I often joke that the biggest hindrance to me finding women to date is how intimidating my female friends can be. I always imagine a game of taboo where I’m the keyword and my girlfriend probably wouldn’t be able to describe me to a room full of people, but if I let one of my best female friends do the same they’d break the Taboo single card world record. That’s for a few reasons – mainly because most people don’t really dig deep into the things they should know about the people they date. They really only know their partner from the medium of their relationship. I think that also you have people who project too much in relationships; they tend to use their relationship as a support system. People who project in their relationships are the same people who get left in the middle of the night and have no idea or reason why. They’re the people who have to grapple for years with the “what went wrong” after they experience heartbreak.
In addition, you guys know that I’m big on those things that I don’t think should have to be said in order for your partner to know that they need to get done. I don’t know what to call them outside of the basics or Relationship 101. It’s the requirements that a mate should possess at an inherent level – meaning nobody should have to tell you these things about how to be a significant other. Perusing the Internet for ideas for a post on Friday, the first day of Women’s History Month, I came across this list of 10 things women should know about their men. It was a pretty dope list and I thought I’d share my five favorites here, and then you can check out the rest if you see so fit.
2. What really helps him relax. Watching those Law & Order reruns may be your favorite thing to do after work, but don’t drag him into it. He needs to unwind too. Encourage him to do what he enjoys during the little downtime he has.
3. How often he talks to his ex. Yes, they broke up six months ago, but it can be hard to completely let go. You have a right to know and to tell him if it bothers you. Of course it’s more complicated if they’ve had children together. Let him know you understand he needs to have some kind of relationship with her and you are supportive of him.
4. Whether he’s a lefty or a righty. And I don’t mean which hand he writes with. It’s important to know where he stands on political issues that are important to you. For new loves, this can be a deal breaker, but it doesn’t have to be. Look at Mary Matalin and James Carville. For married couples, you will know what topics to avoid when you want a peaceful night.
6. His turn-ons. Some women never make the first move, but guys love it when you do. If his ears are especially sensitive, why not nibble on them and let him know how desired he is.
7. What really gets him down. Whether it’s when his favorite team loses or the anniversary of a parent’s death, you should know what makes your man sad. You can try to cheer him up or at least know you aren’t the reason he is acting so strangely.
You can read the remainder of the list here with the good folks at The Stir.
What do you think a list of things every woman should know about her man should consist of? Does the list differ from man to man? Is there a list for things every man should know about his woman? What would go on that list?
– Dr. J
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The one about how often he speaks to his ex threw me off a little bit. I NEVER go down that road in my relationships. I honestly don't care about that AT ALL. I know I trust him and therefore I don't think it's any of my concern how often he speaks to anyone, his ex included. But this list made me wonder if that approach is the wrong one to take. Especially since you picked it as one of your fav5. hmmmmmm
I agree with InsomniaPoet. I don’t delve into how often my SO talks to his ex. I trust him and I’m very confident that there’s very little chance he’d go back to her. And since I have no reason to even think they’re talking much why bring up the subject and make it look like I’m worried about that.
Women should focus on number 1 and 10 especially, most women now dont know how to do number 1
That number 9 is important for me and it goes right along with number 7. Some people can describe me as the most calm and relaxed person on the planet. I try not to let things get me down. But my football is one of those things that has that effect on me. I have gotten better over the years, but it still hurts. So ideally I'd date somebody who was a Skins fan who suffered through losses like me, or I'd even take somebody who's not into sports so we could just talk about something else. But if she was gonna be somebody to chastise me and talk trash about my team losing a game then its not gonna work out.
My recent post The Risk of Competition
Wait… theres more to it than feeding him, watching sports/playing video games and letting him dip in the honey pot? Yikes!
JK! (a little)… This was a list for beginners but very good. The sports thing was hard for me but video games? The XBox and PS have to be live and ready at all times in this house and he LOVES having a woman thats a gamer (until I beat him. In the game that is. Unless… well… never mind). 😛
Most women find #10 and keep it in they back pocket as. ammo, but w.e. All but the exes one threw me off, like the writer had a bad experience and just threw that in there #whohurtyou and ish. As for women, I would say know her routine, know her circle, know if she likes spontaneity, know what she’s self conscious about and know when she bout to take it to that ghetto university
This is a nice list but that talking to an ex you just broke up with 6 months ago…seems a little too soon to me. Whether you ended on good terms or not, Some people make quick decisions and later regret them. I'd be more comfortable if I knew you broke up with her years ago and you have been JUST friends for a years. Of course I would understand if you both had children together. Then if you are talking to another woman in general if I want to talk to her or meet her, you should not have any problem with me doing that. (I know a lot of guys like to hide other girls. They will claim they are a cousin or just a friend, but if they don't let you talk and/or meet them, that's a red flag to me)
I meant to say this yesterday but thanks for posting this!
I thought it was a really good baseline/foundational list so I actually used it to quiz myself and see how well I was doing getting-to-know the man I'm currently dating (I'm doing a great job, btw, lol).
We both tripped over the ex one…we didn't get that one at all, lol.
what would you say about a guy who calls his ex every time you have a tiff with him and then he claims they called him yet he hasn't spoken to nor seen them for the first three years of your relationship with him. And I'm talkin about the ex that left him not the other way around.
Talking to Ex's? For me its a non-factor as I don't have ANY contact with Ex's. I don't have any hard feelings either but they're in the past for a reason. I guess it would be different if its someone I went from relationship to friendship, okay, understandable. But otherwise, JT don't entertain ex's. I just don't have a reason to. But, thats me…others are different.
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