Home Featured Her Words: Confessions of a Crazy Chick

Her Words: Confessions of a Crazy Chick

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confessions of a crazy chick

By Patia Braithwaite

I went through an epic breakup last year. I mean like catastrophic. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and thought I’d found my husband. We discussed engagement and relocation, but he was lying and cheating on me the entire time. I estimate he told me 1-3 lies every day.



I don’t believe in victims; I’m not one. I was complicit in the deception: I ignored my gut, blindly trusted, and developed this bizarre habit of asking him questions while making excuses. For example:

ME: Why didn’t you call me for the last three days? Was your phone dead, your charger broken and your landline attacked by pygmies?

Him: Uhh…yeah. That’s exactly what happened.

So, I was essentially lying to myself. When my suspicions mounted and the evidence became unavoidable, the “crazy chick” emerged. She crept in slowly at first, squelched by my better judgment. She’d eye his cell phone on the table. The answers are in there, she’d whisper. I’d silence her. Even when her whispers became shouts and nightmares, I refused to look through his shit.

Until…I eventually went through his shit.

I found [peter] pictures, emails to random women about vacation plans, and other things that are too effed up to mention. This dude had skeletons and demons all rolled into one. It was scary, but what scared me the most was my willingness to anchor my life to a dude I clearly didn’t know. For the first time in my life, I felt I couldn’t trust myself.

See Also:  What the Eff is Your Problem?!

It is uncomfortable to admit this in public. This story, after all, doesn’t make me look good: I fell for the wrong guy, stayed in a relationship well beyond the expiration date, AND instead of trusting my gut, I went thru a man’s personal belongings. My mother always told me: if you have the urge to snoop, you already know the answer.

She was right, but sometimes you have to do hood rat things…

Needless to say, we ended our relationship, and I’ve recovered with no visible scars. For the most part, you wouldn’t know that this crazy thing happened to me.

Except… that the “crazy chick” lingers.

I’m at the beginning of a new relationship, and the “crazy chick” whispers more often than I’d like. I find I am fearful that New Boo will end up like the old one, that he’s always lying to me, and that he doesn’t really love me. Intuitively, I understand that I have to make peace with the “crazy chick” inside. She represents both the strongest and most broken parts of me.

And, I’ll be honest, I kind of love her.

The “crazy chick” got me out of horrible situations and held me together (with gum and shoelaces). In times of conflict she gets shit done. Her tactics are explosive and her weapons cause mass destruction, but if she didn’t exist, I’d still be in denial — somewhere in the Midwest miserable and engaged.

See Also:  Men Really Are Dumb...Sometimes.

The “crazy chick” saved my life.

It is a daily struggle not to go thru New Boo’s belongings, and to trust that he is who he says he is. It’s a struggle to determine which part of my gut to trust: the part that thinks everyone is lying, or the part that believes in love? If we have any future, I have to make peace with my personal history.  And I should probably understand that all men aren’t the same.

Still, the “crazy chick” lives in the bunker of my mind, with a helmet, some fatigues and a semi-automatic weapon.

I’m working out a way to tell her war is over, and that, no matter what happens, I’ll be okay.

Ladies, what about you?  Do you have a “crazy chick” that you must make peace with? If you have already done so, give me some tips? Dudes, is it possible to aid in healing a woman’s “inner crazy”? What does a man’s crazy look like?

Patia Braithwaite is a Brooklyn-based relationship writer. Her work has been featured in The Coral Gables Gazette, Florida Inside Out Magazine, Yahoo Shine, and BounceBack.com. She’s currently working on a non-fiction book that explores the various ways men see God and how these views impact their romantic relationships. Check out her musings and more at: www.menmyselfandgod.com

 

Comment(74)

  1. This was a great read (and might have inspired a ‘crazy man’ piece in follow-up). I especially liked the frankness and personal accountability. Although your X was clearly an @ss, you recognized the part you played – even if indirectly – in enabling his actions. I’ve often observed that when a relationship is successful, it’s because of the couple. When a relationship fails, it’s the other person’s fault.

