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4 Reasons Why Being A Nice Guy Sucks

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It’s no secret that men who tend to be labeled as “nice guys” go through their fair share of sh*t. Many people actually believe that most dogs were once nice guys. Due to many women treating nice guys like a snotty nosed stepchild, I wouldn’t be surprised if many men rebelled. Today I’d just like to highlight five points I gathered from twelve males recently. This is their take on why it seems to not pay to be a “nice guy.”

1. Always overlooked – One complaint I got was that nice guys seemed to be always overlooked. This idea must stem from a preconceived notion that nice guys aren’t daring. The thought process could also be that nice guys are too strait-laced.

2. Deemed as bad in bed – I can personally attest to this. There was a time years back where a woman thought I was too nice. We ended up sleeping together and the next day she said “you surprised me.”  I asked her why and she told me because I was a nice guy she thought I would be less assertive in bed. I was taken aback and maybe a little insulted. This feeling quickly passed because it was good, but you get my point.  To assume a guy is whack  in bed with no real barometer to measure it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. As a woman, you might be cheating yourself out of something real good.

See Also:  How to Become a Man's Best Friend

3. Permanent estate in the friend zone – On this site especially, we have had a healthy dose of discussion about the good old friend zone. It might be safe to say that women find safety with nice guys. He may be a great listener and extremely insightful. But at the same time, those might be some qualities of a man you should take more seriously. Now if you just don’t like a guy in a more than platonic way, make it crystal clear.

4. Kindness is mistaken for weakness –  No one wants to be taken advantage of. We men are extremely pride-driven in most things that we do. Being taken advantage of is something that would anger anyone. In a man’s case, he’s even that much more inclined to want to get even some how. This piggybacks on my point earlier about nice guys becoming dogs. Respect guys who respect you and you will be rewarded.

Now believe me,  I know that all women do not treat nice guys wrongfully. But I also have realized that many women at one point did treat nice guys less than savory, which gives credence to the phrase “nice guys finishing last.”

Sometimes you have to try something (or someone) you’re not used to, especially when you’ve noticed a pattern of things not working out.

See Also:  Relationship Age: Are you really ready for something real?

Fellas, what would you add to the list? Ladies, have you assumed a nice guy was a push over? Am I wrong? Share your thoughts, share your story. Have a great day.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/ 

Comment(73)

    1. And that's the issue many women say, which really translate in many cases, you want a bad boy. A good guy can be daring, have fun, and exciting. If you need to have someone walking on the wild side all the time, then that's a problem many women need to look within yourselves.

      1. Steven, I believe I know what I want better than anyone else. I've talked to bad boys and I've talked to nice guys. Nice guys immediately get offended when women prefer bad boys and I will never truly understand why. Like I said, no one wants to be in a boring relationship. So yes, he must have some edge. I dont want him to be a bad boy all around but a little spunk wont hurt.

        1. That's the dumbness there, good guys are never boring, just the priorities and defin of "fun" has changed and been accepted, which is wrong……..

        2. They probably get offended for the same reasons dark skin black women get offended when a black man says he prefers a fairer skinned woman. Or how black women in general get offended when a black man says he doesn’t black women.

          I think when women start using social logic then they will start to understand why men feel certain ways about decisions they make.

        3. But realistically, we can't change how people feel. We just cant. it's a hard pill to swallow that we may not be accepted they way we would want to.. but it is what it is. I wont get on the topic of discussing the whole light skin vs dark skin thing but I will say.. there is someone out there for everyone.

          If a woman you are interested in doesnt accept you for being a nice guy.. another woman will.
          My recent post Are Men Intimidated By Sexual Women?

  1. One of my least favorite things to hear is the "Nice Guys Lament". As someone who has always given "nice guys" a chance I believe most nice guys who are getting treated poorly are just going after the wrong woman. Instead of seeking someone who would appreciate them, they lust after those who don't. I have no sympathy for them. Nice guys, be your best you, don't try to be someone else. Most women honestly don't like "jerks" they are just drawn to a man who is decisive and confident. You only get "friend-zoned" when you allow yourself to be there by not making a move. Man-up!

    1. That's so not true. Nice guys are decisive & confident. The issue is that many who say this, are with bad guys, who either beat on them or abuse them, then you go running to the nice guy for comfort, without all the benefits you give to the bad guy.

