WisdomIsMisery aka WIM uses his formal training as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery.
Actually, the two quotes are perfect examples of what you should and should not try. One person led with her non-physical first, the other made her attractiveness the entire conversation. Complimenting a woman is fine. Objectifying her is not. Also, this may be a bit of a maverick statement, but compliments CAN be on something other than looks.
For what it's worth, tho…
"Introducing HUD secretary Shaun Donovan last February, Obama declared, "There he is, the good-looking guy in the front here."
At a speech last March, Obama pointed out his secretary of the Interior, Ken Salazar, by calling him "a good-looking guy.”
A couple of months ago, Obama gave a shout-out to the "outstanding Secretary of the Navy," Ray Mabus. "There he is right there — the good-looking guy over at the end."
Obama even extended his favorite compliment to the Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins. "I have to say all of you look pretty good without your playoff beards," Obama said during a White House ceremony. "They're pretty good-looking guys without all that.”
In short, Obama is an equal-opportunity flatterer, not a shallow, sexist pig. Calling people "good-looking" — men, women, Penguins — is just something he does. It's almost a tic at this point. He doesn't mean anything by it. " – http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/04/kama…
President Obama did not call the Attorney General to apologize for complimenting her, he apologized for any negative feedback, attention or backlash it may have caused her. In essence, he's apologizing for the small mindedness of the people in the Country he leads… I really don't see the big deal. As for complimenting a woman on social media- to each his own. However a thirst bucket can always be recognized by the way in which he gives a compliment and THAT is what is unwanted. A simple "Looking good Mel" would suffice over a "Damn Ma! You're fucking Gorgeous!" Especially if you see homegirl is already in a relationship… smh…
The more society continues to try to get to the impossible odyssey of equality, the more you discourage men for being men, women quality of life will get worse.
And what did Dave Chapelle say about Chivalry again?
You can compliment a woman. But there’s an appropriate time and place for certain compliments and you can compliment her on things other than her looks. For example at work you should stay away from complimenting a woman on her looks. The women in your office don’t need you to tell them their looking good today. Instead compliment her on something she might have helped you with inside the office or work related.
Also outside of the office, if you give me a compliment on my looks , I don’t owe you anymore than a thank you, I don’t have to take your number. It’s really not that hard guys I think men are just realizing that they need to watch what lines they cross and be more aware. I just being aware is too much of a burden for some guys.
Now as far as you complimenting your lady, that’s on you, I’m sure you know what lines to draw.
I will say that I think when men call women beautiful in some situations , it’s not always correlated to her looks. Sometimes it’s a wholistic thing like ” your a beautiful person”. I do think the Obama thing was over done, some feminist are really just looking for fame / a spotlight .
This is all that really needs to be said. Complimenting someone about their looks, even as something light hear ted, at the work place is unnecessary.
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You can’t compliment a woman these days because they love to compare. Last week I told a coworker she looked nice that day, she instantly asks what about usually. I told another she looked pretty without her glasses….didn’t wear them again. You compliment looks it somehow insults personality, you praise a light skinned woman the dark girl is offended. Like her body that mean her face ain’t all that. So perhaps WIM is correct to say it’s easier to not give any. If you have anything too nice to say, don’t say anything at all
Women just shouldn't be so sensitive….
Your (Tristan's) comment is a perfect example of compliments that just need responding of
"Ok, thanks!"
And keep moving and living.
I have noticed this but it applies to some men as well as some women.They get offended that a girl/boy they do not find attractive (or more attractive then themselves) is given a similar compliment by a person who complimented them as well.I know someone calling me cute, pretty, beautiful , stunning, whatever they want to call me does not make me the standard for that description you can find beauty in multiple people.
A couple things are messed up about this entire situation. To start it seems to be overlooked that President Obama and Kamala Harris are firends that have known each other personally for some time. She has also been a big supporter of his. So its not like this compliment came out of left field towards some stranger he just noticed for the first time. Its was a compliment paid to a good friend. I HIGHLY doubt she was at all bothered by it. Secondly, and I'm going to put my foot in it here, I do fully believe that the majority of women that are or have made a big deal about this are the same types of women who themselves receive no sincere compliments on their appearance. Rarely…actually almost never…have I met or encountered a woman show was upset because a man claimed that she is, without breakin it down to individual characteristics, the total package.
Sideeye it, straighteye it, eye it upside down….its still true lol. It was a comment from a personal friend. A comment that she apparently isn't even offended by so why is everyone else upset? I could MAYBE understand if he led with her physical appearance but he didn't. He started with her intelligence and achievement. Her appearance was just an added compliment, again, to a personal friend.
I didn't find anything wrong with the comment, BUT there is a time and place for everything. If you don't know that basic rule, then you are out of touch. It doesn't matter if she was offended or not, it is the environment (politics) in which they both work that dictate certain rules. Obama says that, and the next time a republican says something sexist, all they have to do is reference this debacle. It is politics.
Also, the comment about women that made a big deal about the issue. not receiving compliments themselves, was just tacky and pretty lame. You couldn't wait to resort to their looks to justify some preconceived notions you already had.
larnelw
on April 8, 2013 at 11:28 am
"Obama says that, and the next time a republican says something sexist, all they have to do is reference this debacle."
So what Obama said was sexist? Giving a friend a compliment is now sexiest? And when exactly is the right "time and place"? Because they weren't at or in any official business setting. They were at a FUNDRAISER. It was perfectly okay for Obama to break out into some Al Green at a fundraiser. That was considered sexy by women all over. But let him be at a fundraiser now and compliment a friend and now we are talking about "time and place"? Yeah okay.
And those aren't preconceived notions. They are stone cold facts based off of personal experiences. People who don't receive the same compliments are almost always the first (in some cases only) ones to complain.
Southerngyrl_
on April 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm
I didn't say what he said was sexist. I said that the one time that a republican makes a sexist remark, they will definitely refer back to this incident.
And yes, there IS a time and a place for everything. That is under basic rules of decorum. Most places DO have them. This isn't something that was created yesterday, but please, feel free to make all the compliments you want to your female (or male) coworkers.
Yes, they are preconceived notions and no they aren't "stone cold facts" if they are just based off of your limited personal experience. Unless you know every woman who has ever existed, this is your opinion. In fact, I would even say that you THINK that most of the women in your personal experience don't receive the same compliments. You probably have never asked them, just assumed. You don't know what type of compliments or comments a woman gets hit with on a daily basis, you're just going off of your preconceived notions. Just because you think those women may not be attractive enough to suit your tastes, does not mean that every one feels the same way.
larnelw
on April 8, 2013 at 1:23 pm
You completely glanced over my comment about the last fundraiser where Pres Obama choose to be less than 100% and break out into Al Green. He could've sung the entire song and no one would have complained. Do you agree or not? So why is it okay for him to be less than completely professional in that instance but not now? Seems that when his actions go out to all women its okay. But when he singles out one woman its a problem. Funny how that works.
And as for my "preconceived notions", are you telling me that we do not live in a society where men and women get upset to see their peers of the same sex get acknowledgment that they themselves don't receive? If all of us reading or commenting on this blog were to attend a social function and all the men focus their attention towards 1 or 2 women do you not believe that the remaining women would be in some way upset about it? How about this…is it not a real feeling that some women (some men too) feel that they have it hard enough competing against their peers based off of education, intelligence and experience without adding in attractiveness to just compound the problem? My "notions" are very real.
Southerngyrl_
on April 8, 2013 at 2:11 pm
1) Your comment wasn't in my thread.
2) Him singing Al Green is a completely different situation than the one we are discussing here. Apples and Pineapples. Yes, I said pineapples, that is how far away it is. Also, I probably know more dudes that like Al Green than women. FYI, I like Al Green, but I definitely wasn't swooning over the song.
3) I didn't say your notions weren't real to you, but that they were preconceived, which they are. You have this view that somehow women you view as unattractive, and don't get compliments, were somehow behind the backlash.
