Can You Really Have Sex Too Soon If You’re Both Looking for a Relationship?
I was asked to answer two questions pertaining to men’s view on women and sex this week on MadameNoire. Honestly ladies, I think if you have to ask if it’s too soon to have sex, then it’s probably too soon to have sex. It really shouldn’t be that complicated and last I checked, it’s your body. If you have sex one second before you feel comfortable doing it, then it’s too soon. In my opinion, there really is no such thing as too late.
The real issue here is the fact that it seems like a number of women believe they can manipulate a man’s emotional development through sex. In fairness, this idea isn’t without merit since from a woman’s point of view I can definitely see how it seems a lot of men do “change” after sex. Still, I’m afraid I must disagree with this theory. I don’t think men change as often as women would have you believe.
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, men and women are still convinced that men and women view dating, relationships, and sex the exact same way when it is painfully obvious we do not. In my experience, most women have sex to convey they want the relationship to progress; whereas, most men have sex because they want to have sex. Afterwards, these same women believe men change after sex, when in reality there usually was never a discussion about where the relationship (assuming there was one) was going to go. In this instance, it seems like only one person got what they wanted out of the equation. See the problem here?
It’s not that either party changed. The real culprit, in my opinion, is the fact that neither party was in agreement on where the relationship was going to go, which is why a little thing called “communication” is so important. Maybe the question shouldn’t be when is it too soon to have sex; we should be asking when is it too soon to have an open and honest conversation with someone you like? To which I would respond, “if you can’t talk openly and honestly with someone you’re planning to have sex with, maybe that’s the real issue.”
An excerpt from MadameNoire:
Recently, a new book came out called WTF Are Men Thinking: 250,000 Men Reveal What Women Really Want to Know. One of the survey questions that got the internet buzzing revealed that 62 percent of men expected sex by the fourth date. Madame Noire asked me to address the following questions: When is too soon or too late for a woman to have sex? Does the timeline of when she gives in affect how men see her?
When is too soon or too late for a woman to have sex?
As with most things when it comes to men the answer is, “it depends.” For most men, there is no such thing as too soon to have sex, so perhaps we should differentiate between when men want sex and when men expect sex. Men want sex immediately. I would agree with the survey that most sexually active men probably expect sex around the fourth date. However, just because a man wants or expects sex doesn’t mean he’ll stop talking to you if he doesn’t get sex. If men want sex immediately, which rarely happens for the average guy, then obviously men are used to waiting for sex.
Men are sexual and visual creatures. So are women but if you think the average woman will entertain the sexual advances of a stranger as quickly as the average man, we’ll just have to agree to disagree (but you’re wrong). When a man approaches a woman, he is pretty much saying, “I want to have sex with you.” We can’t see your personality from across the room, so it is likely the physical that caught our attention. If we like nothing else about you the physical attraction still remains. As a frustrated commenter pointed out to me once, women control sex like men control commitment. For whatever reason, women aren’t as stingy with sex as men are with commitment.
Does the timeline of when she gives in affect how men see her?
Honestly? …read more.