      1. Wasn't there an article on this site recently about this? "Nice guys" who spend their time complaining about not getting chex from women and basically idolizing bad boys for getting to mistreat women AND get the chex, eventually becoming bad guys, are NOT nice guys.

        I myself enjoy reformed bad boys that are now nice. That way, they don't have the chip on their shoulder, complaining about being overlooked by women that the supposedly "real" nice guys have. Nothing worse than being on a date with a dude complaining that women don't like him. Add me to the lot, sir.

        1. alot of us don't like the constant complaining from women who get with the bad guys … then get beat on, cheated on, etc … and shout from the mountain top about how "niggas aint shit"

          no, its just the niggas YOU LIKE aint sht. stop sullying up the image for the stand-up good brothers out here trying to make a way for themselves. and stop being all in my face whenever i'm outside and playing like you want to be with me after your ass-kicking baby daddy cheated on you for the 5th time or gets locked up.
          My recent post NEW SLAVES

    2. Yes! I have seen these "nice guys" go through the same thing that "nice gals" issue. I think that i'm a pretty nice gal but the guy who I was interested in wanted to be with a possessive chick who went through his phone, and stalked all his female friends. I guess I wasn't crazy enough! lol
      My recent post Blurred Lines

  2. Nope. I don’t see genuinely nice guys as push over’s. There are a lot of guys who are fake “a-holes” that are easily push over’s with the right women. I think some guys who proclaim to be nice guys that get passed over are

    1)Really low key jerks who think they should automatically get whatever woman they want.
    2)Some one that can’t take rejection. Instead of crying about the women who don’t want you, start hanging around the woman who do.
    3)Really a creep.

    Now the last guy I dated was a gentleman and very nice. I will say I was a little in awe of how he took control in the bedroom only because when we first met he was very laid back and a little shy. But it had nothing to do with him being nice.

  3. All truth. But nice guys don’t have to turn into dogs to get girls, they just have to learn the game. It’s that simple,

    1. i have to say if they have to learn the game — why are we as adults playing a game??? why cant nice guys just be nice guys — guys who dont come at you all hard — treat u like a queen — listen — be caring and understanding — and good in bed —– i dont complain about being a nice guy — i just really laugh at women who go to these bad boys —get hurt — then come to us nice guys in the friend zone and tell us — when we dont do that — but we just "too nice" to be anything else other than someone who listens to u ————–its a funny thing really —-but i think someon said it best —dont go after women who dont want u –go after those who do — although all of us at some point want something we cant have — lol ———

    2. Atum: "But nice guys don't have to turn into dogs to get girls, they just have to learn the game. It's that simple."

      That's true. But speaking from my own experience, sometimes you have to turn into a dog in order to learn the game.

  4. I can't put into words how much I hate the term, "Nice Guys Finish Last". I think its incredibly stupid. Shows extreme ignorance and is a sign of a person lacking maturity. "Nice guy" is such a vague term. Like I often say, "Its like saying 'I'm looking for this guy in NY named John' without giving a last name or any description."
    Think about what a woman wants in a man; one who is caring, loyal, a conversationalist, keeps them excited, makes them feel protected, can sex their consciousness into an alternate reality etc etc. Are we really going to say that any man who can or does embody these things is no longer "nice"? If he isn't a nice guy then what is he….bad? How so?

  5. What are we really say here? Who's a nice guy? Wasn't there a post about this back when? LOL

    A nice guy is uncool, can't dress, nerdy…<—- is this the idea? If not, please…lets get this figured out.

    Who doesn't want a nice guy? Good guys are nice guys too, right? I need to find that post, lol…

    1. u so right — what is a nice guy? and someone said — if we look at what a woman want — and are those things (not be them cause we should already be) — then she should want u —

  6. There are women out there that like nice guys they not be American but they are out there. Stop whining about the women that don't want you move on I did and I am happy with and Irish girlfriend.