4)My issues were with what you considered "stone cold facts". I addressed those in the previous comment.
larnelw
on April 8, 2013 at 2:47 pm
My reference of him singing Al Green is to point out how while some seem to be talking about "time and place", it was alright for him to be less then "business" in that instance but not this one. That makes no sense to me. First what is the appropriate "time and place" to give a public compliment to a collegue and friend? Is not a fundraiser a venue where individuals can be a bit more relaxed in their demeanor and speech? Particularly when done in a tasteful manner?
Truth is I don't think there is ANY venue he could have said what he did publicly and not received any backlash. Seems in this society you can't acknowlege a woman's career AND her beauty in the same conversation. If you speak on one you apparently have to ignore the other.
larnelw
on April 8, 2013 at 2:47 pm
And we are going to have to simply disagree about the "attractive women" comment. My opinion stands there. I do not believe that the majority of women whom receive similar compliment, or acknowledge that they have or do use there attactiveness to their advantage career-wise, were at all bothered by Obama's comment. I believe its mostly those women who already had issue with such situations that are the ones most upset by it. You may not agree but thats my belief.
Southerngyrl_
on April 8, 2013 at 4:50 pm
Of course we disagree. You stated an opinion as fact and that never flies. Thanks for later admitting that it was your opinion though.
Also, compliments are subjective. Just because you think you're being positive, it may not be construed that way. It all depends on the person, culture, family, etc. You just never know. Which is why it is good to err on the side of caution. Or maybe get caught up in something crazy later.
Uncle Hugh, BP
on April 9, 2013 at 10:00 am
Southerngyrl_: "Just because you think you're being positive, it may not be construed that way. It all depends on the person, culture, family, etc. You just never know. Which is why it is good to err on the side of caution."
Which is why "It's Never OK to Compliment a Woman."
Southerngyrl_
on April 9, 2013 at 10:17 am
Do what you gotta do.
AfterMath
on April 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm
I'd say the difference between Al Green and this incident is that the Al Green singing had no actual subject of his singing. He wasn't eyeing some lady across the room singing the song, he was just singing it.
Its cool that this woman is his friend and whathavenot, but as many have said – time and place. Basically (a) a fundraiser is a business event (b) its not like this is something he just mentioned to her while they were walking across the room. He said it to the TV cameras, which kinda makes a big deal out of it.
I think its cool that she took it the way she did, because that makes it less of an issue (in this case), but the fact remains that these are the type of comments that women receive from their superiors on a daily basis in workplace environments with slight subtleties. The fact that Obama did it only encourages that behavior.
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AfterMath
on April 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm
I'd say the difference between Al Green and this incident is that the Al Green singing had no actual subject of his singing. He wasn't eyeing some lady across the room singing the song, he was just singing it.
Its cool that this woman is his friend and whathavenot, but as many have said – time and place. Basically (a) a fundraiser is a business event (b) its not like this is something he just mentioned to her while they were walking across the room. He said it to the TV cameras, which kinda makes a big deal out of it.
I think its cool that she took it the way she did, because that makes it less of an issue (in this case), but the fact remains that these are the type of comments that women receive from their superiors on a daily basis in workplace environments with slight subtleties. The fact that Obama did it only encourages that behavior.
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Kamum
on April 9, 2013 at 1:06 pm
Am a lady and I love compliments at work at home in the streets bring it on. This habit of political correctness needs to die….. She is good looking move on..
SMilez_920
on April 8, 2013 at 9:53 am
Rarely…actually almost never…have I met or encountered a woman show was upset because a man claimed that she is, without breakin it down to individual characteristics, the total package. —-> yes and no.
In this context I think people are upset because beauty or how pretty/beautiful you are has no effect on the work you can or can'tdo. I don't think Obama was trying to disrespect her or her talents by his compliment, I think he meant beautiful in a holistic way. Women have an everyday struggle in the work place when it comes to beauty and ability. I think Obama made an honest mistake, and I think some people are just focusing to hard on it.
Now in the casual sense (outside of the work place), I think your second point has some validity.
Keep in mind that his compliment didn't come at the "work place". He didn't say it during some swearing in or government appointment. He said it at a fundraiser. In what setting could he every publicly compliment any woman without it becoming something? He is seen as the President on duty 24/7.
Fundraiser was work related. And again just like we ask other public figures to watch their actions and what they say, the president is in the same boat. I don't think he meant any harm in the comment, so it's no biggie to me.
I don’t think the comment was sexist or trying to down play this woman’s accomplishments. It just is what it is sometimes.
larnelw
on April 8, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Any time Obama is in front of a camera it seems its considered work related. Its a extremely hypocritical world. Its okay to be less than professional so long as your actions are deemed appealing to enough people.
Larnelw, I actually agree with most of your post. People only see what the want to see and what the hear is almost always taken out of context. If Michelle doesnt have a problem with it why should America. I wouldnt mind if my s/o told a woman she was pretty (esp. if he was just being genuine).
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What was sad to me was that I never actually heard anything about Ms. Harris being offended, yet people felt the need to get all in their feelings about it. People need to get a grip, it was a simple compliment from one friend to another…
WIM: "With no exception, should you ever compliment a woman, on-line or off-line, whom is not directly related to you and of which has not specifically requested your feedback on her physical appearance – and said request must be in writing, Tweet, email, Facebook status update or other time-stamped digital medium and if verbally requested, one must transcribe the request onto manual documentation, which should be notarized and receive at least three signatures:"
It's really getting to that point.
I never heard about that Obama comment or the backlash. He had nothing to apologize for. If someone really thinks even for half a second that comment is an insult or objectifying, that person is emotionally incontinent and needs to seek counseling.
Fellas, you can pay a lady a compliment. I think the issue is dudes throw out compliments and are not mindful of the people their speaking to, the environment or situation. Now I’m not going to say there aren’t some women out there who can’t take a compliment, but in some scenarios it's was less about the woman taking the compliment and more about the man being mindful of how his words affect others.
1)Social Networks/IG: The majority of women know their men follow other half naked women online. Cool, you can like a pic, but be mindful of how you pay that compliment to another woman (respectful to her and your lady)
2)Work. Stay away from physical/beauty compliments. While we get comfortable w/ ppl lets remember this is a place of business. Now there’s nothing wrong w/ you look nice (to a coworker you’re cool with) but don’t go into detail (ex: you look better w/o glasses).
3)Fellas you can also compliment on things other than looks. Women have personality and brains too.
4)Ladies: If you want a variety of compliments, you have to have a variety of things on display. Don’t expect to get compliments on your personality/ brains if you don’t have any. Don’t expect to get compliments on your looks if you come outside looking look “who shot john”. (This doesn’t refer to the work place)
Smilez, I see what you’re going for but all these rules and regulation about the proper time, parameters and context for making something as simple as giving a compliment complicated is proving my point. Basically, for men, it’s not worth the headache. The far simpler solution is just to say nothing at all.
Also, as larnel notes below, men don’t have (or care) a list for “rules” on when and how women should compliment men. I’m starting to advocate for no one complimenting anyone.
As people keep talking about "time and place" I would like everyone to focus on the fact that the "time and place" in question was a fundraiser. I would also like people to remember how it was more than okay for the female populous to sexually objectify the President the last time he was at a fundraiser and decided to sing Al Green. Funny how "time and place" works when its in certain people's favors or interests
Jeffrey E Grimes
on June 19, 2018 at 2:34 pm
I’ve learned that they aren’t worth saying anything to the hard way. It only brings out a hatred that makes a woman uglier than Medusa herself.
Get off your pedestals, take the compliment and move on FFS, you arrogant foolish women.
cynicaloptmst81
on April 8, 2013 at 10:54 am
I am so not that insecure, lol. Somebody wake me up when Pres. Obama lies! Kamala IS the best looking attorney general in the country, assuming they're all mostly old white men, LOL!
This is an example of how one small group of complainers can make a huge, loud raucous…making it seem like its a big deal to more people than it actually is. And folks give in to the noise makers…pacifying them…which THEN alters how the MAJORITY conducts themselves.
