By Muffie Bradshaw
My dating experiences over the last few years have allowed me to encounter various types of men — good, bad and ugly. Although most of these men never made it to the exclusive category, I was still able to learn lessons that are applicable to my current dating life. This is my experience:
Mr. Bad Boy
Mr. Bad Boy doesn’t necessarily have an episode on The First 48, nor has he been seen on Maury doing backfilps when he found out little Tay’Qwanell wasn’t his. However, I will admit there is a little something about an uninhibited man with slightly excessive confidence. I’m not sure what that something is and I’ve never been compelled to find out. However, there are some women who are willing to test the waters with Mr. Bad Boy. Maybe it’s the chase or maybe it’s the excitement of the relationship. No matter the reasoning, when you choose to date a Mr. Bad Boy, know what you’re getting yourself into and don’t try to change him, especially since you were initially attracted to his unconventional ways.
Mr. Fantasy is the guy who you’ve been
stalking on Facebook watching from afar. You’re extremely attracted to him and he seems to meet all the major requirements on your list. Once you get his attention, you know there’s a good chance that he’ll fall for you. Before you know it, you two have been on a few dates and everything is going well until Mr. Fantasy isn’t as intriguing as you once thought he was. You never understood why he had to call his mom after every date. And what was up with that Wayne Brady shrine in his Living Room? The smoke clears and your Mr. Fantasy quickly turns into Mr. Are-You-Kidding-Me? It never fails; unrealistic expectations will always turn into failed realities.
My experience with Mr. Fantasy has always been a dupe in the end. When I come across a man who is aesthetically appealing and perfect on paper, I tend to get the fantasy confused with reality by envisioning this perfect specimen of a man. This ideal obviously sets me up for disappointment because no one is perfect, no matter how symmetrical their face and how awesome their resume is. Due to my past mistakes with Mr. Fantasy, I now realize that Mr. Fantasy is just that…a fantasy. And that Wayne Brady shrine? It’s not so bad, is it?
How many of us have had a friend who confessed their love for us, but we didn’t reciprocate? Welp, that’s Mr. Platonic. He’s the guy friend you’ve had forever. You tell him about your guy problems and come to him for advice and think nothing of it. He’s been there for you through your break-ups and make-ups. You had no idea he had feelings for you until he surprised you with embroidered and matching his-and-her ankle socks. Being the great friend you are, you try to let Mr. Platonic down easily and reassure him that it won’t be awkward between the two of you. You believe it until you catch him spooning one of your old work uniforms. Needless to say, the friendship fizzles because it now embodies everything that is awkward.
Mr. Comfortable usually comes in the form of a long-term boyfriend. He’s the boyfriend you know you need to end things with, but you continue you stay because it’s convenient and comfortable. It may be comfortable because you live together and, in your mind, it’s easier to stick it out because no one feels like looking for a new place. The relationship may be comfortable because he’s your first “real love” and you don’t feel like going through another long dating process with someone new. It may be comfortable because you’re approaching 30 and you want to be married with children, so you try to force a relationship that you know has run its course. Whatever the reason you’re deciding to stay in the emotionally draining relationship, you know deep down that it’s not a justifiable one.
While dating Mr. Comfortable, I learned that it’s always best to leave a stagnant relationship sooner than later, no matter how “comfortable” I thought I was. Ironically, it was during the the relationship with Mr. Comfortable that I was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been.
This is the guy who you know is only good for going out on dates. He’s far from your type and only has 3 out of 20 qualities on “The List,” but there‘s something about him that keeps you interested. Usually, it’s a quality that would be considered shallow by most (i.e. He looks just like , he makes a lot of money, etc.). There’s a slim chance that the two of you could have a serious long-lasting relationship because he’s significantly under-qualified. The men I dated who have fallen into this category were generally good guys, but I knew it would never go further than an occasional date because of the pretentious nature in which the dating relationship started. Besides, it’s always a terrible idea to force a relationship based on trivial qualities.
Alternatively, Mr. Dater could be the guy who‘s a good catch, but not ready to settle down. He’s the one who has a very demanding career or the one who simply enjoys dating and has no intent on changing his lifestyle anytime soon. I enjoy dating men who fall into this category because I’m not fully ready to settle down and there’s no pressure to progress the dating relationship. It works for both of us.
A rather interesting and comprehensive take on the various types of men you have encountered in your dating experiences. It's fair to say that men have their equivalent to this list, which should be no surprise. Particularly a 'Miss Secret'. The one that never sees the light of day. Never meets any of his friends, family, or even acquaintances. The in-the-closet woman he secretly yet shamefully enjoys kicking it with despite her being a serious deviation from his tastes in terms of either her aesthetic appeal or personality type…or both.
My recent post All Gold Everything: What Type of Man Are You (Dating)?
This is an interesting list and I think most guys will fall into multiple if not all categories at some point – its just a part of the business. But one thing I wonder about is how much of this stuff is really the guy and how much of it is simply your limited perception of him or your expectations of him based on something like previous guys "like" him?
For instance, I went on a date once where she said I reminded her of her ex. That statement in itself didn't bother me, but when she kept trying to guess what I'd do based on what he did and didn't do, it got kinda annoying. I think a part of relationships (and dating) is about the ebb and flow and seeing Mr. Fantasy, learning his flaws (or basically his realities), having him become Mr. Secret because you're so ashamed to be dating a dude that has a room dedicated to Star Wars Volume VII: The Return of the Return of the Jedi, and seeing that evolve into Mr. Perfect because you realize that you've got a collection of power puff girls that he's probably judging you for and he seems to match in every other category, plus the chemistry is so well between you two.
My recent post Fraction Arithmetic
This is very interesting to say the least and you had those type of guys pegged to the "T". Ironically enough I was on a website browsing through and I came across a similar article but it was based on women" minoritymenshow.com (the "men'moirs") section. I've read a lot of articles on the SBM site, keep up the good work guys.
I’ve dated female alternatives to most of your list, mainly the fantasies, maybes and comfortable. Perhaps that’s partly on me, when I’m feeling someone my blinders go all the way up and it’s not until the breakup I realize how silly I was.
all of these people are the same person with slightly different approaches/personalities.
Mr. Fantasy was soooo disappointing! He was so fine and I became so unenthused.
Mr. Dater and Mr. Maybe are DANGEROUSLY similar.
Great list. And I can see how men become one of these depending on where he is in his life.
I like this breakdown. Unfortunately u don't know everything you should until your all in, or almost all in.
Speaking for some of the fellas, I think it’s fair to say most of us have occupied at least 5 of these statuses at one point or another. Sometimes we’ve operated in a few at once. If we’re true with ourselves, I’d say the majority of us want to end up as somebody’s “The One”.