  7. First of all, be yourself! Whoever that is. That way you'll never be blamed for trying to be like someone else.

    I like nice guys. I don't like guys that play games, believing that if they play the game first (before me), then they have an edge on the relationship and blah blah blah…NO. No game playing for me. I always hated that! I've dated guys that start off nice, polite, considerate, but after a while they "change" (show their true colors). I've never been attracted to "bad boys" or "thugs". Yes, men (and women) should have confidence, strength, and should be comfortable in their own skin. Yes, we learn a lot about ourselves and what we need to change when we are in relationships but there's no need to go against who you are in your heart. I like a man to take control, but I don't like for him to be overly aggressive when there's no reason to be. Ready to fight someone at the bar when all I want to do is have a good time! I also don't need a dude thinking that he can talk to me any kind of way to assert his manliness.

    Nice guys in my opinion are respectful men that gets aggressive when the situation calls for it. If you flip it, you can consider me a nice girl. There's a difference between nice guys and pushovers/wimps. Don't get them confused! And, if I meet a nice guy that I'm attracted to, he definitely wont stay in the friendzone!

    1. NOW THAT'S A WONDERFUL & MATURE WOMAN RIGHT HERE! THANK YOU @K_TENKS….

      Sadly, women won't believe this until another woman says it. This thug/bad boy thing comes around for the lack of fathers in homes & mothers not setting a good example. I'm a nice guy and a great guy. I'm exciting and a lot of fun. When the time's right, I'll be aggressive and flirty, but there's always a respectful way in doing it. If she can't understand that, then that's not a mature woman and someone I'm not interested in.

      And to add to a comment someone else posted earlier, it's not nice guys choosing bad women. Its that there's all these good women out there that go on tv, shows, interviews, etc., claiming they're good woman looking for a nice man. But then when a nice one comes along, they don't want them, then fuss to their friends that he's no good.

  8. @K_tenKS ——————–u hit it on the head sista — i love that — u are so right —- and honestly i think most "nice guys" are that —-

  9. I agree with Cyn we need to define what is a “Nice Guy” and what is a lame guy with no confidence trying to use “the friend zone” or being a complete push over as a way to get women, and then getting mad when it doesn’t work.

    The same guys who cry “nice guys finish last” are just like the women who cry “hoes be winning”. Clearly the groups of women you keep trying to get at don’t like what you have to offer. Stop paying attention to them and pay attentions to the ones who like what you have to offer. Maybe you could actually have something to offer if you focused less on being this overly fake nice guy, and showed women that you are confident in who you are.

    Ex: if you like collecting sea shells by the sea shore, take her on a date to the beach instead of taking her to some over priced restaurant because you think that what will look nice and get you the panties.

  10. Would it be unreasonable to ask the individuals who write posts such as these to specifically as possible definte the term "nice guys" and "bad boy" so we all have an even platform of discussion for which we are giving opinions on?

    Also, can we acknowledge that there isn't a binary distinction when it comes to guys being just good or bad? A lot of nice/good guys to bad dude things and vice versa. A lot of gray….IJS.

  11. As a guy who has been accused of being too nice,…I know thee is truth to this regardless of how the women here want to sugar-coat it. I was never a push over but I always made time and space for the women that i was interested in and would bend over backward to see them happy. Women dont appreciate that….I dont care what she "says". Hell, we all know the "right" things to say. My response to what was happening was to put myself first and to develop an "i dont care" attitude….and guess what? The moment I stopped being so eager to offer my attention…the more women wanted it. its kind of ass-backwards but its true. It seems to usually be the guy that notices a woman but isnt pressed about meeting her that women are drawn to. The one down-side is that since seeing her smile is not now first in my mind,…I have become bluntly and almost painfully honest. Women dont like to hear the cold truth, especially if it doesnt flatter her but Im so far off into my "DGAF" attitude that I find their reactions amusing. And oddly enough,…as much as they get pissed with me…they always find a reason to be back in my face. Point is,…women are not truly happy unless they have something to complain about, to be unsure of, or to feel like they have to improve. A nice guy with his ish together doesnt offer women that opportunity. He's boring because she has nothing to bitch or worry about. The fact is that women like ass-holes. They will never admit it but just look at who they date. Men cant be nice and expect bedroom company. it just doesnt work that way.

