Home Featured What Single People And Free Agency Have In Common

What Single People And Free Agency Have In Common



It’s that time of year in the basketball world where free agency is upon us. A recent conversation with one of my cousins led to me explaining that free agents and single people have a lot in common. Today I’d like to share with you my long ass analogy. If you’re a sports fan like myself you’ll resonate with it seamlessly. If you’re not a sports fan, I hope I’m clear enough in my delivery. In any case, here goes it:

Being The Free Agent

I explained to my cousin that at some point or another we are star free agents in this game of love and lust.  At some point in our careers (lives) we will be scouted and we will be sought after. As free agents we get to scope the scene, weigh options and then we make decisions. When you’re a star player you take many things into consideration.  Truth be told some teams(prospective partners) are a better fit for you than others. But during this whole recruiting process (dating) you wonder as the player “What’s in it for me?”  The teams seeking you are basically selling themselves to you. They will paint the greatest picture to entice you to go with them. No matter how well some teams try to make themselves look, you can still see some qualities in which you may not be interested.

Seeking The Free Agent

Now as the team seeking someone’s partnership or services, what picture are you painting? No team is perfect that’s a given, but what steps are you taking to become a winner? In this league of love and lust there are teams that are proven winners and teams that aren’t. Now what team are you? Are you the team that has been a proven winner? Or are you the team that hasn’t had a championship since the civil rights movement?(Cleveland) Or are you a team dedicated to winning and are taking steps to do so? Here’s a quick overview of the types of people we can classify ourselves as.

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Proven Winner:

Has a clean track record, whether male or female they are stand up people and are seen positively through most people’s eyes. More often than not, these people are blessed with the ability to make prudent decisions in the realm of dating. Their breakups mostly end amicably and without too much ill feeling.

Team That Hasn’t Won In Years:

A person who has constantly been in bad situations with the opposite sex and still goes about things the same ways. They refuse to take steps on improving their strategies and criteria or even themselves; thus rendering themselves proverbial losers. They don’t change so they’ll continue to get the same results.

Dedicated To Winning:

You’re in the rebuilding phase and you have consciously made efforts to make good sound choices. You have taken steps to improve your stock and offer something better than what was. You maintain a positive outlook on love and know you have something special to offer.

Any star free agent either wants to go to a proven winner or  a team that has shown through their transactions (decisions) that they are committed to being a winner in the future. Which team are you? And to the free agents out there… what are you doing to be considered a star?

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Do you relate to any of the teams I’ve listed? Do you enjoy the dating process? Fill me in with your thoughts, let me know if my analogy was on the money.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/


  1. While I can appreciate the analogy, I'm about over the dating/relationship convo. All I see is that people only hear/listen to what they agree with.

    1. the dating/relationship conversation has grown redundant because men and women are both steadily saying “its not me its them”, men dont court….well women are too easy, men dont commit…..woman x isnt even worthy., men arent honest….yes we are women are in denail…round and round we go

  2. The analogy fits moreso for “teams” than the actual single person. A free agent just goes to whatever makes him happy whether its if they want to win, or just get paid (Hi Josh Smith). As for the ones who are seeking said free agent, like a “Cleveland”, they dated the high school sweetheart, couldn’t understand why he was unhappy, they break up badly, they took the time to both regroup and now suddenly Cleveland is looking wifeable again. Theres the teams who are so wrapped up in their attractiveness (Lakers) who will keep jumping into situations and never hold themselves accountable to change.

  3. As for dating, the wooing process is alluring, a moderately attractve, young professional without kids is all the craze these days but ultimately, if you find yourself constantly moving around, apparently you arent as great as you may think you are.

  4. Well I was telling a co-worker the other day who wanted to hook me up with her friend that I am a 100% free agent. I think somethings I have done to work towards being a star: working out, doing fun stuff, and achieveing some personal goals. I know I am a winner so I am dedicated to finding a proven winner out here…
    The dating process as I have gotten older has been interesting…Ups and downs, but my motto is "I will not lose" so I keep moving through the trenches…

  5. Even when I was in a relationship I would always opt out each year right before our anniversary.

    That sounds mean right? It wasn't though. Each year of my relationship I would opt out and have a conversation with my girl on if she wanted to do it for another year. How we did in the past year? Things that we could do better or handle differently. It was great for our relationship because you sometimes realize that you haven't resolved mad issues. And sometimes you realize that the other person has no intention on changing anything about themselves ever.

    1. I'm definitely taking this! Great idea. After a year (or just about) you should know where you want to take things in a relationship.

    2. Yeah, I'll pass on this. Anniversaries are a time for celebration of another year together. No need to turn a relationship into a lease, plus, if you want to have the "continue?" conversation, it can be any time. If things are going well, there's no need for all that. If things aren't, hopefully you've said something before you hit another year marker.

      1. I never called it a lease. Someone else said that. I said that every year just before the anniversary I have a conversation with my significant other about our relationship. It's an introspective look over the past year of what went well and what didn't. Things that we can improve on, things that we may have left unsaid, that would make things better.

        And if someone has a problem with having that conversation, they're weird.

        Yes, it's nice to celebrate but someone has to do the dishes after. And you don't want to be that person doing the dishes when your significant other has passed out yet again.

        1. I have no problem having the conversation. I said there's no reason to have it on your anniversary. And if you're repeatedly stuck doing dishes while your S/O has passed out, why wait until your anniversary to say something about it? IJS…

        2. Again, you're trying to twist this into a negative. And I didn't say I would do it on my anniv. at NO point did I say that. It's just setting a time where you review your relationship from a retrospective view.

          You also missed an analogy… that wasn't meant to be literal.

          You don't like it, that's fine. But if I was dating someone who didn't ever want to take the time to assess the relationship, I would break up with them. Vice versa, if they wanted to do it all the time, I would break up with them.

        3. Dr. J, you get a little hostile with people voicing contrary views but that's cool. Anyway, thanks for your opinion. Have a great weekend.

        4. Actually no and we can drop this but I want to explain something first. I don't want you to walk away from this thinking that I mean something that I don't. This is a very important point for me, so I want to explain that there is nothing negative or any ill will in this at all. If you understand that and you disagree, fine. But it seems like you keep coming back with a dissenting opinion that contains information or points that I have never made. It's not being hostile, it's basically taking the time to explain myself, rather than quitting and walking away.

          Because that helps no one. I don't care if you agree or disagree, what is most important is that we take the time to hear each other out and understand each other fully.

  6. I, myself, am not a serial dater therefore it is difficult for me to classify myself within either category. On the other hand I am dedicated to improving and working on myself whether I am in a relationship or not. Because self-development is a prominent ingredient for growth and prosperity I am dedicated to just that without taking the outcome of past relationships personal enough for me to categorize or classify myself in the dating game. I realize that a relationships are reflections of how we feel about ourselves in each circumstances due to the fact that we are all unique beings and that the various encounters are apart of our individual journeys to finding someone who is right for each of us…

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