    Good stuff.

    1. Question – How did she "enable" him lying and cheating?
      I'm thinking if she would've done nothing at all she could possibly have an STI/STD and/or a child/kids with a unwanted baby daddy, very very low self esteem and self worth, become suicidal and even more "crazy" but in a dangerous, deranged, "bust the windows out your car" sense of the word.
      Sorry Wis, love u liked cooked food, but please explain to me how women or anyone for that matter, "enable" mens, (peoples) bad behavior that they would probably do independent of anyone else.

  2. Girl! This is my exact story! I want to ask you his name it sounds so damn familiar!!! But my crazy chick went a step farther and destroyed his property after I went snooping… Looking back on that phase in my life I am ashamed and strangely empowered. It's never good to let any of your emotions take control of your common sense but it felt good to have proof and know that I at least destroyed every electronic I purchased throughout our 3yrs. Sadly, almost 10yrs later, I am still dealing w/ issues that resulted from my error in judgment. You will always have those whispers…once burned it's hard to forget that fire is hot but you cannot let this one relationship keep you from future happiness.

    The biggest thing for me was learning how to trust myself again. Learning that I can in fact be a good judge of character. I did that by ASKING questions. In my subsequent relationships if something smell fishy I discuss it IMMEDIATELY. If his answer makes no sense I leave. Don't try and make your brain accept something you KNOW it shouldn't. Don't convince yourself to believe what you want to believe. If you see the signs & tell him & he can't do anything to resolve that – then be out.

    I made peace with my crazy chick by acknowledging that she is in there and in case of emergency always ready to come with guns blazing, but for the most part I don't need her. I should never have to resort to crazy if I am proactive about not ever being in that situation again. GOOD LUCK!

    1. " Sadly, almost 10yrs later, I am still dealing w/ issues that resulted from my error in judgment."

      You went all "Waiting To Exhale" on his stuff, he pressed charges and you're still on probabtion for all that stuff ,huh? lol. I kid, I kid.

    2. I didn't destroy my dude's property, but I had MY property that he'd taken FORCIBLY REPOSSESSED, took him off my phone plan (that I'd been paying for), and shipped all of his things back to his house in one fell swoop. I felt sooooo much lighter when there was no longer any PHYSICAL trace of him in my life. My parents are lawyers, so I couldn't do anything illegal, but I did everything I COULD do within the confines of the law.

      A year later, dude had the nerve trying to reach out for forgiveness. Ninja please! You better talk to God about that.

  3. My inner crazy chick is a cold calculating b*sh. There's no other way to put it. She scares me. My inner crazy chick completely identified with Melly (on Scandal), when she announced she had a miscarriage to divert the attention away from her possible affair. Many women will do short term revenge and lash out. They curse, yell scream. My inner chick seeks to destroy. I am not proud of any of the duplicitous things I did in my mid-twenties. I am kinder and gentler now. Plus I make an effort to choose men who aren't likely to inspire my inner crazy chick to act a monkey.

    I recently had an ex (from seven years ago), tell me he knew if he messed up he wouldn't be comfortable sleeping around me. Mind you, we never argued but he knew early on how my mind works.

      1. Ha! No I don't! *looks at pic* Eh, maybe…Maybe my smile is saying, "Oh word? You just wait. I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth until I exact the most painful revenge I can. But I'mma smile and pretend to be your friend the whole time." OR it's saying, "I probably shouldn't have had that last glass of wine. I hope I don't get sea sick." Who knows.

  4. To tell this story is more than this comment box can handle, but I've been here and worse. I can concur that you need to TRUST YOUR GUT!

  5. *the words of my ex hub*

    " (insert gov't name) will be your best friend or your worst enemy."

    I have no inbetween after we cross a certain threshhold. My goal is not to damage your property…but to destroy you emotionally. The "crazy chick" is legendary for the pain she causes…I'm not proud of that…but she is. I've done the snooping thing…but not recently…cause I'd prefer not to be as wrong as the culprit…and I find that everything comes to the light on its own eventually.

