Home Featured Do Women Need To Do A Better Job Controlling Their Emotions?

Do Women Need To Do A Better Job Controlling Their Emotions?



I think all men struggle with expressing to women exactly how they come across in conversations or in passing. It’s hard to tell a woman that she’s acting like a b*tch, even though you don’t want to sum that up to be the meaning of what she’s about. It’s like that’s what you mean and now you have the hard task of figuring out how to say that without using the words; you, b*tch, crazy, [see-you-next-tuesday], or anything like that. I came to a conclusion a short while ago, I would never ever call a woman “crazy” again in my life — I’d just let other women do it. That’s exactly what I did and it worked! I just shared stories about things that would happen in my life and let the women conclude what I already knew… “Oooh she crazy, Jay!”

I be like, “I know.”

Anyway, once you get past the point of trying to explain to someone their emotional state or how they’re acting, the next hard part is showing them how it affects you. I tell people all the time the reason why I get along with so many women is because I don’t really let them affect me with their shenanigans. I keep my distance from letting other people’s actions affect me. I do this with men too, but it’s a lot easier since I don’t think men are as expressive as women. Undoubtedly, i’m always told that the thing that pisses off women the most about me is that I never lose control. I never express my feelings and show any emotion when i’m upset or when “she” thinks it’s warranted (because that’s when I should). I have always told people, “I just try my best to not let my emotions affect other people because it’s not their problem, it’s mine.”

Yesterday I read an article on Elite Daily that touched on this very topic. Below is an excerpt of the article:

Quit Being A Bitch And Learn To Control Your Emotions

We let our emotions take over our lives every day and this needs to change. We mistakenly allow our emotions to control ourselves, when in reality, we need to learn how to control our emotions.

As a society, it is much more beneficial to learn to deal with things logically rather than emotionally. If you can train yourself to think rationally and realistically, you will become a much happier person. Your emotions cannot control you; you should control your emotions. Ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away, trust me, I’ve tried on numerous occasions.

Suppressing your emotions is inherently problematic. By bottling up all your emotions, you think you are hiding yourself from different instances of pain. However, one day you will reach your breaking point and the floodgates will open and you will become overwhelmed with a plethora of sentiment. It is much more beneficial to be in touch with your emotions, so that you can truly understand how to manage them.

People lash out at others constantly when they themselves are going through internal, emotional turmoil. Emotions cannot lead your life. You can control how you feel and how you react to things. You never need to feel this type of despair again. For some reason, we do not realize how much control we truly have over our emotions.

By not learning how to handle your emotional outbursts, you risk ruining different relationships you will have over the course of your lifetime. Personal friendships, intimate relationships and office interactions all revolve around the management of emotions.

You can read the rest of the article over at Elite Daily.

Here’s a quote from the article that really moved me because it made perfect sense to me.

“Comfort in expressing your emotions will allow you to share the best of yourself with others, but not being able to control your emotions will reveal your worst.”

What are your thoughts on this article and subject? Do you think that some people truly struggle with getting their emotions under control? I always like the term popularized by Jay-Z, Do you think some people lack the “power to get from under themselves”? Lastly, have you found that when you’re upset you’re unable to keep your emotions under control? We’re all friends here, ain’t nobody judging you.

See Also:  The Top Five Obama Quotes from the Last Presidential Debate


– Dr. J


      1. Was the original article directed to women only? Cause I’m really curious as to why the author of this article limited his argument to women only. I’m mad emotional, so I might be taking this personally lol. But I feel like I’m very reactive, my emotions are triggered by what happens. If men would stop doing stupid ish, I’d stop being so emotional. 🙂 But honestly, I do agree with the article and emotional maturity is currently a work in progress.

