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Courting Women: Five Essential Things Men Need To Know



In part one of my interactive series, I explored characteristics of successful men that appeal to women. I gave qualities other than the usual that men (and women) could use to better themselves, become versatile, and develop more appeal. This week, after another conversation with the homies,  we tried to figure out why men needed to stress superficial nonsense when meeting women. I went into a rant that turned into this blog, and if you know me offline, you know I’m a storyteller by nature. If men knew the complexity they perceive courting as was actually simple, we would have more brothers with unblemished hairlines today. To me, there are 5 facts of life about male-female interactions that a man should know to succeed:

Attractive Men Start With One Foot In The Door

We’ve spoken about “attraction triggers” on this site since it’s inception. Men’s attraction to women is primarily visual, while women can be attracted to personality, stature, and other non-superficial qualities. This explains the phenomenon of an attractive woman dating a man that most would consider aesthetically unappealing. So when you’re a man who’s handsome, in good shape, and is deemed attractive by general standards, you are golden. G.I. Joe once taught me that knowing is half the battle. If a woman thinks you look good, that man has already reached a 50% success level. Depending on the perception your look projects, women may assume that you’re arrogant or conceited, but being attractive will get you an audience with women to further state your case and seal the deal.

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Women Know Where Men Stand With Them When They First Meet

If you’ve read relationship articles, spoken to your friends, watched sitcoms, or have walked the Earth for at least 10 years, you’ve heard the cliché that “within the first 5 minutes women know where you fall in the lover/friend spectrum.” While I agree that this sentiment holds some credence to a woman’s level of attraction to men, it cannot be contained to specific time intervals. I believe that it’s within the first interaction that women make that mental note that determines if a man has the opportunity to chase her waterfalls. This could be a 30-second introduction between mutual friends, a group conversation in a social setting, an intimate first conversation, or watching you from afar.

As stated in my point above, being attractive will only strengthen a woman’s intrigue. Once they interact with you, if you don’t mess it up (i.e. say something stupid), then you can be one of her potential suitors. Women go into advanced analysis when they first meet you. They rank you on looks and potential. Potential will be weighted more than looks. Think of your appearance as the votes along party lines (the given) and your personality and level of potential as swing votes in a U.S. Presidential election. You know you can count on your party votes (your looks), but to win the necessary electoral votes, you need to win those key battle ground states (personality and your potential). Aesthetic appeal is a constant and potential is a variable. Depending on what women see and desire both physically and mentally, they know what they want from you, and whether or not you have a chance to get that and more.


 “Ugly” Dudes Stay Winning

I wrote this blog months ago and it was one of my favourite ones ever. I admire the non pretty boy, rugged, brethren who don’t have that 1 foot in the door, and might have a slow start in the paper chase that is dating. However, this is their only disadvantage. You can check the link above to see why this is accurate, but let me pull a quick excerpt about why these non-pretty boys are all-star courting champions:

I remember when I was younger, how my cousin and our boys would clown each other. They used to call him ugly all the time, yet when he responded “But I get [women] though!” they were silent. This man could sell fire to Johnny Blaze or Storm! He wasn’t “ugly ugly” but he wasn’t a pretty boy either. Ugly dudes  develop super slang, as they know that verbal intercourse will assist in getting (and keeping) a woman’s attention. They seem to know when to say it, how to say it, and how to react to what’s said. I swear ugly dudes coined the terms “Excuse me miss can I get 5 minutes of your time?” or “…But you can’t have friends though?” You can learn a thing or two from an ugly dude on how to chat with the fairer sex.

I also broke down to a friend off-line why non-pretty boys (I realize years later that “ugly” is a strong term) win. Many times, women will have preconceived notions about dudes who are outwardly attractive. They might fear them to be conceited or arrogant, and in general women don’t find that appealing. When they see someone who might not be the stereotypical handsome man, they will assume that they are down to Earth, and that they have no real reason to be gassed. So if that man shows the genuineness and good personality that was already inferred from women by their appearance, they too have won half the battle, and they have the emotional clout from women to win in the future. Women won’t feel they have to resort to tempering desires as to prevent feeding an enormous ego, so that “non-pretty boy” is sitting pretty. All they have to do is be themselves and stay the course!

