Home Featured The Real Reason So Many Good Black Men Are Single

The Real Reason So Many Good Black Men Are Single

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Relationship experts bloggers, and those alike seem to focus on the plight of the single woman. As it has been communicated time and time again, black women and their singleness is nobody’s fault but their own, after all it’s up to women to get chose right? Supposedly women are too aggressive, they’re confrontational, selfish, materialistic, along with some other less than desirable things. Needless to say, these are traits that men don’t want to deal with, so I hear.

I recently read an article where the author attempted to explain why so many [good] black men were single. I’m not sure what his definition of good is but I at least hope it involves having a job and not living in his mama’s basement. Anyway, he went on to list his twelve ideas, most of which were passive aggressively deflecting his reasons for being single on to black women, like…

1. They keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being “their type”.
3. They’re not wanted because they’re not needed. Too many women have told them that they don’t “need” a man.
4. They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men.
5. They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then that woman won’t give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make…read more.

Come again? How did the reason [good] black men are single become women’s issue?

See Also:  Why Men Need Dating Standards Too

From my own experiences, I’ve kind of picked up on some of the reasons that men choose to remain single rather than get into relationships. Honestly, I think if anything men actually make the choice to be single, while women remain single because of the choices men make. I don’t like it, and I’m not an advocate for it, but I get it.

Everybody has a choice. You either make the choice to be open to finding a mate or you don’t. Whatever your reasons for remaining single are definitely not the responsibility of the opposite sex. Where oh where is the accountability here?

In the article, the author references 12 points of which only two are solely the responsibility of the man, and not the woman. I don’t understand how it’s our fault as women, that you as men are single. Men will choose to play the field for years before they actually settle down. Who doesn’t have that 54 year old uncle who is still clickin his teeth and adjusting his pinky ring on the corner cause he’s not ready to get out the game.

I think that [good] black men are still single because they can be. It’s that simple. There are countless pieces of research that talk about the ratio of men to women. I’m no math whiz, but I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men. Anytime there is a surplus of something, consumers are able to be more selective before committing. Works the same way with people. It’s not hard for men to find quality women who want to make that move and change her last name. It’s hard to find quality women when the women they deal with aren’t quality.

See Also:  Is The Time He Takes To Reply An Indication Of His Level Of Interest?

When it comes to single men, I divide them into two categories. The first, men who are so focused on themselves that they can’t find a woman, and second, men that would rather play the game for as long as they can in fear of missing out on something better. I have met many a men that are, “working on their career”, “trying to be a better me”, “trying to get my finances together” “trying to move out my mama’s house,” they don’t have time for a woman. I totally understand wanting to be the best you for someone else, but I also know that we will always want to have more, be better, be more successful, etc. It’s called drive. Some have it some don’t.

Granted I’d rather a man be an overachiever than a bum. But, you have to realize though, sometimes you can achieve certain successes along side someone who is there as your support system.  Black men want to be the perfect version of themselves. [Good] Black men want to have it all together before they bring a woman into the picture, which is commendable. You can’t be perfect. You won’t be perfect. You can only try to be your best self and when the right woman comes along and you’re open to her, she will likely be cool with joining you on your quest for greatness.

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That other group? Ugh. The [Good] black men who are single because they don’t want to miss out on something better? You all are just greedy. There is always the potential to find someone more beautiful, or funnier, or who does a little more than the last. If you waste your whole life never being satisfied, then yes, single you will be. Contrary to whatever some of you believe, black men and women are really in this together. The word of the day is accountability. Get you some.

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion follow her on twitter @keitathejedi or at www.keitawheats.com

Comment(183)

  1. That post you linked reeks of "Nice Guy problems." I think it's valid for some men, but for the vast majority of single "good" black men I would say they fall into the two categories you mentioned above.
    Interesting post. Honestly came in here to say, "And here. We. Go." but I found a decent piece instead.
    Nice job.

  2. "I’m no math whiz, but I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men. Anytime there is a surplus of something, consumers are able to be more selective before committing."

    You are a 100% correct.

  3. There are 4 things said in this article that I'd question:

    1) "I’m no math whiz, but I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men."

    Its actually about even, like most species. In fact, worldwide, there are 101 males to every 100 females. Not really enough to explain so many guys playing the field. Maybe what you were implying was "there are way more women who want a relationship than there are men who're available AND meet her standards". In which case, sure, there would seem to be a lot of chicks running around looking for men to capture. But "Women outnumber men" might be simplifying it way too much.

    2) "It’s not hard for men to find quality women who want to make that move and change her last name."

    You can find women in general who want to change their last name… but "quality women" are just as hard to come by as "quality men." No offense, but are women even qualified to speak on the difficulty of men finding quality women? Its like me saying "birthing a child isn't hard, it's prolly no different than passing a very fat turd." I'm sure the fellas out there can vouch that finding a quality woman to wife is no walk in the park.

    3) "men that would rather play the game for as long as they can in fear of missing out on something better"

    I can dig it except for the "fear of missing out" part. Fear of missing out on a better chick is prolly the last reason on the long list of why men play the game. The top reason? I'd say it's related to the old adage "New vajay is better than old vajay."

    Dudes playing the game are enjoying the search (which usually includes flirting and secks and other assorted fun stuff). They aren't playing the game out of FOMO (fear of missing out). They are playing the game because the game is fun to play.

    I don't play NBA 2K13 to meet Obama after winning the Finals– I do it because I enjoy dunking on cats every game and seeing my awesome highlight reel.

    4) "[Good] Black men want to have it all together before they bring a woman into the picture"

    Some might, but I believe the majority of men wouldn't care– if a beautiful woman came up and offered to submit to him, i doubt he'd be all "no, i can't have secks with you, I'm still saving for a house." lol

    No, the issue isn't that men want to have it all together before bringing in a woman… the issue is that they CAN'T bring in the woman they want because SHE prefers a dude who already has it all together. You said it yourself– "I’d rather a man be an overachiever than a bum".

    1. I’m going to have to co-sign Buck today, especially point #2, which I think is overlooked in a lot of these discussions. Women seem to think finding “quality” or “good” women is easy for men because qualities they deem important in men are [allegedly] abundant in women; however, what men value in women is not the same thing as what women value in men – and it never will be. I wouldn’t say the search is difficult and it’s def not impossible, but I wouldn’t call it easy by any stretch of the imagination. With one exception – I do believe that what men need/want in a wife is usually less stringent than what women want/need in a woman, so with a relatively lower barrier for entry, this might explain why men can identify *more “wife types” from the available population than women can identify “husband types.” It’s the old argument of available husbands vs men you actually want – these are not one in the same.

      – sent from iPhone

      1. @WIM

        It’s the old argument of available husbands vs men you actually want – these are not one in the same.

        Once women come to terms with their available options, posts like these will cease. I hope @Shamira was serious about those cats & that alcohol habit.

    2. +1 here.