    "It’s a struggle to determine which part of my gut to trust: the part that thinks everyone is lying, or the part that believes in love?" <— THIS…STRUGGLE…kept me confused for FAR TOO LONG!!!! Learning how to discern what I'm feeling and what to do with it has been the biggest relationship challenge I've ever experienced. I think I'm JUST starting to get the hang of it…

    1. "..and I find that everything comes to the light on its own eventually. "

      I believe this in a wholelistic sense of the phrase….but on a more narraw basis I have to believe there are people that have done things that have never been caught and went to the grave with it. I don't know, I guess I see that phrase used more or less as a way to put one more at ease with situations, which is cool….but the cynic in me always just thinks, "everything comes to the light on it's own…except the things that dont and never do".

      1. "I have to believe there are people that have done things that have never been caught and went to the grave with it."

        You and I both because I know personally people who have actually done dirt some thangs and still to this day it's a dark abyss — no lights whatsoever.

      2. Eh, lol…

        I think there are far less s/o's/family members/close friends willing to admit that they knew/suspected the dirt and stayed/supported/hung around anyway (didn't wanna look stupid, wanted the perks, etc.).

        AND…just the fact that someone knows IS the thing coming to the light. If it was such a dark abyss, no one would know about it.

    2. Its true. Everything does come to the light eventually….but once you have been through some stuff, and that whisper starts, and you get itching like a fiend, its tough not to want that stuff out in the open IMMEDIATELY before you have wasted time trusting. Another SBM article stated to the woman who snoops "you will always fine what you are looking for" and that pretty much has been the case with me. This crazy chick may be what keeps me single for the rest of my life, because everyone does lie at some point. Sigh.

  6. I'm convined the "crazy" is actually your common sense having a tantrum. You know the biggest reason children have tantrums is not when they are denied something they want, but when they feel they cannot effectively communicate or be understood? Yeah.
    Because, when you think about it…the 'crazy' is right more often than not..so maybe it isn't "crazy" after all.
    HOWEVER, with that being said, the way I got the 'crazy' to not take over my life was to look, plainly, at the person IN FRONT OF ME. NOT using the person who came before as a template to decoding his behavior. NOT using the rose-colored glasses of his "potential". NOT "deciphering" ewhat his actions meant using a 'formula'. His ACTUAL actions. If there's something I need to know, I ask, explaining that the reason why I'm asking is because I have "Relationship Aspergers" and I can't tell by your actions <del> or the fact that you always want to cuddle</del>……..
    Quite often the simplest answer is the right one, we just make it hard.

  7. Been there before. Learned that the only reason the "crazy chick" comes out is from a lack of communication (and trust). Talking with your partner and bringing up conversations that are – supposed to be – uncomfortable is what alleviates the pressures of you wanting to search through his/her things.

  8. Y’all’s comments got me crying! On a personal note, my crazy was never too serious. I’ve done a couple of drivebys in my day, and haf a few exes tell me that I’d get a glazed over look in my eyes. The one woman I almost went cuckoo for, instead left me semi-broken.

  9. I think I'm too prideful to be crazy in that sense of the word and take it to that level. My motto – "Never let em see you sweat, turn away pull it together and then face em when ur fully composed" My poker face is a mother. I'm damn good at poker so……
    At any rate, I would call myself more of a logical thinking and calculating person when dealing with men who tend to lie and cheat. Thankfully I haven't dated or been in relationships with many lying and cheating men. I'm a little "crazy," but not in that sense of the word.

  10. Choose better men. There is really nothing else to add. Men have little to do with poor choosing.

    Back to more pressing matters.

    1. Adonis, you can choose someone who you believe to be a great person, or you could think a great person chose you. Just like men can't call it on women who end up lying, cheating, and being so called "crazy," women can't really call it on liking a man who ends up lying and cheating on them.
      In the beginning and sometimes later on most people don't make it crystal clear who they really are, be it liar, cheater, crazy, deranged etc etc etc. Until you know the real person and not the representative it's like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get."