  12. This is an interesting post, especially from a younger (no offense) perspective. I think had I wrote on this topic – which I almost did – I wouldn't have done it justice, because I don't really struggle with this nice guy/bad boy phenomenon anymore. I'll explain, briefly…

    I've been called a "nice guy" and an "@sshole" in the same day. Sometimes by different women and sometimes by the same woman. More often than not, this happened in my college/high school days. Looking back, it's because I struggled to figure out who I was myself. You see, when you say "nice guy" or "bad boy" or whatever other subjective description, I think we really need to sit down and self-assess. Exactly who are you being "nice" or "bad" for? If you change/adapt to each woman, which I admittedly did back in the day, then you'll always be confused and run into obstacles because you're not being yourself – you're being the man you think she wants. In fairness, you're about 50/50 to guess wrong. Further, most young women (and some grown) don't know what the hell they want either so adapting to them is a fool's game.

    Now, contrary to most suggestions, I'm not saying "just be yourself," because I think that line of reasoning is BS. If "just being yourself" isn't getting what you want, then you clearly need to make a change. What I am saying, is that whoever you decide to be, you should be that person consistently and make the game adapt to you rather than adapt to every woman (or man) that comes along, because then you'll always be adapting and unless you're a chameleon, that isn't going to work out for you in the long run.

    Personally, whenever I met a woman I "liked" I changed (or pretended, depending on your viewpoint) to be this EXTRA nice guy because that's the BS I thought women wanted. I went over the top. And in many cases, they lost interest. I completely overlooked the fact that these women were drawn to be before I became "Mr. Prince Charming." In the movies, that binary distinction between good/bad works, but IN REAL LIFE, most men/women want a mix of both – a good/bad girl and a bad/good buy e.g. the "freak/thug in the sheets…and lady/gentlemen in the streets."

    Trying to determine whether you should be good/bad for men/women is an effort in futility because most women/men don't want a man/woman that's all one or the other. Everyone needs to find a happy medium that they can personally identify with and abide by and the rest will fall into place. Of course, this is probably far too simple so I'm sure the "nice guys finish last" and "friend zone" conversations will continue into perpetuity.

    1. I agree with WIM as well. Being labeled as a "nice guy" is really SUBJECTIVE. It depends on who is making the statement, and who "they" consider to be a nice guy.

      It could be some women who has no idea what she wants in a MAN…….than a guy comes along, take her to a nice restaurant, order good wine, good conversationalist, pay for the meal, open the car door for her, walk her to the door, kiss her on the cheek goodnight….. and she calls him a "nice guy"………….and I just call it a first date, set up for a second date.

      No. A "nice guy" is subjective. That is why we didn't get a clear definition of it in this column, because we would agree / disagree on some of the qualifications.

      When meeting someone, It's about chemistry, and being in a relationship is about timing (at least that's my philosophy). Either this person is for you, or not…..stop trying to analyze every woman or man that don't return the same feelings.

    2. Co-sign w/ most of what Wis said.

      "Nice/good guy" really does come down to the audience he's entertaining. What I find interesting is sometimes men seem to be able to define what a nice/good guy is better than a woman can. It's not that hard. Honestly, the "nice guy" title just seems like a cop out to a woman simply saying "I don't like you like that."

      At the core of the nice/good guys/FZ conversation is, when a person likes you enough, the "rules" they preach to anyone who will listen ceases to matter. We've all seen a unanimously dope chick wind up in love w/ a wack "too nice" dude and scratched our heads like "Wait…how did…hold up…what?"
      My recent post Riley Cooper, Open Racism, and Why Context Is Everything

  13. never assumed a nice guy was a bad guy. However, just because some one is deemed a nice guy doesn't automatically mean they are made for you in a chemistry type of way or have the same type of life out look as you do. I do not believe that you should just settle for the sake of settling, but I never met nor understood a girl who said that a guy was too nice. If we have good chemistry and he is a nice guy, then I am all down. Nice guys are generally associated with the socially awkward male that when he does have a conversation with a female, he says or does things that makes her look at him in a less than kind light. A good guy could also be a guy who opens the doors, pays for everything when you go out, treats you with respect, very charismatic but because he doesn't call you B words or smacks you around you deem him as too nice.
    My recent post Blurred Lines

  14. I like nice guys, always have, always will. Guys like to use the excuse, "I was too nice," to help them sleep at night because they got dumped by a woman who didn't appreciate them or because they're just downright undesirable physically, mentally or emotionally. STOP BLAMING IT ON BEING NICE.