If done tactfully and respectfully, compliments are welcomed and appreciated by me…when given to me or others (if I'm in a rela, just chill on ex's)…any time! 🙂
Its funny how some months ago when Pres Obama started singing an Al Green song wet panties started dropping around the nation like he just became a sex symbol. No one complainted about how sexy women suddenly thought it was. But let that man compliment a personal friend and it becomes national scandal. Since Pres Obama took office back in 2009 Michelle Obama has been the constant point of discussion on her beauty, physique and physical appearance. But that has always been alright even though she is in now way a fashion or fitness model. But Barack compliments a personal friend and its a big problem.
Sounds kind of hypocritical to me. Everyone in the word can compliment on their attractiveness or sex appeal but God forbid he makes any comment on anyone appearance. And people talk about "not in the work place". Well he is seen as President 24/7 AND it was at a fundraiser not the workplace. So basically the mentality is the President can never compliment any woman other than Michelle!?!?!
Keep in mind, larnelw, someone got offended (for whatever reason), therefore Obama is wrong and has to apologize to those that got offended (even though the comment wasn't about them, and the person it was about wasn't offended).
You are wrong. Obama was wrong. Someone, somewhere, in some way, thought it was $exist and objectifying and demeaning to women in general, therefore it is.
I expect that your formal written apology is forthcoming. <end sarcasm>
You are wrong as are those spineless pieces of jelly who call themselves "femeanists" they ought to apologize to us and repent of their evil thoughts before God and on the internet and in public as well or they will be on their way to hell for eternity because they and you think that he should have to answer to you and apologize for something he uttered that was inoffensive and trivial, You and everyone else here are the ones who are going to burn in hell for passing judgement on mens whistles,stares, and compliments. I can prove you wrong. it's self-contradictory and hypocritical to show the cleavage of your large breasts and then complain if someone gives a nice compliments about and your breasts and now its got to be a "crime"? What?
The fundraiser was work related. And when you’re a public figured you have to watch what you do and say while in public. Now do I personally think people are making way too big of a deal out of this YES. But maybe some say it as “the president was suppose to be complimenting her on being a great attorney general” her looks have nothing to do with her ability to do her job. Me personally I saw him complimenting her as a whole person so the comment (which I felt wasn’t inappropriate) seemed fine.
If you are in a position that the world is going to scrutinize everything you say, then maybe giving a compliment in public isnt the best idea.
But for us "normal" people giving a compliment is just that– giving a compliment. I know the difference between someone complimenting me with good intentions and someone complimenting me with good intentions on getting my phone number. Either way its flattering.
But yeah this whole thing is blown out of proportion.
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Initially, I felt the compliment was flattery. Lots of people make flattery a part of their speeches and it isn't given a second thought. I think the backlash he received for making the comment was unwarranted and pretty much made a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe he should not have complimented her, but if their dynamic as one of the other commenters described is that of a longstanding friendship, the compliment was taken out of context. It just isn't that serious!
On the other hand, I do know that receiving compliments from coworkers and bosses does make one feel uncomfortable especially when your colleagues/boss are ones that you aren't attracted to. It has made my job difficult at several places I've worked. If you're at work – err on the safe side and keep your compliments to yourself. Anywhere else is fine lol
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"Wait, women can still compliment right? We'll still just be thirsty hoes, right? Or have those rules changed too? "
Haven't seen a public outcry over a woman giving a man a compliment. So I'm going to go with it's still ok.
**Let the record show that the original commenter used the term [garden tools] , not I and I am in no way shape or form agreeing to that specific terminology in characherizing any gender, male or female woman. **
Honestly, it was a joke is mostly an online phenomenon. Every time you give a compliment you're either thirsty, or a lesbian, or a hoe. But like I said, it was a joke it's mostly online where people trip. http://www.flickr.com/photos/_menime_/8244864707/
Aww thanks! It's a pleasure e-meeting you as well 🙂
DrRDB
on April 8, 2013 at 1:23 pm
I think the heart of the matter that everyone's dancing around but no one is voicing is that we've decided as a society that women can do anything they want… as long as they look good doing it. Wanna sell magazines? Put a pretty girl on the cover. Wanna have someone greet your customers as they walk in to your restaurant or greet your clients before you see them, have a pretty hostess or secretary up front. We've all conformed to the fact that at some point it a man's looks won't hinder him from being judged on his qualifications. For women it always matters. Not just for secretaries and waitresses, go google some of the things that were said about Hilary Clinton when she was running for president in '08.
Women have a dual role in society: to function as a purposeful citizen and to be a piece of eye candy. And if you don't meet both ends of the agreement, then you don't count as highly. That goes for the lady trying to sell perfume as well as the lady running for president of the f*ckin United States of America. Which brings us to "the compliment". I said all of that to lay the groundwork for the simmering levels of resentment that women and feminists have, though I personally feel this is the wrong situation to vent about or make an example of. The president has been on record complimenting too many other people – both males and females – on their looks in a non-sexual, generally complimentary tone. So to make this a "sexist" issue is bad for the larger argument.
Thank you. That’s what I was getting at. I don't think his comment was an issue, but others took a mole hill and made it into a mountain. But it does lead into a larger conversation.
I do hope everyone read this comment and fully took it in. As a woman, you are told from quite a young age that the better you look, the better job opportunities you have. So your appearance affects everything in your life. When introducing famous women on tv or elsewhere, people always remember to mention that they are beautiful, stunning, or something equivalent. With men, it's more like well-established, acclaimed, respected etc. There is a huge difference. Men are judged by their achievements, women by their looks. And while I think Obama was misjudged (because he compliments both men and women), he is the exception.
Haaa @ the answer! I have no problem with President Obama’s comment, he commented on more than just Kamala’s physical appearance . To me as long as I am confident, compliments are not needed; however, if given I don’t get offended as long as they are respectful.
Now, a male giving a female a compliment about her physical appearance while in the presence of other females may cause problems for her and him due to jealousy from those other females. Really the same situation applies with a boss and their employees. As long as the compliment is respectful, forget what people say/their insecurities are and exercise your right to free speech.
This whole situation has been blown out of proportion, but that's to be expected. The man was doing what most politicians do when tasked with introducing a peer in a public setting: He kissed some @ss. Politicians compliment each other on various subjects, including appearance, in order to secure each other support. I personally thought his comment was quite tactful, the whole "best looking" comment at the end was obviously for humors sake. Interestingly enough, Obama has publicly called several men in his circle "attractive" on national television and no one batted an eye.
I don't buy into this whole "time and place" argument. It's pretty black and white in my mind. When a woman is attracted to the complimenter, there's no reason to feel like it was unnecessary or inappropriate. She says "thank you" and either keeps it pushing or his "you look nice today" turns into small talk. Only time I've ever witnessed it being a problem is when the complimenter isn't a dude she'd actually be interested in engaging attention from. Relating back to the Pres/Kamala Harris thing though, it just wasn't that deep.
But the flip side, some men don't know how to give a compliment and fall back. A compliment doesn't always equal an invitation to engage (IE: if she's/you're married or taken). It's like that scene from Hitch where he was teaching Kevin James about the 50/50 kissing thing. You don't go all the way. You go in just enough and let her meet you halfway.
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I think it boils down to being tactful and respectful when complimenting a woman. I mean we men are visual creatures so if someone is looking gorgeous, why not let it be known. I really don't see the big deal, plus who wouldn't, man or woman, would not like a compliment??
No matter what, somebody’s not going to be happy. I don’t compliment strangers at all, just head nod and keep it moving. Not worth the headache of dealing with somebody else’s internalized issues.
What is this world really coming too? Too much censorship taking place. There is always someone who will get up in arms over something.
Personally, I think President Obama made the remark as a lighthearted way to close out the accolades. It was in jest (imo). I'm sure it was a sincere compliment, but wasn't intended to at all be taken seriously. But of course there will be those who will find offense in any and everything. Soon speaking will be outlawed because everything is subject to interpretation.
Things have gone and continue to go too far. This mission for equality has taken on a very hideously mutated form. Soon it will be illegal to offer a simple salutation to a passerby who happens to be female. That is unless she initiates communication first, otherwise it is pedestrian harrassment. Only a matter of time.
It's unfortunate that one can never sincerely compliment a female, because: A) some will either take it as "he's trynna spit game", B) mix it and twist it up and suddenly its sexual harassment, or C) some are just so full of themselves they expect it, so when you do it not even a simple "thank you" in response. It's sad but true. I have been told that Southern women are better at it and more friendly than their counterparts from the North. True or no?