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Women Will Let You Know If They Are Interested

The question remains: “Will men be able to tell if a woman likes them?” Now I won’t front as if I’ve never misread a signal, but some men are oblivious to signals period! I took a class on nonverbal communication and it opened my eyes to the way in which we all interact with one another. Women will send signals of affection, blatantly and latent, and these key indicators can help men know where they stand. Some women speak in code, others are direct. The non-verbal communication is paramount to me because these are the natural signals that can rarely be hidden from meticulous observers. Look her in her eyes when you speak and watch the way she looks at you. How do her eyes receive you? You can see joy and disdain in anyone’s eyes if you look deep enough. Does her voice raise an octave when you talk? Does she fidget while you talk (i.e. play with her hair)? Does she lean in towards you while you converse? Does she mimic the movements you make? This advanced analysis is simpler than the questions asked. Women love men that pay attention to detail, and being attentive can tell you what you need to know about how receptive a woman is to you. You don’t have to be a Carmen San Diego hunting Gumshoe to decipher the Rosetta Stone that is a woman’s communicative patterns. All you have to do is watch and adapt.

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You Don’t Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression, So Concentrate On Your Second Impression

the curve1Yes, a woman will make a mental note of your potential opportunities upon first contact. However, if your perception in her eyes isn’t beneficial to your desires of getting with her, don’t be discouraged. The most egregious offense committed by men is “talking themselves out of the p*ssy”. A woman will feel them, throw out all the necessary hints, and wave the gentlemen around third base to score, and they will make a stupid comment that will completely change a woman’s perspective. Women can turn infatuation on and off like a switch if you break that mental and desirous connection with an @sshole move. The same way a man can talk themselves out of a good situation with a woman, they can talk their way back into their good graces. I’m a firm believer that character shines regardless, and if a woman recognizes that, and likes/admires it, you still have a shot. You can’t worry about the impression you made initially. A woman will respect persistence (not stalking) and improvement over false bravado any day. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t sweat it if who you are doesn’t appeal to her. Every woman has a palette for a type of man, and if you don’t fit the bill you never will. You can either accept the platinum membership into the friend zone, or move on to greener pastures.

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There’s more to a man than his wealth and social status. The shame is that sometimes men don’t believe this and feel they have to be a facade to succeed. No secret tricks or magic is necessary to be successful in courting and understanding a woman’s affection. You just have to be attentive, be yourself, and be confident. If a $2000 (yes they’re talking about thousand dollar dates on social media now) date is a barometer to a woman about a man’s worth, then you need to drop the temperature, give those birds the cold shoulder, and look for better woman who are worth your time.


Let’s discuss: Women how accurate are these points? Men what do you find most complex/simple about the courting process? Anything I missed?


    1. Lol yea he definitely curved her … She called him sexy and he dodge it . ” you should get one “

  1. All very true, but be super careful with "Ugly Dudes Stay Winning".

    While true for some, he'll hit the mother of brick walls when it comes to every one but HER. *Especially* friends…I wouldn't hear the end of it, lol. He'll then become the guy we ask to give us advice about the nice looking fellow who told us via text to buy our own PS3. 🙂

    Cold, cold world…

    Oh, and the “…But you can’t have friends though?” line makes me visibly cringe…just sayin.

  2. "A woman will respect persistence (not stalking) and improvement over false bravado any day. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t sweat it if who you are doesn't appeal to her. Every woman has a palette for a type of man, and if you don’t fit the bill you never will. You can either accept the platinum membership into the friend zone, or move on to greener pastures"

    .There are many guys who I gave a chance because of persistence it is something that I highly value.
    However I disagree that if you don't fit her type you never will. As we mature and change what we're attracted to does as well. There are many guys who didn't fit my previous type who I would gladly entertain now.
    I liked how you called the friend zone platinum membership like it's a good thing, because it is!!
    I think the friend zone gets a bad rap. Women, unlike men can, with time, grow in attraction to someone and what better way to make that happen than as friends!

    I would add that courtship is dating with the intention of marriage. So if you're don't see her as a potential wife please don't court her. Also if you don't think you're ready for marriage, please don't court her. Take time to work on yourself by yourself, don't drag her into your mess. Now I'm not saying you need to be perfect before looking for a future mate, we all have growing to do. But if you know you have some big issues you need to work on before you put yourself out there, please do everyone a favor and work on your issues alone.

    1. Oh! One more super important thing I forgot to add.

      Real Men Initiate!!

      you may not know if she likes you or not before you approach her or invite her out. Do it anyway! Risk the rejection, don't put that burden on here.

      And I'm out.