    So tired of that "nice guys finish last" blah blah.
    My recent post Christianity and the Black Church

  15. Why does everyone think you can be a "nice guy" or a "jerk"… there's a whole spectrum in between… and somewhere in the middle is what works… you have a little courage, some daring, a little spontaneous, you can speak your mind when you need to be also be courteous when it's expected. Things like that.

    The "nice guy" thing boils down to guys who are BORING. That's it. No confidence, no daring, never exciting, to scared to make good conversation by saying what they think, try to make everyone happy by being almost anonymous.

    You can stop being a nice guy without being a jerk though.

  16. ….and maybe this is just me being an old head: But any woman over the age of 30 (as am I) who is looking for "swag", a "bad boy", or a man with "and edge" isn't the woman that I need to spend time and energy on….

  17. What guys fail to realize is that you have to know how to do it, in other words be a 'good' guy not a nice guy. Nice guys tend to always go above and beyond, become pandering, and lose back bone. Good guys know how to treat a woman right, has a good personality, but won't take any foolishness from a woman and knows his worth and don't waste your time or energy on certain types of women, life is too short… just my humble opinion
    My recent post Love Is Blind And Cupid Makes You Stupid

  18. fellas.
    especially the 'nice' ones. the 'good' ones.

    i hope you've peeped game.

    like i've said before, you being nice, you being good, is like a woman having 3 degrees and wondering why she's not in a relationship.

    are you sparking that chemistry? are you interesting? are you decisive in your moves?
    Yes? then you cool.
    No? fake it until it comes natural.

    it's the spark that's important, it seems. niceness…goodness…well…that's what you're supposed to be, #amiright?

    work on self, worry about self, don't screw others over. if someone catches your eye, make a move. if she says no, that's on her. go back to working on self. working on your goals.

    (sorry, i made this kind of an 'advice' response. i find that no one really has advice for us except "be yourself" and "stop whining"…so…good luck)

    (note – my advice probably won't work. can't say it's working for me now or not. 50-50. but being yourself has to be better than being something you're not. #AmIRite??

    *disappears into a wormhole back to the FriendZone*

  19. This applies to women also. Sometimes I feel like you can't win…if you do too much you're deemed as the type that men (& women) want to just hit and keep it moving. On the flipside if you are too nice then a guy will get bored with you. Same dynamic here…..in the end someone will like you for who you are as cheesy as it sounds. You just have to be willing to be patient (and also have both good and ratchet qualities) lol….
    My recent post Why Flip Flops Are Acceptable Footwear (Sometimes)

  20. Maybe I've had a different experience. My best friend is a male, who initially wanted to date me but I "friend-zoned" him. He assumed I just wanted to date jerks until I finally had to come out and tell him I just did not find him physically attractive. Period. I have a lot of guy friends and for the most part they are all what I'd consider to be nice guys. Most of them are also what I'd consider to be aesthetically un-pleasing to the eye (or my eyes anyway). We get into the "nice guys finish last" convo all the time and none of them ever seem to consider the fact that the girls they are going for just aren't attracted to them. And generally the girls that are, they aren't attracted to either. They assume it's somply because they are "nice". It's unrealistic for us to pretend that most people consider a guy's (or girl's) personality (nice guy, bad boy, whatever) before first looking at him and wondering can I stomach the idea of playing "adult" games with him. Idk, maybe that's just me. Not saying we're all shallow… I'm just saying.

    1. Nothing wrong with this sentiment at all. I would like to think i could speak for the majority of men when I say this . we dig clear discourse. Don't give us a pseudo reason as to why you're not into us. If you're not attracted then say just that. As a man I've definitely told a woman when I wasn't attracted to her before. I just rather keep it honest than pull fingers. You nip things in the bud when you keep it a buck.

      1. A lot of times women feel bad and assume they are wrong not not feeling a guy that way. I've been told many times to give a nice (but unacttractive) guy a chance simply because he was in fact nice. That's where the pseudo reason comes in that makes absolutely no sense. It's not right, but happens all the time.

  21. What about the fact that so called "nice guys" always seem to go for "bad girls" who are out of their league, hence why it may seem as thought they finish last.
    If they're going for a certain type of woman that wants a certain type of man that is not him, then the problem is him, not the women. People need to step out of their comfort zone and take a long hard look at the type of people they are attracted to and why. If more people were able to be more open-minded and give the people who are more what they Need instead of what they Want a chance they may be much happier….ijs.

