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How History Informs My View on Dating White Women

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“Jim Crow laws also soon appeared, starting with the railroads. The Saluda newspaper felt they were an urgent necessity. “Give the negro justice, but for decency’s sake protect delicately constituted white ladies from contamination by being thrown in company with an inferior race,” it said. “Keep the air of our palace cars … from being polluted by the odor africanus– an element inseparable from the negro’s presence.”

px297012People find it surprising when I tell them I’ve never dated a white woman. And besides that one road trip, I’ve never seen a white woman naked. But we all know that if it doesn’t happen in the state you live in then it doesn’t count. When I break it down to them, they start to get a clearer picture into how this came to be. Allow me to set the backdrop.

I grew up in a predominantly black inner city neighborhood. My high school was approximately 95% African-American. I attended a HBCU for my undergraduate as well as my graduate training so its safe to say that it’s not as if I’ve been exposed to even a bushel of Anglo-Saxon women. That being said, getting on an elevator at work and watching a woman clutch her purse tighter, even though I have an ID badge that clearly says Dr. Tunde A___________, bothers me. I don’t have experience working with other races this closely.

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Even if I were interested in white women, my conscience wouldn’t allow me to pursue one. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a fan of history, all history but mainly African/African-American history so allow me to give you a history lesson.

The quote at the beginning of this post is taken from a county newspaper in South Carolina in the mid 1890s. The use of violence to end Reconstruction in the South, and the eventual implementation of Jim Crow in its place, was the result of two needs of Whites during that era.

  1. The need for white men to re-establish supremacy over what they considered an inferior race.
  2. To protect the innocence and chastity of white women everywhere.

In regards to the second reason, white men viewed black men as sex crazed beasts that were incapable of controlling their sexual urges. Never mind the fact that the number of black men who raped white women during slavery (probably close to zero) paled in comparison to the number of white men who raped black women slaves. Delicate white women had to be saved from black savages; because you know, God-forbid mixed children be born out of that union.

Imagine the fear of white fathers during the modern Civil Rights era that had to imagine their white daughters sitting in class next to black boys. I imagine that if public schools were integrated with only Black girls and not boys the opposition might not have been so great. There would have still been opposition. Embracing an ideal of racism and domination doesn’t readily allow one to distinguish between a subset (man or woman) of a group you feel superior to.

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Knowing what I know about how black men were viewed, especially when it came to white woman, I can take two courses of action when it comes to them: choose to spit in the face of age-old fears and contempt from white men at the thought of black men with white women, or realize that despite everything we’ve been through I still prefer Black women to all others.

I’m going with the latter.

Tunde

Comment(129)

  1. You are going to be called racist. how dare you not jump on the interracial dating bandwagon. how dare you love black women. how dare you not want to sell out. how dare you prefer to be with someone who understands your struggle as a black in this country. how dare you understand that black love is the best love. how dare you have pride for your culture. how dare you be so racist! Lol…thats the reaction i get when i say i would never date outside my race.

    1. Honestly, I see where you are going with this comment. I can't wholeheartedly agree. He has made a choice and I respect his decision. That doesn't meant that anyone who disagrees is a sellout.

      Initially, I don't think anyone who does or does not date interracially is racist unless they later prove themselves to be because of actions or words.

      Overall, I can't with the "black love is the best love" or "pride for your culture" statements you made. Black people have many cultures, as I am sure you must know. My American black culture is not the same as someone's Latino black culture. A white latino may have more in common with a black latino. There are differences.

      The love of someone who loves and supports you is "the best love". It is all subjective, but honestly, I have seen some great loves by people who are not married to someone of their race. I liked the article for sure, but your comment does kind of smack of propaganda.

      1. Lol i cant do this today. My point was that i get called racist for not abandoning black men. i dont care who anyone dates. just dont call me racist because i love what im supposed to love. true love is the best love…but for me true love can only be with a black man. has more to do with heritage than race really. i call it selling out only talkin about what ive experienced. people jump on this bandwagon and then try to sell me a lie about how a white man could make me happier…like they feel a sense of pride for being able to pull a white person…this is why i said sell out…because most who go to others races seem to do so feeling like they are better now. im not racist…i support all love for anyone else but not me. thanks…

        1. ..And this is why I replied to you. Who are you to say what anyone is "supposed to love" or that black love is the only "true love"? I am not sure you realize how that sounds or how belittling it may sound to someone who has found their "true love" or the person they are :supposed to love" in someone of another race.