      1. Absolutely! Older dudes initiate. Younger dudes tend to sit back and try to figure it out first. Go for it. Most women like an appreciate a man's forwardness vs sittin back making eyes but not making a move. I tried to school my little brother and his crew on that….I think they finally get it. LOL
        In approaching a woman, you have absolutely NOTHING to lose and plenty to gain.

    2. However I disagree that if you don't fit her type you never will. As we mature and change what we're attracted to does as well. There are many guys who didn't fit my previous type who I would gladly entertain now. ''

      —But if at the time you dont fit the bill, what is son supposed to do? Wait until your preferences change?

      I liked how you called the friend zone platinum membership like it's a good thing, because it is!!
      I think the friend zone gets a bad rap. Women, unlike men can, with time, grow in attraction to someone and what better way to make that happen than as friends!

      —agree to disagree. The friend zone is cool if youre actually only trying to be friends. See my response above

      I would add that courtship is dating with the intention of marriage.

      —agree to disagree again. We court in all aspects of life. I dont think you can say definitively that if i court you it should be and is about marriage. There's dudes out there that are dogs where courting is their M.O.

      Thanks for the comment!

      1. "But if at the time you dont fit the bill, what is son supposed to do? Wait until your preferences change?"
        No I definitely don't think he should wait until her preference changes. He should keep it moving. BUT if she's responding to you positively, don't stop pursuing her just because you're not "her type".

        as for the friendzone:
        I think friendships typically trump romantic relationships in depth. And the best relationship will have both components.

        If someone was "courting" me without proper intentions I would call that pursuing instead of courting. But I will agree with you to disagree on that one.

    3. I believe being in the "friend zone" is good when you have other options and you want to date around but some of us guys want to date that would eventually lead to marriage. I know my problem is that I am a nice guy and I am naturally that way to everyone so it rubs off as if I want to be your friend when there's nothing wrong with that because all relationships should start off as friends but it shouldn't have to stay there so I guess that goes back to the article of women knowing what they want within the first minutes of meeting :-/

  3. well as a non pretty ninja i will say improvisation is key. I may not attract initially but i will charm the hell out her. Witty comebacks, cheeky compliments, anything to make her smile

    1. Women tend to over generalize things how would they know if a good man was being sweet and genuine or running game? Friends can tell you anything but common sense can be the difference between staying in the singles game and finding the right man simple as that it worked 20 years ago.

  4. 1) I would say ” regular looking guys” win. There’s only but so many micheal ealy’s in the world . The thing is they can be just as big of jerks as ” the super cute guy” especially if they get a lot of women.

    2) if I put some signals out there and you don’t responded properly ( like the guy in the last example) I’m going to assume you’re not interested .

    3) Being super good looking helps. But it’s not what keeps you in the game. Charming , attentive and other personality traits keep you in the game.

    4) while women do know within a short period where a man will fall, it’s not always as cut and dry as men try to make it. There are men who you know from jump you just want to be friends with, there are guys that all you want to do is be with them, and then there are guys who are on the fence. Those on the fence guys are the ones that a women might be platonic friends with , never though about being romantic with initially but didn’t really say she would never give a chance .

  5. Yep, I agree with Smilez. I would say regular looking guys, rather than ugly. Ugly is pretty strong. You have to be some kind of gollum looking thing for me to say ugly. I would say a regular guy is "just ok".

    I definitely agree with article.
    I fall into the trap of not trusting the overly attractive (or pretty) man. I have been told about this before so I am trying to be better. It is hard. So for me, attractive men start out one step behind everyone else.

    1. I agree with your statement about not trusting “overly attractive” men. For me, these men are exceptionally good looking Mr. Popular. When I was younger, I didn’t think that deep about the motives of Mr. Popular. I thought, “I like him. He likes me. No problem.” As I’ve gotten older, I’m more interested in a different kind of man–an unassuming, decent looking one. I think overly attractive men are great to look at (don’t get me wrong) but to date one is a different story.

  6. About persistence…. I don't like a persistent guy once I've made it clear that I do not want to date him or take things further. So if a woman is playing coy or hard to get, persistence may warranted. But I don't do that. If I"m into dude, I'ma let him know that. Directly.