      " Maybe what you were implying was "there are way more women who want a relationship than there are men who're available AND meet her standards". In which case, sure, there would seem to be a lot of chicks running around looking for men to capture. But "Women outnumber men" might be simplifying it way too much. "

      Glad you beat me to it and saved me the key strokes.

    3. 12 Point Buck: "'quality women' are just as hard to come by as 'quality men'."

      "the issue is that they CAN'T bring in the woman they want because SHE prefers a dude who already has it all together."

      Strong cosigns here.

    4. 12 point: completely agree.

      "there are way more women who want a relationship than there are men who're available AND meet her standards".

      I think this can be said for both men and women. I don’t think the frustration from either side comes from there not being an available supply of good men and women. I think the issue is when a man or woman finds someone they feel meets their qualifications and that person doesn’t want them. Like the list in this article. It seems like the men who stated these “points” have probably not gotten the women they felt “meet the standard” and instead of accepting that their not “everybody’s flavor of the week” they tired to blame it on the women.

      1. @SMilez_920

        I think the issue is when a man or woman finds someone they feel meets their qualifications and that person doesn’t want them

        BIG F*CKIN CO-SIGN

        Basically, for the average dude (myself, yes & no) we can get below average women, assuming they don’t have an inflated ego.

        But I believe this is more of a woman prob than man prob.

        1. I think the great equalizer is prettiness. So let's look at it like this: men (usually) value attractiveness in a woman as women (usually) value success/power/money, etc. Thus, if you "only date models" or more reflective of the masses, 7's and ups, you've already greatly reduced your dating pool from jump (just like women). As I've written about before, each qualifier you have reduces your dating pool. Men's experience is really no different than women in this regard – altho, like I said above, I do think most men have less qualifiers for a wife than women have for a husband.

          Lastly, I don't think mem and women look for "different qualities" in men/women, it's that we prioritize the qualities we look for differently. A man's "top 10" and a woman's "top 10" might contain the same list of qualifiers, but I HIGHLY doubt it's in the same order.

        2. "Lastly, I don't think mem and women look for "different qualities" in men/women, it's that we prioritize the qualities we look for differently."

          Agreed.

        3. Honestly a man can tell you every qualifier of what mean want, you can follow every qualifier to the T and still not get CHOOSE. Honestly meeting certain standards/ qualifiers only matter if the person wants you. And even then men and women reprioritize what they might consider a qualifier if they really connect.

          The “nice guy finish last” and the woman who feels there’s not “enough good men to go around” feel that they’ve been cheated because they followed all of the rules and qualifiers that people said would get them a certain type of man or woman and ended up empty handed.

          It’s like applying for job. You and every other candidate that has been called in meets the basic qualifications (degree, work experience) but when each one of you interview there’s a special it factor that will get one of you the job. Just because you don’t get the job doesn’t mean any of the things that made you qualify are worthless, they just may need to be used some place else.

        4. "Honestly meeting certain standards/ qualifiers only matter if the person wants you."
          This right here, Please put that on a T-shirt! +100 on that statement.

        5. To add to Smilez the other pt of the problem is that too many people are Overly picky and too many times we don't want the people that want us, even though they may be more than qualified to make us happy.
          Men – don't complain about not being able to find a good woman, date 8's and up then complain about them being too superficial, spoiled brats, spending too much money, or whatever, date the corporate career women with the degree's and all her own, then complain about her being "too independent" and not having enough time to spend with you because she works too much. Meet really good, decent, caring, wonderful, women, with a degree or 2, a good job, no kids, who are more than ready, willing and able, to make time for you, spoil you, and do whatever it takes to make you happy and make you smile on your worst day, and reject her because she's too fat and she's a size 14 and up. And still complaining because your still single.

        6. Ladies: Don't complain about being single when you reject every man that has no degree, has a roommate, doesn't have a six figure income or close to it, doesn't drive a car that costs the same as a house, doesn't have a house, but has an apartment or condo, doesn't like going shopping with you for hours on end, won't pay for first, 2nd, 3rd dates, won't pay for your hair and nails to be done, doesn't want to get married after knowing, dating and being with you for less than a year, isn't over 6 ft tall and look just like Boris, Morris, or Denzel, doesn't have a six pack, doesn't have "swag", doesn't call you everyday, doesn't answer every single time you call him, doesn't respond to every single text, text more than he calls, and all the other many mundane reasons why we reject good decent men.

        7. I can't relate to the "can't find a good man" epidemic at all. I've known throughout my life numerous great men, not perfect, but pretty damn good imo.
          I'm good friends with, dated and been in relationships with great and wonderful men. Currently with an amazing and wonderful great man.
          One observation I've made over the years is that the people in relationships simply pick the very best person they find at that time. There are no excuses or reasons why they can't be with someone. When they find a good person, they get with them and stay with them for however long.
          Some people who remain single indefinitely do so in part because, there is always an excuse as to why they can't be with the people that even they say are great people.
          They never make the decision to be with someone and stay with them. They find every reason not to be with the people they date, and no reasons to stay with them.
          I'm not saying u should be miserable and unhappy and stay with people your not combatible with. But nobody is perfect. Everyone will have issues. You will have to deal with some stuff and issues. Decide which issues you can deal with, and live and let love.

        8. @keitathejedi

          For me, at this second.

          Smart, affluent, cooperative/obedient (aka do what the f*ck I say), speaks fluent English, & WHITE.

          Was that helpful?

    5. Actually there are waaay more women than men if you take in too account that Men get arrested more, are killed more frequently and younger, More likely to be "Mentally retorted". The Dating market has a lot more women for men to date than vice versa…The numbers just don't add up

      1. when you take into account women that have been mentally messed up by douchebag dudes, and never get over it, it evens back out.

      2. ADONIS

        @Datboykenan

        False.

        The number of men & women of DATING AGE (16-60) is even/balanced. I ran the numbers myself for the 2010 census.

        And the number of dysfunctional men & women are even, same with the quality men & women.

        They sold us a bill of goods on that one.

        What it is, is that most men are competing for women who are, young, pretty, &/or childless (minority group)

        And women are competing for men who are Charismatic, Dominant, &/or PAID (minority group)

    6. @12 Point Buck

      I believe this was the best comment on this entire thread.

      I gotta expound on one part of your post.

      I can dig it except for the “fear of missing out” part. Fear of missing out on a better chick is prolly the last reason on the long list of why men play the game. The top reason? I’d say it’s related to the old adage “New vajay is better than old vajay.”

      I think this has alot of validity. Alot.

      But in 2013, the marriage marketplace is very different than the 60s, 70s, & early 80s.

      Back in the day, women were more receptive to marrying a man who was less attractive, but had all the basics down.

      Protector & Provider.

      Now a days, women are trying to lock down and failing miserably the men who are out of their league as far as relationships are concerned.

      So, it forces the proverbial nice guys to raise their attractiveness or beat off to Pinky, Jada & Cherokee.

      So, nice/good/decent guys are forced to play the field.

      Is what it is.

