Home Featured Do Men Really Mind Spending Money On Women And What Are Their Expectations?

Do Men Really Mind Spending Money On Women And What Are Their Expectations?

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Q: When it comes to first dates, some men think they are entitled to physical action. On the other hand, some men don’t mind spending money on women just for their company (and sometimes those women think the fact that the man is spending money on them means he’s into them when it may not.) Ex: A friend of a coworker was asked to go away for a weekend with a guy and he paid for everything and when they got home she thought his gesture meant they were exclusively dating or moving toward that when in reality he just wanted to spend time with a woman for the weekend — all expenses paid.

I wrote about a related issue in my previous post, Can Most Men Really Afford a Girlfriend? But for the sake of argument, let’s assume the man we’re discussing today can afford to have a girlfriend or several girlfriends. This leaves three outstanding questions when it comes to this scenario. Why is it that: 1) Some men think they are entitled to physical action based on the amount of money they spend; and 2) Some men don’t mind spending money on women; and finally, what do men expect from women when they do spend cash?

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1. Some men think they are entitled to physical action from women.

Well, some men expect physical action from women because some men are idiots. You can’t change the habits or expectations of idiots, so I’m going to ignore this subgroup of men, and I suggest you do the same.

There is another sub-group of men who don’t expect anything from women, but they also don’t have an unlimited pool of money to spend – on women or in life in general. This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but money has value. In most circumstances, spending money has a return on investment. Whether you like it or not, if a man is spending money on you, he is investing in you and the future. Some women might argue their quality time, wonderful personalities, engaging conversations, and physical company should be more than enough to make a man feel content to spend any amount of money to enjoy these intangibles. That sounds nice and all, but these women are wrong.

If you were right, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, women wouldn’t make asinine statements like, “If you can’t afford to date, you shouldn’t date,” and “$200 date” (or $2,000 dates if you bout that life) debates wouldn’t erupt on Twitter every week.

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I can no more blame a woman for being offended that a man would expect something from her after spending “X” amount of money than I can blame a man for feeling offended that he didn’t receive anything after spending “X” amount of money. Honestly, both parties are to blame. If you’re a man who thinks a woman owes you something because you spend money on her, maybe you shouldn’t spend money on women or you should go on cheap/free first dates. Conversely, if you’re the type of woman who doesn’t want a man to assume you owe him something because he spent money on you, maybe you shouldn’t let men pay for dates in full or you should only accept cheap/free first dates.

Ladies, I know what you’re thinking…

2. Some men don’t mind spending money on women.

There is only one type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on women: the type of man who can afford to spend money on women. If going on a date doesn’t affect your bottom line, of course you’ll have far less emotions vested in how much or little a date costs. When you have money to blow, you don’t care if a date costs $20, $200, or $2,000. It is what it is.

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Men who watch how much money they spend on a first date are the same type of men who worry about how much money they spend on everything in life. I’m not saying these men are broke or the opposite of them is a rich man. I’m simply saying the type of man who watches every dollar that enters and leaves his bank account isn’t going to change just because he’s on a date. That’s his personality. On the other hand, the type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on you is likely the type of man that doesn’t mind spending money, period.

Let me be clear, a man who doesn’t mind spending money isn’t the equivalent of a man who is rich or good with money. We all know people who spend money like water, yet somehow can’t afford to consistently pay their water bill. [Read the rest at MadameNoire]

Comment(27)

  1. Love and money are two different monsters. No amount of money will ever guarantee the draws, no amount of money can say how much someone loves you. It’s simple minded folk who thinks otherwise, i.e. Love and Hip Hop, #blacktwitter.

  2. I would think as long as it's appreciated, or he knows she would do the same then he may not mind doing it. I have a coworker/friend who we trade off buying lunch for each other. He may buy the meal and I may buy the drinks or vice versa. I do not believe that he's that deep into me, but he's just a nice guy. If a guy expects more, he needs to set those expectations out in the beginning before he goes home blue in the balls.
    My recent post I get so lonely

  3. Yeah I think you have to be clear what your intentions are from the jump. Also, if it's a first date, you can't, I repeat, can't take her out to an expensive place. I strongly believe first dates should be done at an expensive venue (museum, park, coffee, etc.) and then proceed from there. In this new day and age of dating, you can't show all of your cards too soon. In reference to getting some physical action based on the money you spend, I personally don't expect it, but eventually if I am taking you out, spending my hard on money on you, then the light bulb should come on letting you know that I am interested. On the reverse, if you got it like that, then money is not an issue, but I know very few dudes who are willing to spend, spend, spend and not get anything in return. I expect nothing if we are dating because I do believe in courting a woman, but if I am spending my money and taking you out on a consistent basis, then yeah eventually I do think we should be leading to a romantic disposition amongst the two of us.