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If you ever plan on ejaculating into a woman, you should definitely get comfortable with complimenting women. Jeez! Who cares if you get someone who gets offended? On to the next. If you are not creepy or rude, you should be fine.
Think he had the "audacity" to compliment her? Its O.K. to compliment a lady, it should never be O.K. for women to bitch and complain about it when someone says something nice to them. Saying he has the the socalled "audacity" to call Webb beautiful means your a disgrace.
It does not have to be "difficult" to compliment a woman in public, unless your a "woman" who hasnt been taught manners then you are a disgrace to the human race, and your the one with the attitude problem. The womens socalled movement are the ones who should be apologizing before God and man for their deplorable behaviour to have the audacity to call our compliments and whistling, hassling? What? imaof. lolwut. Baruch you should not have apologized to "miss" Harris she should have apologized to you. Women should apologize on the internet and in public for their harassment of men who spoke innocent,inoffensive compliments and whistles they should have been thanked for. Satan told the American government to make compliments of breasts and cleavage and asses a socalled crime. Why does America,France,Germany,etc. except Canada "thinks" its a good idea to jail its own male citizens for complimenting it's female citizens bosoms,cleavages,rearends? Its OK for everyone on here to complain about something trivial Mussberger and Obama did, this is an imaginary crime you are trying to wrongfully persecute them for which shows you love Lucifer the Author of Confusion.
It is never permissible, ever, under any circumstances, even those described above, to compliment a woman on her looks. Never. As in, the set of all possible circumstances where it is justified to pay a woman a compliment about her looks is EMPTY.
Strangers. Dating. Married. Dying. Nothing.
If a woman needs to ask for a compliment, then she knows, you know, and we all know that the compliment is actually a weak attempt to keep the peace, or to mollify her sagging ego. If the woman is your wife, then all compliments paid to her are moved from the "male must want sex, disregard" list, into the "statements made under duress, disregard" list, and so its trustworthiness is immediately reduced to zero.
As soon as everyone understands this simple truth, the sooner we can progress as a society to phase 2, in which all comments of kind statements of any manner (whether related to looks or not) are immediately assumed to be innuendo for complements on looks, rendered suspicious and considered to be rude. Then, we can finally dispense will all compliments altogether and with luck, all other social interactions. Expressions of value will be limited purely to legal, functional, and productive behaviors in the market economy, and gestures of appreciation will be limited exclusively to monetary exchange. A pure, strict utilitarianism can then replace the flawed system of subjective evaluation.
Let us see why does Satan want you to think that its supposedly not “ok” to compliment a woman? And we are using Isaiah 29:21 as a excuse to harass men who compliment cashiers clothes and baristas cleavages and bosoms by wrongfully and disrespectfully calling it sexual hassling while the cashiers and baristas commit the real crime of harassment while the male customers do the time. Where is the justice in that? Why don’t cashiers in supermarkets go to hellish prisons for lying about men’s compliments? Satan and devils want you to commit the sin of ridiculing men’s whistling, staring and compliments. The Prince of Darkness wanted North America in 1976 to disrespect and vilify men in public who tell a waitress your breasts are pretty. God never told anyone throw a man’s ass in a cage if he says you have nice tits and cleavage. Don’t matter the context does not give you the right to demonize and criminalize millions of men over it while you get away with making up a lie and passing judgment. Donald Trump should abolish the sexual hassling law along with laws like the license law, etc. that steals peoples rights to be free away from them. Too bad that women today act like adolescents when their breasts and cleavages are complimented and think its perfectly ok to lie to their wicked and demonic governments to manipulate them into using a lie against men as a weapon. Keep calling it street hassling and God will send you to hell. Keep compliments of breasts and cleavages a “crime” and God will send all of you to hell. When lawless criminal cowards hiding behind badges banish male customers from malls and supermarkets till they are old and dead for a time period without a end that is how God is going to punish the police who are the scum of the earth. Satan and the devils will punish the police indefinitely in hell for committing the crime and sin of indefinitely banishing male customers from every Big Ly world ass market. Tell the cops that if they don’t repent and apologize for what they did to male customers they are going to hell. And then threatening them with jail if they return to malls and supermarkets is wrong. Making it illegal to be a customer just because of something as trivial, inoffensive and harmless as saying your bust is lovely is wrong. God is going to punish North America someday for how it has profanely used the bible as a excuse to commit such a atrocity against men. The bible said judge not lest ye be judged. When you call men’s whistling so-called street harassment and insults you are passing judgement and are listening to the Prince of Darkness. When you call someone staring at your breasts hassling you are listening to devils. When you childishly tattle to the cowards hiding behind badges just because of what a man said and you use the fact that he is a stranger as a excuse you have just became a false witness and lied and think you should not have to answer for what you did to a male customer when you insulted him by saying unkind and hurtful words like do you know that’s sexual “hassling”? I “feel” “disrespected”. God is going to pass judgement someday on baristas who say such unkind and hurtful things to male customers while the rude and disrespectful scumbag cops make them waste a good cup of iced coffee by pouring it in the garbage and disrespectfully harassing them by coercing them into apologizing for something stupid said about cleavage that is not even a actual bothersome insult. These evil thoughts all of y’all are having here is you guys listening to Satan and devils and showing how much all of you love them. Even Donald Trump loves imprisoning people as animals and refuses to abolish all our prisons. He should get rid of our army.
I am sorry that I decided to criminalize, vilify and demonize men who compliment ladies breasts and cleavages. It is women who should have been apprehended and jailed for lying to the government and me and for committing this atrocity and injustice against men. They should have said I am sorry for insulting you by mistaking your compliments for bothersome insults and for being so easily offended at something that I have no right to be offended at.
Should men be insulted and dishonored by malefactor police by having their compliments called “controversial” just because they complimented a few cashiers clothes? Is there any excuse for a supermarket manager to be taking a nonconsensual photograph of a male customer just because he compliments the cashiers without his knowledge and to wrongfully cast him out like Satan himself from all of their supermarkets that have the same name over something as ridiculous this? Why do supermarket managers get away with this for? How do they get away with disrespecting male customers like this anyway without being punished in a hellish prison themselves anyway
Isn’t it police harassment when a female cop rudely calls a male customers house who just went to a supermarket and wrongfully interrogates him and disrespects him by calling his compliments controversial when its not? This is something all cops in North America should have had their asses in jail for. They should have been serving life sentences for harassing people including at graveyards with littering tickets, nonconsensual photos taken of other peoples junk, yelling at them with a megaphone, snooping around in the woods and making a jail threat while using land owners permission as a excuse to justify their crime that they “think” should go unpunished while they punish those who have not polluted by their incompetence and mistakes. You see folks police who are the real malefactors always commit the crime while the rest of us innocent free people do the time. That is what Diallo’s parents are doing is a life sentence because of those impenitent devils wearing police uniforms.
LMAO!!
Actually, the two quotes are perfect examples of what you should and should not try. One person led with her non-physical first, the other made her attractiveness the entire conversation. Complimenting a woman is fine. Objectifying her is not. Also, this may be a bit of a maverick statement, but compliments CAN be on something other than looks.
like the Prince of the South Said…
"If I see her on the street, shawty, i don't know her"
#PeaceUp #ATownDown
For what it's worth, tho…
"Introducing HUD secretary Shaun Donovan last February, Obama declared, "There he is, the good-looking guy in the front here."
At a speech last March, Obama pointed out his secretary of the Interior, Ken Salazar, by calling him "a good-looking guy.”
A couple of months ago, Obama gave a shout-out to the "outstanding Secretary of the Navy," Ray Mabus. "There he is right there — the good-looking guy over at the end."
Obama even extended his favorite compliment to the Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins. "I have to say all of you look pretty good without your playoff beards," Obama said during a White House ceremony. "They're pretty good-looking guys without all that.”
