Today, yet another edition of Single Black Mail. Looking for advice, write in. Sure, we might have something cute to say … but the gold is in the comments.
Hi my name is Jamie and I am in a very difficult situation.
My boyfriend is incredibly jealous of my male bff. I’ve told him over and, over the we are only friends, but he doesn’t believe me. It also doesn’t help tht said bff does have a tiny(only slightly obvious ie, I’ve caught him staring at me, and he can be touchy) crush on me, but he knows we will NEVER be anything but friends. I’m just confused bc we(me, bff, and bf) all used to hang out together all the time. Something changed(idk what) but my bf gets angry if I txt my bff now let alone hang out with him alone-like we used to-or even if I invite him to hang with both of us.
I don’t wanna [lose] either one of them. For the past week I’ve been avoiding my bff just to keep the peace between my bf and I, but I miss my friend bc we hung out all the time. What should I do?
When I first read your letter, I thought to myself “What would SBM do?” I actually sat there staring at the monitor. I dug deep and accessed the logical part of my mind and body. I didn’t go to my heart, my irrational emotional side, or that jealous part of me. After a little deliberation, I came up with a concise and easy answer to your dilemma
F* your BFF
I know every guy isn’t going to feel me, I know you aren’t going to want to agree, but I can’t help but think there are a few things we really need to note that might make my advice a little easier to swallow.
Your BFF & BF were friends … and your BF knows something
You said that all of you used to hang out and then “something changed.” I’m willing to bet 1 gold watch, 2 gold chains, and 6 gold rings that your BFF told or indicated to your BF his desire for you at some point. It may have been before you two became a couple, it may have been while high and/or drunk, or maybe he straight up warned him. Whatever happened, your BF became very aware of your BFF.
The BFF has a crush on you!
Just because you say “we will NEVER be anything but friends” doesn’t mean that you will “NEVER be anything but friends.” Any guy knows the male BFF is just one bad fight away from the “you know he doesn’t treat you right” speech and the ensuing “mistake” that happens. I’m not saying no woman should have male friends, or male BFFs. One of my wife’s best friends is male, but your BFF blatantly has a crush on you … and that’s not OK. Also, you call him your BFF … that is a huge red flag in any man’s mind.
Are you very CLEAR that the BFF has no chance?
When my wife and I were dating long distance, there was some guy she was going to the movies with. SBM activated! I wasn’t having it, talked all kinds of sh*t bout this guy, and almost forbade all visits. That was until I saw this guy. Without being arrogant … he wasn’t a threat. Also, seeing them around each other, it was clear she had no interest in him. Take some time and think about how receptive or non-receptive you are to the BFF’s “playful” actions. You said he’s touchy and stared … THAT’S A PROBLEM! The BFF’s touch should be like acid hitting your skin.
In the end, I hope you find a way to resolve this situation. But, just from this info, it seems you have your work cut out for you. I don’t think any person should be forced to end a friendship for their relationship, but you need to have a real convo with your BF, listen to everything he says and don’t dismiss a single thing. Then … take the time and effort to make him feel comfortable. Might not be fair, but now that I’m married … I’ve realized it’s not always fair.
One opinion … one man … SBM fam speak your mind? Is this BFF to be trusted? Is the BF just worried?
SBM aka MBM aka “DC meets Cali”