4. Avoid the Wrong People
In addition to finding the right person, you need to avoid the wrong people if you seriously want to remain faithful. Before you were in a relationship, hanging out with your single boys/girls all hours of the night and day might have been perfectly fine, but if none of those people are faithful themselves, looking for a relationship, or encouraging you to do right within your own relationship, then you need to hang around them less or not at all. For instance, if you claim you’re going to embrace the vegan lifestyle then you have no business hanging out in the meat carving section of the local steakhouse. You may be strong-willed, but why stack the odds of success against yourself with increased, pointless temptation when you can manage and minimize it?
I’m not saying you have to stop having friends. I’m not even saying you have to stop hanging out. I am saying that what you did in the past is not the same thing you should plan to do in the future. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to embrace a relationship-minded lifestyle. This means as a partner in a relationship, you have to consider the thoughts, feelings, and impact of your actions on at least one other person—the person you’re dating (and your kids, if it applies). No judgment, but if you want to continue embracing the single-minded lifestyle, then you do not need to be in a relationship. Don’t expect someone to embrace you “doing you,” when a relationship requires you embrace two doing we. If you’re not ready to consistently consider other people outside of yourself; that’s fine…just stay single.
5. Find a Mentor or Peer Group
Fellas, this doesn’t mean you have to start a prayer circle with you and your homeboys; whereby you lament to the bachelor gods about the woes of being in a committed relationship because of all the women in the world to choose from somehow you and all your friends managed to commit to all of the crazy ones.
Ladies, this doesn’t mean you have to start a wine drinking circle with you and your homegirls; whereby you lament to the bachelorette gods about the woes of being in a committed relationship because of all the men in the world to choose from somehow you and all your friends managed to commit to all of the @ssholes.
You should, however, surround yourself with level-headed men and women around your age or older who are generally happy in their relationships. Misery loves company, and if you hang around enough people in miserable relationships long enough, they’ll want you to be miserable in your relationship too. In fact, they might convince you that you only thought you were happy with your man/woman, but in actuality, you’re wrong and miserable as well. Don’t let someone else’s dissatisfaction with their lives and life choices be your burden. You shouldn’t feel bad for being happy in your relationship. THAT’S HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL. If your current group of friends can’t support this, find a person or group that will.
I’m unmarried, but I try to focus on speaking with men who are happy in their relationships, especially their marriages. Here’s one decent source right here. I’m not looking for a man to sugarcoat his experience with marriage, and tell me some Hallmark fairy tale about how when you get married life gets easier, your kids never get on your nerves, and the only thing your wife is more eager to do besides cook for you is give you fellatio and/or sexual relations while serving you beer. I want a man to tell me the truth, including the good and the bad. I’ve found if you ask them, most married men are more than willing to share this frank information. Even happily married men want single men to go into marriage with their eyes wide open. From these various, open, and honest conversations, I’ve basically gotten this message: marriage isn’t easy, but it isn’t prison either. For the most part—with some admitted exceptions—they’re happier as husbands/fathers than they were as single men/players. When it comes to peace of mind, sometimes relative perspective is as good as definitive answers.
Is it easier to remain faithful or unfaithful? Why do some people struggle with remaining faithful more than others? When in a relationship, what rules do you follow to resist or minimize temptation in your own life?
I want to assume that no one wants to cheat.. unless you are on that Tiger Woods/Eric Benet type of stuff. I believe a person can even be faithful to someone they don't particularly like. But even that takes a lot of discipline.
I have to agree with the point you suggested about finding the right person. That is super duper important. The more you love and respect someone, the harder it is to hurt them. If you are going to cheat–leave. It's as simple as that.
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Why do some people struggle with remaining faithful more than others?
Because they lack self-control. A friend of mine, bless his heart, is not only the biggest cheater I know…but he literally has issues refusing anything he wants to do. So, excess is an issue in multiple areas of his life. If doing something means forgoing something else he wants to do, it probably won’t get done. If self-control is an issue in his or her life period, they’ll probably cheat on you if a good option becomes available.
Good point.
I’m sure there are a number of overlapping issues that would make people more prone to cheat that would be evident in other areas of they life – sociopath (not to be confused with psychopath) and self-centered/egocentric types come to mind.
All great points Wis and very well written. Cosign on all of these.
I would like to add maturity. Maturity level definitely plays a part in those who stay faithful compared to those who do not. In an interview Eric Benet admitted that he had a lot of growing up and maturing to do before he became the man he is now. He also said now that he knows more than what he did when he was married to Halle Berry, he will definitely be faithful to his current wife and he is much happier and "blissful" in his current marriage.
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." This right here pretty much says it all.
Co-Sign all what you just said Bree. At the end of the day it's maturity. Some men have to experience life to understand certain things about the opposite sex until they realize that being a one woman man is a win-win situation. Maturity with a few life experiences will make a man realize that cheating is not worth losing your best friend.
Don't put yourself in situations if you know you do not have self control. For example, I love pepsi, it causes weight gain however and basically isn't good for you. My parents buy cases of pepsi's and when i am over there I always have one. However, I do not buy soda for my home because I have no will power.
If people know that facebook will get them in trouble, stay away from it. If you know that ol girl is a dime and if you guys are alone you may fondle her, do not be alone with her. Same things for ladies! People try to test themselves to see if they will pass, when they could avoid the whole situation all together.
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I didn't read anyone else comments but I think this the way to avoid cheating…
Stay away from other b*tches.
Stop talking to b*tches you don't need to maintain a relationship with.
^ That includes your ex.
If something about your relationship bothers you, talk about it with YOUR girlfriend. If she ain't willing to fix it, document it.
That way when you do cheat, you can point to why.
And never cheat with someone uglier than your current situation.
"Now my side b*tch, my main b*tch, because my main ho ain't feeling me no more. No more." – Trinidad James
lol @ document! not because I don't agree! I completely agree with your whole post! In my mind i'm just imagining a dude cheating on his girl and explaining her why by going down his list of grievances, ie.
On 6.3 I requested oral sex and it was not performed
On 6.9 I asked for roast beef, you told me we only have chicken
On 7.3 I made another request for oral sex, it was declined with great malice….
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Document it? Funniest thing I've heard all day!
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Thank you for using that rap lyric in this context lol. For the longest, I thought he was stating that his side and main b**** and main ho were 3 difft women lol. I'm getting old apparently.
I just can't… southern drawl + with poor grammar = ball of confusion
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Good post.
Reminds me of that skit on the Chris Rock Show about “How Not to Get Arrested,” lol.
Are we specifying that we are discussing physical cheating? I think that most don't grasp the concept that people can cheat emotionally without doing the deed. People today treat cheating like pseudo-Christians treat sin: He/she can disrespect, abuse, misuse, and deceive, but if they cheat…all bets are off! C'mon son, ain't nobody got time for dat!
Is it easier to remain faithful or unfaithful? When in a relationship, what rules do you follow to resist or minimize temptation in your own life?
Faithful. The wages of sin is death….of my marriage, for sure!!
I know my husband and there is no redemption from that deed.
Besides, I truly believe that there is no other man for me, so I am happy and temptation-free.