  1. This is unbelievable! Both men and women need to communicate effectively with one another. Men, if you're making your woman upset, telling her to "control her emotions" is basically telling her to "get over" how you are making her feel. Try to solve the root of the problem, and not the "side effect" of her outburst, because, most likely, you caused it. Women are harmonious creatures. When we communicate with people who refuse to understand us, we get frustrated, and can get upset. Men, if you act right, this is completely avoidable.

    1. "Women are harmonious creatures"…really?? "Men if u act right,this is completely avoidable"…wow!! Just two statements that stoodout to me from ur thoughts….I disagree of course…but respectfully. People in general need to learn to master their emotions,so it ain't just women honestly. But it seems like too many women do go waaaaaaay overboard when expressing emotions especially in a negative way. Just because ur upset doesn't grant u the right to become irrational & loud or just flat out disrespectful. If someone doesn't understand u,or something about u,then how about trying a different approach?? What is getting mad going to do but cause the other person to become defensive or just tune u out completely??….u will still have the same issue,but now u also have two angry people(man/woman). A persons lack of emotional control also shows their immaturity,and that's a shame since we all like to deem ourselves "a grown azz man or woman" LOL

      Just my thoughts(2cents). Have a great day lady
      My recent post Do Women Need To Do A Better Job Controlling Their Emotions?

  2. Also – pro tip from an actual woman right here – calling us the B word is completely unacceptable. It's just never okay. What that does is form a barrier to effective communication – if you start off w/ the mindset that "women are impossible", and "she's a B because she can't control herself" – you dehumanize us. Just like if we perpetuate the mindset that "[men] ain't s—" – that doesn't lead to effective communication. Maybe I'm in my feelings, because this article is very anti-woman, and maybe that's what I get for reading a blog curated by "single black men", but yo. We're people too. Keep that in mind when trying to communicate w/ us.

      1. Telling a guy to man up does not equate to dehumanizing. There are some things that men themselves proclaim are indicative of what it means to be a man. i.e. (handling responsibilities, not whining, being solutions oriented). If for whatever reason you are not doing those things, then technically telling you to man up is only referring to an instance in which you as a man are not living up to your own standards and code. And then again, she already addressed that by saying it's similar to saying something along the lines of men ain't s*** being unacceptable as well in the context of being a hinderance to effective communication.

  3. Men and women need to learn how to control their emotions.

    -I think some men have a very limited idea of what an emotion is. Some think it’s happy, sad and crazy. Also a lot of men confusing ignoring a situation or suppressing their feelings as being logical, which is not the case. If you want a logical more mature response from a women, give her the space, respect towards her feelings, and attention she needs to express what she feels in a logical way. Men do act from emotion, especially when dealing with women. How many of you are out here treating women a certain way or approaching love in a less than healthy way because Sasha from your 3rd grade class didn’t want to be your Valentine? Just because it’s not the same set of emotions as women tend to use, doesn’t mean you’re not responding based on how you feel.

    1. Women

      – Yes (some) of us need to learn the balance between emotion and logic. We also need to stop using emotion as an excuse to act like a fool. You’re an adult, yes things might make you feel a certain way, but there is a mature way to handle it. I think more women need to learn how to clearly express how they feel, and stop thinking someone will just “understand “or “know”. People who know who to clearly express how they feel tend to not act out and make logical decisions.

    2. "I think some men have a very limited idea of what an emotion is. Some think it’s happy, sad and crazy. Also a lot of men confusing ignoring a situation or suppressing their feelings as being logical, which is not the case."

      This is exactly it. I once dated a guy who thought he was so logical in his response to matters when really he was simply emotionally bankrupt and had been hurt so many times that he refused to allow himself to feel. Suppressing your emotions is not healthy and does not constitute "controlling" one's emotions.
      My recent post Shame

  4. I'm one of the least emotional women I've ever come in contact with. I'm also one of the most reactive women I've come in contact with, lol. I know…I don't get it either…

    But, I don't feel right unless I'm being productive…moving something forward. And, if for any reason, I feel like something is holding me back in any way, I react. I'm checkin it. I'm cuttin it off. I'd form a complete thought and judgment before I started asking questions…sometimes, I wouldn't even ask questions. And that's where I had to pull up…get my life together. I had to learn to be slow(er) to move…slow my mind down to get details first before I form judgments and opinions. I had to learn that most people aren't the enemy until they really are…so give folks the benefit of the doubt. I've gotten so much better. Mostly, if I'm bothered, I quiet myself till I'm open to hear the other side…and I always ask questions first instead of tossing out definitive accusations.

