To gain a better insight on the male perspective of marriage than the usual “more oral, more relations,” I asked the fellas to provide tips that had nothing to do with sex. Although this restriction forced them to take a bit longer to respond, here is a compilation list of what they told me in no particular order…
1. Don’t rush! Surprisingly, despite having almost 30 years of marriage under his belt, one of my friend’s simple advice was “don’t rush.” He didn’t say this to suggest he wasn’t happily married. He merely meant that when the time is right, the time is right and “forever is a long time.” He’s looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his wife; however, he can do so comfortably knowing he had a fulfilling single life before meeting the woman he loves. He doesn’t sit up late at night wondering, “what if” because he knows he met his wife and committed to her at the right time in his life.
2. No kids in bed. Married seven years, another friend said he had to learn this lesson through trial and error. The proud father of two girls, he let his first daughter sleep in the bed with him and his wife every time she asked. This exception soon became the rule. Eventually, as you might expect, their love life suffered, because it’s a little difficult to have sex with your wife when your child is constantly in your bed. When his wife became pregnant again, they decided that the baby would not sleep with them. Establishing this from the beginning, their younger daughter accepted it as normal routine and became more independent sooner than their oldest daughter. I’ll spare you the details, but he says their love life greatly improved. In the end, he said the parents should work together to set the expectations and not be driven solely by the children’s wants. In other words, it’s important to remember that “adults have needs too.”
3. Accept that other women are still attractive. This theme came up a few times. You’re beautiful and he loves you, BUT there are other women in the world he might, from time to time, find attractive. A quote from one friend sums it up best, “space is #1, a good wife isn’t smothering, she’s confident enough to let her man hit the streets and follow Draya on Instagram.”
Let’s be clear, these men weren’t advocating for letting your husband blatantly disrespect you by actively pursuing other women on social media or beyond. Still, you should be confident and trustworthy enough to know that just because he “LIKES” a picture on Facebook/Instagram or RTs some cute woman on Twitter, doesn’t mean he’s secretly plotting to run off with that woman the second you turn your back.
4. Recognize what’s important to him and make sure you’re at least casually involved. As you might have noticed, a number of men were transfixed with NFL playoffs this weekend. You don’t have to be into football. You don’t even have to like football. However, you should respect the fact that *insert random sport you don’t care about here* is important to him and he might be emotionally involved in the outcome of said sport from time to time. Don’t mock his seemingly illogical sports-related commitments simply because they don’t align with yours. More importantly, don’t make him choose between the game he loves and proving his love for you when the game is on the line by asking him to “turn down/off the game” so y’all can talk about window drapes or some other equal non-emergency. Aint nobody got time for that! Recognize he loves you and the game and there’s ample time in the week to show love for both of you – you know, as long as those days aren’t Monday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday.
5. Marry someone you can laugh with. I’ve often heard that women like a man that can make them laugh but apparently men feel the same way! Almost every happily married man I spoke with referred to having a woman in your life that you can laugh or joke with. In other words, life is too short to take serious all the time. Apparently, having a woman by your side that can keep you in good spirits goes a long way…read more
Ladies, what’s missing from this list that women need for a happy marriage? Fellas, what advice have your happily married friends given you? What personal advice or philosophy do you plan to follow when you get married? If divorced, did you learn anything you’ll apply in your next marriage or would warn/share with others before they get married?
" …you know, as long as those days aren’t Monday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday."
Lmaooo! I was thinking about this the other week like, dag football is really on like 4 days out of the week. How did we ever get so lucky in life.
and basketball is on the other days! lol
My recent post too much, too soon?
right Muze. And if it's not the NFL or NBA it's college sports.
yall get the summer tho…if i pick midseason baseball over you, we have problems
My recent post Today’s Word is… CATFISH
lmao…true that Tristan….thats doin too much.
Well we're including the college game along with the pros when talking about those days of the week and basketball in general.
Where are Krystl & Most, the 2 token married people up in here???
I think these are all great and very true. I think what makes a marriage work and run smoothly is 2 people who are mature, honest, open-minded, unselfish, respect each other, have a genuine and sincere love for each other, and are together for the right reasons.
Ladies, what’s missing from this list that women need for a happy marriage? Romance! This is the number one thing that I hear a lot of married women complain about not getting in their marriage. Just like men say the sex declines after marriage, women say the foreplay, romance and chivalry go out the window as well. What many men don't seem to realize is if they stop romancing, seducing, and flirting with their wives then the women aren't going to be motivated to have sex with them. You have to romance, seduce, and make love to a womans mind before her body. (most women anyway). It all ties in together. It's not that hard to do. Draw a vanilla or lavender scented bubble bath, get some tealight candles, light them and put them around the tub, get some good sex music going and her fav bottle of wine or drink of choice and your set. Or give her a nice full body massage.
Men, haven't yall noticed that many of the men women swoon and cream over are the masters of smooth seduction. Take notes, listen, learn and practice.
But what is romance exactly? Honestly this isn't being dense or difficult, but it just seems romance is such a general term. Either that or it's the expectation to copy what guys do in romantic comedies, which are by and large corny and unrealistic.
I understand where you’re coming from @Twism. I heard a lot of guys say they don’t know how to be romantic. I think what Bree is talking about is doing the things you use to do before you actually lock your lady down. The same attentiveness you show your favorite sport, show to your lady. Most women just want your attention, other then when you want to “get in her pants”.
