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Commentary: Preacher’s Daughters


preachers daughters

Fascinated is probably the only word that comes to mind when I think of Lifetime’s new reality show, “Preacher’s Daughters.” Believe you me, you don’t ever catch me on Lifetime; it just isn’t my station. I heard about this show through a tweet from my cousin, and it caught my eye. This show sparks conversations on so many levels, and I thought it made sense to share my thoughts.

Preacher’s Daughters follows the lives of three families from various areas of the country. Each family is deeply religious and the patriarch is a Pastor. These families also have a daughter or daughters being brought up in the Christian faith. This dynamic creates a dichotomy that I think many of us are familiar with. A huge underlying theme in the show is the ongoing struggle with self-identity. How do you become who you want to become under the expectation of your folks? It’s rough to say the least.

From the moment I saw the title of the show I knew it was something that I had to follow. I was interested to see exactly how lenient the parents would be with them. I wanted a clearer idea of what a household like that was like. I was particularly interested in seeing what the daughter’s desires were. In terms of lifestyle, did they want to follow in their parents footsteps? Do these children want to indulge in what “normal” teens do? The show has a little bit of both.

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There is a family on this show named “The Kollofs,” and the patriarch is a former professional wrestler named Nikita (that’s for any 80s NWA fans). Nikita is actually divorced from the family’s mother but is still very active in his daughters’ lives. Nikita has five daughters, but the one the show focuses on is named Kolby. Kolby is 16 and she’s very devoted to her faith and doesn’t seem to have the same urge to give into “the ways of the world” like the show’s other counterparts. Kolby has an older sister who admitted to having premarital sex and it crushed her. This activity seemed unfathomable to Kolby. She felt like she could no longer look up to her older sister.  This could be attributed to the extreme box these children grow up in.

Conversely, you have the daughter of the Coleman family named Taylor. She’s completely going against the grain. She has an insatiable desire to just be what she sees as normal. Her father, however, isn’t having any of it and he forbids much of what she wants to do. As a result she rebels, and although it’s wrong, I also can’t blame the young lady.

By no means ladies and gentlemen am I a parent. I hope to be one day and this show sort of helps me figure out how much rope I’d give my child to hang themselves, so to speak. My stance on this show, the issue of children living up to a certain standard, and the desire to be who you are is simple.

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Every father on this show is naturally protective. I think that’s a given being that they have daughters. Along with that, every father on the show has a past. There’s no surprise there as we’re living beings; if we don’t have pasts then something is wrong. A common thing you see arise on this show is the parents’ desire for their child not to be involved with the wrongs that they were involved with. That’s a healthy desire, but there’s just no way you can keep your child from everything.

It has to be said that when it comes to religion and fully experiencing whatever you subscribe to, you can’t do that by it being forced on you. Everyone has to come to those points in their life on their own if it is ever to be. These fathers had the freedom and opportunity to experience everything life had to offer. They had the chance to figure out for themselves that a certain lifestyle just wasn’t for them. These men found a passion and found what they believe to be a calling. It just so happens the calling was involved in the church.

Like it or not, it’s my belief that these daughters (and sons for that matter) deserve the same liberty that their parents had. Growing up in such a stringent box is not going to holistically develop your child. I was blessed with a mother who always preached having balance. There must be balance to everything and for the most part, the daughters in this show try to advocate for that. I give them props for doing so.

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As you watch this show, you’ll see how extreme these parents run their households. I know the children have a responsibility to at least be respectable individuals. I’m all for that. I simply deem growing up with so much pressure as unfair.

This show touches on many other issues. Don’t be too surprised if I follow this up with something else. These were only my general ideas, but I really want to know how you feel on this whole issue. Let’s talk about it. If we differ, feel free to let me know.  I look forward to the discussion; these are my words and I make no apologies.

What are your ideas on the show itself? What are your ideas on the issues I’ve brought forth?

DamnPops is a guest writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/


  1. I myself am a daughter of two preachers both mother and father. I grow up in holyness(the real deal)!! My parents did everything for us to know we are loved by God and that we did not have to conform to the world. I am in my 30's still love being saved, still keeping the faith, 13 years in remission from lukemia knowing it was my up bringing that brought me though….-Proud Preacher's Daughter

  2. "…the daughter of the Coleman family named Taylor. She’s completely going against the grain. She has an insatiable desire to just be what she sees as normal. Her father, however, isn’t having any of it and he forbids much of what she wants to do."

    But he's fine with cameras coming into his home and following his minor daughter around?

  3. It’s crazy how all these new reality shows are taking place in the church especially around the women in the church example “Preachers Wives” on TLC and now this.

    Honestly if these men had son’s I don’t think there would be an issue. Preacher’s son while expected to live up to a certain standard, are giving room to make errors and mistakes. It’s like part of manhood, go and find your own path, you may make some mistakes, then come back to Jesus and he’ll forgive you and you’ll be able to live happily ever after. But for girls it’s like one mistake (ex: the older sister having premarital) and your done. (Ex: Tyler Perry Marriage Counselor)

    Like any father who has a daughter, you realize one day that she will be a woman. A man with a past (especially a not so great one) tries so hard to steer his daughter away from being the women he use to deal with when he wasn’t saved that he ends up pushing her away.

  4. You forgot about the one who has the baby and used to party and smoke a lot of pot…who also didn't know who her baby's father was.

    I like the show though. I think it's an interesting look at a subset of family life.

  5. My dad has been a pastor all of my life. My parents don't really act like this although I do have other friends that have parents like this. My life was pretty normal. I've seen this show and I just can't relate. People always ask me if my parents were strict or if we have a lot of rules. I would say that it was always pretty average. The girl Kolby seems pretty normal in my opinion.

  6. What are your ideas on the show itself?
    I think its just another reality show.
    What are your ideas on the issues I’ve brought forth? I don't really think one can speak too much on being a parent until you actually become one. Having your opinion is one thing. But thats all it is.
    I think as parents based on my own parents and what I see and hear, most folks simply try to do the very best they can. Thats about all they can do. There are no instructions, and the main guidelines we have is how we were raised ourselves. I won't judge them. Like every other parent they are doing what they know and learned. They want the best for their kids and they are trying to raise them the best way they know how. All parents will make mistakes. We're not perfect people so we won't be perfect parents who raise perfect kids. But people try because its only natural and human to love your child more than yourself and want the best of everything in life for them. At the end of the day that strong unconditional love is what matters the most. Whatever u do as long as its done out of love, most kids understand.

  7. I am one of those that had to break away from being super religious and sheltered. It took a while too!
    My father was a preacher and my mother was a Sunday School teacher. We were expected to be good little PKs and holy all the time. Not only is this fake and inhibiting but it's also annoying. It's crazy because I didn't see how much my thinking was not of my own. I had these very strong convictions about things that I only felt was wrong to do because I was repeatedly told it was wrong (hope that makes sense.) Thankfully I broke away from this lifestyle while I still have my youth. My mother is not happy about it but I'm not losing any sleep.

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  9. I enjoy the show, but I have some issues with the "strict parenting" of some of the parents. I never feel like religion should the foundation of household rules. I know that may sound blasphemous for some of us that are fundamentalist for the Bible, but realistically speaking the Bible was written thousands of years ago. How could we possible abide by those rules in the year 2013.


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