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Why Looks Matter.

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The power of the p****.
The power of the p****.

The other day I started watching this show called New Girl on Netflix. I usually hear people talking about the show on social media so I decided to give it a go. If you’ve never seen the show the premise of show is based in Los Angeles where a quirky, cute female teacher named Jessica (Jess) catches her live-in boyfriend cheating when she came home early one afternoon. They broke up and she found the perfect apartment on Craigslist but the kicker was her roommates were all men: two white (Nick and Schmidt) and one black (Winston). During one of the episodes, Jess walks in on Nick while he’s naked. Sticking to her quirky ways she laughed, not because she thought he looked bad naked but because she was caught off guard. The rest of the episode dealt with Nick dealing with body issues to the point where he ended up turning down sex with a woman that he really liked.

While I watched this episode I couldn’t help but think that when most people think of someone dealing with body issues they usually think of women. I can see why most people would only associate body issues with women. Men are by and far considered the more visual sex so based on this, women put a lot of stock into their looks. On the other hand women care more about security (physically, financially, etc) and companionship, which are things that have absolutely nothing to do with looks. Because of this, many men don’t put a lot of thought into how their body looks. If anything, we feel if we’re funny or we have a lot of money we’ll have the same if not more success with women. A lot of us will tell people that we don’t care if we’re considered attractive or handsome or if women find our bodies desirable.

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That’s what we say, but I’m here to tell you today that it’s all bullshit. We’re just as self-conscious about how we look as women are. There are a lot of people who claim that women are the reason men get their haircuts and try to dress fly, and every baller than can afford it cops the best ride (shout out Jay). I agree wholeheartedly with these claims. Not saying everything I do to make myself presentable is done to impress women, but a solid 65% of it is. I cut my hair once a week and shave twice a week because I generally like how I look with a low cut. I want to look good for myself as well as look for my girlfriend, but I’d be lying if I said that I generally didn’t want to be appealing to the opposite sex. I’ve never heard anyone say “I hate it when people find me attractive.”

I’m in pretty good shape because I play a lot of basketball and I run a lot. That coupled with the fact that I have excellent genes, I could really get by with that and still maintain my body. I also work out often and try to watch what I eat partly because I want to be healthy and live as long as possible. Another part of me (in a single life somewhere) never wants to have a woman think that I’m about to crush her while we’re having sex. I want her eyes to light up with anticipation while I disrobe. I don’t want to be hollowed out and lead to her disappointment. With that said, I’m willing to bet money (I’m not, I don’t gamble) that the majority of guys feel the same way where they want to admit it or not.

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Recently, I read a guest post on verysmarthbrothas.com were Christina, a recently married woman discussed her feelings about the possibility of not being seen as attractive to men because of her wedding ring. I understood where she came from. Everyone wants to be seen as attractive but people reacted as if because she got married that that desire should just automatically disappear. Too many people behave as if looks don’t matter when we live in a society dominated by physicality. Makes me wonder why people are so afraid to admit the truth to themselves.

How important are your looks to you? Is being deemed attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re homosexual) important? More importantly, do you watch New Girl?

Tunde

Comment(35)

  1. I really dislike it when many of the guys I know justify their slackness by saying they can rely on humor or money to get women. Yes, that does work, but what about YOU and YOUR health. I used to be rather hefty and am in the process of sliming down and over halfway to my goal. I want to know what I look like and what I can do in my peak years before the peak lowers with age.

    1. i hear you. that bothers me too. i usually think that they're too lazy to actually get in the gym and do the work. personally, although i work out a lot i'm still slacking on my diet. i'm trying to get it together tho.
      My recent post Marriage for All…

  2. Yes, women have to put a lot of stock into their looks. I don't like fat guys, no overweight lovers for me! I would think men want to look good for us, but so many Black men are overweight and not sexy naked. It's almost as if they've stopped trying. You can't be broke & fat. HA!! It's almost like women just have to accept unattractive men.

    Also, how do men Black men show off their bodies in the wintertime?
    http://chocolatevent.wordpress.com
    My recent post Racism: You Can’t Determine What Is Offensive To Someone Else

  3. We all like to play PC when we’re really Macs, and yes looks matter. Theres nothing shallow about that just as there’s nothing insecure about wanting to be noticed for said looks. Physical attraction is what draws initial interest im sure theres plenty of awesome people who i dont find attractive and uness our paths cross in some other way, i dont see how we would ever meet as i wouldnt approach you and would rebuff your advances.

