I’ve always been a fan of “girls night out” or “ladies night” or “no men allowed.” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept, as the various names imply, these are nights dedicated to women of varying relationship statuses hanging out with just their girlfriends. The themes, costumes, and group sizes may vary, but undoubtedly, if you’re a man, at some point in your life you’ve been rebuffed by their sworn by blood allegiance, “WE CAME TOGETHER, WE LEAVE TOGETHER!”
It’s come to my attention that some men, mostly
insecure jealous men, aren’t fans of the girls night out concept. In their mind, a committed woman should never leave their side for longer than 15-minutes unless it’s to cook, clean, or tend to the kids. According to these men, a committed woman has no business having fun that isn’t inspired by them and them alone while in a relationship. For these reasons, and because this is a stupid way of thinking, I decided to try to persuade these men with five reasons for supporting girls night out.
1. Trust, Women Love Trust
Most people agree that
great sex trust is the most important trait to have in any relationship. You can’t build a strong relationship without first having a strong foundation of trust. It’s true. It’s easy to trust someone when you’re monitoring their every move. True trust involves believing that the person you’re with will not only act right in your presence, but more importantly, they’ll act right when you’re not around. The only thing women love more than being able to completely trust the man they’re with is feeling like they’re equally trusted by the man they love. Nothing demonstrates trust like allowing your woman to hang out with her friends without monitoring her on a pre-installed GPS app or tracking her every move via FourSquare or texting her every 5-minutes to see what she’s doing. Of course, trust is hard to gain and easy to lose but you shouldn’t have to treat your significant other like she’s constantly on parole and one failed pee test away from going back to prison on her third strike. Given the opportunity to breathe, most women will tell you that confidence and trust in your relationship is sexy, and these qualities actually strengthen your relationship and make her want to be respectful of the trust you’ve given her.
2. Win Over Her Friends
Other than her parents, winning over a woman’s friends is one of the smartest relationship investments you can make. Trust me, you don’t want to date a girl whose friends hate you, because every chance they get they’re going to be in her ear telling her how she can do better than you, trying endlessly to sabotage the relationship by making mountains out of every molehill, trying to hook her up with “better” men and male friends they know, and basically, doing all within their power to make your life a living hell. Friends aren’t looking to break-up your relationship in one swift move; they’re in it for the long haul. For a woman’s friends, it’s a war of attrition, so there’s really no point in trying to fight it. It’s easier to just get them to like you. You can do so by not being the guy that “steals” their friend away from them. Within reason, you can draw the line. They don’t need to hit the club every night, but if her friends are missing their wing-woman because you’re too busy knocking her head into the headboard leaving her sore and generally too dazed and confused to go out most weekends anymore, a girls night out from time to time isn’t going to make or break your relationship. These small investments in getting her friends to like you will pay dividends when some idiot (or ex-boyfriend) tries to talk to her when you’re not around. If her friends like you, they’ll be there to throw the ultimate [rooster] block for you. If they DIS-like you, they’ll be the first ones trying to get his contact information and share your woman’s Facebook and email with him, along with appropriate times to call/text when you’re away at work. Winning the friends over is simply the smarter route, bro.
One of the best parts of girls night out is the fact that your woman is almost guaranteed to drink. You might be saying to yourself, “self, why would I want my woman drinking around other strange men? Isn’t that a bad thing?” Clearly, you didn’t read reason #1 very well. If your woman is trustworthy, then no amount of alcohol or any other substance – I don’t care if she popped a molly and is sweating, WOO! – should make her want any other man but you. In fact, those substances should only make her want you more. She’s spending all night getting ready to come home to you and do all of those things her parents warned her not to do. You’re her man, you’re in a committed relationship, and you trusted her enough to go out and enjoy herself like she aint got no worries. Trust me, all she’ll do is spend the night coming up with increasingly crazier ways to thank you. I know a thing or two about a thing or three and this is a fact: no one is freakier than an intoxicated, happy woman coming home to a committed relationship.
4. Men in the Club are Lame
One of the primary reasons you don’t have anything to worry about when your woman is on a girls night out is the fact that the majority of men are lame as hell. If you’re in a relationship long enough, it’s inevitable that you might start to think “maybe the grass is greener on the other side.”
But, it’s human nature to assume and your woman is no different. If you repress her, she’ll start having visions of grandeur about how some other man is just waiting on a bar stool somewhere to treat her better and whisk her away on an island hopping adventure. That crap only happens in romantic comedies and Disney movies, but unfortunately both those mediums have been poisoning your woman’s mind since she was barely able to crawl. That’s why every now and then, you have to let her go out into the world and remember how disgusting, idiotic, and generally lame other men are in reality, especially single men. Single men are idiots, and as far as keeping your woman happy and content in your relationship, they’re your best 12th man. One night out in the real world remembering that single men use pick-up lines that include the phrase “struggle snuggle?” will have your woman running home thoroughly traumatized and beyond grateful that she somehow found the one good man available in the cesspool of single men left out there.
I know I listed s*x twice, but that’s because I can’t emphasize the greatness that is post-girls night out s*x enough! Have you ever been at a bar pouring liquid beverages of varying alcoholic content down an attractive woman’s throat all night in what you thought was a sure investment of guaranteed coitus, only for the last-call lights to come on and she hits you with the, “well it was nice meeting you” swerve as she stubbles out of the door and into a taxi? Did you ever wonder where she was going? I’ll tell you…TO HAVE S*X WITH HER MAN!
Now that man can finally be you!
If you play your card rights, you can send your woman out of the house looking attractive and sober only for her to return home horny and intoxicated. It’s like a magic trick! David Blaine isn’t this good! Girls Night Out is basically like Indecent Proposal without all that awkward s*x with another man for cash to mess with your conscience later. Some other chump spends all the money and invests all the time, yet you reap all the benefits! You’re like George Clooney in Ocean’s Eleven. You just sit at home while the perfect crime is committed, and when last-call arrives the booty (that’s Pirate’s speak for reward, and WIM’s speak for booty) is delivered to your door like a hot Domino’s Pizza! Open carefully and enjoy, sir!
Well fellas, hopefully I’ve convinced you why you should support Girls Night Out, but in case I fell short, I’ll turn it over to the comment section for even more insights…
Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think of this list? What are some other reasons why men should support girls or ladies night out?