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The Saved Zone


captain save a ho

*Fade in*

Scene:  a holding area on a cargo ship filled with women.  There are men milling around the deck, looking down into the cargo hold.  Each man has singled out a woman that they want to rescue.  The men don’t know that the women are in fact, not in danger.  Unbeknownst to the women, they’re going to be rescued whether they want to be or not.  Once they’re lifted out of the holding area, the men run to their rescuees.  All cleaned up, and now ready for the world, the women have now unwittingly entered…the Saved Zone.

*Fade out*

The Saved Zone (SZ) is that place where well-meaning, but misguided, men (Cap’ns) sorta leave some women in once they’ve been rescued.  It’s arguably worse than being Friendzoned.  At least in the Friend Zone there is still some communication between a man and woman.  In the SZ, most, if not all, communication will cease once the Cap’n feels like his job is done.  I know of what I speak because before I got married, I was THE Cap’n.

Nothing was easier, yet, harder, than being a Cap’n.  It was easier because it felt natural; harder because being one was stressful.  In hindsight, natural and stressful didn’t go together, but at the time, it made sense.

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Choosing who I was going to save was easy.  The rescuees, we’ll call them all Keisha, always seemed to fall in my lap.  I’d do whatever was necessary to make them feel appreciated and wanted.  I’d reinforce all their positive attributes while minimizing the negative ones.  The more I went about trying to be Keisha’s all in all, the more stressed out I’d become.  Finally, I’d have had enough, and drop her off in the Saved Zone.

She would be confused about what happened, and how she ended up there.  Her questions would go unanswered.  She was in the SZ, so she was in a better place. Or so I thought.  In reality, Keisha was in limbo.  Not only had I invested time and energy into her, but she did as well.  Furthermore, she had put time into me as well.  As the Cap’n, I never saw it like that though.

The various Keisha’s being in the Saved Zone wasn’t good for anybody.  Whereas the possibility of a meaningful relationship was always present, I, knew it wasn’t going to happen.  Once I got them to the SZ, they were fine.  But Cap’n’s never stay around long enough to see how the Saved Zone treats its occupiers.  I was no different.

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From what I envision, being in the Saved Zone sucks.  It’s like getting invited to a classy party, taking extra time to get ready, putting on the best clothes, awaiting a limo….and never leaving the house.  It would have been better to never have been invited in the first place.  The next guy who isn’t a Cap’n is going to have a heck of a time getting Keisha to get ready for the next party.  All because she got dressed up with no place to go.  And I couldn’t be mad at any of them if they had wished to not have been saved in the first place.

For the men who have been, or are Cap’n’s, make sure your noble gesture is needed.  Don’t assume it is.  For the Keishas, if you have the slightest inkling you will end up in the Saved Zone, jump ship beforehand.  It’s not a place you want to be.


  1. I love this story because it feels like I have closure from a Capt'n situation! I wondered for a long time why this Captain came into my life, trying to build me up while I was just fine,, trying to lift me up
    while I wasn't down. Just to disappear after i am into him because of his "saving".
    I was not on drugs, not homeless, not even heart broken or broke. i simply mistook this guy's
    sweetness, advice and help as romaticlove.

    Now I see it is just instinct.

    Thanks for this story!

    1. For some men, it is instinct. For others, it is a decision to become Cap. In the end, all the moves this particularly kind of man makes are selfish. It took me a while to understand how. He decides when to build the chosen women up, he also decides when he she is ready to be "sent out into the world". The heart is in the right place, but the execution is extremely backwards.
      My recent post What’s In A Name?

  2. I don't quite get the take on this concept. I have another definition in mind when I think of Cap'n Save a H*.
    I think of wealthy and well to do men with strippers, old senior citizens that are sugar daddies that get with struggling college age women, and men who get with waitresses and bartenders and "upgrade them." Much like Greg & Nene Leakes (Nene was a stripper when she met Greg) and Tiger Woods and his ex Elin, whom I heard was a bartender when they met. I thought it was more along the lines of taking a woman who was practically nothing, and turning her into something. Getting with her and giving to her and sharing with her all you have.

  3. " I’d do whatever was necessary to make them feel appreciated and wanted. I’d reinforce all their positive attributes while minimizing the negative ones. The more I went about trying to be Keisha’s all in all, the more stressed out I’d become." To me this statement simply sounds like what a person does when they are in love with, love and care about a person. When someone becomes important to you, imo you naturally did all of those things out of love. At least thats what I've seen and experienced in mutually good and loving relationships. I see nothing wrong with "reinforcing positive attributes." I do agree that minimizing negative attributes is not necessarily a good thing.

  4. If anything, I think the real problem is doing these things for someone you don't love deeply enough and aren't in love with, or doing them for someone who is simply more of a taker and not much of a giver. Then yes of course it's a problem. Not so much because the person wants these things, but because you don't love them enough to do them, or they want more than you can reasonably give.
    Do you not, "do whatever is necessary to make your wife feel appreciated and wanted and loved." "Reinforce her positive attributes while minimizing the negative ones." "Desire to be all your wife wants and needs and satisfy her in every way?"
    The way I see it it's not so much about u being you being Capn Save A H* or the "Keisha's" you dated, but that those "Keisha's" were not the woman you deemed worthy of and/or desired to treat like a queen, love and spoil. Once you found "the one", problem solved.

  5. This is totally whats going on in my life, I have been mad as hell at "the Capt". I didnt understand what was going on with "us". He's white and im black, how ironic that SBM has the solution????! looooool- i kid!!
    I did kinda need some "rescuing"- really just someone to talk to with all the drama at work. He's a colleague and we've been inseparable, well till now. I just didnt understand what happened! I have decided to resign from my job after 9 months of struggle, now on the highway to bigger and better opportunities and i guess he feels his "job" is done!
    WOW… Ill pick myself up from this one! Thanks for the revelation!

  6. OH SNAP – I’m a female Captain and NEVER knew it….I stay building up a man – and when he’s all commit to me I run for the hills…WOW who knew?!


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