A few years back I was with my ex and she had a close friend who came home to find that her boyfriend had moved all of his things out while she was away at work that day. As she sat with her trying to console her I was thinking to myself, “I know for a fact that he didn’t just up and leave.” You know she had told me a story about how she kept pressing him to make plans for marriage and he was very hesitant, but they had been together for a minute so she kept pressing. In my mind, I knew what happened: he got so frustrated that one day he just decided he’d leave since she wouldn’t listen to him. I think that the majority of men whether they are excellent communicators or not always have a tendency to let things bottle up inside of them. I’ve noticed in myself that I have that flaw, I’ll never really tell a person when they’re bothering me until it’s too late and either I’m ready to move on or I explode. I thought back over all the times I’ve been mad and I came up with a list of ten signs he’s upset or he’s mad at you.
The fan favorite for the Black male is telling you that nothing is wrong. Pay close attention to this though, it’s different from when a woman says, “nothing.” When a woman says “nothing” she really means, “keep trying to find out what’s wrong.” When a man says “nothing” he really means “everything is wrong but I don’t want to talk about it because the situation isn’t likely to change.”
“You got it.”
At a certain point in every argument, men reach that point where they realize that there is no way for them to win or even find a middle ground. They also realize that sometimes their old lady has gotten so wound up for the battle that he’s on level 1 and she’s preparing for an Extinction Level Event.
If I can't deal with it any longer, I just stop trying to do anything right.
Good Job Doc
Is that Slim Jackson on page 4???? ijs……lol.
To be honest im very direct about whats bothering me, women always expect me to be holding back. They tend to have this thing if i say A,B & C they think there's a D i'm withholding. Well since you insist on not listening there is a D i'll withhold. *cue rimshot*. If I say "nothing" or nothing at all, its usually because I think you should already know and im tired of repeating myself.
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HI^5ing Tristan! Basically, I feel the same.
Tristan: "…women always expect me to be holding back. They tend to have this thing if i say A,B & C they think there's a D i'm withholding."
Ladies, please realize that men do not enjoy arguing. We will try to say exactly what we mean, precisely as we can, in as few words as possible, so it will be over with.
We know you like to talk, but please stop playing psychologist and trying to probe for something deeper. If we do keep talking, we'll just end up trying to say the same thing using different words, then what we say has a slightly different meaning, and you'll take that different meaning and interpret it in the worse way possible.
Hence why we say, "ok", "you know what", or are just silent.
I have encountered many of these, not all. I have used several…I am the Queen of "you know what?" and it's usually followed by an incoherent tirade – accent comes out & all. When I am trying to figure out if my guy is angry I can usually just tell. His whole demeanor changes…I come to kiss on him and he pulls away or pushes me away. I try to play with him and he hits me with the "aint shit funny" or I call and he is short I am all hey baby and he's like Hi. Those are usually the giveaways for me. But I think that one that pisses me off most is when a man tries to pacify me…he is in a mood and doesn't feel like being bothered so he just starts telling me whatever I wanna hear. Or that whole agreeing with me when I KNOW he doesn't agree thing. I am like so you was with Kiesha last night and he's like if you say so. WTF?!?! Makes me wanna put my paws on him.
Well. Didn't you sum that up quite nicely? I've been through this and it blows but, unfortunately, sometimes, we have to learn from experiences and how we can improve the next go round…. an pay closer attention.
You know what and You got it are me 100% lol
You got it, "Dawg/dude/fam", and silence are my main indicators. In most cases, it's truly exhausting arguing w/ your woman because they sometimes have an uncanny ability to take the argument wayyyyy left. And before you know it, you're arguing about something completely different than what you were originally mad at/about. Mind tricks
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My guy gets quiet…but honestly that could mean he's thinking2.
I usually try to make him laugh or massage his back when that happens.
Usually though he likes to talk it out…
Ok and SIlence are my tactics of choice. Seeing as how I'm a thinker, it's nothing for me to be quiet. But if I am extra quiet? Yeah, we got a problem.
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Being passive aggressive is pretty childish. At some point, you should be able to express what's wrong and WHY you're mad. Why should I need to try to DECODE how you feel about the situation? All that happens then is I possibly decode incorrectly and then you really ARE mad because you're tired of being accused of being mad when you're really just chilling. Lets all work on our communication. I don't make it a secret when I'm mad. Neither should you. 🙂
I completely agree with that. MEN and WOMEN need to work on strengthening communication. Perhaps all should take communication 101 before or at the beginning of a relationship. And then just be honest as you said. If you're mad or "feeling a way", say that and let's reasonably talk it through; also works vice versa.
Ladies, what are some signs that you look for when trying to figure out if he’s angry? __I don't look for signs, I just ask, "straight up no chaser." I've personally heard "Nothing" (I think every woman who's been in a relationship has) and "aight bet" (but that didn't mean anything bad). For the most part my ex's and current very openly and honestly communicate with me. I may have 29 problems, but communication ain't one. Thank goodness.
Other things I've heard guys say are:
1. Whatever – Everybody says this when you've worked their last nerve and they've had just about enough and are just tired of talking.
2. I'm Good – Men typically say this when women constantly to the point of nerve wracking ask them "whats wrong?" "are you ok?" etc etc etc.
3. Whatever you say – This means the man is done, finished, game over. He doesn't wanna argue or talk or nothing. He just wants to watch sports center or whatever on t.v. with his drink in peace til it's time for him to go to bed.
4. I'm Done – means I'm finished. Nothing to say or do. Now leave me the hell alone.
What if you argue and he hits you with the “are you serious right now” and you leave mid convo but apologize for your behavior later on and all he says is “it’s cool”, what does that mean? I called later on that day and texted but no reply. Is he still mad?
that means he doesn´t want to talk about it ever again or forget the argue. But he is still mad at you about it
I don’t understant my man we don’t stay 2gether so if I did’nt go visit him as I usually do in weekends he will ended up not picking up my calls nd when I asked him about it he will say u stayed at your house.