    I prefer not to waste anyone's time (including mine) so if I don't see it going anywhere up front, I'll tell dude that. And I want him to listen! Some girl will want the same thing that the wants and I suggest he go find her 🙂

    1. I agree! That is the biggest turnoff! When a man cannot take a very direct hint. If I tell you, directly mind you, that I think you are a nice person but I just do not see us being more than just friends/associates/cool etc, at that moment you should agree to disagree and fall back. Time goes on, I get to know you more, maybe how I feel will change. However, when they keep pursuing you in spite of that ,it becomes annoying and feels as though they are disregarding your words.
      My recent post Yeah I’m single…….

  7. "I’m a firm believer that character shines regardless, and if a woman recognizes that, and likes/admires it, you still have a shot." <– THIS!

    Even if your first impression is bad, or a woman is not attracted to you in the first 30 seconds, real recognizes real. One of the greatest men Ive come into contact with had exceptional character and although I wasnt feeling him at first, his character made him cute. We only separated because we had different ideas for our futures however he is one ex where there is no bitterness or hostility. Real recognizes real. Never underestimate the power of good character whether its a personal relationship or platonic.

  8. I think physical attraction is a good indicator, but that type of attraction is relative. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and just because you perceive yourself as "good looking" or others might see you as good looking, it may not be the case for the woman you are pursuing. Confidence and personality are greater to me than looks. That will take a '6' to a '10' if it's done correctly. Men and women are pretty similar in how we chose, we just execute it a bit differently.
    My recent post Yeah I’m single…….

    1. True. Also I think people chose or deem other people attractive based on what their friends think. For example sometime my friends will ask me if a guy their interested in is cute. Sometimes I find them cute and sometimes their not my cup of tea. But I also remind my friends that I'm not the one trying to pursue that individual so does it really matter.

      1. I agree! I once dated a guy because everyone else thought he was cute, and I thought he was "alright" but I jumped on the bandwagon. We didn't work out because our personalities did not match well, but he became a good friend to have.
        My recent post Yeah I’m single…….

  9. Good info. bro….
    I have a question, "what's an appropriate amount of time a guy should court a woman before asking the question?" i guess that is the most complex issue i have had recently….

      1. What you think about being in a relationship? In my younger days, you chilled, kicked it, and it was understood "i like you, you like me, and let's do this". As I am much older, if the question doesn't come up, despite you courting and obvisously showing interest, no assumptions are made.

        1. I typically tell them. At this age, men are supposed to take that lead. I always think it's weird when women have to ask the question, "What are we?" I think the fact they're asking that question is the answer to the question. They're nothing. Each time i've wanted to make a woman my girlfriend, I just told her… directly.

          "I want you to be my girlfriend."

          I never say that until I actually mean like right then and there. I never say it like at the onset as if it's a far out goal. I only say that when it's appropriate and i'm ready for it.

          And it's never a question. I think that men should be firm in what they want and lead. If the woman disagrees, she'll say so.

        2. I totally agree bro, but I hear chicks out here saying "oh if he doesn't lock me down after a month or 30 days, then it's a wrap" I think to myself, dang can I get to know you first?? Like I gotta make sure you are worthy of "cooking me eggs in the a.m. in those boy shorts first" lol

        3. If a chick gives you a time limit like that, you should let her walk. Those types of things become recurring themes in relationships and it's a strong arm tactic in general.

        4. some guys need a time limit or they will keep a woman in perpetual relationship limbo forever and a day.
          But I guess that right there says something about the level of interest or what the man wants or doesn't want…."I think the fact they're asking that question is the answer to the question. They're nothing." That right there pretty much sums it up.

        5. If a woman really into you, I do not think she would walk so quickly. However, you shouldn't be twiddling your thumbs if you are interested either. Any woman who puts a time limit on when you guys should be Bf and GF will probably put a time limit on things such as marriage as well. Which is not horrid, but you should allow things to naturally progress in my opinion.
          My recent post Yeah I’m single…….

        6. I don’t think there's anything wrong with a reasonable time frame…The keyword being reasonable. But that time frame is something you should keep as a mental note. For example you can tell yourself, let’s see where things go but if in 2 months it seems like he’s not really interested or could possible be interested but not serious, I’m moving on, he’ll just be a “friend” I hang out with when I’m available.

          I think it really comes down to people trying to control the flow when it just has to be natural. If a man is into you the way he treats you and acts will give you an indication of what direction the situation is going in. Also if you talk to him and listen to what he’s saying and not try to make what he says fit what you want, you’ll definitely know where his head is at.