          Also, you sure make a lot of generalizations. I responded to someone yesterday using that word "MOST". Unless you have met the majority of people who dated interracially and talked to them all, or if you have some stats to back it up, then stop with the "most" people do this or that.

          Just say that not dating interracially is the right decision for you and leave it at that.

      1. Eh. I don't think ithe post maintains that he is "stuck" with them because of history. I don't think that was what it was about.

        I think it just introduces a historical perspective on why he does not date white women, nothing more, nothing less.

    2. I receive the same reactions when I tell people I do not date outside my race, then I ask 'Would you say the same thing to me if I were a white woman?' Their response: silence.

  2. Historically, I understand where you are coming from. And white men just gone have to get over themselves.

    I am not opposed to having a family with a Becky. Although problematic, a mixed race child would be an interesting adventure to raise.

    Simply this, the Becky has to be really pretty & extremely cooperative. Otherwise she is a waste of time.

    But that history. Sigh. Racial politics. Sigh. Interesting beast.

  3. I’ve gone out with white women, I have yet to date one exclusively. One because I still feel some way about approaching one, I won’t get emmitt tilled but you never know which ones are even attracted to me. Even if she was how will her family accept me, how will mines her? We like in a society where interracial dating is still taboo, we just sugarcoat it with words like open, im not a new restaurant in town or skydiving, I rather not be experimented.

        1. for such a diverse city, y'all do a GREAT job of hiding all the non-white people. lol. And that's not specifically NY shade, just a personal observation.

        2. I went to school in Boston…couldn't even find any decent black men that weren't in college within those four years. Upon graduating, I ran back home to New York and never looked back lol

  4. Great post. I completely understand how you came to your decision. I too went to a predominantly black school from k-8. I went to a down home black church. My community is mostly black.

    While I have a preference for men who look like me. I generally like whoever likes me. So simplistic, I know. I date outside of my race, but there are qualifiers for that. There has to be shared interests, politics, religious views etc This goes for any guy I date. This guy has to also understand issues about race and culture and how they play a part in my life. This is the hard part, but it isn't impossible.

    Strangely enough, I have dated a few guys within my own race who don't meet these qualifications either. If you are black and fall into the "I am colorblind" line of thinking, you are not for me. It just all depends. I am from the South and I speak about race openly and honestly. If you can't have a frank discussion with me about things going on around the world, then I don't see how we are compatible. I will say that I dated interracially more often when I lived away from here. I don't know if it is just me or maybe my own prejudices?

    Sidenote – I was born and raised in South Carolina and actually moved back here a few years ago. Your post comes just days after Strom Thurmond's biracial daughter passed away.

      1. Strom’s daughter was Strom’s and black folks in SC ill-kept secret. We knew about her forever but white folks were down-right slaw jacked when she came forward. It was an odd urban legend that SC had that turned out to be true.

        1. Yeah, I was raised knowing she existed. She went to State and he would visit her there. Hard to keep that a secret.

          Yeah, I am sure his family knew, but the rest of SC was shocked. The whole thing was hilarious.

          Sidenote: Not a fan of how she tried to romanticize the relationship btw her mother and Strom, but that is another story for another day.

        2. You should. It is a VERY interesting story.

          Also, check out a picture of her in her older days. The resemblance is kind of crazy.

        3. State supposedly got a ton of funding back in the day b/c Strom’s little girl hung out in O-burg. Black SC was like “Well sho nuff” White SC was like “Really?!?!”

          Yeah, I thought her version of events was odd but personal family narratives tend to be that way sometimes.

      1. After college she moved out to California to be a teacher, but much later in life, she moved to Columbia, SC. That is where she died.

  5. Thanks Tunde,

    Post was great! Most importantly, youu made me blush and completely made my day with your last statement.

