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5 Reasons Why Break Ups Suck

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why breakups are hard

Breakups are hard.
Even if you don’t like them anymore and you know breaking up with them is for the best, it’s still pretty unpleasant.
There’s a long list of reasons why I’m none too fond of break-ups, but these are my 5 reasons why breakups are hard.

1. You’re Not Here With Me…

The worst thing about breaking up with someone is that in addition to being your boyfriend/girlfriend, they were also your actual friend. Someone who once occupied a large portion of your day in a variety of different ways is no longer there.

In relationships, your significant other is usually the first person you call when ANYTHING happens. Had a bad day? Call your boo. Got some good news? Text your boo. Both of ya’ll got desk jobs? Gchat gets lit up from the time you walk in until the time you get home.

It’s easy to take for granted just how much you rely on daily contact with someone. And the more you rely on that contact, the more jarring it is when it’s no longer there. All of sudden you realize how much your phone doesn’t ring. How infrequently you get text messages. How you’re really not interested in talking to anybody on your Gchat list. Those first few days and weeks after a break up when you’re still searching to fill the hole in your heart that person left?

Stressful.

Breaking up with someone, you didn’t just lose a relationship. You also lost a friend.

2. Love Changes and (Their)Friends Become Strangers

Breaking up with someone doesn’t just entail breaking up with THEM. It also includes breaking up with their family and friends. Granted, this may not be an issue for some but if you had a pretty good relationship with the inner circle of your significant other, the separation can be a bit more difficult.

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The cousin who worked at Comcast who was going to hook you up with free cable? Nope. The sister who had the boyfriend who worked at Best Buy and was going to get you that TV on sale? That’s over. Being able to call up their mother and invite yourself over for dinner because you knew they’d set you out a plate just off of general principle?

Forget about it.

Bad enough that breaking up with someone means you’ve lost a friend. In a lot of cases, you might have just lost a family too.

3. We Did Everything Together, Now Everything Hurts

A side effect of being in a long term relationship with someone is the memories you create with them. You get to know all their ins and outs (no pun intended). Favorite foods, brands, places to shop, TV shows, and how many sugars they like in their coffee. The drawback is, once you start to associate that person with all of those things it becomes rather difficult to dissociate the two.

All of sudden, you can’t watch certain TV shows because it reminds you of them. You don’t want to eat your burger with extra cheese and onions because it was your ex’s favorite. You walk outside and smell a certain perfume/cologne, or you hear a passionate argument about your ex’s favorite artist, it seems like little reminders of them are everywhere.

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I remember one time during a break up I was cleaning out my drawer and I found a shirt buried in the midst of the other clothes. I didn’t recognize the shirt at first. I ended up pressing the shirt to my nose (don’t ask me why I did this) and it smelled exactly like my ex.

I never dialed her number so fast in my life.

4. I’m Staring At The (Wo) Man In the Mirror

There tends to be a startling amount of self-scrutiny involved when a break-up happens. Assuming you’re in the business of taking personal responsibility, the first thing you decide to do is find out what part of the break-up may have been your fault.

“Did I spoil her too much?”

“Did I not set good enough boundaries with him?”

“Should I have not nagged him so much?”

“Should I have been more firm with her where I stood on certain issues?”

Those questions tend to happen in a rapid fire motion with thoughts traveling at the speed of light. Relationships are interesting, in that they sometimes do a very good job of showing you who you are. It’s one thing to trot out lists of things you like, don’t like, are willing to accept and not accept, but the relationship history and people you tend to date really says it all.

The long term effects of grading your actions and coming up with plans for how you won’t make the same mistakes cannot be undervalued. Going through the actual process however? Not as much fun.

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5. Social Networking…(of course.)

The use of any of the “big three” social networks (Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter) will show you how incredibly volatile break-ups can get. A simple change in relationship status on Facebook from “in a relationship” to “single” will give rise to any number of comments and “likes” on said status change. It’s becoming increasingly rare for two people to privately break up and deal with their emotions.

Nope.