      1. Maybe I am just ahead of the curve when it comes to sniffing people out.

        And I thought women are social creatures, they are suppose to be better than men at this.

        You are basically admitting women don't know what the eff they are doing out in these dating streets.

        The "female s3xual selection" conversation needs to be explored in depth

      2. And also, when I hear these stories of women getting caught up, it is never a REAL victim situation, their were usually warnings not heeded and precautions not taken.

        And alot of the times the man in question was dusty from jump street.

        This whole "I am SHOCKED" is just the female subconscious way of avoiding the RED FLAGS so they can sleep with whom they wanna sleep with with no regard for dire consequences or the future children's welfare.

        1. OK so… Are you questioning the amount of responsibility that women you have read about take in this situation or are you ignoring a man's responsibility to act like he has some sense completely? #IDon'tUnderstand

        2. No, I am pinpoint how women SUPPORT bums, and then wonder why BUMS are so innumerable & good men have moved on to greener pastures.

          I can't hold a man responsible for shady behavior if that behavior is getting the p*ssy that he wants. So, if that is what women want, no problem, but stop blaming men for your dating disasters. No, you did that.

        3. Only if that is what women truly want. Not in words. But in who they give their attention to.

          Why is this concept so hard for you to comprehend? I'm not speaking Russian.

    2. Ah, it wouldn't be a post on relationships without Adonis absolving men of all responsibility in them…my day is complete!!!
      :-p

      1. For the most part, when men deal with women, they vote with their feet. There are some men who deal.

        @Amaris79

        Women say all the time how they want quality men, but the men that end up in their beds don't add up.

        It is hard to check male malfeasance when women for the most part promote it.

        So, again, if you want men to check other men, start doing your part by REWARD good male behavior (however you define it in your little world).

      2. Actually, he was conceding–by taking for granted–that these shady men are responsible for their behavior. Who else directly would be? His point was: Why are so many women continuing to go for these men, whose shadiness usually isn't very hard to detect?

        1. No, no he wasn’t. In order to do that, he would have to think highly of “females” and hold them to a different behavioral standard. He would also have to concede to a “reality” that men are inherently assholian by nature-so it is the WOMAN’S responsibility to stop said behavior before it starts or ‘pick better men’. Both of which we know aren’t true.

          Truth be told, I don’t know WHERE men got this idea that women are so great at picking men,it wasn’t until the last few centuries-barely- that the majority of women were able to pick/choose their mates AT ALL. Usually, they were picked by our parents. After that, we were reduced to the pickings of the man-yes singular- who courted. This idea of women ACTUALLY “picking” out a guy SHE wanted…is still relatively new. Shoot, I have quite a few friends in arranged marriages RIGHT NOW. But that’s another discussion for another day.

        2. @Maris I am glad you concede that women don't know what the fluck their doing. All the more reason not to put a ring on it.

          And no men are not assholian by nature. Women inspire those traits out of men.

          And of course, women don't want to be responsible for anything bad happening to them.

          But want rights & privileges without the responsibility. Typical

        3. and how do women inspire assholian traits? – (great word Amaris) *smile*
          What about people being responsible for their own actions Adonis???
          As much as men say women have the "upper hand" and so much control I think thats bs. A majority of women could turn over a new leaf do a 360 and no longer put out so quickly and easily. imo – all that will cause men to do is start gravitating towards the 10% who still put out quickly and easily, trying to bribe "the beautiful ones" with more money and material things, and adapting to the situation in a way that would best suit them.
          If all the things that men have done in the past stopped working after the New Year all they would do is put more time and effort into finding something else that did work and they would try and try and try again until they found something that did work and get women to go back to putting out and they would do that.

        4. This is not about when women should put out. This is about PROMOTING the men you say you want. Even today, women love to claim how they want a certain type of man, what their dating don't reflect.

          And then they blame men for that

          Men are finding out that being a douche (or more or being macheveillian, psychopathic, sociopathic) opens the panties of beautiful women. It is what it is.