    Frankie

  6. I don't tend to like white men romantically because I feel they have a superiority complex which I have witnessed. Other races seem to have more in common with me also. Seems like Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and some Asian men (I am somewhat tall 5"8) take a liking to me, even after getting to know me. White men tend to think I am somewhat "easy" due to my doe eyes and quiet demeanor, but once I reveal my and bluntness, they run…fast. I guess foreign men are used to more straight forward women. I have been researching my personality type which is ISTJ, which I don’t put too much stock in but I do think it indicated my communication style very well, which definitely is what would be deemed as having what is perceived as more masculine traits. Blunt, straightforward, bottom line, don’t like a lot of mindless banter. Guess my Solange look doesn’t match this.

    I once had a white woman inject herself into the conversation that a black man started with me. She just butted in, I let her. I could tell they were both surprised I just silenced myself and bowed out gracefully, felt good for some reason.

    I have even has a supervisor that looked surprised that me and a black male co-worker because friends after several months. She was dumbfounded again when Asian man befriended me as well. She was an older woman so it wasn’t that she wanted to date them but it was definitely something.

    I just think white people and other races need to update their perception of black people. This post reminds me of the Unwritten Rules on Youtube, because that is my life. Being treated like you will blow up at any minute when you are just assertive and probably the calmest most collected one in the office. If you are black, you are seen as angry when you stand up for yourself, that is a real problem. Being offended time after time and not saying anything about it.

  7. Respect. Can you define your vision of a “black” woman? I’m always interested to hear what blacks consider “black” versus not quite black. I assume you mean African or African American but are black women of mixed raced backgrounds excluded?

    1. i define black as african-american, african, black latino, black french, etc. i don't limit black to just african-american. and no black women of mixed backgrounds are not excluded. my girlfriend is half black and half mexican.

  8. Like I said earlier, it seems like your opinion is formed more out of what you've been told you can't put on your plate as opposed to actually going after what you want. So my initial question was do you actually like women of other races? I ask that because I've known a lot of guys at my HBCU who had similar stories about how they'd never date a white women because of the south and the history in America, but lo and behold, come the 5 year reunion and I see they've suddenly developed a new appreciation for history.

    Otherwise, I'd be curious about how you feel about other races. There is definitely a long line of history between Blacks and Whites in America. Would you date a European woman? Asian? Middle-Eastern? Like, does history itself limit you to Black women or have you actually decided that because of something like common history/common struggle you could only see yourself with a Black woman?
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    1. there are plenty of other reasons why i choose not to date white women. i chose to delve into one of the reasons here today. i love black culture. i love black women (not just limited to african-americans and africans as i said earlier in the comments). what would i have in common with an asian woman? or a middle-eastern woman? not saying that we couldn't have anything in common but could we have enough in common to foster a relationship? i don't think so.

      i think you're missing the point of this post. i personally haven't been told anything. not who i can or can't date. i'm taking a look at history and where i find myself in context to that history in this country. my opinions of whom i choose to date would lay with black women regardless.
      My recent post Not Everything Is Ok In Black America, But What’s Next?

  9. This is somewhat obtuse view of the subject, but it’s similar to the Underworld movies. In a few of them, the vampiric heroine Selene (white woman) is trying to be kept from the lycan Michael (black man). The ruling class of vampires subjugated the lycans to a life of slavery, but Selene just had to have Michael.

    I say that to say, historically speaking, I think there’s the chance that white men were as fearful of their “chaste white women” actually wanting black men as black men defiling their women. Admitting to this would be a sign of weakness though. Therefore it was easier to continue with the barbaric practices that were in place.

  10. I have a bit of a historical chip on my shoulder when it comes to interracial dating. I grew up among many white people. I was the only “black” in first and second grade (private school) and didn’t go to a predominately black school until high school. I learned before the history books taught me that skin color was a big deal. I wasn’t white enough to hang out with the white kids (my Dad is Irish and Native American and mom is black) and I wasn’t really black enough to hang out with the black kids but they were definitely more accepting. In Memphis in the ’80’s and early ’90’s you didn’t really see very many kids like me and when you did we were considered “weird”. White kids would blatantly say that I was not white so I can’t play with them. Ever since then, I could never look at them the same. So when History books started talking about slavery, I was done. Couldn’t date them, didn’t want to get into deep friendships because somehow skin color would always divide us. Now that Im much more mature, I know better so I do better.