  22. Um, this is true. However, I have been on the other side where a nice guy became an asshole and since I was next in line – got screwed over royally. Needless, to say this "valid rant" works both ways.

  23. Simply put, nice guys dont get laid as often. So if getting laid often is important to you at any particular stage in life, it does not behoove you to be embrace "niceness" as a character trait.

  24. So basically, every time we get into this conversation.

    It justifies why black men date interracially.

    And it gives the green light for men to be abusive.

    And women have no right to complain about their failed relationships. No cards to play at all.

    Women want jerks/bad boys when it counts.

    The Nice/good/decent guy, have a case.

  25. In order for this post to make sense, we need an actual definition of a "nice guy". I'm 30+ now and in my lifetime I've had this (or similar) conversations more than once. I remember back when people would call me a nice guy cause I can be quiet from time to time. I was quick to tell people that doesn't make me a nice guy.

    Some of the things mentioned in the article are just qualifications of a dull guy. And these guys just try to grab that label of nice guys to help them sleep better at night, but it just gives nice guys a bad name. I mean if you're dull you're dull. Take pride in that, but don't act like "dull guy" = "nice guy" and so because you can't get a date, it means that nice guys can't get a date.

    To me, its kinda like one of my pet peeves in people overusing the word "nerd". Like that's the new buzzword that everybody wants to call themselves because M. H. Perry has #Nerdland on msnbc. But how you gonna be a nerd when you don't read, don't study, don't go to the library, don't (didn't) go to school? Like, what exactly is nerdy about you? So if you're a nice guy, what makes you nice? That you listen? That you don't cuss her out or that you don't have a temper? That you don't have 100 baby mamas running around? I don't know those are cool things to have on your dating resume, but I don't think they make anybody a nice guy. And I think that this conversation, and particularly people running from the nice guy concept will continue until we know exactly what this mythical nice is.

    1. @AfterMath

      I feel you on the technicality.

      In spirit, a nice guy should be a good thing.

      But in a modern connotative sense, it means an unattractive man who feels entitled to a woman’s sexual company, because he behaves what is perceived as “good/decent/nice.”

      I feel guys on that. And that is why Game & mastering female psychology is essential.

      But two groups of people have sullied the word.

      Guys who are impostors who claim to be nice but aren’t (also, people are complex, so they may have a part that is nice. And how they are perceived plays a factor based on people value systems)

      And women who want to rationalize their questionable decisions in men & want to continue being professional victims.

      1. "But in a modern connotative sense, it means an unattractive man who feels entitled to a woman's sexual company, because he behaves what is perceived as "good/decent/nice." "

        Again, this definition has nothing to do with being nice. I want to read an article about how a guy who does 100 hours a month at homeless shelters and tutoring kids – how that makes him undateable. The guy who takes his paycheck to pay for his little sister to go to college – why does that make him finish last? The guy who sits in the hospital night by night by the sick and shut in list from church to help them out. Tell me about what's wrong with them.

        Don't tell me about some mythical nice guy property with a generic definition that's basically the new way of saying "its not you its me". Cause I just think that's a bunch of BS.

  26. Be yourself and the correct person for you will love you for who you are. Period. All that, be a good guy with an edge bullshit is dumb as hell. This is why black women are having a terrible time in the dating world and its why so may of us chose to remain single, have multiple women, or get with a white/asian/latina woman.
    My recent post NEW SLAVES

    1. @Anthony

      I disagree with the “Be Yourself” mantra.

      Women globally have a standard on what is attractive. Women are women where-ever you go. American (black) women just have some of the worst forms of women because if he environment they come from.

      I agree, that black men should continue to be aggressive when it comes to dating globally & send a clear message to the American black female populace that we will let the black community burn to the ground before we accept poor behavior from our women.