In short, Obama is an equal-opportunity flatterer, not a shallow, sexist pig. Calling people "good-looking" — men, women, Penguins — is just something he does. It's almost a tic at this point. He doesn't mean anything by it. " – http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/04/kama…
President Obama did not call the Attorney General to apologize for complimenting her, he apologized for any negative feedback, attention or backlash it may have caused her. In essence, he's apologizing for the small mindedness of the people in the Country he leads… I really don't see the big deal. As for complimenting a woman on social media- to each his own. However a thirst bucket can always be recognized by the way in which he gives a compliment and THAT is what is unwanted. A simple "Looking good Mel" would suffice over a "Damn Ma! You're fucking Gorgeous!" Especially if you see homegirl is already in a relationship… smh…
The more society continues to try to get to the impossible odyssey of equality, the more you discourage men for being men, women quality of life will get worse.
And what did Dave Chapelle say about Chivalry again?
Great post. Compliments are not welcome!
You can compliment a woman. But there’s an appropriate time and place for certain compliments and you can compliment her on things other than her looks. For example at work you should stay away from complimenting a woman on her looks. The women in your office don’t need you to tell them their looking good today. Instead compliment her on something she might have helped you with inside the office or work related.
Also outside of the office, if you give me a compliment on my looks , I don’t owe you anymore than a thank you, I don’t have to take your number. It’s really not that hard guys I think men are just realizing that they need to watch what lines they cross and be more aware. I just being aware is too much of a burden for some guys.
Now as far as you complimenting your lady, that’s on you, I’m sure you know what lines to draw.
I will say that I think when men call women beautiful in some situations , it’s not always correlated to her looks. Sometimes it’s a wholistic thing like ” your a beautiful person”. I do think the Obama thing was over done, some feminist are really just looking for fame / a spotlight .
This is all that really needs to be said. Complimenting someone about their looks, even as something light hear ted, at the work place is unnecessary.
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Would you classify a fundraiser as "work place"?
You can’t compliment a woman these days because they love to compare. Last week I told a coworker she looked nice that day, she instantly asks what about usually. I told another she looked pretty without her glasses….didn’t wear them again. You compliment looks it somehow insults personality, you praise a light skinned woman the dark girl is offended. Like her body that mean her face ain’t all that. So perhaps WIM is correct to say it’s easier to not give any. If you have anything too nice to say, don’t say anything at all
+1
This guy gets it.
#TristanBeKnowing
Women just shouldn't be so sensitive….
Your (Tristan's) comment is a perfect example of compliments that just need responding of
"Ok, thanks!"
And keep moving and living.
I have noticed this but it applies to some men as well as some women.They get offended that a girl/boy they do not find attractive (or more attractive then themselves) is given a similar compliment by a person who complimented them as well.I know someone calling me cute, pretty, beautiful , stunning, whatever they want to call me does not make me the standard for that description you can find beauty in multiple people.
A couple things are messed up about this entire situation. To start it seems to be overlooked that President Obama and Kamala Harris are firends that have known each other personally for some time. She has also been a big supporter of his. So its not like this compliment came out of left field towards some stranger he just noticed for the first time. Its was a compliment paid to a good friend. I HIGHLY doubt she was at all bothered by it. Secondly, and I'm going to put my foot in it here, I do fully believe that the majority of women that are or have made a big deal about this are the same types of women who themselves receive no sincere compliments on their appearance. Rarely…actually almost never…have I met or encountered a woman show was upset because a man claimed that she is, without breakin it down to individual characteristics, the total package.
side eyeing your entire comment dude
Sideeye it, straighteye it, eye it upside down….its still true lol. It was a comment from a personal friend. A comment that she apparently isn't even offended by so why is everyone else upset? I could MAYBE understand if he led with her physical appearance but he didn't. He started with her intelligence and achievement. Her appearance was just an added compliment, again, to a personal friend.
I didn't find anything wrong with the comment, BUT there is a time and place for everything. If you don't know that basic rule, then you are out of touch. It doesn't matter if she was offended or not, it is the environment (politics) in which they both work that dictate certain rules. Obama says that, and the next time a republican says something sexist, all they have to do is reference this debacle. It is politics.
Also, the comment about women that made a big deal about the issue. not receiving compliments themselves, was just tacky and pretty lame. You couldn't wait to resort to their looks to justify some preconceived notions you already had.
"Obama says that, and the next time a republican says something sexist, all they have to do is reference this debacle."
So what Obama said was sexist? Giving a friend a compliment is now sexiest? And when exactly is the right "time and place"? Because they weren't at or in any official business setting. They were at a FUNDRAISER. It was perfectly okay for Obama to break out into some Al Green at a fundraiser. That was considered sexy by women all over. But let him be at a fundraiser now and compliment a friend and now we are talking about "time and place"? Yeah okay.
And those aren't preconceived notions. They are stone cold facts based off of personal experiences. People who don't receive the same compliments are almost always the first (in some cases only) ones to complain.
I didn't say what he said was sexist. I said that the one time that a republican makes a sexist remark, they will definitely refer back to this incident.
And yes, there IS a time and a place for everything. That is under basic rules of decorum. Most places DO have them. This isn't something that was created yesterday, but please, feel free to make all the compliments you want to your female (or male) coworkers.
Yes, they are preconceived notions and no they aren't "stone cold facts" if they are just based off of your limited personal experience. Unless you know every woman who has ever existed, this is your opinion. In fact, I would even say that you THINK that most of the women in your personal experience don't receive the same compliments. You probably have never asked them, just assumed. You don't know what type of compliments or comments a woman gets hit with on a daily basis, you're just going off of your preconceived notions. Just because you think those women may not be attractive enough to suit your tastes, does not mean that every one feels the same way.
You completely glanced over my comment about the last fundraiser where Pres Obama choose to be less than 100% and break out into Al Green. He could've sung the entire song and no one would have complained. Do you agree or not? So why is it okay for him to be less than completely professional in that instance but not now? Seems that when his actions go out to all women its okay. But when he singles out one woman its a problem. Funny how that works.
And as for my "preconceived notions", are you telling me that we do not live in a society where men and women get upset to see their peers of the same sex get acknowledgment that they themselves don't receive? If all of us reading or commenting on this blog were to attend a social function and all the men focus their attention towards 1 or 2 women do you not believe that the remaining women would be in some way upset about it? How about this…is it not a real feeling that some women (some men too) feel that they have it hard enough competing against their peers based off of education, intelligence and experience without adding in attractiveness to just compound the problem? My "notions" are very real.
1) Your comment wasn't in my thread.
2) Him singing Al Green is a completely different situation than the one we are discussing here. Apples and Pineapples. Yes, I said pineapples, that is how far away it is. Also, I probably know more dudes that like Al Green than women. FYI, I like Al Green, but I definitely wasn't swooning over the song.
3) I didn't say your notions weren't real to you, but that they were preconceived, which they are. You have this view that somehow women you view as unattractive, and don't get compliments, were somehow behind the backlash.
4)My issues were with what you considered "stone cold facts". I addressed those in the previous comment.
My reference of him singing Al Green is to point out how while some seem to be talking about "time and place", it was alright for him to be less then "business" in that instance but not this one. That makes no sense to me. First what is the appropriate "time and place" to give a public compliment to a collegue and friend? Is not a fundraiser a venue where individuals can be a bit more relaxed in their demeanor and speech? Particularly when done in a tasteful manner?
Truth is I don't think there is ANY venue he could have said what he did publicly and not received any backlash. Seems in this society you can't acknowlege a woman's career AND her beauty in the same conversation. If you speak on one you apparently have to ignore the other.
And we are going to have to simply disagree about the "attractive women" comment. My opinion stands there. I do not believe that the majority of women whom receive similar compliment, or acknowledge that they have or do use there attactiveness to their advantage career-wise, were at all bothered by Obama's comment. I believe its mostly those women who already had issue with such situations that are the ones most upset by it. You may not agree but thats my belief.
Of course we disagree. You stated an opinion as fact and that never flies. Thanks for later admitting that it was your opinion though.
Also, compliments are subjective. Just because you think you're being positive, it may not be construed that way. It all depends on the person, culture, family, etc. You just never know. Which is why it is good to err on the side of caution. Or maybe get caught up in something crazy later.