          So, when I say inspire, it means that men are doing what works to get p*ssy. And that means more men out here who see being a man who treat women well as counter-productive

        5. Adonis the reality is that men and women both can be duped by wolves and wolverettes in sheeps clothing. It happens to the best of us.
          Unless you will have no trust or faith in the person ur with and don't plan to fall in love then it's unavoidable.
          If you don't plan to fall in love then you just go along dating and whoring for the rest of your life. If you don't intend to ever put any faith and/or trust in anyone you date then there is no point in you ever entering into exclusive, serious, committed relationships, much less a marriage.

        6. Adonis if what your saying is true, that means good people with good intentions never ever do anything bad and never lie or cheat and we all know thats not true.
          All the stereotypes have exceptions to the rule. "ugly" guys can be as big of playa's as "pretty boys" and guys who have more game than parker brothers. Broke guys can be playa's and have game too. Sometimes stuff just happens and the best men with the best intentions get caught up in situations where they lie and cheat. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. You make a choice as to what you want to do and/or not do as a grown azz person. Your responsible for how you react to situations and circumstances.

        7. For instance if someone pisses you off and you want to shoot them you can't do that and get away with it. I went to highschool with a girl whose dad was in jail for shooting a man. The man did shoot him first in the leg, he shot back and just so happen to kill the guy. He went to jail for a long time for murder. Didn't matter that the guy shot him first, he shot and killed him so he went to jail. There are consequences for your actions and reactions, whether you feel they are warranted or not, fact remains there are consequences just the same.

        8. But see, it is one thing if women were getting with scam artists.

          Are making that argument. Every time, I hear a woman's story, it doesn't sound like she want just blindsided. That is a rare event.

          I believe that attraction makes you overlook alot of obvious flags, but there are no victims.

      1. Get off my thread with your self-righteousness. We are talking about crazy chicks.

        Not SCAM artists (which you prematurely called them gold diggers)

        And not TRUE gold diggers. (Women who seek men & means & expect them share without bringing innocent children into the mix)

        The problem with women who choose bums to get with is that

        1. A child development suffers
        2. The bum didn't invest much into getting inside her (Most Of The Time)
        3. She makes the higher quality man pay for the bums mistake
        4. Her body count takes a hit, which puts her in the wh0re category in most men's minds.

        I respect women who make one poor choice in a man. Because sometimes men can be very deceptive. Even twice. But after the third dude, you are not marriage material.

        1. Sir, you are very self-righteous in your comment(s). I am not "getting off anything' thank you very much for your kind request.

          1. Crazy is what is called crazy. It is a very subjective term sometimes, thus easy to be confused with mentally ill.

          2. I agree with your #1, the rest is just simple assumptions of yours about women who end up pregnant by a "bum". Those assumptions are very condescending in my eyes by the way. Maybe that kind pf talk stems from some anger you harbor against male figures that have wronged you in the past? Or is it misogyny?

          3. You have only made two mistakes in your life I reckon? Or have you dated more then 2 ladies that weren't a match? For a poor choice can also merely mean an incompatible one.

          3. "Marriage material" is what ever a man considers it to be. In several parts of Somalia a covered head and sewn up vagina often constitutes as "marriage material", while in India marriage material can be who ever your parents are when your 12 years old. And in the West looking like Beyonce, while having s3x like an adult movie star, while cooking like Martha Stewart and dancing like Ciara and making only two wrong choices in your life when it comes to dating men like your perfect idea of a woman (at the same [email protected] time) might constitute as "marriage material". All of that has nothing on REALITY though so good luck with that black and white picture of yours.

          5. I consider a mature man that puts compatibility, reliability, maturity and shared future goals (in that order) above something as trivial as 3 bums in the past. Guys who cannot handle that motivate girls to lie, which in turn can create a crazy dude once the truth comes out. Like I said men AND women make mistakes.

        2. I put this in the wrong place

          @SecretSweetLady

          Sir, you are very self-righteous in your comment(s). I am not "getting off anything' thank you very much for your kind request.

          Then lets dance suga.

