In part one of my interactive series, I explored characteristics of successful men that appeal to women. I gave qualities other than the usual that men (and women) could use to better themselves, become versatile, and develop more appeal. This week, after another conversation with the homies, we tried to figure out why men needed to stress superficial nonsense when meeting women. I went into a rant that turned into this blog, and if you know me offline, you know I’m a storyteller by nature. If men knew the complexity they perceive courting as was actually simple, we would have more brothers with unblemished hairlines today. To me, there are 5 facts of life about male-female interactions that a man should know to succeed:
Attractive Men Start With One Foot In The Door
We’ve spoken about “attraction triggers” on this site since it’s inception. Men’s attraction to women is primarily visual, while women can be attracted to personality, stature, and other non-superficial qualities. This explains the phenomenon of an attractive woman dating a man that most would consider aesthetically unappealing. So when you’re a man who’s handsome, in good shape, and is deemed attractive by general standards, you are golden. G.I. Joe once taught me that knowing is half the battle. If a woman thinks you look good, that man has already reached a 50% success level. Depending on the perception your look projects, women may assume that you’re arrogant or conceited, but being attractive will get you an audience with women to further state your case and seal the deal.
Women Know Where Men Stand With Them When They First Meet
If you’ve read relationship articles, spoken to your friends, watched sitcoms, or have walked the Earth for at least 10 years, you’ve heard the cliché that “within the first 5 minutes women know where you fall in the lover/friend spectrum.” While I agree that this sentiment holds some credence to a woman’s level of attraction to men, it cannot be contained to specific time intervals. I believe that it’s within the first interaction that women make that mental note that determines if a man has the opportunity to chase her waterfalls. This could be a 30-second introduction between mutual friends, a group conversation in a social setting, an intimate first conversation, or watching you from afar.
As stated in my point above, being attractive will only strengthen a woman’s intrigue. Once they interact with you, if you don’t mess it up (i.e. say something stupid), then you can be one of her potential suitors. Women go into advanced analysis when they first meet you. They rank you on looks and potential. Potential will be weighted more than looks. Think of your appearance as the votes along party lines (the given) and your personality and level of potential as swing votes in a U.S. Presidential election. You know you can count on your party votes (your looks), but to win the necessary electoral votes, you need to win those key battle ground states (personality and your potential). Aesthetic appeal is a constant and potential is a variable. Depending on what women see and desire both physically and mentally, they know what they want from you, and whether or not you have a chance to get that and more.
I wrote this blog months ago and it was one of my favourite ones ever. I admire the non pretty boy, rugged, brethren who don’t have that 1 foot in the door, and might have a slow start in the paper chase that is dating. However, this is their only disadvantage. You can check the link above to see why this is accurate, but let me pull a quick excerpt about why these non-pretty boys are all-star courting champions:
I remember when I was younger, how my cousin and our boys would clown each other. They used to call him ugly all the time, yet when he responded “But I get [women] though!” they were silent. This man could sell fire to Johnny Blaze or Storm! He wasn’t “ugly ugly” but he wasn’t a pretty boy either. Ugly dudes develop super slang, as they know that verbal intercourse will assist in getting (and keeping) a woman’s attention. They seem to know when to say it, how to say it, and how to react to what’s said. I swear ugly dudes coined the terms “Excuse me miss can I get 5 minutes of your time?” or “…But you can’t have friends though?” You can learn a thing or two from an ugly dude on how to chat with the fairer sex.
I also broke down to a friend off-line why non-pretty boys (I realize years later that “ugly” is a strong term) win. Many times, women will have preconceived notions about dudes who are outwardly attractive. They might fear them to be conceited or arrogant, and in general women don’t find that appealing. When they see someone who might not be the stereotypical handsome man, they will assume that they are down to Earth, and that they have no real reason to be gassed. So if that man shows the genuineness and good personality that was already inferred from women by their appearance, they too have won half the battle, and they have the emotional clout from women to win in the future. Women won’t feel they have to resort to tempering desires as to prevent feeding an enormous ego, so that “non-pretty boy” is sitting pretty. All they have to do is be themselves and stay the course!
Women Will Let You Know If They Are Interested
The question remains: “Will men be able to tell if a woman likes them?” Now I won’t front as if I’ve never misread a signal, but some men are oblivious to signals period! I took a class on nonverbal communication and it opened my eyes to the way in which we all interact with one another. Women will send signals of affection, blatantly and latent, and these key indicators can help men know where they stand. Some women speak in code, others are direct. The non-verbal communication is paramount to me because these are the natural signals that can rarely be hidden from meticulous observers. Look her in her eyes when you speak and watch the way she looks at you. How do her eyes receive you? You can see joy and disdain in anyone’s eyes if you look deep enough. Does her voice raise an octave when you talk? Does she fidget while you talk (i.e. play with her hair)? Does she lean in towards you while you converse? Does she mimic the movements you make? This advanced analysis is simpler than the questions asked. Women love men that pay attention to detail, and being attentive can tell you what you need to know about how receptive a woman is to you. You don’t have to be a Carmen San Diego hunting Gumshoe to decipher the Rosetta Stone that is a woman’s communicative patterns. All you have to do is watch and adapt.
You Don’t Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression, So Concentrate On Your Second Impression
Yes, a woman will make a mental note of your potential opportunities upon first contact. However, if your perception in her eyes isn’t beneficial to your desires of getting with her, don’t be discouraged. The most egregious offense committed by men is “talking themselves out of the p*ssy”. A woman will feel them, throw out all the necessary hints, and wave the gentlemen around third base to score, and they will make a stupid comment that will completely change a woman’s perspective. Women can turn infatuation on and off like a switch if you break that mental and desirous connection with an @sshole move. The same way a man can talk themselves out of a good situation with a woman, they can talk their way back into their good graces. I’m a firm believer that character shines regardless, and if a woman recognizes that, and likes/admires it, you still have a shot. You can’t worry about the impression you made initially. A woman will respect persistence (not stalking) and improvement over false bravado any day. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t sweat it if who you are doesn’t appeal to her. Every woman has a palette for a type of man, and if you don’t fit the bill you never will. You can either accept the platinum membership into the friend zone, or move on to greener pastures.
There’s more to a man than his wealth and social status. The shame is that sometimes men don’t believe this and feel they have to be a facade to succeed. No secret tricks or magic is necessary to be successful in courting and understanding a woman’s affection. You just have to be attentive, be yourself, and be confident. If a $2000 (yes they’re talking about thousand dollar dates on social media now) date is a barometer to a woman about a man’s worth, then you need to drop the temperature, give those birds the cold shoulder, and look for better woman who are worth your time.
Let’s discuss: Women how accurate are these points? Men what do you find most complex/simple about the courting process? Anything I missed?