Southerngyrl_: "Just because you think you're being positive, it may not be construed that way. It all depends on the person, culture, family, etc. You just never know. Which is why it is good to err on the side of caution."
Which is why "It's Never OK to Compliment a Woman."
Do what you gotta do.
I'd say the difference between Al Green and this incident is that the Al Green singing had no actual subject of his singing. He wasn't eyeing some lady across the room singing the song, he was just singing it.
Its cool that this woman is his friend and whathavenot, but as many have said – time and place. Basically (a) a fundraiser is a business event (b) its not like this is something he just mentioned to her while they were walking across the room. He said it to the TV cameras, which kinda makes a big deal out of it.
I think its cool that she took it the way she did, because that makes it less of an issue (in this case), but the fact remains that these are the type of comments that women receive from their superiors on a daily basis in workplace environments with slight subtleties. The fact that Obama did it only encourages that behavior.
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I'd say the difference between Al Green and this incident is that the Al Green singing had no actual subject of his singing. He wasn't eyeing some lady across the room singing the song, he was just singing it.
Its cool that this woman is his friend and whathavenot, but as many have said – time and place. Basically (a) a fundraiser is a business event (b) its not like this is something he just mentioned to her while they were walking across the room. He said it to the TV cameras, which kinda makes a big deal out of it.
I think its cool that she took it the way she did, because that makes it less of an issue (in this case), but the fact remains that these are the type of comments that women receive from their superiors on a daily basis in workplace environments with slight subtleties. The fact that Obama did it only encourages that behavior.
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Am a lady and I love compliments at work at home in the streets bring it on. This habit of political correctness needs to die….. She is good looking move on..
Rarely…actually almost never…have I met or encountered a woman show was upset because a man claimed that she is, without breakin it down to individual characteristics, the total package. —-> yes and no.
In this context I think people are upset because beauty or how pretty/beautiful you are has no effect on the work you can or can'tdo. I don't think Obama was trying to disrespect her or her talents by his compliment, I think he meant beautiful in a holistic way. Women have an everyday struggle in the work place when it comes to beauty and ability. I think Obama made an honest mistake, and I think some people are just focusing to hard on it.
Now in the casual sense (outside of the work place), I think your second point has some validity.
Keep in mind that his compliment didn't come at the "work place". He didn't say it during some swearing in or government appointment. He said it at a fundraiser. In what setting could he every publicly compliment any woman without it becoming something? He is seen as the President on duty 24/7.
Fundraiser was work related. And again just like we ask other public figures to watch their actions and what they say, the president is in the same boat. I don't think he meant any harm in the comment, so it's no biggie to me.
I don’t think the comment was sexist or trying to down play this woman’s accomplishments. It just is what it is sometimes.
Any time Obama is in front of a camera it seems its considered work related. Its a extremely hypocritical world. Its okay to be less than professional so long as your actions are deemed appealing to enough people.
Larnelw, I actually agree with most of your post. People only see what the want to see and what the hear is almost always taken out of context. If Michelle doesnt have a problem with it why should America. I wouldnt mind if my s/o told a woman she was pretty (esp. if he was just being genuine).
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LOL! I was just fina type maybe all the ugly attorney generals are reallllyyy mad. Heh.
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What was sad to me was that I never actually heard anything about Ms. Harris being offended, yet people felt the need to get all in their feelings about it. People need to get a grip, it was a simple compliment from one friend to another…
Slayed by the second page of this post. Nice add. lol.
I didn't know about this story with the prez beforehand, but I'm not surprised some people made a big deal about it. He even caught flack for calling his own daughters beautiful. Let the homely of the world unite I guess.
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WIM: "With no exception, should you ever compliment a woman, on-line or off-line, whom is not directly related to you and of which has not specifically requested your feedback on her physical appearance – and said request must be in writing, Tweet, email, Facebook status update or other time-stamped digital medium and if verbally requested, one must transcribe the request onto manual documentation, which should be notarized and receive at least three signatures:"
It's really getting to that point.
I never heard about that Obama comment or the backlash. He had nothing to apologize for. If someone really thinks even for half a second that comment is an insult or objectifying, that person is emotionally incontinent and needs to seek counseling.
Fellas, you can pay a lady a compliment. I think the issue is dudes throw out compliments and are not mindful of the people their speaking to, the environment or situation. Now I’m not going to say there aren’t some women out there who can’t take a compliment, but in some scenarios it's was less about the woman taking the compliment and more about the man being mindful of how his words affect others.
1)Social Networks/IG: The majority of women know their men follow other half naked women online. Cool, you can like a pic, but be mindful of how you pay that compliment to another woman (respectful to her and your lady)
2)Work. Stay away from physical/beauty compliments. While we get comfortable w/ ppl lets remember this is a place of business. Now there’s nothing wrong w/ you look nice (to a coworker you’re cool with) but don’t go into detail (ex: you look better w/o glasses).
3)Fellas you can also compliment on things other than looks. Women have personality and brains too.
4)Ladies: If you want a variety of compliments, you have to have a variety of things on display. Don’t expect to get compliments on your personality/ brains if you don’t have any. Don’t expect to get compliments on your looks if you come outside looking look “who shot john”. (This doesn’t refer to the work place)
Smilez, I see what you’re going for but all these rules and regulation about the proper time, parameters and context for making something as simple as giving a compliment complicated is proving my point. Basically, for men, it’s not worth the headache. The far simpler solution is just to say nothing at all.
Also, as larnel notes below, men don’t have (or care) a list for “rules” on when and how women should compliment men. I’m starting to advocate for no one complimenting anyone.
As people keep talking about "time and place" I would like everyone to focus on the fact that the "time and place" in question was a fundraiser. I would also like people to remember how it was more than okay for the female populous to sexually objectify the President the last time he was at a fundraiser and decided to sing Al Green. Funny how "time and place" works when its in certain people's favors or interests
I’ve learned that they aren’t worth saying anything to the hard way. It only brings out a hatred that makes a woman uglier than Medusa herself.
Get off your pedestals, take the compliment and move on FFS, you arrogant foolish women.
I am so not that insecure, lol. Somebody wake me up when Pres. Obama lies! Kamala IS the best looking attorney general in the country, assuming they're all mostly old white men, LOL!
This is an example of how one small group of complainers can make a huge, loud raucous…making it seem like its a big deal to more people than it actually is. And folks give in to the noise makers…pacifying them…which THEN alters how the MAJORITY conducts themselves.
If done tactfully and respectfully, compliments are welcomed and appreciated by me…when given to me or others (if I'm in a rela, just chill on ex's)…any time! 🙂
I like the way you think, girl 😉
Its funny how some months ago when Pres Obama started singing an Al Green song wet panties started dropping around the nation like he just became a sex symbol. No one complainted about how sexy women suddenly thought it was. But let that man compliment a personal friend and it becomes national scandal. Since Pres Obama took office back in 2009 Michelle Obama has been the constant point of discussion on her beauty, physique and physical appearance. But that has always been alright even though she is in now way a fashion or fitness model. But Barack compliments a personal friend and its a big problem.
Sounds kind of hypocritical to me. Everyone in the word can compliment on their attractiveness or sex appeal but God forbid he makes any comment on anyone appearance. And people talk about "not in the work place". Well he is seen as President 24/7 AND it was at a fundraiser not the workplace. So basically the mentality is the President can never compliment any woman other than Michelle!?!?!
Keep in mind, larnelw, someone got offended (for whatever reason), therefore Obama is wrong and has to apologize to those that got offended (even though the comment wasn't about them, and the person it was about wasn't offended).
You are wrong. Obama was wrong. Someone, somewhere, in some way, thought it was $exist and objectifying and demeaning to women in general, therefore it is.
I expect that your formal written apology is forthcoming. <end sarcasm>
You are wrong as are those spineless pieces of jelly who call themselves "femeanists" they ought to apologize to us and repent of their evil thoughts before God and on the internet and in public as well or they will be on their way to hell for eternity because they and you think that he should have to answer to you and apologize for something he uttered that was inoffensive and trivial, You and everyone else here are the ones who are going to burn in hell for passing judgement on mens whistles,stares, and compliments. I can prove you wrong. it's self-contradictory and hypocritical to show the cleavage of your large breasts and then complain if someone gives a nice compliments about and your breasts and now its got to be a "crime"? What?