  4. “What’s understood aint gotta be explained” – D.M. Carter

    The truth is, love is about 50% luck, you happen to meet someone you like, they happen to be single, they happen to be free when you ask them out. While the author in the original post made some fair points, I cannot cosign that list like see, if you had ya act together and stopped chasing the wrong ninjas than a decent dude like me will wife you. Also the other sentiment that women are tired of waiting, i’ll grow with you, how many more women do you have to date first, hurry up n buy completely ignores that in all honesty he’s probably just not checking for you. Folding your arms and tapping your foot doesnt change that.

    1. @Tristan

      if you had ya act together and stopped chasing the wrong ninjas than a decent dude like me will wife you

      We have been trying to put women on forever. But we have to let them cook

  5. Lol when I saw that list on twitter all I could do was smh. It sounded like some man who spent his teen yrs and college years in the friend zone or even worse he’s one of those self proclaimed nice guys .

    1 ) I really hate the numbers game. ” There’s more good women then there are men to go around “. It’s crazy all the women are quality and all the men are ” good men” yet no one can seem to get together and be happy. Honestly I would say the number of quality men to women are about equal .

    2) Black women get blamed for everything at this point . We tend to focus a lot on daddy issues in our community . I think some brothers have serious mommy issues that the end up taking out on women in their adult yrs .

    3) A lot of ” good black men are single ” because they probably aren’t that great to begin with. Having a job, being respectful , taking ate of your children and trying to do something with your life may make you a good person but it doesn’t make you a good partner . Just like we tell women having a degree and paying you rent on time doesn’t make you a good women. Honestly people who claim to be good and some how continue to complain about how bad the opposite sex is probably isn’t that great ( make or female).

    Those good black men in that article remind me of the women who are single because everyone else ain’t ish. Just like a lot of women spend time chasing the wrong men around , a lot of men spend years chasing the wrong women . Just like we shove done black women throats that they should meet the requirements that try set for a partner , men should do the same. A lot of men are out here looking for superwoman but aren’t a super man themselves.

    1. Smilez_920: "Having a job, being respectful , taking ate of your children and trying to do something with your life may make you a good person but it doesn't make you a good partner . Just like we tell women having a degree and paying you rent on time doesn't make you a good women."

      Message. Men and women need to realize:

      1. Part of finding love is luck and timing.
      2. No matter how great you think you are, you're not everyone's cup of tea.

      1. Uncle Hugh: I think what people are really complaining about isn’t lack of good men or women. I think their just mad that every man or woman they want doesn’t want them. Like you said “you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea”. I said the same thing on the nice guys finish last topic. Nothing wrong with being a “nice guy” you just might not be every woman you desires cup of tea. Same for woman, a lot of “good woman” chase men who don’t want them and then try to generalize all men.

        1. "I think their just mad that every man or woman they want doesn’t want them."

          I agree. One of the difficulties of discussing this topic is it is personal. It is difficult for some single people to objectively talk about it, especially jaded single people, and it is hard for people to see it from the perspective of the other gender. When you've been looking for love and have gone through much heartbreak, people usually look at the people that have wronged them instead of looking objectively at what they may have done wrong, or if it was just a bad match.

          That's why some nice guys don't seem to think the issue is they're just boring. It's why some women don't stop to think that while they friend-zone nice but boring guys, maybe the reason they haven't found love is men find them boring or undesirable, regardless of how good they think they are on paper.

      2. Your absolutely right I use to have certain things I wanted in a guy but,after searching I found what I thought was a good guy that actually wanted a relationship but to only find out he wasn’t ready for me. So what’s left to do .

    2. "Just like a lot of women spend time chasing the wrong men around , a lot of men spend years chasing the wrong women." This right here is nothing but the Truth!
      Based on what I've heard from men I've discussed this with, many men are single for various reasons. The common theme being because they simply Want To Be (at that particular time).
      I applaud the men who make a conscious decision to remain single, and the men who are in relationships who are not rushing to the alter, (for good personal reasons).
      Common sense reasons why this is actually a good thing are:
      1. If a man chooses to be single, and not marry anytime soon, obviously he has his own personal reasons for not wanting to be married ever or anytime soon. Ladies, whether we understand these reasons or not is irrelevant. The important thing is that we know this information asap. From there it is up to us to decide whats in our best interest, and act accordingly.

      1. 2. If a man is single because he wants casual relationships with no strings and you want an exclusive committed relationship with strings, chords and the whole enchilada then obviously that man is not for you. Why would you waste your time with him no matter how great, successful, attractive and sexy he may be.
        3. Ladies, even if you are able to change a mans mind and get him to put a ring on it, whatever change you garner is temporary. Nine times out of ten that man will go back to his old ways and get tired of being married and could possibly end up cheating, lying, stayin out all the time and just being everything you Don't want in a man. I've seen this happen. When you strong-arm, coerce, seduce, trick, trap a man into marrying you and having kids with you all you end up with is an inevitably bitter and unhappy man. Because he is bitter and unhappy and in a situation he never wanted to be in, did not choose and was forced into, he will inevitably make the woman very unhappy and bitter and both people will end up regretting it. It makes for a horrible situation, and 100 times worse if the couple have children.

        1. God gave all of us Freedom of Choice. Ladies, please stop being angry and upset over the choice men make to be single, simply because it is not necessarily our choice.
          Allow men the freedom to have their choice, just as they allow us the freedom to have our choices.
          I've said this before and I'll say it again, if more people focused on the dating and getting with more like-minded people who wanted them, we would all be much more happier and more people would be together and stay together. Open, Honest, Communication is Fundamental.

    3. @Smilez_920

      I was with you most of the way until you went in to these parts.

      3) A lot of ” good black men are single ” because they probably aren’t that great to begin with. Having a job, being respectful , taking care of your children and trying to do something with your life may make you a good person but it doesn’t make you a good partner . Just like we tell women having a degree and paying you rent on time doesn’t make you a good women. Honestly people who claim to be good and some how continue to complain about how bad the opposite sex is probably isn’t that great ( make or female).

      Right here, you are justifying why Black Men should date Non-Black Women. These Black Men don’t exist until they end up with a non-black princess.

      MOST WOMEN HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE GUY YOU WANT (The dominant, charismatic @sshole with the excellent pipe) Vs. THE GUY YOU NEED (The stable, boring provider who takes care of his kids.)

      Very few women get both. And very few women are great s*x material & marriage material.

      Those good black men in that article remind me of the women who are single because everyone else ain’t ish. Just like a lot of women spend time chasing the wrong men around , a lot of men spend years chasing the wrong women . Just like we shove done black women throats that they should meet the requirements that try set for a partner , men should do the same. A lot of men are out here looking for superwoman but aren’t a super man themselves.

      I do not agree with this personally. I think women conveniently straw men this argument like all of us were chasing the Rosa Acostas & the Stacey Dashes of the world.

      Like I said upthread, our match would have chose us in any other era in the 1900s, but in 2013, that girl is chasing non-committal players, or is somebody’s baby mama. So, again, I cannot put that totally on men.