          1. Crazy is what is called crazy. It is a very subjective term sometimes, thus easy to be confused with mentally ill.

          Although men liberally throw the term around, I believe in crazy = mentally ill, and the person in question needs to do some internal mental work so they can become whole again.

          2. I agree with your #1, the rest is just simple assumptions of yours about women who end up pregnant by a "bum".

          If the woman didn't do her research on the man (what is his money & mental health like? Is he committed to you by marrying you? No, then the woman is at fault for being negligent)

          Those assumptions are very condescending in my eyes by the way. Maybe that kind pf talk stems from some anger you harbor against male figures that have wronged you in the past? Or is it misogyny?

          I just live in a world where women support bums & then claim they want "good" men (usually to clean up a mess or correct a poor "[email protected]" decision)

          3. You have only made two mistakes in your life I reckon? Or have you dated more then 2 ladies that weren't a match? For a poor choice can also merely mean an incompatible one.

          It is one thing to get with a guy AND HE CONNED you. It is another to date a man out of your league & try to hook him with s*x or a baby. The latter is what is going on out here in epidemic proportions. Maury showed you that.

          3. "Marriage material" is what ever a man considers it to be. In several parts of Somalia a covered head and sewn up vagina often constitutes as "marriage material", while in India marriage material can be who ever your parents are when your 12 years old. And in the West looking like Beyonce, while having s3x like an adult movie star, while cooking like Martha Stewart and dancing like Ciara and making only two wrong choices in your life when it comes to dating men like your perfect idea of a woman (at the same [email protected] time) might constitute as "marriage material". All of that has nothing on REALITY though so good luck with that black and white picture of yours.

          I believe most American men agree with my marital standards, although not as strict (2 partners or less), very few men with options will pick a wh0re over a more chaste woman. But maybe we need to hear it from more men, not what women say.

          5. I consider a mature man that puts compatibility, reliability, maturity and shared future goals (in that order) above something as trivial as 3 bums in the past.

          The problem is that women don't care about what men value, which gets them into trouble when it is time to get married or joined with a quality man. Be a wh*re if you want to. But save your outrage if a man does not want to perceive you as a potential gf/wife.

          Guys who cannot handle that motivate girls to lie, which in turn can create a crazy dude once the truth comes out. Like I said men AND women make mistakes.

          Actually I encourage women to be good liars/con artists with me. A woman's gotta eat. I understand that. I believe that if I am going to marry you, a basic whatever it takes background check is in order. If there are men out there who have slept with you, I will find out where the bodies are buried. S*xtapes, naked pictures on the internet included.

          You would not like it if I trivialized the issues as a woman that you most value, but you have no problem trivializing my issues. Hypocrite much?

          Mamba Out. SSTTE.

  11. I've never actively been a "Crazy Chick" I mean who hasn't poured clorox on some thangs or sliced up a nappa leather jacket before??!!!! *confused* like really, that ain't "Crazy"… lol that ain't crazy it's called being upset/hurt and angry.. *snickers* but I can have "Crazy Chick Thoughts"

    Bottom Line we need to trust our judgment and our guts a little more and stop putting blinders on to things that are cleary written on the wall. I am not an overly emotional person it takes a moment to get me there so if I trust my judgement and instinct I can avoid "Crazy Chick" Scenarios… #TooDamnEasy

  12. … I had to attend anger management classes because of that chick…. OH YEAH she is real crazy… So I just had to put her somewhere because she's trouble LOL!!!
    But seriously i love her… She saved my life!!! We all need our crazy chick, we just need to find the right balance… I have no specific advise, i'm sure you'll find peace with her in a healthy relationship.

  13. Point taken, but I don't see that as enabling, I just see it as her being unsure. We all 2nd guess ourselves sometimes and wonder if our assumptions are right or wrong. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. Factor in if you've been in a relationship with someone for a few years and your "In Love." Of course you want to believe the best about someone you love and care about. Some people remain in denial just off the strength of them not wanting to look like fools for dealing with the person in the first place.
    As the song says:
    "Everybody plays the fool sometime
    There's no exception to the rule
    Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
    I ain't lyin', everybody plays the fool
    Falling in love is such an easy thing to do
    And there's no guarantee that the one you love
    Is gonna love you."