    1. Clarification: I meant I wouldn’t date anyone that isn’t black. I have no problem with what anyone else does. It’s just my preference to date black men.

        1. I don’t comment much on blogs because people take some else’s personal experiences and opinions… Well personal. They get mad at your truth and feel the need to oppose it and change it. It ain’t that serious for me.

  11. I have mixed feelings at this one. On one hand I agree in that I prefer black women above all.. American black, Latino black, African black, West Indian black….dont matter. Its just something about the "Brown skin/ You know I love my brooooown skin/ I can't tell where you begin…." okay okay enough with the India Arie but you get my point. However, I am not against the idea of interracial relationships and I think its kind of foolish and weak minded to let ANY person dictate who you can love. Especially if you are talking about using history as the excuse. I kind of feel like you using history as your reasoning is like saying, "I'm made myself unattracted to white women because I know the white man said I am not allowed to approach her and I don't want to disobey".

  12. Good post, Tunde. I get where you're coming from and have similar views/feelings when it comes to my reasons for not dating white men. Would you say that your stance has anything to do with positioning yourself as unattainable to perhaps white women who prefer black men? So in a way it's like turning the tables on the ideas, opinions, laws, etc. that once governed our nation in the OTHER direction (i.e. black men even if remotely interested in a white woman didn't have the luxury of pursuing this at a point in history and some died having done so). Bottom line being, now you are the unattainable partner to this race of people who once saw you as inferior? Just wondering if this notion is also a part of your thought process. Im curious 🙂

  13. Good article, but unless the Mexican in your girlfriend is Afro-Mexican then your girlfriend isn’t black. She would be biracial. I know most won’t agree with me but that’s my opinion.

      1. I agree with JJ. If she's not really black, even though you say you like black women, your gf being bi-racial actually attests more to you not liking White women than actually being attracted to black women since there are other cultures and subcultures than just black and white. But neither here nor there since finding love is what's important and it's even better cus she's not white (yeah, i'm that kinda anti-interracialist)

    1. 1. Mexican is not a race.
      2. If she were to walk down the street with me, they’d say, ‘ooh, lookie two black girls walking down the street”…and react however they would around two black women. I know people love to talk this biracial-ness but we really have to realize non-black people only see “black, black, black” where we see ” African American, afro-Cuban and biracial”….and treat us ALL accordingly.

      1. Exactly. It's called the one drop rule, or, if you wanna get fancy with it, hypodescent. The only way to be considered white in this country is if both of your parents are white; otherwise you're black (or latino, or asian, ect). Race is still a completely arbitrarily assigned social construct, but until we get to the point where we really have equal footing between the races, this distinction will continue to be made.

        That said, I do think it's silly to tell other people what they should define themselves as. White people already do that for us, we shouldn't do it to ourselves.

      1. A non-black woman can't give birth to a black baby. Not possible. So yes President Obama is the first biracial president. He is equal parts black and white. Doesn't mean I like him any less. I know Mexican isn't a race that why I said unless her Mexican side is Afro-Mexican then she isn't black. It doesn't matter to me what other races see. Biracial is biracial and black is black. Again this is just my opinion.

        1. Race is not a biological fact, like gender; it is a social construct. So, in essence, your mothers pigment is not the determinant of what your race is. It's defined by the parameters of the group in power. Good luck finding a white person who doesn't believe Obama is black.

          Opinion or not, I'm just blown by your ability to dictate what someone should identify as.

        2. I understand that race is a social construct, but let's be real we can still see race.The problem comes in when we view one race as superior to another. Why are we still allowing white people to define blackness for us? I don't like how white people get to be this exclusive club while we have to just let anyone into blackness. That keeps white supremacy alive. We are just going to have to agree to disagree.

        3. don't act like it doesn't go both ways. the amount of people who are just lumped into "whiteness" is just as much an amalgam as is it is in the black community. And if anything, intra-racial quabbling amongst ourselves over who qualifies enough does more to keep the unnoficial racial hierarchy alive than "just letting anyone in" could ever do.