        7. This is a great question, and while I partially agree with the consensus that "If she has to ask that's the answer…" I also feel that people aren't always transparent about how they communicate. I tend to let people I date know that I'm an open and straightforward person. But I understand not everyone communicates like that so I try to be vocal about how I'm feeling during the dating process ( "I'm really enjoying myself." "It's refreshing being around you." "This is nice..") to allow someone I'm dating to communicate with me in that way as well. As long as the two people are given an opportunity to understand each others communication/ approaching style… there is really no time frame. Instead both women and men should take note when a straightforward person starts being vague or a man who approached you appears to be falling back…

        8. Damn Doc J the world would be a better place if all men could be like you in this area……*sigh* Oh well, one can hope…….

        9. lol this is totally adorable 'wht's an appropriate amount of time a guy should court a woman before asking the question?' hahaha!I think it's better to be an alpha & just be like you're my woman & tht's tht!if she's checking for u already thn she definitely wants to be your woman anyway

    1. I was confused at first because I use courting and dating interchangeable without much thought. Wouldn’t dating be considered a form of courtship? But I guess it’s how you define each one.

    2. I have my own idea of the difference between the two, but since you are one of the married fellas on here, what's the difference?

      1. Yeah sorry about not getting to this yesterday. but here goes. Dating is getting to know someone. Plain and simple. It turns into a little bit more to determine if you want to be in a relationship with them. Once you've been in a relationship and you make the decision I want a permanent future with this person, that's when courting kicks in. You start making more decisions for "our" future.
        My recent post The most powerful scene I've ever seen in a video game

    3. Agreed!

      I think dating is more like, lets go to lunch or lets get ice cream. Courting is more like, lets go to a baseball game or the ballet. I think courting is more along the lines of lets do something because the other person likes it. Dating is more or less like we're still feeling each other out.

      Maybe I am wrong. But I definitely agree that there is a difference.

      1. Thanx Southerngyrl.. I was thinking along those lines but wasn’t quite sure. I agree dating is definitely just the (feeling you out stage) courting is once the person is sure about you the begin to take the steps to keep you around permanently

  10. Here is the thing, I think a lot of women ruin it for others. For example I'm horrible with hints and I think after age 25, women should stop using them. Sometimes I've had women give me what I thought was hints but ended up being flirting and nothing more. Nothing worse than making a move and she has a man or didn't mean anything more than flirting. If you like me or interested just tell me, I personally love a woman that knows what she wants.

  11. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment.

    Attractive men actually start out a little behind because while women might give them that foot in the door, they're inherently skeptical creatures. Women think attractive men have more options, are dating their options, are sleeping with several women and often the next problem is they start to feel insecure about why he wants to date them. They can lie and tell you they don't think about that, but that's a lie.

    Women don't really know where men stand. I've had several women tell me no, and then tell me yes at a later time. That's just the nature of persistence and effort. Also, it's possible you meet a woman and she's like, "I'm not interested" for whatever reasons. (Typically, because she may think that the guy is an asshole or he has somewhat of a reputation.) About two weeks later after they get to know him, they realize that public perception is off.

    Ugly dudes are stalkers and creeps. Death to them. They only get the women who don't have the quan to stay the course.

    Women don't always let you know, they lie just as much as men do. They'll tell you they're interested and they're still talking to several guys on the side. There's always one guy she wants to be with and one guy she knows she should be with. Also, like I said before they will tell you they're not interested when they are.

    That last point about second chances is spot on though.

    1. "I've had several women tell me no, and then tell me yes at a later time. That's just the nature of persistence and effort."

      Or like Steve Urkel, you finally broke her down! lol 🙂
      My recent post Yeah I’m single…….

    2. quan to stay the course.

      — def disagree with this. Seal debunks this lmaooo. You can't underestimate the powe of enhanced senses

      1. Seal isn't ugly though… he has lupus.

        I also wouldn't put the people with money in this conversation. Gucci Mane has all dime piece baby mothers.

        She a eye catcher, let the car catcher
        But if the chain missing, let the watch kiss her.

        Rolly Up – Gucci Mane

    3. On average attrative men start out with one foot in the door. A woman might be skeptical but that doesnt mean she wont let a dude speak to see if he'll trip himself up.