      Because in your post, you are implying that men need to become more attractive just to get a chance to play for marriage.

      Which defeats the purpose, because more of those men become attractive & then they rather stay single & play the field than to wife up one woman.

      Pointless.

  6. I completely agree! No one lives by accountability. Its always "well because y'all do this, we do this" or something along that lines. At some point people have to say, I will not do this because it's not right. Not to mention I don't think many people can keep it real and say that they aren't a good man/woman. I'm sure the majority of people on this site, feel they are a good person and if they are presented with a right opportunity they would settle down today. Finding a partner that has everything you need, (for men and women) is not easy. Forever is a long time, so making sure it is a right decision is imperative.
    My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

    1. @Payne Well

      No one lives by accountability. Its always “well because y’all do this, we do this” or something along that lines.

      Life is about reciprocity. You cannot be a TAKER without GIVING something & you can’t be a GIVER without GETTING SOMETHING in return.

      Now, in my case, I had to leave the Nice Guy box kicking & screaming. I have given without expecting anything return, and it was the dumbest philosophy I have ever lived through.

      I wish someone would have broken the game down to me at 7 yr old about the way the world works. Instead, I had to learn the hard way at 17.

  7. Men want to be single because they choose too.. like you said. You can step outside and find plenty of good women lurking on every corner but men seem to think there something even better if he just keeps on looking. You have to be open and receptive to settling down first and foremost.
    My recent post LesbiHonest

    1. I agree with the last part of your statement about being open and receptive to settling down. I think if we put it in a chart the numbers would look like 25% of men are dead set on settling down, 30% are trying to be “players for life” and 45% fall in that area that WIM described in a previous post where a man might be open to a relationship but that doesn’t mean he’s going to date every woman he meets like he’s ready to settle down. He’s playing the field but he’s open to sitting out if the right person comes along.

      As far as there being plenty good women, I think there’s plenty of available women, doesn’t necessarily mean their good or will be good for him. (Same could be said for women, there are plenty of men out there, doesn’t mean their necessarily be good men and even if their good, they may not be good for you). I think we need to get a clearer idea of what a “good woman” is (of course we all have are own qualities that we feel make some one good) just like we need to get an idea of what a good man/ nice guy is.

      1. Another point we forget is that for men Timing is Everything when it comes to relationships. Just like for women timing is everything. We only have but so many child-bearing years. Women don't have the option to Ron Isley and still make and have babies at 60 years old.
        Most of the men I know, they know themselves very well. They know when they are not at a point in their life where they are ready to be a husband. They know when they cannot offer a woman all she wants and needs in a serious relationship and/or marriage.

        1. A man can be like a potroast. We all know most meats taste so much better when they are slow roasted. When we allow them to stay in the oven and let the juices marinate all throughout the meat and let the flavors sink in. Most meats that slow roast typically always come out tender, juicy and flavorful if u take them out at just the right time. If you take the meat out too soon its raw and undercooked. If you wait too long its overcooked and tough.
          Ladies, we have to be more patient with men. Allow them the time they need to do what they have to do, so they can get to the point where they make the best men for us.
          Trust me it will be worth the wait 🙂

        2. Bree, you really do get it. I think the point of Timing is really key here. As a man who grew up being taught the man should lead his family, there are certain things we need to have in order and in place to be an effective leader. Whether it is maturity, career, finances, etc., these things help make a "good man" that more effective as a leader when it's time to start a family.

    2. @WildFlower

      Men want to be single because they choose too..

      Technically you are right. But only a small number of men have the attractiveness to be able to TURN DOWN their PREFERENCE but choose to stay single.

  8. "I’m no math whiz, but I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men…."

    Umm, not true?

    Even if this was the case, the demand would be for quality over quantity and I wager those numbers are about even for black men and women.

    Men and women are single for the same reasons, the major difference being what point in life we choose to no longer stay single.

    1. @DeKeLa

      Even if this was the case, the demand would be for quality over quantity and I wager those numbers are about even for black men and women.

      Been saying this forever.

  9. I agree. For the most part, good, single black men are single because they want to be. I know for a fact and not to sound cocky or arrogant but if I wanted to be in a relationship today, I could be. I just choose not to lol. And since men are normally the ones who pull the trigger on relationships since women "ain't chasing no n*gga", I'm sure there are a lot of men out here just like me who are single with the reason being they CHOOSE to be.

    1. Yeah…I feel sorry for you.
      Only because everyone needs someone and its kind of sad that you would rather live alone than be loved by another. Its just not that deep. IMO…

  10. "That other group? Ugh. The [Good] black men who are single because they don’t want to miss out on something better? You all are just greedy."

    Now I'm not saying that statement is totally untrue as I know a couple of brothers whose mindset can be described in such a manner, but isn't this akin to a (wo)man saying they refuse to settle?

    It would appear that more than a few folks encourage their fellow peers/friends to not settle ("girl, you deserve better than xyz…you have this that and the third going on..don't settle!") . I would surmise that not wanting to miss out on something better and not settling can be afixed into a similar category with context and nuance being the variables that make the slight distinctions.

    1. Lol. +1. But I think women are encouraged to settle way more than men. That part of the post sounded like frustration. That’s why you hear women saying “girl don’t settle” because a lot of the time a woman will settle especially if she’s chasing a specific date and time frame to get married. She may settle with a good man but not the good man for her. I think someone said it on here

      “If a man is hunger for a steak, he’s going to go search for a steak. It might not be the biggest steak on the menu and he may stop by a few burger joints to curve his appetite, but he’s going to get to that steak. A woman will want a steak, walk a few miles and give in at the first restaurant she sees’s, because she’s hungry and some food now if better than being hungry until you find what you want”.

    2. Well there is a difference between settling in the way your girlfriend's say versus being real with yourself. If I meet a guy and we don't really have the chemistry there but he is sweet, good job, all the other material things that one would want, I shouldn't force myself to be with this guy because he has those things. The same with if he's abusive, a cheater, a liar, etc. Settling means that you are taking below what you are worth or what you would do in my opinion. Being real is saying, yes i want to date a man who is 6'2, but if he came to me and he's 5'5 and he is the full package, I need to get over myself and call it a day. If you find a good girl but she has a little booty, but you want a chick with a big booty, you need to accept the diamond you found and quit looking for something more. However, if she is dumb as rocks, then yes, you should probably keep your eyes open for something better.
      My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

  11. I think all lists like these…from the male and female perspective…are subjective. Its truth depends on their circumstances and motives….and who's reading it.

    "I think that [good] black men are still single because they can be."

    As much as I agree with this line, I believe there are good men that don't want to be single.

    Everybody just needs mutual attraction and a mutual level of interest. If you haven't found it yet, it's just cause you haven't found it. Yeah, we all could upgrade some things about ourselves but real love is about lovingly accepting a person as is (not saying you shouldn't upgrade yourself in lacking areas…def do).