The fundraiser was work related. And when you’re a public figured you have to watch what you do and say while in public. Now do I personally think people are making way too big of a deal out of this YES. But maybe some say it as “the president was suppose to be complimenting her on being a great attorney general” her looks have nothing to do with her ability to do her job. Me personally I saw him complimenting her as a whole person so the comment (which I felt wasn’t inappropriate) seemed fine.
I love compliments. please tell me, I appreciate it!
sorry, i can't. i don't want to be talked about on MSNBC. 🙁
If you are in a position that the world is going to scrutinize everything you say, then maybe giving a compliment in public isnt the best idea.
But for us "normal" people giving a compliment is just that– giving a compliment. I know the difference between someone complimenting me with good intentions and someone complimenting me with good intentions on getting my phone number. Either way its flattering.
But yeah this whole thing is blown out of proportion.
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Michelle called Barack a sex symbol the other day and nobody said shit.
I agree with most of everyone's assessment of the comments and my thoughts are summarized best here:
http://thegrio.com/2013/04/05/in-defense-of-barac…
Welp, guess it's better safe than sorry in this the year of our lord 2013.
Initially, I felt the compliment was flattery. Lots of people make flattery a part of their speeches and it isn't given a second thought. I think the backlash he received for making the comment was unwarranted and pretty much made a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe he should not have complimented her, but if their dynamic as one of the other commenters described is that of a longstanding friendship, the compliment was taken out of context. It just isn't that serious!
On the other hand, I do know that receiving compliments from coworkers and bosses does make one feel uncomfortable especially when your colleagues/boss are ones that you aren't attracted to. It has made my job difficult at several places I've worked. If you're at work – err on the safe side and keep your compliments to yourself. Anywhere else is fine lol
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LOL, excellent use of the two page blog! LOL Flawless execution!
*holds up a 10*
Wait, women can still compliment right? We'll still just be thirsty hoes, right? Or have those rules changed too?
"Wait, women can still compliment right? We'll still just be thirsty hoes, right? Or have those rules changed too? "
Haven't seen a public outcry over a woman giving a man a compliment. So I'm going to go with it's still ok.
**Let the record show that the original commenter used the term [garden tools] , not I and I am in no way shape or form agreeing to that specific terminology in characherizing any gender, male or
femalewoman. **Honestly, it
was a jokeis mostly an online phenomenon. Every time you give a compliment you're either thirsty, or a lesbian, or a hoe. But like I said,it was a jokeit's mostly online where people trip.http://www.flickr.com/photos/_menime_/8244864707/
Oh, I most certainly assumed it was a joke…hence the joke back 🙂 Nice link, ta ha ha
Furthermore, can women still compliment other women? Because I do it all the time.
@starita34 You have pretty hands! 🙂
Well thank you slimmycakez, that was very sweet of you.
You're quite a beauty yourself! I've never had the pleasure of seeing you before, nice to e-meet you *head nod*
Aww thanks! It's a pleasure e-meeting you as well 🙂
I think the heart of the matter that everyone's dancing around but no one is voicing is that we've decided as a society that women can do anything they want… as long as they look good doing it. Wanna sell magazines? Put a pretty girl on the cover. Wanna have someone greet your customers as they walk in to your restaurant or greet your clients before you see them, have a pretty hostess or secretary up front. We've all conformed to the fact that at some point it a man's looks won't hinder him from being judged on his qualifications. For women it always matters. Not just for secretaries and waitresses, go google some of the things that were said about Hilary Clinton when she was running for president in '08.
Women have a dual role in society: to function as a purposeful citizen and to be a piece of eye candy. And if you don't meet both ends of the agreement, then you don't count as highly. That goes for the lady trying to sell perfume as well as the lady running for president of the f*ckin United States of America. Which brings us to "the compliment". I said all of that to lay the groundwork for the simmering levels of resentment that women and feminists have, though I personally feel this is the wrong situation to vent about or make an example of. The president has been on record complimenting too many other people – both males and females – on their looks in a non-sexual, generally complimentary tone. So to make this a "sexist" issue is bad for the larger argument.
Thank you. That’s what I was getting at. I don't think his comment was an issue, but others took a mole hill and made it into a mountain. But it does lead into a larger conversation.
I do hope everyone read this comment and fully took it in. As a woman, you are told from quite a young age that the better you look, the better job opportunities you have. So your appearance affects everything in your life. When introducing famous women on tv or elsewhere, people always remember to mention that they are beautiful, stunning, or something equivalent. With men, it's more like well-established, acclaimed, respected etc. There is a huge difference. Men are judged by their achievements, women by their looks. And while I think Obama was misjudged (because he compliments both men and women), he is the exception.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit… I'm'a compliment a woman. Respectfully of course.
And then… Kamala Harris is FOINE.
So ha.
Haaa @ the answer! I have no problem with President Obama’s comment, he commented on more than just Kamala’s physical appearance . To me as long as I am confident, compliments are not needed; however, if given I don’t get offended as long as they are respectful.
Now, a male giving a female a compliment about her physical appearance while in the presence of other females may cause problems for her and him due to jealousy from those other females. Really the same situation applies with a boss and their employees. As long as the compliment is respectful, forget what people say/their insecurities are and exercise your right to free speech.
Fellas, let me break down appropriate "time and place"
At the office… if she thinks you are decent non-threatening guy but no potential love interest "decent time and place"
At the office… if she can't stand your guts and think you are a creep "wrong time and place"
At the office… if you are a totally unattractive person……."wrong time and place"
At the office… If she crushing on you…. "GREAT time and place"
At the office… if she crushing on you, but you gave a compliment to that B*#@& in accounting the next day… retroactive "HORRIBLE Time and Place"
I see I wasn't the only one that read WIM's post and thought of the Tom Brady SNL skit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBVuAGFcGKY
Yassssss! I was just going ot look for this!!
I shoulda know Hugh Jazz, Butcher Pimp would anticipate my needs…
You know I got you Star!
Funny thing was.. I never saw that skit until you posted it lol..Maybe I have a future in comedic writing…
lol. Wordlife to non-threatening though. So much relevance to so many situations.
Agreed. It all boils down to how attractive the recipient finds the complimenter/ person who is interested.
Mr. SoBo
My recent post She Really Came Out The House With That?! Women’s Fashions That Turn Men Off
I think its "ok", but my guy stays complimenting me and its just weird.
I think women are just trained to be modest.
This whole situation has been blown out of proportion, but that's to be expected. The man was doing what most politicians do when tasked with introducing a peer in a public setting: He kissed some @ss. Politicians compliment each other on various subjects, including appearance, in order to secure each other support. I personally thought his comment was quite tactful, the whole "best looking" comment at the end was obviously for humors sake. Interestingly enough, Obama has publicly called several men in his circle "attractive" on national television and no one batted an eye.
I don't buy into this whole "time and place" argument. It's pretty black and white in my mind. When a woman is attracted to the complimenter, there's no reason to feel like it was unnecessary or inappropriate. She says "thank you" and either keeps it pushing or his "you look nice today" turns into small talk. Only time I've ever witnessed it being a problem is when the complimenter isn't a dude she'd actually be interested in engaging attention from. Relating back to the Pres/Kamala Harris thing though, it just wasn't that deep.
But the flip side, some men don't know how to give a compliment and fall back. A compliment doesn't always equal an invitation to engage (IE: if she's/you're married or taken). It's like that scene from Hitch where he was teaching Kevin James about the 50/50 kissing thing. You don't go all the way. You go in just enough and let her meet you halfway.
My recent post With Love, You Always Have a Choice: Love and The Commitment of Change (Part 2)
I think it boils down to being tactful and respectful when complimenting a woman. I mean we men are visual creatures so if someone is looking gorgeous, why not let it be known. I really don't see the big deal, plus who wouldn't, man or woman, would not like a compliment??
P.S. Ms. Harris is FINE though!!!!
No matter what, somebody’s not going to be happy. I don’t compliment strangers at all, just head nod and keep it moving. Not worth the headache of dealing with somebody else’s internalized issues.
