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Most Men Will Never Abuse A Woman

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This post is in response to a question about the animalistic nature of men in society, and it expands on a comment I originally made on What Do Men Learn About Rape Growing Up?

Q: Are men as animalistic as society portrays them to be when it comes to self-control and sexuality?

There are animalistic men in society, but these men are not the barometer by which all men should be measured. Similar to the fact that the news does not cover stories about all the planes that land safely each day, while the majority of men practice self-control, there are few public accolades for doing what you are supposed to do. Rather than ignore the obvious, let’s focus on the most evident lack of self-control and sexuality when it comes to men and women…

As many of you have noticed, I do not talk about rape. I am not immune or blind to the echo-chambers in the blogosphere on the topic, but I have largely and purposefully chosen to remain on the sidelines. I am not positive the Internet is a place to have conducive, meaningful discussions about rape, rape prevention, and rape culture. There are (justifiably) too many raw emotions, and such discussions usually dissolve to finger-pointing and trolling rather than meaningful discussion or solutions. However, today I am going to do my best to respectfully provide my opinion on the subject.

One in three women will be raped, beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime. I am not absolving men who perpetuate such crimes, and I am definitely not blaming their victims. However, this statistic shows that two in three women will not experience such unfortunate fates, so the majority of men in the world are in fact not committing such crimes. Sadly, some men are truly animalistic by their very nature, but some other men are the byproducts of the society in which they live. In my opinion, one of the overlooked issues when it comes to rape and rape culture is not that we have a rape culture (in America). The larger problem is that we encourage a culture of silence, in which rape-culture is a subset.

Read more at [MadameNoire.com]

Comment(11)

  1. “Most Men Will Never Abuse A Woman”

    1. But more men should. Women really love abusive men.

    And really are repulsed by “Nice/Good/Decent Men”

    2. We rarely celebrate men period.

    Even though we celebrate women for nothing.

    ——-

    My point is, if women REALLY were repulsed by “sexism”, “misogyny”, abusive rapists & domestic violence practitioners, they would avoid these negroes like the plague.

    It is the same reason black men don’t aspire to be top-notch scholars, fathers & husbands. No Incentive.

    Most BW ain’t into those men until they need something.

    So women are a huge reason why these men continue to exist. Among other reasons.

    1. "One in three women will be raped, beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime."

      That means 2 in 3 won't= 66.66667%= majority of women ARE avoiding these "plague-like" men.

      "Most BW ain't into those men until they need something."

      What's wrong with a utilitarian relationship? That sword cuts both ways! I am sure there are BM who are with women because THEY need something *wink, wink* too.

      1. @Carissa

        My bigger point is that “violence against women” isn’t that bad if you consider the collective response to it by women.

        Because these men still get chose & chose hard. Case & point Rihanna, Kelly Rowland. Those women are just a reflection/snapshot of what alot of women’s relationship are like with abusive men.

        1. More people have multiple facets to their personalities, and/or multiple or split disorders than you realize. Many people that have a psychological or mental health disorder are not in a mental health facility. You may see some every day at the market, at the gas station, at the barbershop or where-ever. They are living amongst society just as you and I are.
          I say that to say, men (and women) who are abusive almost Never begin any relationship being abusive. I've personally known women, (and a few men) who were in horrible verbal and physically abusive relationships. Most all brand new relationships start out great. It's months, maybe years later after a considerable amount of time has passed and/or maybe something happens or is said or done that brings out the worst in that person. Think about your previous relationships. Obviously your not with those women for a reason. But you were with them for a period of time.

        2. So it's fairly safe to say that 9 times out of 10 most or all of those relationships started out pretty damn good. Over time something/s happened which inevitably led to the demise of those relationships. But obviously if they started out bad they wouldn't have lasted very long, or begun in the first place, correct….?
          The people I know who were in abusive relationships the abuse did not start until after a considerable amount of time after the beginning of the relationship. In some cases the abuse did not start until after marriage. Nothing happened for months or years, and in that persons mind everything was great until that first incident. So what does that tell you Adonis?

  2. Even tho the post seems to deal with rape, abuse isn't limited to just sexual assault or coercion. Contrary to the title, I think most men WILL abuse a woman in their lifetime, either intentionally or unintentionally. And I believe most women will abuse a man in their lifetime as well. In general, people abuse people all the time. People suck. Sometimes I wish I was an anteater or a honey badger.

    I've been physically and verbally assaulted by a woman on several occasions. As men, we're taught to either suck it up or remove yourself from the situation. Either way, there is very little discussion about it… and whenever there is, it's done with a tongue in the cheek.

    I'll never forget the time i was having a dream where i was playing basketball with Obama, and I jumped up to block a shot and swung my arms in real life, accidentally slapping my girl pretty hard. It doesnt make me a rapist… but unintentional abuse is still abuse. Prevention is impossible– empathy and compassion are the key.

  3. On BET's show Fatal Attractions there was a woman who was married to a man for several years. She was pregnant with their first child. The womans husband thought she was pregnant with another mans child, and wanted to get their insurance money so he hired someone to kill her.
    The hitman saw she was 8 months pregnant and couldn't do it. He explained to her that her husband hired him to kill her.

  4. In the interviews the woman said she was shocked. Her husband never ever gave her any indication whatsoever that he wanted to kill her and their unborn child. Was never abusive, mean or nasty or anything. In fact she was in such a state of shock that she was in denial and refused to testify against her husband and supported him throughout the trial. He was prosecuted and served jail time but got a lesser sentence, but still has to serve more than 2 decades of jail time for attempted double murder.
    All the evidence pointed against the husband, and during the trial, the hitman and the womans sister testified against him. However, that woman never once acknowledged that her husband actually hired someone to kill her when asked did she think he did it. She could not wrap her mind around the man she loved, married, and had a child with doing such a thing.

  5. I've abuse in various ways, in various relationships. What would stop much of it is men checking other men who perpetrate it. Admittedly, men need to be wise in how they make efforts to stop the abuse, whatever kind it is, but it needs to happen nevertheless.

    With that being said, abuse can be a multi-layered issue. There are variables and factors that can play a part in a man abusing a woman; not all readily apparent. While it has to be stopped, the causes behind it need to be understood as well.
    My recent post A Letter Of Appreciation For Plus Sizes, BBWs, and Big Girls

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