    I'm over beating myself about it, lol. I'll just continue to patiently wait my turn. It's coming…

    1. "I'm over beating myself about it, lol. I'll just continue to patiently wait my turn. It's coming…"

      pass the coffee.

      *plays solitaire by hisself*

      1. *passes you coffee*

        And when our turn finally comes, we'll sit back and LOL about the journey…

        *plays Unblock Me*

    2. @Cyn81

      As much as I agree with this line, I believe there are good men that don’t want to be single.

      Fo Sheezy!

      I’ll just continue to patiently wait my turn. It’s coming…

      Your turn already came. Let some other woman get a turn. Or at least let me beat before the wedding. Greedy @ss 😉

      1. LOL!

        I need you to get with me on this, come on! I had my youthful mistake…I just need the right one now!

        Uh, I don't pass out freebies, LOL…I'm on pause till I'm dealing with something real.

  12. I’m going to be 100 percent honest. This will hurt some women feelings and expose the lies of some men. Please accept my apologies.

    For the women:

    Many of you are single for a myriad of reasons. But the most common reason I find is that most of you are not qualified. Oh yes it’s true. If i am looking for a physician assistant which REQUIRES a masters in the science of physician studies , you telling me that you have your masters in electrical engineering means nothing. It is not what it takes to for the Job rendering the degree useless in the field. The same thing applies to relationships. The overwhelming majority of men of all ethnic groups value loyalty, submissiveness and obedience in women( YES OBEDIENCE) so you parading how strong you are, educated and independent means nothing to us. Thus rendering you unqualified. Every other woman outside of black American women seem to realize this. They flaunt their femininity, domestic skills, etc to snatch a man. Meanwhile black women are trying their best to convince us that we( black men) should instead be seeking the opposite of that. And we are NOT buying it. Black women lack of knowledge about men is one of the main culprits in their definite single hood. Till this very day you hear black women lamenting their singleness and following up with how she is educated and independent and that men are intimidated by it……. NO we are just REPULSED by it.

    SOLUTION: next time you find a love interest- flaunt your domestic skills, femininity, and tell us why you would be a good wife.

    The best statement I ever heard came from my Somali wife and I quote ” I just want to make you happy and raise you good children”.

    Now when has a black woman EVER SAID THAT!!

    1. Why should anyone "obey" someone they're just dating. Men want to be quick to make such a distinction to justify certain behaviors, but a woman is supposed give it ALL, even though there's not true commitment or sign of one coming soon.

      These black women you speak of who flaunt their independence first and lack loyalty, and submissiveness don't exist in my world. The black women I know hold their men down, cook for them, clean, and cater to them, and some still remain unmarried or are dealing with men who really don't deserve such treatment.

      Aren't relationships a two-way street. I prefer a partner, not someone who wants to sit back and reap all the benefits of having a good woman, but isn't even close to being a good man. A good relationship is reciprocal.
      My recent post Christianity and the Black Church

      1. @BellaTrice1

        Attractive men can get away with treating “good” women like trash. If you are not checking for the stable boring dude, you cannot complain. S*ck it up.

      2. Men and womem are NOT EQUAL. They should have equitable relationships, but we are NEVER EQUALS. No matter what the feminists will lead you to believe,

    2. @Obvious

      The best statement I ever heard came from my Somali wife and I quote ” I just want to make you happy and raise you good children”.

      Now when has a black woman EVER SAID THAT!!

      I am sure they say it, but not for no regular negro. We need more committed dads in the BC

    3. This comment is like milk 4 days past its expiration date. You're almost positive it's going to smell, but you still have to take a good whiff to be sure and…yup, it's garbage.

      1. Bwaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! I was thinking the same thing. It perpetuates the very stereotypes that are blanketed across black women as a whole,when like ALL colors, cultures and creeds, it applies only to SOME!

      2. @KitKatCuty84

        Nah baby, he kept it 1 Million with you.

        Women want attractive men. Attractive men are few in number. Women are more than willing to share.

        You have options. They are not perfect. But you have options.

        Most women would choose to be the a mistress of a rich man, than the sole wife of a poor man if you know what I mean.

      1. The only thing Somali women have in common with black women is skin color, same can be said for the opposite gender.

  13. For the men, you thought i forgot you?

    Naw bruh !

    STOP LYING

    Now granted there is no doubt that quantity does not equal quality, so the idea that we can just find a wife because they outnumber us is null and void. But let’s be 100, we all know that we can have a full fledged relationship within 6 hours out of the 7 women that we( I used to) have in rotation( and add 10 for the interracial/ethnic daters). But you don’t want to. Most of us conditioned through this society and/or religious beliefs that settling down mean being ONE woman who is supposed to be our soulmate. Problem is that everything in us wants to have multiple women until the day we die( only the simps and manginas will deny this). So we hide behind the excuses of I’m not financially ready, I haven’t found the right one, I want to finish my education and the other blatant lies we come up with to avoid saying that YOU( yes you) want more than one beautiful woman in your life. Now this effects us black men more because other men choose to have polygynous marriages( Muslims, Africans,Arabs, Mormons) or Marry monogamously and have side pieces, jumpoffs, mistresses( virtually every other group of men). These marriages solidify their communities, wealth and well being. Meanwhile we avoid marriage like the plague because we don’t want to be monogamous( unless your Muslim) and it fractures our communities.

    SOLUTION- express your desire for multiple partners with your love interest, even if she is a black woman, despite popular belief that black women are anti polygyny, all you have to do is look in the black community and see that they do more man sharing than Saudi Arabian women.

    Or just marry monogamously and talk with your white co workers and friends and find out how they keep their wife happy while dating their secretary and other mistresses.

    Marriage IS IMPORTANT. WE ( BLACK MEN NEED IT) BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PURELY MONOGAMOUS. Despite what black women say, having multiple women is not the cause of the break down in our communities, just the break down of the family. Which has many root causes.

      1. But no, women are the SOLE issue as to why there is discord amongst the genders. Before men could date outside their race, who where they dating? Black women. It's a new phenomenon to be able to freely date outside of peoples races/cultures. I have no problem with people doing it, when it's for love, not because of a stereo type that black men are lazy, or black women are too independent/disrespectful. Also with so many black men marrying outside their race, black women are marrying outside their race as well, without having to to submit to a polygamous relationship or having to not be strong/independent. Furthermore for there to be a misconception of white, latinas, etc etc, women just being these docile creatures ready to cater to a man on hand and foot is ridiculous. Have you actually seen these women in work? They are running households, spending tons of their man's money, and are trying to take just as much in divorce proceedings. Certain people need to quit sending out the propaganda that black women are defected because we are not. We survived years of slavery and genocide and we will continue to survive. If women had no strength or independence you wouldn't have Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, plenty of women who pushed through in life based on strength and independence. Strength, independence and the will to survive is something bred inside of us.
        My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        1. Some of your points are decent but flawed. There is a group of people called Native Amercians. They are the survivors of a genocide. They were raped, beaten and driven to near extinction. Why don’t their women have to profess their strength and independence like black women? This is proof enough of the foolishness of black women in regards to I’m so strong and it’s because of slavery even though NONE OF you were ever a slave. Stop living off the backs of your ancestors whom must of you do not compare to.