    1. Now, after I do that, and I find that I should be offended, I discuss it calmly…but sternly. If I determine that you're trying to play me for a fool though, Imma flip, LOL…like, I go from 0 – infinity in a blink…and it's gonna be ugly…and you'll end up embarrassed. But, in those cases, I'm good cause I end up being right…and the offender is forced to apologize and accept responsibility for igniting the situation. Rarely happens though…people typically don't take me there. 🙂

        1. I had to grow into that. I'll be 32 on Saturday…it took time, LOL!

          Once you get tired of looking silly because you overreacted a few too many times, you assess yourself (the common denominator) and get your life together, LOL.

        2. Funny.

          So you're saying that contrary to dating and pursuing yougner women, if brother J wants a woman that can *better control her emotions, maybe he should date an older more mature woman?


          *orders chai tea on the way out the exit door*

        3. LOL! Oh, lawd…a gunshot! LMBO!

          That…or date women (young or more mature) who are more passive-aggressive. But, any woman who speaks her mind is probably gonna struggle with when and how to speak it without lookin *itchy or crazy. Its a cross we carry…a power we must learn to use properly, lol.

        4. It seems like women act or respond more logical when their feelings are taken into account.

          For example, when I was like 14 I stayed with my cousin and her husband for 2 weeks during the summer. One day they got into an argument (let's just say my cousin can be tough cookie at times). Instead of her husband calling her crazy, ignoring her, or trying to make her fell like she doesn’t have a right to feel a certain kind of way. He said “Listen, I'm not going to talk to you about anything while you’re like this, why don't you go sit in the room, and we'll talk when you’ve calmed down and processed some things, so we can have an effective conversation.". She stopped, sat by herself, 10 min later they were in the back talking and everything was all good. (This is a rare case, she’s usually pretty logical)

        5. You are soooo right!

          I had one ex just out the gate tell me that I better not EVER come off at him like that if I wanted him to stick around, lol…I liked him, so it stayed in check. Did I still say what I needed to say? Oh, absolutely. But, I said it respectfully.

          I've drawn lines in relationships…he knew what behaviors would send me packing too. So, we respected each others lines

  5. I am horrible at controlling my emotions…

    Whatever I am feeling you will know. Good, bad or ugly. This was easily one of the hardest things for me to learn to control. Surprisingly it changed when I started working in the courtroom. Couldn't crack a smile at the silly defendant, couldn't let the whole courtroom know I was sleeping w/ the prosecutor, couldn't let the Judge see that I thought she was an ignorant racist biatch, couldn't cry when my client got an ICE hold. So i learned how to CONCEAL my emotions but not really how to deal with them. So I am def one of those people who lets their emotions run them AND I am not ashamed of this. I am an emotional person…and I am proud to be emotional. I am glad I feel and have no problems letting anyone know my true feelings…Life's too short for me to approach it "logically" YOLO! lol

  6. Assuming we are in a feminist egalitarian utopia,

    “Bit€h, calm yo azz down!”

    Now, if we are in a patriarchy, women can be women with no responsibility.

    I like the former.

  7. most people in the united states have problem with their emotion. they let their emotions dominate their whole life. as men, we need to be in supreme control of our emotions. then we need to set the boundaries of the household. women will naturally be more in tune with and act out of their emotion, but our leadership at home will provide structure so their emotions don't get completely out of control.