          You can't say that you can see race and then say that it's contingent on the parental lineage. Plenty of mixed-heritage individual look straight up one race or the other. See: Barry O.

        4. "Race is not a biological fact, like gender; it is a social construct. So, in essence, your mothers pigment is not the determinant of what your race is. It's defined by the parameters of the group in power. Good luck finding a white person who doesn't believe Obama is black….Plenty of mixed-heritage individual look straight up one race or the other."

          Shamira, gurl PREACH 🙂 lol!!! You are oh so right! As a person whose quote on quote "mixed", here in America, people are typically classified by the color of their skin. To add to your Obama example, look at other "biracial" individuals: Halley Berry (known as the first Black woman to get an oscar), Alicia Keys, Boris Kodjoe, Drake, Melyssa Ford, Zoe Saldana, Miguel, Kid Cudi…there's so many more. At the end of the day these people are black in america, not "Biracial"; their other heritage/background doesn't matter, because like Shamira said, "Race is….defined by the parameters of the group that 's in power" A.K.A white people. The only time it does matter is if one looks racially ambiguous (ex: Cassie, Draya Michelle, Mariah Carey..etc) speaks another language, or "looks mixed". I just find it funny when white people be like "I have mixed ancestry. I'm irsh, polish, german, and italian", which to me is still white, just different cultures/languages. But all the individuals above would just be "Black".

          As a girl who has African American (my dad) and Puerto Rican (my mom) heritage (Note: puerto rican are mixed themselves with african, spanish, and taino ancestry) I am glad to be the black african queen that i am!

        5. Oh and i forgot to add that being Puerto rican, Cuban, Dominican, Mexican is not a race!!! It's purely a culture/nationality. The same way we one can be Black and American or Black and British is the exact same way one can be Black and Puerto Rican, or Black and Dominican. Case in point: Zoe Saldana, Romeo Santos, Don Omar and Tego Calderon <—-All Latinos/Latin American, but still black in race.

        6. That's a joke from Paul Mooney's last standup. He meant to clarify that it wasn't an half African-American but it should be clarified that Barack was half-African because it stings a little more for the white people.

          In my mind, if you want to be Black, then you Black, we don't turn anyone away. We even took Jennifer Beals!

        7. Calm down Bonnie! You and Clyde all worked up… it's a joke. Y'all don't get TV in the lab? Paul Mooney's last standup…

        8. I will never understand why some people classify biracial as black. Doesn't make any sense to me. Like you said a non-black woman can't give birth to a black person. I will never ever understand why biracial ( black and white ) are considered black.

        1. I think there is a difference between having an 8th great grandfather or mother who is non-black and having a non-black mother or father.

        2. This is interesting because I'm friends with many white people and all of them believe that if they enter a relationship with a black person their children are black. To them it doesn't matter. One of my friends even said her white grandmother said "Don't ever mix with a black person or you are exiled from this family. They are nice people but our family line will change if you mix with them." The ones that are in a relationship with black people have all acknowledged that their child is black. The whole biracial thing is nice on paper but this is America.

        3. eh?? idk what history books you read in school, but slavery in the US ended in the 1860s. and even with the end to slavery, there certainly wasnt an end to "mixing of the races" – not just with whites, but Native Americans as well (you know, all Black folk are "part Indian").

          i wont even talk about how mixed up Mexico is – with the natives, Spanish colonialists, and African slaves. theyre all mixed up as well. most Mexicans are likely not one "race".

          all that to say – there likely isnt such thing as a "pure" colored person and the notion of that is ridiculous. so miss me with that BS
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  14. Nice read. I yelled out "God Bless You" when I finished reading. Quite comical to read the comments of readers that made up their own interpretation of what you stated. I only date brown men because I love the way they look. I have yet to see a non-brown man that I found attractive. Being raised by a black man from the segregated south (in NYC and now living in NC) had a big influence as well. But at the end of the day, non-brown men are extremely unattractive to me.
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  15. Honestly, I read it to be a long-form version of the one sentence on how I feel on the subject- I'm neither for or against, but I've never done it because I have yet to find one I'm attracted to enough to ignore what the inevitable reaction would be….due to our history and ish.
    Although, I will say I disagree a tad about the whole "black women in school" thing, and the only reason is because the "lack of backlash" is for a far worse reason-we kinda don't exist but for 'property'. They didn't mind having us around because hey, it's easier access to something you believe you have the authority to do whatever you want with, right? For Ex, See: Justin Bieber and his automatic assumption that he could touch on Esperanza Spalding sans permission, lol.