      You;re speaking in generalization a lot. I spoke on non verbal communication mroeso than bluntness. If you can see it and you are perceptive enough, you dont need her words. Some dudes can filter out the BS and win

      I knwo a lot of non pretty and regular dudes who aint celebs who bag bad chicks and dictate the flow of relationships too…

    4. Doc J I cosign on everything but this – "Ugly dudes are stalkers and creeps. Death to them. They only get the women who don't have the quan to stay the course." lol Now thats just wrong.
      But yeah women give mixed signals all the time and play more games than teenage boys on their PS3 or XBOX. Listening to crazy elders and so called relationship experts and love guru's that tell them games are necessary to get the man, when they are not.
      I know a few people who started out not liking each other or 1 person didn't like the other at first, then later on over time after getting to know them they grew on each other or 1 person started to like the other person. Happens all the time and its a great thing. Means you managed to dispel the negative feelings someone had about you, debunk the myths and dispel the assumptions made about you and you changed that persons mind once they got to know who you really were.

  12. "There’s more to a man than his wealth and social status."

    when it comes to this dating game…

    it's a great down payment.


  13. "Ugly Dudes" is def strong. As the ladies said above, regular dudes are the best TO ME! They have the best most well rounded personalities…and they don't take it for granted that you'll just like them or that they don't have to earn you so to speak (as you need to earn them, as well). They've taken the time to really understand women and what makes them tick. I'll take a regular dude with style and presence over a pretty guy every day, all day. They know how to tug on a woman's feminine/girly side. They are my personal 10s…especially if they smile with their whole face, have nice teeth, a little muscular bulk to them, a casear, and facial hair…extra points for full lips with a kisser! 🙂

    I def fell HARD (in extreme like) for a man that wasn't all that facially, but had it going on everywhere else…and could dress his behind off!

    1. For clarification: Regular men and okay men are not the same in my book, lol. Ok is a nice way to say not cute/not butt ugly, lol. Regular, to me just means the dude isn't pretty and doesn't have feminine or exotic features.

    2. Damn yall didnt see the line where I said it was strong?! lmaoo I wrote the original like 3 years ago. :o(

      1. Yeah, I read it…I can't restate?????? Would it have been better to say, "Streetz, I agree with you that the term "Ugly Dudes" is strong"???? "As the ladies said above" was in reference to the term "regular". I read the line and that article…cause I hadn't read it before (really good, btw…considered sending it to a guy who's regular but lame, LOL).

        Turn that frown upside down, LMBO! Its all good…

  14. I agree with most all of your statements Streetz. Cool post.
    One statement I wanna add to is this one- " why non-pretty boys (I realize years later that “ugly” is a strong term) win."
    Many women subscribe to the notion that "pretty-boys" are all players and womanizers. Because they look good and can get practically any woman they want, women assume men who look good do just that.
    Women tend to have more trust issues as well with men who look good. They tend to predispose the relationship to fail and can be their own worst enemies when dealing with very attractive men.
    Plus if the woman doesn't feel that she is as attractive as the man, or if she really isn't as attractive as the man she will always wonder why he is with her and what he sees in her and constantly compare herself to other women she think he is more attracted to and just be very insecure.

    1. PREEEAAACHHHHH!!!!!! These were my exact sentiments dating my ex-boyfriend a few years ago. He was also a jerk to top it all off. I'm glad I got my self-esteem up and left that kidd.

  15. Actually very attractive guys can have a much harder time dating in some ways than the avg joes because they typically are the ones who deal with womens security and trust issues.
    So the avg Joe's advantage is that most women feel more comfortable with him and feel like they can trust him more than the "pretty-boy." That fear of possibly losing him to another woman is not so prevelant.

  16. Another thing I want to add to the overall post. The one thing ALL men should (and will usually do) when courting a woman If they are sincerely interested in her and desire to be in committed relationship is Be Consistent with Everything.

  17. I think the whole issue regarding the attractive man is all about the insecurity of the woman. And vice versa for the attractive woman and the man.

    An essential thing I would add would have to be clear communication and trust. So many people get caught up in their feelings and thoughts that they don't convey to the other person. If you want something, say it. If you feel a certain way, speak up. No one can read your mind. Lastly, trust is important. Stop bringing your 'baggage' from previous experiences into a new one. Trust the person to do what they say they are going to do. Likewise, if one's actions don't mirror their words, then you know something is up.

  18. I've heard the sentiment in this thread that being an attractive man has some severe downsides, such as "she will be skeptical, insecure, etc"

    While this may be true, I still say the positives heavily outweigh any negative effects.