          How non black women behave at work Is different than how they behave at home.

          Black women work behavior is the same as their home behavior( in general)

          Non black women don’t dare call their men no good niggas, weak ass nigga, and other disgusting words.

        2. Well one you do what you are taught to do. Your ancestors past down your history and their words, and their power. Well my grandparents did, which is why I believe I'm very successful. And actually Native American women do have organizations specifically to help them find strength so they can see past their surroundings. Unfortunately we do not get to hear about native American's too often unless it's about how their culture is going down hill and being torn apart due to drugs, violence and alcohol (kinda like another race we are familiar with) Living off the backs and learning from their struggles are two separate things. It's almost like a non black person complaining about why do we keep having to hear about slavery and have movies that spoke about the lack of rights of black people. Most of our grandparents grandparents where slaves and what some of us lack is that we do not learn from those stories and try to grow as a people but stay stagnant in life. Have you seen the house wives shows? Do you have an abundance of white women friends? Regardless of what imaginary life you have painted in your head of what life would be like with a non black woman, what it comes down to, of taking responsibility for our actions and why we are the way we are, you are choosing to place the blame on on gender and promote archaic thinking to another. Guys cheat because normally they aren't mature enough not to, they aren't getting what they need at home, or just are cheaters. The emotional aspect of cheating normally is a woman thing. So to tell a guy that he should marry every chick that he wants to screw is ridiculous. Because in polygamous cultures you have to take care of your women equally. If you are telling a man that he should marry more than one woman, it's important that he understand what two women in his lives mean. God did not make women to be the sole pleasure of men, but as companions.

          Non black women don't dare call their men no good niggas, weak ass nigga, and other disgusting words.

          Why would a non black woman call a non black man that? That would be ridiculous, but regardless of the high pedastals that you have placed non black women, they are surely calling their men such names.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        3. "Non black women don't dare call their men no good niggas, weak ass nigga, and other disgusting words."

          Of course they do, but that's only AFTER they've gotten what they want from him, which is usually money. Smh. You're ridiculous. I know black men who were married to others and them and their own children were referred to as n*****. You must be posing as an interracial dater bc you have no idea what you're talking about.

          My recent post Christianity and the Black Church

        4. And of course MOST women THINK they are in monogamous relationships, notice in my earlier comment I suggested talking with white co worker son how they juggle their mistresses with the wife finding out. I remember sitting at my cooler and 3 of my white ex co workers were trading tips on how they keep the wife separated from the mistresses even though they lived within a 15 mile radius of each other. Non black men are just pros on NOT getting caught. Black men are plum fools with it.

        5. Actually the Jesus comment was for C81. And you can believe or think that women being strong and independent is a blessing till you are blue in the face. The issue is when this thinking interferes with the traditional role of the woman in the relationship with a man.

          I don’t WANT men to have multiple wives, men want that from themselves. The one wan forever fantasy is something that introduced less than 200 years ago. A quick fact is that polygamy is present in 78 percent of the worlds cultures. Polygamy IS NOT a bad thing nor an outdated one.

        6. Well my friend you can definitely think that a woman shouldn't be strong and independent but in this day and age she needs to be. I'm in no way saying she needs to treat her man like crap, we need to respect each other and treat each other like kings and queens. But the fantasy of a man having a multiple wife is because they want the sex. Not because he wants to hear two women jaw jacking about her entire day to him. Or talking to him during the game about b.s that he doesn't really care about. It's sex. But hey, one of the benefits of being this type of women is that i can easily walk away from a situation that will not get better. I guess i'll be single, black, strong and independent over in this area.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        7. I’m join this debate and exchange of thoughts but I will NOT TOLERATE YOUR LIES against me. When did I ever say that men should marry every woman they are trying ti screw?( answer this specifically)

          Further I’m not attracted to white women and neither do I date black American women. As a matter of fact I don’t date at all. I have two Somali wives, one Eritrean wife and aaldivian wife. So I know just a little about how non black and non American black women conduct themselves in relationships. And I did not place non black women on a pedestal, that is your insecurity talking. I simply compared the odd behavior of black women in relationships to other women. And polygyny is more than sex, that’s your ignorance speaking. Polygyny remedies a woman who is barren if her husband wants to have children of his own, bigger families, take care of widows, single mothers and who do you know married to one woman who wants to hear her jaw jacking? That was a stupid retort. And you can be single in the corner all you want, black men will not lament. Trust me on this one, and as for me I have FOUR wives, do what you eat won’t make me go to the bathroom 😉

        8. It's hard for me to take you seriously when You started with two wives, then ended with four by the end of your paragraph. You say you know just a little about how non black and non American black women conduct themselves but process to lecture us previously about black women are unqualified because we are strong and independent. You also state that black men are repulsed by a woman being educated and strong. Which plenty of men have said on several occasions that is not the case. And yes I know women can be talkers(i am one of them) so that's not a stupid remark, that's me being able to acknowledge something about myself. But i've learned when to talk his ear off, and when to leave him alone. What it comes down to is respect and accountability between the genders. Once we get that together we will be okay.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        9. Either you overlooked or you weren’t good at math. I said 2 Somali wives, 1 Eritrean and 1 Maldivian.
          2 plus 1 plus 1 equals 4. Take your time with it.

          And I didn’t say black men are repulsed by an educated woman, that’s you lying again. I noticed black women tend to do that when they are debating or arguIng with someone.

          What I did say is that black men are repulsed by the constant vocal remarks of I’m strong, educated an independent.

          What black women haven learned is what’s understood DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EXPLAINED. Lebron James doesn’t have to tell people he is a good ball player, Bill Gates doesn’t have to tell people he is wealthy, Einstein didn’t have To tell people he was intelligent. So what do black men have to make known how educated and strong she is?

          Is it because she is doubting herself? Or maybe she feels people aren’t recognizing it? And if thats the case maybe she isn’t what she think she is?

          Again, I have never heard a single native American woman profess her strength, independence, and education because of what her ancestors went through.

          So if you are bold enough, do you mind answering why so many black women feel the need to say it?

          Y’all talk so loud I can’t hear you.

        10. Oh that's an easy one, I overlooked it, my fault. I can recognize when I make an error, i'm strong enough to do that :).

          "Till this very day you hear black women lamenting their singleness and following up with how she is educated and independent and that men are intimidated by it……. NO we are just REPULSED by it."

          Are you repulsed by us saying it or us achieving it?

          "There is a group of people called Native Amercians. They are the survivors of a genocide. They were raped, beaten and driven to near extinction. Why don't their women have to profess their strength and independence like black women?"

          As for native American women, this is one of the many groups that are there to empower native American women and young girls. Conference for Native American women of proud nations.