  16. Personally I will love the man who loves me. Color is the least of my concerns and to be honest black men haven't been doing the greatest job so I keep my options open.

  17. Good post Tunde! I was so there with u and it's good to see another brother feel the same way as I do. No knock to white women, but just not for me (plus they are usually slim, no curves, and just pale). Nothing like a woman fill with melanin, hips/curves to match, and a hair with texture. That's what I like and all i know. lol
    On a serious note, this is my story also. Grew up in the Palmetto State, SC, black neighborhood, 99.9% black schools, HBCU for undergrad, and when I finally attended a predominately white institution for graduate school, while there were some nice looking snow bunnies, just didn't have that same effect as my black nubian queens. Sorry no bueno! lol
    Even to this day, I know dudes who give me the crazy look when I tell them I have never been with a snow bunny. My answer is always never really tried to holla, but I also have never been in an environment to really socialize with them besides work. But with that said, this was definitely a very well written post.

    1. This is ignorant. Theres a lot of people who knwo their history and still choose ot love who they love. Tunde made a stance I respect. I can also respect those that interracially date. To make a correlation between the introspection Tunde had to how others WOULD feel is irresponsible typing.

      CMon now…we are better than that

      1. This isn't ignorant at all. I noticed that people who date outside of their race ( blacks, white, hispanics, asians… ) do not embrace their culture and history as much as people who date within their race.

        1. Sorry, but…

          Frederick Douglass
          Sidney Poitier
          Marian Wright Edelman
          Alice Walker
          Henry Louis Gates
          Maya Angelou
          Harry Belafonte

          And so on… So these folks right here do not embrace their culture and history? And these are just the ones who are famous. These people helped shape black history. Wow, the generalizations on here are crazy.

        2. I read and comprehend perfectly well. Maybe you didn't write it well, but I will let you judge for yourself.

          You said

          "This isn't ignorant at all. I noticed that people who date outside of their race ( blacks, white, hispanics, asians… ) do not embrace their culture and history as much as people who date within their race."

          So I gave you examples of people who helped shape black culture and history in itself, to show you that your statement made no sense,

      2. Whoa didn't say every one. Didn't say how I felt about interracial dating. All I said is that I think if more people looked at it from a historical perspective I think more people would agree with Tunde's position.

        I actually made it a point not to say how I think or feel about interracial dating. But if I am ignorant to believe that SOME people who actively participate in interracial dating might change that practice if they took the time to learn a little bit more about history – then I'll be that.

        Also, didn't say that EVERY one who dates outside of their race doesn't know their culture…Looks like a few hit dogs are hollering though…

        C'est la vie.

  18. I, also, have never dated a white woman. Never has been high on the preference list despite me attending a PWI for college where the black popualtion was around 3%.

    I always find this dynamic interesting in the fact that in many other cultures (not all) this is the norm. I'm sure a lot of that goes into other countries having less of a metlting pot relative to America, but I believe a lot has to do with many of the points Tunde made in this post. And everyone is OK with it.

    I remember the first time a girl told me she wouldn't date me because I was black. She was Puerto Rican. Said she only dated Puerto Ricans because it was just easier and wanted 100% Puerto Rican children….oddly, I didnt feel slighted in the least. I understood and kept in moving.

  19. black man that rises above his circumstances and stands out from the rest of the pack will naturally be drawn to the white woman and vice versa. this is a spiritual / human nature thing and its not exclusive to the united states. the movie "hancock" broke it down on a metaphysical level.

  20. I was at Union Station one time walking to my client site for a meeting, I saw a man who was telling a story about how Jews had taken over Capitol Hill and they took the money he was owed and that's why he was homeless. He had come from wherever he came from and he was there in that very spot to stage a takeover and get his money.

    I thought that was crazy, but you know what in NYC and DC, nothing surprises me.