    If a woman thinks you're so attractive that you probably have other women at your beck and call, this is a GOOD thing. It implies that you are in-demand, and have an abundance of choices. Do male models really have trouble finding dates? Despite what they say, if you are persistent, then her reservations will melt like butter on a pancake.

    Besides, it's only if she thinks you're way above her level that it presents an insecurity obstacle. If you're a stud, it may be slightly harder to date regular-looking chicks than gorgeous ones. This is a good problem to have.

    But the main benefit of being attractive is when you're leading up to the end-game. Assuming you've won her initial affections, being attractive while getting intimate is the difference between running the ball for a few short yards at a time against a strong defense and pulling that QB sneak to pick up the easy TD. You may have to put in a little more effort to build physical attraction if you have a big hairy belly, labored breathing, and bad teeth. But a nice smile, a six pack, and some impressive biceps are like the WD40 of secksy-time.

    Women are just as visually-stimulated as men– don't believe the myths! lol

  19. "Every woman has a palette for a type of man, and if you don’t fit the bill you never will. You can either accept the platinum membership into the friend zone, or move on to greener pastures."

    Those 2 lines summed up the entire post for me. While attraction is always gonna be your foot in the door, that doesn't automatically mean that it's gonna stay the course. Everybody has a physically attractive type for them. Even though you may be widely accepted as attractive, sometimes you just don't do it for that particular woman. So having personality, being able to make them laugh, etc might not be enough to keep her from looking at the next dude who fits her physical type to a T. Like 12 Pt. Buck said, women are just as visually-driven as men are, they just lie about it better.

    And also I co-sign what Bree said. Consistency is often what gives 1 man the edge over her other options.

    My recent post Men and the Fight/Flee Response In Relationships

  20. I realized that attraction can definitely develop over time — but only if we seriously are friends first. (Coworkers, mutual friends in a friend group, etc.) However, if a guy is interested in me romantically right off the bat and I'm not attracted to him, I will never be attracted to him. Try as hard as you want, but my mind is already made up.

    Pretty boys are so much fun to look at. You'll even have me at hello. I'll hang out with you once or twice just for the heck of it. But dating pretty boys are too much work — Been there. Done that. Got a T-shirt and a crappy keychain. Like most of the ladies here admitted, I'll take a regular dude with charm and a great personality any day.

      1. Not necessarily…but as harsh as this may sound, I feel all pretty boys are shady until proven otherwise. If a pretty boy were to approach me, I'd entertain him (cause c'mon, who'd pass on some eye candy?), but I definitely wouldn't take him seriously. However, if he somehow proved to be genuine and actually trustworthy, I am down for the cause lol

        But there's definitely enough young and naive girls (or girls that just like the drama/the chase) to entertain them, so they'll be alright.

  21. Its hard for me to agree 100% with the second point. I mean in most cases its true, its mainly because women think most guys are only after one thing. Actually not caring about being friends with women can lead to some of the best relationships – I mean friendships or romantic relationships or somewhere in between.
    My recent post Covariance of Vectors

        1. Shamira.. why?! lolol (._.)

          and thanks Cyn! youre one of few to say that!!! 😀

        2. Am I???????

          What's wrong with these people?! 😛

          Pretty is Ginuwine, Lenny Kravitz…

          You fall more in line with a Nas type feel and flow to me…nothing pretty about Nas, lol.

          Now, this assessment may change when I actually show up at an SBM event, LOL! I'm coming, y'all…I'm coming, LOL.

  22. I agree with these five courting essentials and would add an additional one:
    "Just because you write the rules to the game, don't assume you will win."
    I have read many comments on SBM over the months stating that grown people need to stop playing games or as Streetz puts it "secret tricks and magic" but the fact of the matter is people have patterns they rely on for reassurance (maybe because they think it worked in the past)… so they put on a poker face, create rules or tests…etc. to gain the upperhand or to "control" how things progress. Relying on these old gimmicks instead of being real and honest with the woman you are dating can be a huge turnoff when detected and work against you… leading to my full support of Streetz statement that " Women can turn infatuation on and off like a switch if you break that mental connection with an @sshole move." Just keep it simple and be yourself; play games with your PS3 not a woman's heart.

    1. "they put on a poker face, create rules or tests…etc. to gain the upperhand or to "control" how things progress"

      I agree that this is a risky strategy for guys– what works for one doesn't work for another, and abundance is the goal, so flexibility is key.