  14. Nothing wrong with admittng you have "crazy chick" within you. Just don't do "crazy chick" things and it's all good. (i.e. destroy property, employ physical harm, etc…).

    All actions, good or bad, have some level of consequence. No matter how justifiable it may seem at the time it seems more often than not it never is when the action is a negative one.

    1. "Nothing wrong with admittng you have "crazy chick" within you."

      It seems like everyone here is bragging about having it!

      *Note to self: Don't mess around with any women from SBM*

  15. imo enabling would be if she knew for sure that he was cheating and lying and she had concrete proof and she was in complete denial. If she defended him when her family and friends tried to tell her what the deal was, and she made them think that everything was completely fine. If by not asking any questions or demanding truth and respect she enabled him cheating and lying that I can see.
    When u "suspect" someone of lying to you and cheating on you, your choices are:
    1. Confront the person and ask them straight up if they are lying and question them about every little detail. Nine times out of ten they will continue to lie so you may never have any real concrete proof that they are lying and cheating. So you just walk away if you don't feel like goin through the motions and being bothered, or despite what u know, or think you know, you stay.
    2. Go thru the persons stuff, follow/stalk them, hire someone to follow/stalk them, facebook stalk them to find concrete evidence of their lying and cheating and then when you do, u walk away, or stay.
    Not much else to do beyond those things.

    1. You can also trust your gut and walk away right away. Even if it's to show him that you already don't trust him. I truly believe that a honest man ill try to show you the truth and a lying man won't have any truth to show you.

      1. good point Secret, but sometimes your gut can be wrong. Also the type of person u are makes a difference. If your suspicious of any and every little thing and a little "removed" from reality then your gut may not be too trustworthy if your an "emotional hypochondriac.

  16. What's the difference between being a crazy chick and being vengeful? No you can't control what people do but you can control how you react to the situation. Saying that someone drove you to do something deemed as crazy, is like saying you had no control over your own actions.
    I understand being upset about how someone played you,but don't think it's worth having someone pressing charges against you.

  17. "Good and evil permeates the entire universe – yin and yang."

    They're both inside of us. The key is never to be too controlled by one or the other. In a relationship at either extreme we wind up too trustworthy or too skeptical. And what winds up happening is that we ignore that "crazy" part of ourselves that as someone stated earlier is just the common sense part of us telling us that things don't add up. Then because we got out of balance that time, the future becomes dictated by not being out of balance (in the same way) again so we become overprotective and then the good relationship gets treated like scum because of your past. I know guys do it too. Sh!t, I myself battle this everyday. I figure we all do.

    What did India Arie say?

    Slow down, baby you're going too fast
    You got you hands in the air
    With you feet on the gas
    You're 'bout to wreck your future
    Running from your past
    You need to slow down before
    You go down baby
    My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

  18. Hmmm for me, it's not really having the crazy chick that matters, its how much control over her do you have. The average woman has a crazy chick (given the "right" situation to conjure her). I have come to REALISE mine ONCE. But I never let her take over. I've always preferred a dignified exit, a dignified anything. There's never a point of going crazy and leaving him thinking you are some psycho? Nah. That's not what I'm about. It defies my strategy when it comes to dealing and finishing off with the male species.

    Keep it classy by all means. And if you do, you will keep getting monthly texts/calls talking about how amazing he thinks you are. Believe me.

    Men!

    1. wow just read a lot of the ladies comments on their crazy chick….emm..lol wow! Google anger management classes in your area. xx

  19. I think the way to make peace with your inner “crazy chick” is to forgive yourself for refusing to listen to your gut. My “crazy chick” made me go against the “if you have to look you already know the answer” because what I found made all the “red flags” I ignored, neon signs with sirens going off. I went against my better judgement snooping around and felt ridiculous for staying in that of relationship. When I ended the relationship it took a minute to reel “crazy chick” back in and keep her from showing up unannounced, loll! I did look back over the relationship that made her appear and looked at all the nonsense I “allowed” (yes I took accountability for the part I played in the relationship because I’m not a victim either) and forgave myself for the hurt I allowed to continue which showed my “crazy chick” she no longer needed to stand guard.