    A few weeks later, I was there for another meeting and that man was there again… telling the same exact story word for word. And a few weeks later, still there. And a few weeks later, still there. That's when I found out that there was a large population of schizophrenic people congregating at Union Station. I was glad that I didn't start to think that the Jews were somehow stealing my money too and decided to help this man in his revolution. I was also glad that no Jews alerted the authorities that there was a man who was threatening to takeover the United States for his money.

    "You could say that black people made progress, but to say black people have made progress would mean that black people deserved to be segregated," he said. "The reality is that white people have gotten less crazy. My father didn't suddenly deserve to eat with people because he deserved it. The people who were denying him rights got less crazy."

    That's a quote from a Chris Rock interview.

    I'll tell you why I bring that story and quote up. I don't think it's a wise decision to form an opinion or course of action based on the thoughts of someone or a group of people that are crazy. Now you said that you prefer Black women and that's why you don't date white women. The only issue with that is that you spent the whole article talking about the history of white men and their crazy opinions on Black men dating white women. Maybe you do prefer Black women, but if that's the case then the history lesson seems out of place to me. With that said… I can tell you why you don't date white women or even think twice about it.

    It's because during your formative years, you weren't around white people or exposed to them in any fashion. That means that at the point of which your brain was developing it's thoughts about pretty and ugly, and starting to set in with preferences, you weren't exposed to it and therefore that ended up causing you to feel the way you do now. During your adolescence you also weren't exposed to it and that's when you program most of your brain's decisions on what you find attractive and sexy and again there were no white people around for that so you fell in where you fell in. History had very little to do with that.

    I grew up in a much different world. I grew up around white people with white friends and all that. I went to an all Black elementary school, my mother made it a point to teach me about Black history. I also read everything I could get my hands on. I knew about Jim Crow before most of my peers. I understood the concepts and why they were important. My mother didn't work in an predominantly Black environment though. When she would hang out with coworkers or attend events at their houses, their children were white. My mother didn't shy away from exposing me to knowing that "these" white people are not "those" white people. Anybody can choose to date who ever they want to date. Anybody who uses some historical purpose for why they don't white people is talking just as crazy as the historical references they're using.

    Could a Jew say to me, I don't Black men because your ancestors enslaved and raped my people?
    Could a woman say to me, I don't date men because your ancestors oppressed, objectified and raped my gender?

    No, i'm not them. And vice versa, people aren't who their ancestors are. I understand that the sour taste is in your mouth, but rinse your palate.

    I'd rather someone say they only date Black women, or they find Black women most attractive because of just that. Nothing else but that's who they find attractive. I'd also like to see that same person understand in the same light someone who says they find white women most attractive because of just that. Then i'd like to see how weird it gets.

    1. i agree with you about what i was exposed to during my formative years playing a role in what i now find attractive but i don't think you can say that history plays no part in my views today. especially when the effects of said history are still being felt today. who's to say that i also wasn't taught about the history of this country at an early age as well?
      My recent post Not Everything Is Ok In Black America, But What’s Next?

    2. i agree to an extent that experience shapes our perceptions/preferences.

      i grew up around lots of white people. and mexicans and filipinos. always went to majority white schools (51%, with the other 49% being other colors) until college. most of my colleagues throughout the years have been white. but im not attracted to white ppl. i find some attractive, but not enough to desire to date. so while i have lots of experiences growing up and working with them, that has not changed my preference in them.

      all that to say – early life experience with other cultures isnt always the driving factor of attraction or even perception.
      My recent post My Guest Post on VSB: Are You A “Namist?”

      1. We're not talking about the same thing. Tunde doesn't find white women to be attractive. He may find one to be pretty or aesthetically please to the eye, but he's not attracted to them. You said, you don't find any attractive to the point of having a desire to date. That's like a preference there. They don't meet your threshold. That's different.

        And you're right, it isn't always the driving factors. I have Black friends who had the same upbringing as me who'll never date a white woman. However, I offered it up as a possible reason because I don't think Jim Crow has anything to do with why Tunde doesn't find them attractive. That's just why he doesn't date them.