Now you get to watch the story break in real time. ESPECIALLY if you’re on Twitter, which is home to some of the messiest ‘relationship ending’ I have EVER seen in life. When it comes to relationships, watching Twitter is like watching the “Maury show” in real-time where there are new guests every day.

The constant timeline searching, the subtweets, the retweets, other people pitching in, then someone figuring everything out…it’s a recipe for all types of disasters to happen. Social networking can take your average, normal break-up and turn it into drama that would rival that of any reality TV show.

In any event, these are only but 5 reasons why break-ups tend to be the worst things that can happen to people. What are some of the reasons why you think break-ups suck?

RealGoesRight is a freelance writer, law graduate and lover of all things Jay-Z and Radiohead. He’s just here to write things which he believes will make a difference in the lives of the people who will read it.

Comment(13)

  1. 2 is THE hardest…my ex's bff called to get my address for his upcoming wedding. First thing I thought is I KNOW the ex will be there and I pray he doesn't bring a date. I deleted most of his friends from my social networks and have literally fallen off the map. Only for them all to call & text me asking why I got off said social networks. His mom called and invited me over to dinner I couldn't say no so we just sat there at dinner and acted like we were still together. His sister and I gchat everyday. I have no clue how to cut of these ties w/ people that I've grown to love like my own friends & family. 🙁

  2. If I were to rank them for me it'd be

    #1 The first is self explanatory, its hard to adjust to not talking to someone u used to do daily, unless its one of those slowly drifting it was over before u realize it breakups.

    #4 i take a lot of pride in my relationships and ones i choose to share my life with. The realization i was wrong makes me doubt everything

    #5 Like #4 i have a lot of pride. And I'm a private person, seeing exes slander or just flat out play victim is just frustrating. like you want to scream to everyone she's a got damn liar but you cant without looking drake-ish

    #3 I typically look at fondly. Certain songs will send me jumping over tables and couches to skip but as time passes i'll just smile and reminisce

    #2 I aint like yall anyway. i aint crying either, i got allergies
    My recent post Today’s Word is… BOOMERANG

  3. 1-4 are very real in my life…and very recent (I don't link to bf's online). But, the severity of it all depends on how devastated you are…which I am not…strangely enough, lol. So, I'm taking it all in stride.

    Great list!

  4. "I remember one time during a break up I was cleaning out my drawer and I found a shirt buried in the midst of the other clothes. I didn’t recognize the shirt at first. I ended up pressing the shirt to my nose (don’t ask me why I did this) and it smelled exactly like my ex." —> The sense of smell is the sense most closely related to memory.

  5. #5 is really the one of the main reasons I will not have any type of relationship status on Facebook or what have you until I get married. Until then it's just my name, my hometown and my current city.

    I'm a minimalist to a certain extent and advocate the "less is more" principle in a variety of aspects in my life.

  6. This went so hard.

    #1 and #3 are a knife in the heart. It SUCKS when you have the instinct to call #Him and share one of your “things” and remembering, “Oh. Yeah. We don’t do that anymore…” all the sudden you’re Artax frozen by the Sadness…

    http://bit.ly/W5ZnFu

  7. Except for #5, all these hit in some form or fashion. #2 was always the hardest for me because whole families just loved me; from moms to great aunts. Letting that go was sometimes harder than the relationship itself.

  8. 2 and 5 are too real. You don't realize how immersed you are in someone's life until the outlying relationships are abruptly cut off too. I think with social networking, it's a very touchy thing. Because you don't want to make your S/O to feel like you're hiding them or straddling the fence. But you have to be careful not to overshare or talk up your relationship too much just in case it fails.

    My standing thing on that is don't talk about it unless you wholeheartedly see it lasting into the more serious stages. I would think FB is a little less messy than Twitter though
    My recent post #25Ramblings – Dreams aren’t free

  9. Number 4 is what's killing me now. I have 50 million questions about what went wrong and I'm still questioing my judgement three months later.

  10. break ups can be hard for the fact of thinking of the things you NEVER got to do with the person, sometimes ill plan a trip and think this would really be nice if he was with me…

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