          I agree that if someone (regardless of gender) is saying the same thing over and over again, i would be vexed to listen to that person longer than 3 mins. Lebron posted many of his vids on IG touting his championship. I mean why would he need to do that ? We know that he is a good player, why would he need to boast about his win on IG? Because he was proud of it. All the hard work and everything he had to put into it. However, education is an achievement that i think people should toot. I know plenty of men who will toot their own horn because they know how hard it is to complete higher education. The same for a woman, and I will shout all day long that I have an MBA. However, I will not use it to degrade or berate someone. I'm proud of my accomplishments and the strength it took for me to get through school and not let life get into the way and the financial independence that I am hoping to achieve from obtaining such information. As I've said before and will always say, it is not "solely" women who are the down fall of the black relationship. We BOTH are.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        11. @Payne Well

          You brought out all the old black woman rhetoric used in 2009.

          Just like Zimmerman’s defense brought up the old school racial stereotypes

          You can Harriet Tubman & Rosa Park me to death, but I cannot use MLK (he had multiple broads) or the Black Panthers (who slept with white women.)

          Yes, black men were held back from the Sweet White Woman, but we can have them now & take full advantage baby.

          Only because a White Man & Black Women were in love & wanted to be together ( Loving Vs. Virginia )

          Instead of pulling on legacies of the great black women of the past, arp using them as an excuse to be wack & unattractive.

          Open up your dating options & compete for the best men.

          Stop feeling like Black Men owe you loyalty, when Black Women ain’t loyal & never been loyal, EVER!!!

        12. I've no problem with you using MLK, because of what he stood for to prove a point. We are flawed. That is inherent but because we are flawed, does not mean that we are not capable of good things. I think it's because we don't look at our legacies of what we could be. The past have plenty to teach us and frankly that's why i do things in life because I want to give black people a good name. I don't understand why people just want to ignore the past, because us ignoring it surely isn't helping us. It's not about loyalty but it's about this constant attack on black women. Just because you had a bad experience with a few women , does not speak for the whole. That's the same as the black men aint sh*t philosophy. Just because some of us had a few issues with black men doesn't discount the race. What discounts it is people who instead of learning to move on and realize that some people have issues, they want to sit back and complain about the program. My dating options are very open and believe me, at the end of the day If you are worth it, i do not mind taking a chance. Black women have been loyal but unfortunately because you chase after the same type of women, you cannot see it. On behalf of the good black women of everywhere, I hope you find peace with someone who can heal your heart. 🙂
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        13. Good point Adonis, black women are NOT LOYAL TO BLACK MEN. They simply prefer sexual relations with black men. According to many black women, non black men are everything black men are not. They are educated, family oriented, wealthy, etc. The only thing stopping most black women from crossing over is that they simply aren't attracted to non black men for the most part. But rest assure , if black women were sexually inclined to non black men as much as they are to black men, they would leave the black man they are with tomorrow.

          Black women as a marketing and shaming tactic, has branded their lack of physical attraction to non black men as loyalty, and simps and manginas have fallen for it. Intelligent black men like you and I recognize the game. They are not loyal, just disinterested sexually in non black men and other cases are so undesirable(obesity, uncouth, and just flat out niggerish acting with blonde wigs and 20 inch eyelashes) that they ARE FORCED to be loyal to their only options(black simps and manginas).

      2. Ask Jesus to remove the veil from your eyes while you are at it, singleblackmale posts the same black men/women single articles every other week and you see the same ignorant responses from women and the same lying responses from men. I thought I should step up and tell what every man is feeling and thinking and is simply not bold enough to say due to whatever reasons.

        1. So because I believe that women who are strong and independent is a blessing that is a veil? Because you want men to have several wives instead of encouraging them to buckle down and just be faithful to one, is enlightenment? What you have observed from a few, is not the fact for many.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

        2. @Obvious

          Men & women on this blog are more honest than you give them credit. And to act like you haven’t seen me cut azz like you are doing just means, I am getting soft in my old age or you are not paying attention. Cool beans.

        3. I will have to go and check some of the archives. From the last few posts I have read regarding black men/women relationships, it has always been the men giving the politically correct answers. My theory is that whenever a black man speaks on relationships and black women in general, if he gets a majority of agreement from black women, he ain't said nothing and they(black women) ain't heard nothin. But I see you hitting em up side the head on this post, I SEE YOU

        4. @Obvious

          The Internet is the only forum, where men can let their balls hang. For now. Lol

          I have not been to the barbershop in a while.

          And yes, you are right. Black simps are everywhere. And they empower women to keep up their poor behavior.

          Even I have some simp tendencies. I own it & simp strategically.

          As long as I know that simpin’ isn’t going to help my p*ssy pursuits, and I still wanna do it anyway. I made my peace with whatever GOD you serve.

          Good day.

        5. @PayneWell

          If i give you my everything and cater to you, i need your undivided attention. We aren’t made for men to step on us and for you guys to be worshiped. Don’t preach reciprocity if you do not plan on using it.

          Reciprocity is almost Karma like, so it is going to go whether we adhere to it or not.

          Now, I understand the whole GOOD wife shtick, and in a perfect world, GOOD wives who give everything to their, SHOULD be rewarded for that.

          However, you just talked about suitable men, and how being good on paper isn’t enough.

          I feel like GOOD men SHOULD be rewarded with sex for being good, not because they are ATTRACTIVE.

          See how that works.

          ———

          The truth is, if you want a particular dude (usually in high demand), you have to subject yourself to whatever program he puts forth.

          Meaning that you still might have to do the GOOD wife shtick & then he still gon have his h*es.

          Or you can just pick the GOOD dude on paper. Someone who appreciates you, but is not crazy attractive.

          And give him the GOOD wife shtick, and maybe your life might be better for it.

          Like I said & Smilez_920 have alluded to. You have options.

          And you only push for the moral code when it benefits you @PayneWell, and that SHTICK, is a tired act.

          I have been peeping game on SBM & the relationship blogs since 2010. I know I may appear dense, and delusional, and hard to talk to,

          But I know the Game.

          Good day.

        6. I think you know YOUR game. It's like you can't seem to think men can be both. You think it's an 'either' 'or', situation. So from your opinion, and just a lot of your post, you are unattractive but you look good on paper and you have no game. Okay point taken. But other men on this page are attractive, but they are bums on paper, but have plenty game. Yikes! Just because i'm degreed, have a job, can pay bills(i.e good on paper) does not mean I wife material, as many people (men and women) Have said on this site. Looking beyond paper is regarding ones chemistry. For instance, you and I can't be together because we don't click. At all. However, you look good on paper so, by your logic I should just try and get with you.

          I do not push for what's only beneficial to me, I push for the moral code all the time. I give up my needs if I feel that it's hurting others or just will lead down the wrong path. That's how I am but hey I know the truth so it's really no skin off of my back.

          This is the great thing about the internet because for all the things you spout, it's probably only 30% true. Which makes me feel great and have more hope in men. No one wants to fudge with someone who always sees the world as black. That's where your issue lies. You are the type of guy who was salty because you were aiming for some stars, and couldn't hit them. Then with that attitude you probably ran into some keepers, but heck if you came at mother Teresa with such a distaste for women, I don't think she could make it with you. With that attitude that you bring to every chick you meet, it will make you look unattractive and will have her passing on you.