What is this world really coming too? Too much censorship taking place. There is always someone who will get up in arms over something.
Personally, I think President Obama made the remark as a lighthearted way to close out the accolades. It was in jest (imo). I'm sure it was a sincere compliment, but wasn't intended to at all be taken seriously. But of course there will be those who will find offense in any and everything. Soon speaking will be outlawed because everything is subject to interpretation.
Things have gone and continue to go too far. This mission for equality has taken on a very hideously mutated form. Soon it will be illegal to offer a simple salutation to a passerby who happens to be female. That is unless she initiates communication first, otherwise it is pedestrian harrassment. Only a matter of time.
Mr. SoBo
OpinionatedMale.com
My recent post She Really Came Out The House With That?! Women’s Fashions That Turn Men Off
It's unfortunate that one can never sincerely compliment a female, because: A) some will either take it as "he's trynna spit game", B) mix it and twist it up and suddenly its sexual harassment, or C) some are just so full of themselves they expect it, so when you do it not even a simple "thank you" in response. It's sad but true. I have been told that Southern women are better at it and more friendly than their counterparts from the North. True or no?
My recent post She Really Came Out The House With That?! Women’s Fashions That Turn Men Off
If you ever plan on ejaculating into a woman, you should definitely get comfortable with complimenting women. Jeez! Who cares if you get someone who gets offended? On to the next. If you are not creepy or rude, you should be fine.
Think he had the "audacity" to compliment her? Its O.K. to compliment a lady, it should never be O.K. for women to bitch and complain about it when someone says something nice to them. Saying he has the the socalled "audacity" to call Webb beautiful means your a disgrace.
It does not have to be "difficult" to compliment a woman in public, unless your a "woman" who hasnt been taught manners then you are a disgrace to the human race, and your the one with the attitude problem. The womens socalled movement are the ones who should be apologizing before God and man for their deplorable behaviour to have the audacity to call our compliments and whistling, hassling? What? imaof. lolwut. Baruch you should not have apologized to "miss" Harris she should have apologized to you. Women should apologize on the internet and in public for their harassment of men who spoke innocent,inoffensive compliments and whistles they should have been thanked for. Satan told the American government to make compliments of breasts and cleavage and asses a socalled crime. Why does America,France,Germany,etc. except Canada "thinks" its a good idea to jail its own male citizens for complimenting it's female citizens bosoms,cleavages,rearends? Its OK for everyone on here to complain about something trivial Mussberger and Obama did, this is an imaginary crime you are trying to wrongfully persecute them for which shows you love Lucifer the Author of Confusion.
It is never permissible, ever, under any circumstances, even those described above, to compliment a woman on her looks. Never. As in, the set of all possible circumstances where it is justified to pay a woman a compliment about her looks is EMPTY.
Strangers. Dating. Married. Dying. Nothing.
If a woman needs to ask for a compliment, then she knows, you know, and we all know that the compliment is actually a weak attempt to keep the peace, or to mollify her sagging ego. If the woman is your wife, then all compliments paid to her are moved from the "male must want sex, disregard" list, into the "statements made under duress, disregard" list, and so its trustworthiness is immediately reduced to zero.
As soon as everyone understands this simple truth, the sooner we can progress as a society to phase 2, in which all comments of kind statements of any manner (whether related to looks or not) are immediately assumed to be innuendo for complements on looks, rendered suspicious and considered to be rude. Then, we can finally dispense will all compliments altogether and with luck, all other social interactions. Expressions of value will be limited purely to legal, functional, and productive behaviors in the market economy, and gestures of appreciation will be limited exclusively to monetary exchange. A pure, strict utilitarianism can then replace the flawed system of subjective evaluation.
Let us see why does Satan want you to think that its supposedly not “ok” to compliment a woman? And we are using Isaiah 29:21 as a excuse to harass men who compliment cashiers clothes and baristas cleavages and bosoms by wrongfully and disrespectfully calling it sexual hassling while the cashiers and baristas commit the real crime of harassment while the male customers do the time. Where is the justice in that? Why don’t cashiers in supermarkets go to hellish prisons for lying about men’s compliments? Satan and devils want you to commit the sin of ridiculing men’s whistling, staring and compliments. The Prince of Darkness wanted North America in 1976 to disrespect and vilify men in public who tell a waitress your breasts are pretty. God never told anyone throw a man’s ass in a cage if he says you have nice tits and cleavage. Don’t matter the context does not give you the right to demonize and criminalize millions of men over it while you get away with making up a lie and passing judgment. Donald Trump should abolish the sexual hassling law along with laws like the license law, etc. that steals peoples rights to be free away from them. Too bad that women today act like adolescents when their breasts and cleavages are complimented and think its perfectly ok to lie to their wicked and demonic governments to manipulate them into using a lie against men as a weapon. Keep calling it street hassling and God will send you to hell. Keep compliments of breasts and cleavages a “crime” and God will send all of you to hell. When lawless criminal cowards hiding behind badges banish male customers from malls and supermarkets till they are old and dead for a time period without a end that is how God is going to punish the police who are the scum of the earth. Satan and the devils will punish the police indefinitely in hell for committing the crime and sin of indefinitely banishing male customers from every Big Ly world ass market. Tell the cops that if they don’t repent and apologize for what they did to male customers they are going to hell. And then threatening them with jail if they return to malls and supermarkets is wrong. Making it illegal to be a customer just because of something as trivial, inoffensive and harmless as saying your bust is lovely is wrong. God is going to punish North America someday for how it has profanely used the bible as a excuse to commit such a atrocity against men. The bible said judge not lest ye be judged. When you call men’s whistling so-called street harassment and insults you are passing judgement and are listening to the Prince of Darkness. When you call someone staring at your breasts hassling you are listening to devils. When you childishly tattle to the cowards hiding behind badges just because of what a man said and you use the fact that he is a stranger as a excuse you have just became a false witness and lied and think you should not have to answer for what you did to a male customer when you insulted him by saying unkind and hurtful words like do you know that’s sexual “hassling”? I “feel” “disrespected”. God is going to pass judgement someday on baristas who say such unkind and hurtful things to male customers while the rude and disrespectful scumbag cops make them waste a good cup of iced coffee by pouring it in the garbage and disrespectfully harassing them by coercing them into apologizing for something stupid said about cleavage that is not even a actual bothersome insult. These evil thoughts all of y’all are having here is you guys listening to Satan and devils and showing how much all of you love them. Even Donald Trump loves imprisoning people as animals and refuses to abolish all our prisons. He should get rid of our army.
I am sorry that I decided to criminalize, vilify and demonize men who compliment ladies breasts and cleavages. It is women who should have been apprehended and jailed for lying to the government and me and for committing this atrocity and injustice against men. They should have said I am sorry for insulting you by mistaking your compliments for bothersome insults and for being so easily offended at something that I have no right to be offended at.
I am so sorry that I said rude and disrespectful words to you after you complimented my cleavage while I was working as a barista.
Should men be insulted and dishonored by malefactor police by having their compliments called “controversial” just because they complimented a few cashiers clothes? Is there any excuse for a supermarket manager to be taking a nonconsensual photograph of a male customer just because he compliments the cashiers without his knowledge and to wrongfully cast him out like Satan himself from all of their supermarkets that have the same name over something as ridiculous this? Why do supermarket managers get away with this for? How do they get away with disrespecting male customers like this anyway without being punished in a hellish prison themselves anyway
Isn’t it police harassment when a female cop rudely calls a male customers house who just went to a supermarket and wrongfully interrogates him and disrespects him by calling his compliments controversial when its not? This is something all cops in North America should have had their asses in jail for. They should have been serving life sentences for harassing people including at graveyards with littering tickets, nonconsensual photos taken of other peoples junk, yelling at them with a megaphone, snooping around in the woods and making a jail threat while using land owners permission as a excuse to justify their crime that they “think” should go unpunished while they punish those who have not polluted by their incompetence and mistakes. You see folks police who are the real malefactors always commit the crime while the rest of us innocent free people do the time. That is what Diallo’s parents are doing is a life sentence because of those impenitent devils wearing police uniforms.