      However, I feel like women do this ALL the time. Little tests, random made-up rules and stuff. For women, the goal isnt abundance, but selectivity. Most dudes aren't even aware of the level they're being evaluated from the jump.

      When the date is over, she goes home and tabulates your total:
      Did he open the door? *Check*.
      Did he walk on the curb side incase a car were to jump the curb he would get hit first and I would be saved? *X*
      Did he sit facing the door incase an axe murder busted in while we were eating? *Check*
      He likes Marvin Gaye, Prince, AND MJ? *2 outta 3*

      1. LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!!

        Yeah, I def tabulate, LOL!!!!!

        But, who ain't tabulating on a date?! LOL

      2. I agree that women do this as well. In fact, I took some notes myself from the essentials Streetz listed. There are definitely some essentials for how to be courted <— future post perhaps…? **wink, wink**

  23. I'll take a slightly different angle. The courting of the woman never stops. If a man is lucky enough to have gained the attention/affection of a woman he's been going after, he must continue with whatever got him his spot with her. The second impression will be what leads to all the one's after. If a woman is interested at one point, don't take it for granted that she will continue to be. It's up to the man to *keep* her interested. Cats that are aesthetically challenged will become more appealing to a woman's eye, the longer he holds her interest.

    The point that I deign to make is that the essentials men need to know, are the essentials that men need to keep doing. The courting process never ends, it just shifts in its dynamic.
    My recent post Being Raised By a Single Mother…and Creating One

    1. Co-sign!

      And this continues throughout a relationship, even into marriage– a woman will never stop evaluating a man. Its a never ending test, so you can never really pass and be done with it.

      As a man, you have to be careful about setting your own bar too high. If you come at her doing XYZ, and then you think you have her loyalty and can let off the gas and put on the cruise control… so instead of maintaining XYZ, you only do X and maybe pull out the Y on special occasions, then there will be trouble in paradise.

      It was said before, but consistency is key in dating. Doubly so for long term relationships. But not so much for flings and one night stands.

  24. Who and what is good looking is totally subjective…I am NOT attracted to pretty boys. I think rugged, five o clock shadow, salt and pepper dudes are the biz. Therefore, arbitrarily saying that ugly dudes stay winning is falsely assuming that all women perceive them to be unattractive.
    My recent post Shame

  25. For me, a man being extremely attractive can be a blessing and a curse. I have to admit, when a fine ass man hits on me and asks for the digits, I'm on the phone with my girls as soon as I get home telling them about it lol. But experience also makes me distrust a man that is too attractive. I have to feel him out, figure out how arrogant he is and what type of tantrum he'll throw if I don't give him his way. So even though he gets my heart pumping from the start, he gets knocked down one for the same reason. Cause most pretty guys I know are use to getting what they want, when they want it imho and at this age I have no patience for that. The older I get, the more chances I give to the "average looking" guy. Cause really its all about confidence for us women. If a man agressively, but respectfully let's me know he wants to be more than friends, has great convo and humor, the more likely he will NOT be friend-zoned.

  26. Rofl dead @ you should get one. You big dummy[ in my fred sanford voice]. He should've said you should come over and play sometime take lessons from the master. Guys gotta learn to close the deal and pick up on subtle hints.
    I don't want a hella fine man because i wouldn't be able to focus or stop smiling. I want a guy that's a 5 or 6 and who i can feel comfortable around and talk to.

  27. At the end of the day, it's all subjective. different strokes for different folks. I know I'm not Idris Elba, but I'm not Smeagol either. I say accept people as they come and be the catalyst for any changes they make.

  28. This article is a joke. When you title something, Courting Women, and then don’t even talk about what would seem to be pertinent subject matter…. Why am I even reading at this point?

    The Five Things a Man Should REALLY Know about Courting include:
    1. You’ve already lost if you believe this^ man’s claim that being attractive has anything to do with a man being able to successfully court a woman. Please stop. Having a cute face does not entitle you to sh*t in this world. Things might come a little more easily. But any decent human being knows that has very little with a person’s true virtue.
    2. A good woman is worth the investment. Time. Effort. Energy. Money. Period.
    3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t promise the moon, the sky and the stars if you can’t deliver.
    4. Nothing is sexier than a man with a plan. (This goes for short and long term goals). Know where you’re going. For dinner. And for life.
    5. Please be yourself. Nothing is sadder than a man who tries too hard. Any man can have a certain charm if he knows how to be comfortable in his own shoes.



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