  4. "There is only one type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on women: the type of man who can afford to spend money on women."

    This is part of it. The other part is that if a man treats HIMSELF to nice things, it's likely that's his lifestyle. Therefore, they aren't going to meet a woman and take her to McDonald's cus he doesn't even eat that crap. The problem comes when McDonald's dudes try to date women who aren't McDonald's women AND when McDonald's women get it in their head that a man is obligated to upgrade their lifestyle through dates.

    With regard to expecting something in return for dates, eh. If I am dating a man and he eludes to an exchange I never agreed to, then it's up to me to recognized what's going on and exit stage left. I don't have the time or inclination to convince a man I owe him NOTHING at ANY TIME because I never agreed to any exchange.

  5. I like #2 "Some mind don't mind spending money on women", as long as that money is not taking away from another obligation. Dates come out of my flex money – the part of my budget after bills, savings, and recurring expenses are taking. I don't mind spending money on any kind of entertainment, including dates, as long as it falls within those parameters.
    My recent post Send Your Clones to Conferences Far and Wide

  6. I used to be the guy that didn't mind spending money on women, doing nice things and paying for dates but I think its a slippery slope. The problem I run into is that I'm a nice funny guy, so a girl may not be into me but still enjoy my company enough to "play the game" so to speak to get something out of me, when they already know it won't be more than friends basically from the start. I really hate that feeling so I typically stay away from women that feel its a mans obligation to pay for dates or other things.

  7. I agree with #2 most of my friends are men and my job hardly has any woman (sad right) sometimes I enjoy a woman company so I don't mind buying lunch and things like that. I never have any expectation of getting anything besides a good conversation and some quality time with the opposite sex.

  8. I agree with the other commenters. Even though people think of me what they want. I am still a kind person, and will redirect that kind energy to those I feel worthy of it.

    Women in this great American land have really made it impossible to do kind things for them with a clear conscience.

    Being that I wasn’t fortunate to have early success with women, I demand all the things I want from a woman upfront, then I dispense my part of the deal. But that is not what I came here to comment on.

    A lot of the debates/interactions we have on here is that we are trying to cut through the bullspit that is life. And dating, there is a lot of bullspit to cut through.

    Most men when dating today, need to see women as escorts & prostitutes & negotiate from there. It is unfortunate, but such is life.

    Get dat azz first before you take her out on a date, you will be better off as a man.

    1. LMFAO LOL I had to hit the like on Adonis's post. Just because I got such a good laugh out of it. SMH Oh my day is made.

  9. One of the worst pieces of advice I've ever gotten from girlfriends had to be: "So what if you don't like that guy?! Just go on the date with him — it's a free meal!" And every time I would grudgingly follow this advice, I would have a bad time and just feel uncomfortable. In the following days, some of the guys felt it was now okay to start talking all crazy about the things they wish they can do to me…*shudders*

    Thank God I finally grew up and stopped taking bad advice from my old golddigging friends, ha!

  10. I think it probably needs to be going somewhere for all involved.

    If it isn't for either, be up front in the best way possible. No need to be an ass, and the other should appreciate the honesty.

    There are times where a date is just that too.

  11. Truth be told, I realized that not every woman whose number I got was worth going out on a date with. Taking her out on a date only happens after I've had a few conversations with her which usually gives me an idea if I want to even see her again like that.

  12. Great topic! As usual bring up money, and just like with church folk, you can hear a rat fart on a feather. This subject is the direct clash of two schools of thought: Traditional relationship values and Progressive modern ideals. Anyone who thinks the answer is a simple one is simple! Also we have to remember that "courting" and "dating" are fundamentally different. I could write a book on this but I won't here. I'm always humorously amazed by ladies who with all of their progression and independence, and upward mobility, still like to hold to the archaic notion that male suitors "should" always pay when dating them.

  13. HI, I'VE COME IN PEACE! A lot of men have come 2 conclusion that women r desperate, so they don't have to make an investment, pay 4 dates, events, i.e.women will accept short end just 2 b with a man. In a man's mind, that leaves him clear of accountability/responsibility.

  14. Many men use excuse, they want to see where relationship leads, before spending money. If he could only have the same though, when it comes to sleeping with a woman. The idea of prostitution comes, when she expects something, as long as he can lay/play without obligation she's the BEST WOMAN in the world. In that case, WHEN SEX is what u desire, just be a man about it, be honesty & be willing to pay, no harm, no foul. Yet, many of you lack honesty, and want to pretend your interested, because of lack of confidence of self. Oh, what about the men who can't afford a call girl? lol, check the ads, like it or not, even they have a going rate. I've heard many men say, I can go buy a woman for $20, do you, we're not mad.

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