  20. I love this! So relateable and well-written…and shoutout to crazy chick gettin ish done in conflict because that she does!

  21. Another aspect of this is when a dude is d*cking a woman dowwwn! I mean d*cking her DOWN, she won’t be able to see the trees for the forest. I agree with the sentiment of Adonis. Yeah dudes can be deceptive sometimes, but women need to do a better job at detecting certain things. Men may not be the most vocal creatures, but we can be read. Meaning men ‘talk’ through actions. You gotta WATCH him. He’ll tell you a whole lot about himself by just watching him. Alot of times women see things (ie ‘womens’ intuition) but since he be d*cking the heck outta her, she’ll dismiss the red flag. If both genders stand up and put their intentions on the table from jump and actually truthfully communicated, we won’t have misunderstandings like that.

  22. Sir, you are very self-righteous in your comment(s). I am not "getting off anything' thank you very much for your kind request.

    Then lets dance suga.

    1. Crazy is what is called crazy. It is a very subjective term sometimes, thus easy to be confused with mentally ill.

    Although men liberally throw the term around, I believe in crazy = mentally ill, and the person in question needs to do some internal mental work so they can become whole again.

    2. I agree with your #1, the rest is just simple assumptions of yours about women who end up pregnant by a "bum".

    If the woman didn't do her research on the man (what is his money & mental health like? Is he committed to you by marrying you? No, then the woman is at fault for being negligent)

    Those assumptions are very condescending in my eyes by the way. Maybe that kind pf talk stems from some anger you harbor against male figures that have wronged you in the past? Or is it misogyny?

    I just live in a world where women support bums & then claim they want "good" men (usually to clean up a mess or correct a poor "[email protected]" decision)

    3. You have only made two mistakes in your life I reckon? Or have you dated more then 2 ladies that weren't a match? For a poor choice can also merely mean an incompatible one.

    It is one thing to get with a guy AND HE CONNED you. It is another to date a man out of your league & try to hook him with s*x or a baby. The latter is what is going on out here in epidemic proportions. Maury showed you that.

    3. "Marriage material" is what ever a man considers it to be. In several parts of Somalia a covered head and sewn up vagina often constitutes as "marriage material", while in India marriage material can be who ever your parents are when your 12 years old. And in the West looking like Beyonce, while having s3x like an adult movie star, while cooking like Martha Stewart and dancing like Ciara and making only two wrong choices in your life when it comes to dating men like your perfect idea of a woman (at the same [email protected] time) might constitute as "marriage material". All of that has nothing on REALITY though so good luck with that black and white picture of yours.

    I believe most American men agree with my marital standards, although not as strict (2 partners or less), very few men with options will pick a wh0re over a more chaste woman. But maybe we need to hear it from more men, not what women say.

    5. I consider a mature man that puts compatibility, reliability, maturity and shared future goals (in that order) above something as trivial as 3 bums in the past.

    The problem is that women don't care about what men value, which gets them into trouble when it is time to get married or joined with a quality man. Be a wh*re if you want to. But save your outrage if a man does not want to perceive you as a potential gf/wife.

    Guys who cannot handle that motivate girls to lie, which in turn can create a crazy dude once the truth comes out. Like I said men AND women make mistakes.

    Actually I encourage women to be good liars/con artists with me. A woman's gotta eat. I understand that. I believe that if I am going to marry you, a basic whatever it takes background check is in order. If there are men out there who have slept with you, I will find out where the bodies are buried. S*xtapes, naked pictures on the internet included.

    You would not like it if I trivialized the issues as a woman that you most value, but you have no problem trivializing my issues. Hypocrite much?

    Mamba Out. SSTTE.

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