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Based on a True Story: Pay Attention to Her Red Flags

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woman catfish

If you’re on Twitter, you might be familiar with a post that was well-circulated last week written by Nova Giovanni about his experience with a woman he met on-line. We’re all aware of the Catfishes that exist on-line, and while this woman wasn’t fake, the experience was definitely interesting. But, don’t take my word for it. Check out Nova’s experience in his own words…

Where shall I begin? I guess I’ll begin at the beginning. This is all a true story, by the way. By the end some will hate me because of it. However, I will pull no punches and I won’t shed myself in the best of lights for the sake of “a good story”. I’m only going to tell the truth for the sake of a true story. I am only writing this because I thought if I ignored the lies and rumors they would go away. They haven’t gone away. They actually incubated and grew like a bacteria. Some of you will read this and this will be your first time hearing of it. For others it will be a much wanted clarification of an ugly situation. Something that I wanted to learn from and leave, however keeps rearing it’s ugly head. Let us begin.

It started with me, Nova, working in Virginia. Summer 2011. I was doing radio, my articles had just hit the Vibe website, they appeared on the Russ Parr Morning Show a couple of times and more. I felt like hot shit, I won’t even lie. That was the immaturity in me letting every small accomplishment (that I know meant nothing now) go to my head. Anyway, fast forward. I began receiving all kinds of direct messages. All kinds of offers from women or them asking when I would be in their area.

I had been receiving direct messages from a particular woman in Brooklyn for a while, never sexual or anything, so it was different. She had this Erykah Badu type vibe online. Before then, I had never felt inclined to get to know someone online. We exchanged casual info for a few months (the convo ranged from hobbies to my daughter) before I got an offer to do a radio interview in East New York. I thought that was a sign. I let her know.

I really thought this woman was some conscious, Lauryn Hill type, shea butter using woman from what she told me. In fact, she told me about how she was a photographer and had a beautiful view of NYC from her 12th floor Brooklyn apartment. Her social networks included some pretty cool pics, quotes, and other things. I was like, “she is deep, a different breed than these women in Virginia.” I thought she was ALL THAT. I won’t even front like I wasn’t impressed, because I was.

I told her that I needed to come to NYC for a radio interview and she immediately let me know that I should stay with her instead of in a hotel.

Read the full post at [http://NovaGiovanni.com/]

As writers, many of us struggle with how much information to reveal or not to reveal about ourselves, our personal lives, and the lives of those we interact with. What do you think about this story? Did Nova reveal too much information? Was he justified in setting the record straight? What would you have done?

Comment(20)

  1. 1. That. Sh*t. Right. There.

    This story justifies why I am so careful about the people who I let in my circle. If you are a black male with sh*t going for you, you cannot afford to deal with hoodrats or crazy b*tches people in your life. And although it is well documented that black women are on one, no race of woman is exempt from mental illnesses.

    I know that experience made NG grow the f*ck up, it gave me the chills just like the Zimmerman Case. You have to have a certain awareness/intuition to weed out undesirables & a dope vibe to attract good people.

    Thank you WIM & NG for sharing that.

    That was a very traumatic read.

  2. Honestly, I feel people need to pay attention to people’s red flags period. I’ve had my own experiences with someone online who had lied egregiously and perpetuated the lie to no end. It’s sad things have become like this in the world.

    Peace be with you.

    1. we’ve become so PC that we’re told to give any and everyone a chance but not to sound cynical, a lot of people dont deserve it. Theres a difference between ignoring a guy for superficial reasons and clearly noticing an alarming trend of lies or ugly truths and just “seeing where it goes”. Lifes too short and theres way too many people to really tolerate some of the sh t people do on a day to day

  3. As a blogger i never judge what someone else chooses to disclose, personally while i pull no punches in my writing, i’ll throw jabs he was straight going for haymakers. The thing that annoyed me on his end is that he kept using “i liked her” as a copout, like even talking over the phone/dms some shred of her ignorance must’ve shown early but he was just that damn thirsty. Like you dont know about her family, never talked about past relationships (i assume she would shade them given her devotion to hating him) it was just sloppy sloppy vetting on his point

  4. Man that was powerful. I read every word of it. It's unfortunate that people can't take responsibility for their actions and will point the fingers at others. We have all seen those signs and chose to ignore them. However, often times we learn lessons from those actions.
    My recent post Blurred Lines

  5. Oh man…..

    This is not an online dating problem. It is more of a 'people are crazy' problem. I mean you could have met this girl at any event and after a while she would have revealed her "crazy".

    I'm actually speechless…..

  6. Sheesh…good to know that he's happily married with a healthy child now, and I won't stomp all over him (he was brave enough to share his story online) for sharing but man, this story screams immaturity on both ends. I guess we all have to learn at some point but the first mistake was actually agreeing to stay at her apartment..he just met her! Paying $XXX a night or so for a hotel in NYC would have been worth it in this case. Maybe it's just me but I just can't (temporarily) shack up in someone's house..for many reasons. And have sex with this woman? SHE could have been the one with HIV!! Bottom line, sex got him in trouble and both imo look utterly ridiculous. We can go on and on about how crazy she is but like I learned in elementary school when a bad kid would act up in class for attention: "never give a clown a show".

    Idk but I guess some men think it's impossible for them to get played. This woman is insane, but he gave her power by sleeping with her, possibly impregnating her (most likely a lie, but still), and in the long run gave her a lot to trash him about. Why? Because he gave her the opportunity.

    I could go on and on about this story and break down what all they did wrong paragraph by paragraph but I'm sure he has learned his lesson now while she goes and finds the next vulnerable, thirsty, gullible guy.

  7. Whew!!! I think the last quote sums it best, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

  8. Damn bruh. That’s a tough situation. It’s a prime example of how not going with your gut instinct can work against you. We all gotta listen to that voice within us that tells us run for the mofo hills if things feel “off”.

  9. At the end of the article he says: "I wish I had a moral to this story or a happy ending, but there really isn’t one. "

    Obviously the moral is as old as the stars that shine down their knowledge upon our mortal bodies: "Don't stick your dic in Crazy."

    Now, I know some dudes have a hard time figuring out if a chick is crazy prior to said sticking.

    What I've done as a solution to this issue is craft a talisman that I wear around my peen that protects it from crazy chicks. As long as I wear it in a chick's presence, I'm protected from the Crazy and also from STDs. Bonus protection if you have a real shaman imbue the talisman with the proper spiritual essence.

    If talismen arent your thing or you have a more conservative conventional religious perspective, you can always pray for your peen– I've used this technique with great success in my youth.

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