    1. man, i 've never seen a woman from across a bar and said "man she looks like she has a great personality." i don't care how great a person you are, if you can't draw someone in on something physical then you stand no chance.
      My recent post Marriage for All…

  4. I stay in shape/attempt to look half-way decent both for the opossite sex and because I'm approached (in general) by other members of the public. I'm literally a woman that stays head a shoulders above crowds and people point at me so their friends can turn and get a look. I constantly feel "on display", judged, and critiqued. I receive plenty of backhanded compliments, ("you're tall, but you're pretty though." "you're tall, but at least you're not fat!"). Im use to it, but it still makes me anxious from time to time knowing I'm constantly being looked at. Looking good helps ease the anxiety.

      1. I do have a follow-up question based on some of the comments…

        "How LONG do looks matter?"

        The general theory is that "looks fade" over time. So are they important to *us because most of us are younger? Granted, I've had numerous near-fights over "looks fade" versus "looks implode." lol I think there's a difference between aging gracefully and letting yourself go.

        Thoughts?

  5. I've seen every single episode of "New Girl". It's one of my favorite shows in that I definitely relate to the main character and think it would've been cool to have a bunch of guy roommates, except I was done with roommates after college.

    Looks matter. Even though I'm in a relationship, I like to be attractive to myself, to my dude, and to the general public. I've gotten a little lax with working out since beginning my relationship, as gym time turned to quality relationship time. But I'm getting back on that wagon, because it's important to me. Same is true for my dude. We both value health and fitness. Not to the point of being stick then, uber muscular, or skipping ice cream, but I try to cook healthier versions of the foods he loves, he eats a lot less red meat because I don't eat it, and he now likes turkey bacon more than the real stuff. He's supportive of my healthy eating, and I'm supportive of his indulgences, occasionally indulging with him.

    I could understand Chrstine's post on VSB, because I like to feel desired by people outside of my relationship, even though I love and am committed to my bf. It's just flattering and everyone enjoys flattery. 🙂 You gotta be careful how far you let that go, but being attractive to more than just your significant other is a good thing, because you shouldn't isolate yourself with only one point of view.

  6. I think looks are important, you want to be attracted to your partner. I am not as slim as i would like to be, but i'm also not bad looking (unshapely). I think being fit is very important because I want to live healthy and ultimately continue to have an active bedroom life.

    I have too many shows on my plate to get into the new girl, but it's on my list.
    My recent post I get so lonely

  7. Basically Anyone that says "looks aren't important" is lying, but then again depending on where that person is in life for example: Women — as we get older and look to settle down get married and possibly have children — we start looking deeper below the surface in terms of just how attractive a man visually is, I ain't saying he can look like Shrek and get a pass but we will overlook some things now that we've matured and priorities have changed that we wouldn't have given a pass for before especially if his character, personality, job and finances are in order and we think he would make a great life partner/ husband and father

  8. I think looks are important, you want to be attracted to your partner. I am not as slim as i would like to be, but i'm also not bad looking (unshapely). I think being fit is very important because I want to live healthy and ultimately continue to have an active bedroom life.

  9. I think looks are important, you want to be attracted to your partner. I am not as slim as i would like to be, but i'm also not bad looking (unshapely). I think being fit is very important because I want to live healthy and ultimately continue to have an active bedroom life.

    I haven't watched the new girl yet. i still got soo much on my plate!!!
    My recent post Black people are pre disposed to crime says the media

  10. IMO looks are just as important as any other aspect of a relationship…For me to take a relationship seriously it has to at least be decent in every aspect. We have to have conversation, friendship, trust, love, and RELATIONS. I won't want you in that way if I am not physically attracted to you despite how much I am attracted to your personality. This is why online dating never worked for me. We can have great conversation but that doesn't make you relationship material if that's where the attraction stops. Like I always say my man doesn't have to be the finest one in the streets but he has to at least do it for me.

  11. Good Post! I need to watch this show….

    So, uh yeah. Looks matter. They always will. It would be nice if I could look at you and see your assholeness or your kind heart, but I can't. I can see what you look like. We are visual beings and to say that appearance doesn't matter is gibberish. Men want to look good for women and vice versa. It is what is. Some people will argue that "I do this for me!" Blah. Yeah you want to look and feel good, we get it, but if nobody ever looked at you, complimented you, or gave you any attention, like ever, I don't know that "looking good for just you" would go over very well.

    To all the naysayers just embrace it… We are one.

  12. Of course looks are important. The problem I have with the statement is that it is stupid. I think when people are worried about their significant other "looking good" they are really worried about everybody else, thinking their partner looks good. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so of course you will be attracted to who you will be attracted to.