  8. Women as a whole are sensitive and emotional creatures so it's always going to be hard for the average woman to control their emotions. Especially when they are encountering a physical or emotional situation (period comes, pregnant etc.) Do I feel women need to do a better job, well it depends on the situation their faced with, but at the end of the day they are women.
    My recent post Want A Better Life? Follow These 10 Rules And Thank Me Later

  9. Men generally think logically, and women generally think emotionally. The problem with both $exes is relying too heavily on their preferred way of thinking. Thinking too logically makes you robotic. Thinking too emotionally makes you crazy.

    I think too logically, to a fault, which had p!ssed off several women I know (including my current gf). To use a (very general) example, my girlfriend sometimes puts me in a situation that no matter what I do, she'll be mad. Option A: mad. Option B: mad. So logically, I did what I wanted, since both Option A and B yielded the same result. But that really p!ssed her off and made her say I didn't care. So I swallowed my pride and took her feelings into account*, and took option that I figured in the long run would make her less mad, no matter how illogically she appeared to be acting to me.

    Men need to open up. Women need to calm down (I know y'all don't like to hear that, but it's true).

    *Ironically, that was a logical deduction.

    1. I think in that particular scenario, you weren't acting logically, you were acting emotionally. Your clearly most logical option would be to get out of a no-win situation by avoiding it entirely (i.e. Leaving the relationship) But you didn't, you decided to react to the outcomes provided and not in the interest of self preservation(illogical) Thus, ya'll are both wrong. You might be giving yourself too much credit 🙂

      1. Jasmine: "Your clearly most logical option would be to get out of a no-win situation by avoiding it entirely"

        So considering all relationships have arguments, the logical thing is to avoid them altogether? Which would also include most familial relationships? Self preservation is leaving the relationship? What am I missing here?

        1. You said that any scenario would result in the same negative option. That’s not true of all relationships, only in this particular scenario. So with that being the case the better option is to avoid all relationships with all negative outcomes, which does apply to any and all relationships. Emotional reactions are what changes what we do logically, which is why love is illogical.

        2. "You said that any scenario would result in the same negative option. That's not true of all relationships, only in this particular scenario."

          No, I said she ""sometimes puts me in a situation where she is mad either way. Ask ANY man: women do this all the time. This applies to all relationships.

          "the better option is to avoid all relationships with all negative outcomes"

          You're confusing a rule and a meta-rule. The meta-rule is I want a girlfriend and ultimately a wife. Any woman I choose is going to give me some "negative outcomes", but that is an acceptable consequence of having a woman. Just as one may be a homeowner, but no matter what house you buy, there is going to be maintenance issues. The negatives do not outweigh the positives of owning the home. Same thing in my situation.

  10. I hope you're a troll because if not, I actually feel sorry for you if these are the types of questions/insights are the best you can come up with.

  11. So valid. This is me and my dad to the core. Things dont really visibly bother me. I just logically in my head deal with whatever hardships come my way.

  12. It's all about self-awareness and maturity, two qualities that are in rare availability these days! Know thyself, and take time to understand the people you deal with and things will happen as they should. Oh I forgot everyone is out for theirs! There I go trying to be logical…damn!

  13. Are we talking about controlling emotions or behavior? We all have a right to our emotions just not the right to make other people uncomfortable. Men sometimes take their left brains for granted, taking logic as a given and assuming their opinions come from a place of reason. In this case it isn't and plenty of compelling evidence above. If men were given the same space as women to be expressive they would. In fact one demographic of men is given more space then others to do just that and they take full advantage of it. Emotions are a product of brain function, no more no less. Thinking that is something we can command is pretty simplistic. Demanding that someone control their's is just intrusive.

  14. I don't care if she's emotional. I just deal with it, and if I can't deal then I bounce.

    No matter what you do, eventually she's gonna get all up in her feelings about something. So just listen to your corner, and watch for the hook.

    Once you accept the fact that you will get wet, the rain will not perplex you.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This