It doesn’t always have to be something corny from the movie. For example I know (because of my dad) that once noon hits its football / ESPN until 10pm. Sunday morning before you get ready for football, do something nice like make your woman breakfast. Or you know there’s something that needs to be done around the house or something that your woman might want, do it before she ask. Some of you guys can remember 10 or 20 players stats, high school jersey number, random sports facts etc… I’m sure you can use some of those memory skills and think about something your lady might have mentioned earlier in the week that could be helpful. Or just ask your partner what she finds "romantic' and work from there.
yep Smilez those are a few things. Making breakfast for her would def score men some serious cool points.
But it's also a matter of asking and listening and finding out what she likes. What makes her feel like a woman. What makes her feel sexy, what turns her on, (outside of the bedroom) and doing those things – small and sometimes big. A little romance can go a long long way. Believe That!
Twism, ask the woman in your life what it means to her? Ask her what romantic things she likes? And do those things. That simple.
Generally speaking – imo romance is the things you do in a relationship to make your partner feel special, loved and cherished. It's when you take extra time, put in some extra effort, and go out of your way to do something that will make your partner happy. Every woman has different things they find romantic and what they like. For ex some women love flowers, some women love candy, some women loved stuffed animals, some women would just like extra special attention, like a massage or washing her hair or whatever. Just ask your woman what she likes and make an effort to do those things as much as possible.
So it's not so much being "romantic" as much as it is being "considerate." That's way easier for a guy to digest than romantic is.
if you want to call it that. Yes.
Why is romance hard to digest for men?
Unless she's another Kim K or celebrity chick, most women aren't that hard to romance and seduce.
"Ladies, what’s missing from this list that women need for a happy marriage?…"
That women need? Maybe I read the post wrong, but I was under the impression this was a list made by married men for what they (as in men) deem to be proponents to be happily married. Then again I could be wrong. Under the adage, "Happy wife equals happy life" any list a man makes I guess should be all things that make the woman happy…?
Sorry WIM, your list here has been invalidated, lmaooo.
lol Larry I like Wim's List, and a lot of things on the list go both ways .
Ex: The sports topic. Men need a set amount of time to dedicate and enjoy their favorite sport/sports. Women need time dedicated to romance. When a man dedicates time to romance, his women dedicates her energy to making sure she meets his needs and leaves him alone with a beer and plate full of wings in front of the big screen during football/basketball season. Give and take. When you make the effort to meet your partners needs, they tend to do the same in return.
Sure they can go both ways….but this post is just about ONE way. No argument here about women needeing dedicated time to "romance" if that's what you all say. But the post isn't discussing what women need or want I believe. However, I understand that doesn't make the romance point any less true, just misplaced, imo. But to be fair many comments on all topics (including many I made I'm sure) have nothing to do with the original post at hand, lol!
In keeping with the theme of this post and yesterdays post regarding older men and men and marriage thought this was a pretty good article.
Article is – Advice for daters in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s By Judy Dutton
Taken from match.com on Yahoo.
Pretty interesting article that makes some very good points.
Interesting article Bree….
I like this list alot. I've spoken about some of these things with my wife. Expounding a bit further on what i written;
1- If you are not ready within yourself to get married then DON'T!!!! I don't care how much you feel she may deserve it. How long she "held you down". How many kids yall already have together. Nothing. If YOU (as a man) aren't ready and WANTING to make this woman your wife you are in for some truly rough times.
3- I love that this was spoken of. As I always have said, "If I was single would I find other woman walking the street attractive? YES! So what would make anyone think that because I am married all those women who would have been attractive to me before would suddently become unattractive?" Besides its important to remember that love/marriage is far more then physical looks. Because no matter how gorgeous you are to one person you are old news to another.
4- Taking at least some interest in your spouses interests is super important. That is a bridge between yall. It can bring yall closer together or push yall apart.
5- Laughter…does anyone really need to explain that further.
Now for #2, I have no kids yet but I will take note of what was said.
What I would add.
– Apologizing and arguments: We all want to win. We all want the last word. We all want to be right. But you have to learn that those things can come at the cost of your relationship. Sometimes its better to humble yourself and lay down your arms instead of fighting for your victory. And you find that many of the victories you are after are about things that are really so stupid and meaningless. Learn to let go. Ex: "Baby. I don't remember you saying what you are telling me you did. Maybe I just misheard you. But what can we/I do now? Because I do not wish to fight you over it."
Preciate the ‘married man’ perspective and the addition.
You sound like a great husband Larne. You need to write a husband handbook…*smile*
As a married dude, I’ll say this list is mostly on point. Number 4 is probably more important to me because it says alot. If my wife takes even a cursory interest in what I enjoy, then it shows me that she appreciates me. If what I enjoy happens to be intertwined with my purpose, then it can also be seen as her supporting my vision. When a man feels supported and respected by his wife, he’s more apt to make something happen, even if she can’t see the end result. Knowing my woman believes in me will fuel me to nit give up, even when I get discouraged.
Thanks for the input, sir
Keeping your marital business between yourself and your spouse is crucial. My husband and I maintained that thought process throughout dating as well. That’s very important. My Scorpio hubby can be a handful at times (as I roll him under the bus… Sorry babe! Lol) and its tempting to vent frustrations out on a listening (and possibly messy) ear. Putting too much of your business out there is not healthy and can definitely backfire.
WTF? An article that doesnt state treating your husband like dirt is the key to a happy marriage. Treating him as a human being may actually help marriage? Truly shocking. All good points. Maybe if there were more articles like these and less article emphasizing that husbands are property, men may actually want to get married.
SHIT… #9 was real as hell.
I've got a divorce under my belt. We're both remarried now and pretty okay with one another. It HAS shown and taught me what to do and what not to do.
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