      1. You got to be yourself. After while the real you will come out so why try to pretend like someone else at the beginning? Just a waste of time and it starts off the relationship with an undercurrent of lies. I can't agree with letting the black community burn to the ground but I don't have to be married to an american black woman or any black woman for that matter to help improve the black community. Romantic interests and philanthropic interests may or may not be mutually exclusive.
        My recent post NEW SLAVES

  27. Can we agree that there is some truth to the philosophy in the first place? What tends to get lost in these discussions is that the reason its a topic is because its valid, and has some degree of truth to it. Sure are there counterpoints to be made, of course, but some folk just get downright dismissive about the premise at hand. Some folk just get defensive and have to take the other side, and others just want to get on a soapbox to illustrate their thought process. All of that is cool, but if we don't acknowledge the TRUTH then we are just selling wolf tickets mostly. For example when women get on the "ninjas aint…." topic, personally I don't agree, but I am willing to acknowledge that there is some validity to that notion, before I proceed to offer any contrary facts/opinions. Its called a productive conversation.

    1. @langwichartz

      I will tell you as a man who has had these conversations. Women know what goes on.

      But being that they know better, IM eyes, they have no excuse to be a professional victim in the dating game.

      Same thing with racists & white liberals, they know the game is rigged, but if someone is benefitting from a value system, the best move is to deny, deny, deny. And play dumb.

      So, your best move is to assume they know & make your next move from there.

      1. I can agree to that, I just hate to hear rhetoric that dismisses the premise the conversation was built upon. If men say ladies need to tighten up in whatever area, then ladies get defensive and just spout off how men need to do the same without ever acknowledging the original premise. (and yes ladies we guys do it too) Likewise in this conversation, I've heard many claim that the "Nice Guy" myth is just that a myth, but never conceding that it came from a place of truth. All other points may be valid but just to summarily dismiss the notion that there are some "nice guys" who get the shaft is just utter gibberish in my opinion.

        1. Great points good sir. I always think the discussion is worth having. If someone thinks its just some sort of myth that's their freedom to do so. The truth is that this subject has its relevance. The discussion and differences in opinions expressed here unequivocally displays at least that much.

        2. Amen @DamnPOPS, I am all for different ideas and opinions. I guess some aren't as good at tempering their passion as others.

  28. So I’m a nice guy, been a nice guy all my life and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I cannot change that, I’m a nice guy at my core. But I have added things to my life and personally that have given me more success with woman.

    1) I’ve become more outgoing and open to trying new things. I’ve also become more spontaneous. Women respond to doing different things, staying entertained in a relationship and just enjoying the experience.

    2) I’ve become more aggressive and assertive (and competitive lol). Women truly love a man that is assertive and a “leader” (in and out of the bed). Even though they will challenge you all the time, smh but that’s another story lol.

    3) I’ve added things that built my confidence. I work out multiple times a week, I read self help and business books often, I learned how to celebrate my successes instead of “being humble” and acting like its nothing, and I put more of my attention into relationships with women that ACTUALLY LIKE ME. (I’m sure most nice guy’s stay stuck on that one chick that doesn’t like them like that or has them in the friend zone).

    Also, I’ve found that I have more success with older woman. Like 32+, I’m 26. Younger woman (and less mature women) still go after the bad boy and don’t see the benefit of having a nice guy. Older woman have been there and done that; they want a stable man that loves them only and is focused on developing a career and a future.

  29. Girl age 16: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: ” I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a bitch to my friends, but I’m really much more attracted to Bad Boys – outlaw bikers, the football team’s quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You’re Nice, nice and mundane”

    Girl age 22: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You’re really sweet, and deserve a girl (which isn’t me) who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are.”

    Girl age 28: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “I know you’ve always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it – any sane guy would’ve found a far better prospect by now. And while I’m beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I’ve dated, I think I’m gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up”

    Woman age 32: “Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”

    Woman age 35+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Oh, you’re a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can’t appreciate your kind of dedication – you are so different from “other guys””.

  30. Nice Guys’ problem is they think that because they are nice, they automatically deserve pussy that’s WAY out of their league. “Oh, your 6’5″, hot, 7-figure-earning dude still won’t commit after a year of dating and often acts moody and stressed and doesn’t have time to listen to hours of you bitching about some petty girl drama? What a jerk! Why can’t you just love me instead?!”

    Yeah, Nice Guy… Nice Try! Lol

    If you are so nice, why can’t you go be nice to the chick that’s equal to you , why are you only nice to me?!

    Be happy you get to know someone like me and fulfill a small role in my life, and don’t try to act out of turn.

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