        1. we are talking about the same thing.

          you said…
          "It's because during your formative years, you weren't around white people or exposed to them in any fashion. That means that at the point of which your brain was developing it's thoughts about pretty and ugly, and starting to set in with preferences, you weren't exposed to it and therefore that ended up causing you to feel the way you do now. "

          and thats exactly what i addressed. yes, early life experience shapes our future opinions/preferences/perceptions. attraction and preference are both perceptive constructs our of mind – which are subject to change. you can debate me on this but youd be wrong.

          the main bullet point to what im saying is that exposure doesnt always (though often) determine what we like, prefer, desire, mimic, etc. sometimes whats most exotic new and different to us can be what we are most drawn to (be that ppl, food, or art).

          Tunde's preference may very well be shaped by his experience of not being around white in his development years. but though he grew up in a Black world, i grew up in a very mixed (mostly white dominated world) and he and i share very similar opinions on the subject he discussed in the post (though i dont date women period).
          My recent post My Guest Post on VSB: Are You A “Namist?”

        1. yep. and some white folks you just cant talk about race too. theyre either too sensitive (white guilt) or in far too much denial (white privilege). its frustrating and i have yet to find a white person that i feel like i could date because we can discuss issues of race relations in this country (and abroad). granted, there are also some Blacks that have this disconnect as well but i dont fux with them either *shrug*
          My recent post My Guest Post on VSB: Are You A “Namist?”

    1. Sigh….let me censor myself. You have some of the most idiotic posts I have ever read. This one is not the exception.

  21. *peeks in*

    *reads*

    *tips out* LOL. J/k…

    But Imma keep it short. No one owes anyone any explanation beyond what they offer. Date who you want…or not. The only volunteered explanations that should be demonized are those "black women are too _____" excuses. All black women are NOT alike. Until you've dated them all, have SEVERAL seats, Sir…and here are a few to start you off…. \_ \_ \_ \_ \_

  22. I respect the right of anyone to decide for themselves whether to date outside of their race. Personally, it is not a choice that I would make. Although I like and socialize with my white co-workers, men and women, it is these encounters and all of my past similar encounters that lead me to conclude that I could not pursue a relationship with a white woman. For me, it comes down to the compromises of my racial identity, in a social and cultural context, that seem unavoidable. I am unwilling to modify, mute or otherwise change myself in order to be in a relationship with a white woman. Now, as a married man I have modified, muted and changed myself in order to have some happiness married to a black woman but that's a small price to pay between two people who accept each other fundamentally.

  23. …….things change, I don't understand how or why dating outside of the race is a negative. People should learn from history when it comes to other things like, medicine, engineering, science etc…

    But social and political views are always evolving….you wanna date in your race, good for you.
    You wanna date outside your race, good for you.

    The bottom line is do what makes you happy, don't limit yourself because someone didn't like you 50 years ago

  24. Here’s a thought peeps . Stop being so hung up on colour. Love dosnt choose colour. Fall in love with whoever u choose man woman black white Chinese Thai German French etc. who cares. Stop judging and just appriciate love when u c it

  25. This would have been a great read if it hadn’t been for the immense amount of ignorance you managed to put into it. It’s people like you who keep the racism alive. Let me inform you that people of all races are different. I know myself and my own values, I don’t automatically associate with a peer just because they happened to be born within my race. My man is ghanaian, and by God this does not mean he chose to “hop on the bandwagon”, it simply means that two people found love. We are all alike on the inside, we all share differences and indifferences. If you can look away from your racial prejudice you might find that your other half could be of any color.

  26. That’s so not always true and you are continuations stereotypes you at you dot believe in. I am a very educated white woman who is strongly attracted to black men (and yes thy have to be educated- a question always asked) I appreciate how black men on avg appreciate a strong women more tha white men who want a docile woman plus I am attracted to dark skin ( it’s sexy to me). But I have to be undesirable to white men and uneducated to like black men? Sorry but no.

  27. Blacks “are more psychopathic than whites” and suffer from a “personality disorder” characterized by a poverty of feeling, lack of shame, pathological lying and so on.

  28. Blacks “are more psychopathic than whites” and suffer from a “personality disorder” characterized by a poverty of feeling, lack of shame, pathological lying and so on.

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