. With sex there is the Baby/STD variable. Whether you have in love and marriage or just having sex, the two variables will CHANGE the dynamics of your relationship forever. So the question may be how strong of a relationship was it in the beginning. Now a days, it seems so easy to walk away from those who you love, loved or who impacted our lives.

  10. for me it would depend on the type of relationship. I honestly don't know if I would stay or not if we weren't married.
    Should we be getting into relationships if we can’t commit to sticking with the person if something happens to them? Honestly I don't think a person has any way of really knowing what they would or wouldn't do until it happens. Obviously most all of us would like to think we would "do the right thing" and stay. However, we may not be able to deal with the burden and responsibility that comes with caring for a disabled spouse or s/o.
    I believe the level and depth of love and feelings determine the level of commitment in a relationship. If I did stay, I would be staying out of love, and not out of obligation.

  11. As typical as it is…it depends. Part of me is like, "yeah, if we we're in love" and the other part wonders not only if we could get our freak on, but if we'd be able to reproduce, and if I'd be mentally, emotionally, and financially stable enough to be a long term caregiver. Then again, if I looked at any man the way she's looking at him…probably. I'm a sucka fa love. -shrugs-

  12. Wow I looked at the 22 picture love story and that's true love and dedication to one another. I mean we have no idea the inside workings of their relationship but for her to still be around she's definitely with him for his heart, his personality, his mind. For me since I'm married I would try my hardest to make things work, but selfishness will kick in to be like "man I could have a much easier life." At the end of the day if you love someone, the only thing that can push you away is if they change the way they act toward you.
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