    1. I have a friend who was showing this pic of their significant other around. She had a quirky look-think Joan from Girlfriends. Basically he was trying to figure out what we thought about her. Didn't want her I guess if she wasn't "a banger". Um, aren't you supposed to be grown? What does it matter if the masses think about your girl? You like her, so why are you worried about if she is everyone else's flavor? Stupid if you ask me.

  13. Most of my male friends are super looks conscious. Calorie counting gym rats. Mostly about their weight because they are worried about getting fat.

  14. I totally agree with this and feel this is part of the reason i am single. I have been told thousands of times that I am a great guy and that I posses qualities that every woman would want. However, I have rarely been told I am extremely attractive or attractive enough to date. I recently tried to talk to a females and started working out more in order to woo here. Once she told me, ( in a blind rage) that I was never going to be more than a friend. I hit a wall about why I should get up and work on my health when this woman I have tried to talk to for months shut me down. Men suffer from this worst and my personal confidence is always turn down due to this.

    1. "Men suffer from this worst and my personal confidence is always turn down due to this."

      What you were suffering from was likely "oneitis"– an excessive focus on winning the affections of an individual woman.

      If you are trying to woo her for months, you were wasting your time from day 1. Women decide very quickly whether or not you have the potential to knock her boots.

      And no matter how you look, as long as you arent grotesquely disfigured, there will be thousands of women in the world who will think you're attractive enough to smash/date. Don't blame singleness on your looks– instead present yourself to tons and tons of women. You gotta play the numbers game my friend– the odds are stacked in your favor because the game is free to play. You can beat any video game on the hardest setting if you have infinite lives and enough time.

      As men, we have that advantage– infinite approaches. Alternatively, most women are conditioned to be passive receptors of male attention– sometimes you can even see it in their eyes. She makes eye contact and thinks "Wow, he's attractive. I hope he approaches me." Then she just sits/stands there waiting.

      This is the power men have that society doesn't want us to harness– the power of initiative. As a confident man, noone will question you if you act decisively and with purpose. In fact, both men and women will respect you for it.

  15. I don't agree that looks matter. Especially since what "looks" matter will differ from person to person. Attraction is important.I know ten men off the top of my head that aren't worth looking at but have other attractive qualities like confidence, success, fame and money. But money looks good to anybody so if you looks like money then whatever is going physically still looks good.

    Idk can't say yes, can't say no.

  16. Looks do matter to an extent, gents don't get sucked into that "personality" stuff women spew although, there have been exceptions, but in the end if you're not aesthetically pleasing to the woman's eye, how is she going to want to even get to know you as a person? Let's keep it real gents, if a woman was very hard on the eyes would you still approach her even though she can be the sweetest person. Now if you're an average looking guy it's all about carrying yourself properly, I've seen many average woman do it up and they become stunning. But if you're just not attractive, it is what it is. When a person says " they're not my type" 9 times out of 10 it's because you're just not facially pleasing
    My recent post Love Is Blind And Cupid Makes You Stupid

  17. Looks are everything, its reality. I find that men like females that overdress and look all glamorous 24/7, but when it come to bedtime their scared of the facial mask that these girls reveal on the streets ain't the same face in the sheets. I tend to lol at girls who over do their makeup or clothing, because its a joke aka ATTENTION! Seriously, men who look at girls for attractiveness is for the intention to sleep with them, then boast about how they slept with that girl, etc.
    As for me people says I dress casual, because that's who I am. I feel I don't have to overdress to catch a guy's attention. I know I look fly with a minimal makeup on and the clothing that I wear. But, I do have insecurities about how I look compared to some flashy girl who has her skirt where you can have a direct view of her uterus. I feel society puts a pedestal on how to look good when that particular look does not represent everyone especially for women.
    As for my attractiveness, I am attracted to men who are scruffy, as well as men who are well groomed. The attractive level varies from person to person. That's not to say that a well groom man is more attractive than a scruffy man vice versa with a flashy girl compared to a casual girl. It takes a certain charm or aura of that person to be attractive too; perhaps, their smile or their presence.

  18. Looks definitely matter, but only from a subjective perspective. It's about an individual definition of what they find attractive. What one thinks is hot, another won't and vice versa. So to me the key is to acknowledge that looks matter differently to each individual.

  19. Looks are everything initially. I don't have interest in talking to guys that I don't find attractive. People call it shallow, but I call it honesty. Your personality won't really make you more physically attractive to me. And that's the problem I have witih so many guys… they have these amazing personalities but are totally slacking in the physical attractiveness department. But I think people also have to understand that just because one person thinks you are unattractive doesn't mean you actually are. It just means they don't find you attractive.

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