          But you see in your case, you can't acknowledge your faults, because she didn't want to spend her life soaking in your raw speech about how BWs ain't this, that or the other, she's the bad guy. I never imagined there was a bitter black men group that would mesh well with the bitter black woman group, but hey, we learn something new everyday!.
          My recent post A real woman knows a real man always comes first

        7. @Payne Well

          My point is, stop asking the Trey Songz, the Idris Elbas, that Lance guy, the Shemar Moore’s of the world, to bow down, like they ain’t got options. If you can use your attractiveness to your advantage, turnabout is fair play for men.

          Marriage ain’t gonna make a man change who he is & what he is.

          Go get you an unattractive (or attractive, I am assuming that you can still catch) dude who appreciate your goodness.

          But you have no excuses.

        8. Why do you feel like an unattractive man is always on the down turn of things? Looks are subjective just like personality, chemistry etc etc. I think I am attractive and few others might think so too. While others may think that I am not attractive. I could date someone I'm attractive to and other could think they look like sh*t. So your logic is super flawed because I don't think Idris Elba is attractive, doesn't mean that others too. I don't see you pushing this logic to men that they should stop chasing pretty women(as we know that men are way more visual then women.) Men are more hung up on looks than women, we see this often where there are beautiful women with not as attractive husbands. It's even showcased on television, king of queens, the simpsons, who framed roger rabbits. Women are looking for drop dead gorgeous men. We are looking for someone who fits us. I would never tell a man take what he can get, but he should take what he can appreciate and be happy with. Forever is a long time to be with someone who you are "meh" about. Once again however, you are waging war on an entire group based on what has been done or what you couldn't accomplish.
          My recent post A real woman knows a real man always comes first

      3. @Obvious

        You see what I see.

        But they still wanna insult our intelligence.

        I prefer American darkskin black women, I don’t date them out of loyalty or like I am doing them a favor. I date them because I derive pleasure from being around them.

        There are legions of black males that don’t get chose by (darkskin) black women because they didn’t fit that narrow gate of attractive traits.

        That is why when the @paynewells of the world pull out the legacies of extraordinary immortalized black women to shame, you gotta check them on that.

        That is just them trying to stack the deck in their favor.

        Good day.

        1. @LMAO adonis, Like I couldn't even respond to that. Because it's so based off of nothing. I do not shame anyone, I just don't understand how people could just think that women woke up and was like "let's fudge with men". We are a product of each other, but people who are never wrong love to sit back and point out everything that is wrong. I'm a dark skinned woman, and I love my chocolate brothers, caramel, heck I love a good man period. However, when people can't get you to agree with them, that's when they start trying to disagree with everything you say because you know it's true. There are black women today who are extraordinary, but yet because you are so biased against them, you won't let them have that honor. And that my friend, is a shame.
          My recent post A real woman knows a real man always comes first

    1. lmfao @ you telling women to be good wives but telling men to cheat on the women you're telling to be good wives.

      I have heard it all.

      1. I don’t know you, but what I do know is that out of all the married men that you know whom you consider to be good, most of them are cheaters. You don’t have to accept my treatise, but it DOES NOT make it less true.

        1. Don't you think the reason why women are the way they are is because they know even if they are good wives and treat their husbands right, they're still going to get cheated on? Why go out of my way to treat you right when you're just gonna spit in my face for it? If I'm a bad wife I'm gonna get cheated on, if I'm a good wife I'm gonna get cheated on. Might as well be the one that takes no effort.

        2. RandomRN88: "If I'm a bad wife I'm gonna get cheated on, if I'm a good wife I'm gonna get cheated on. Might as well be the one that takes no effort."

          Hard to argue that logic. The premise, yes. The logic, no.

          Obvious …"what I do know is that out of all the married men that you know whom you consider to be good, most of them are cheaters.

          Based on? There's a lot of studies and polls that suggests that is true, but it's hard to get accurate data on people being unfaithful. A quick Google search will give you as low as 22% and as high as 98%, so it's hard to take the numbers seriously. While the taboo of cheating appears to be less polarizing than in the past, I doubt it is more than half , and probably not a third. I suppose that's where discernment comes in before committing to someone.

        3. @Uncle Hugh,good question.I understand that this may not be acceptable to most, but I take anecdotal evidence in some cases. When you look at polls that study how many men cheat the numbers are almost always at one extreme or the other. This is because most men are not that excited about confessing their extramarital affairs for obvious reasons. I honestly believe that if every married man was somehow forced to tell the truth I think the number would be in the mid 60's and that is conservative.

    2. Question: Do us women get to have multiple partners too?

      I am not anti-polygamy, just anti-b*llsh*t, ya know.

      So if you want to go swinging your peen all around town and collecting wives, I was just wondering, what's in it for me?

      1. @Eves Droppin

        Question: Do us women get to have multiple partners too?

        HELL NO. Stop smoking crack. It is bad for you.

        1. but there are more men in the world than women. So if men are going to have multiple wives then they are going to have to share or most men won't have a wife, let alone multiple. So that means women will get multiple partners. There are 101 males for every 100 females. It would be completely impossible for all men to participate in polygamy and women not have multiple partners too.

        2. @RandomRN88

          but there are more men in the world than women. So if men are going to have multiple wives then they are going to have to share or most men won’t have a wife, let alone multiple. So that means women will get multiple partners. There are 101 males for every 100 females. It would be completely impossible for all men to participate in polygamy and women not have multiple partners too.

          First of all, in a polygamous state, alot of men will go without. THAT HAPPENS IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW. America, we basically practice soft-polygamy/polyamory. Where most of the women only date a small number of dudes. Almost like a 80/20 rule. Alot of men go without women right now in America. Nobody is outraged by that.

          That shows how much we care about men & their needs.

          We only care about men and what their doing when WOMEN are suffering.

          Yes, women can have multiple husbands technically.

          However, men are far, far, far, far less likely to WOMAN-share.

          One of us has got to go. By choice or by force.

          The only way you can have the monogamous utopia you SAY you want, means that

          – women have to be stripped of their rights & earning power.

          – birth control & abortion has to go.

          – and divorce settlement have to be in favor financially in men’s favor

          In life, there are trade-offs. Most people cannot & will not have it all.

      2. NO you do not. This is a weak retort many women like to respond with. So let's start with the physical, can a woman handle two husbands? If she gets pregnant, how do we know which one is the daddy?(see how foolish this is)

        Can she go to two different households and cook, clean, perform wifely duties and take care of two different sets of kids on a daily basis?
        Women can not handle the physical responsibilities of two households.

        But a man DEFINITELY can, when a man gets one of his WIVES pregnant there is no question on who is the Father. Can man handle multiple households? I do, been doing it for two years.
        But look at Tiger Woods an even better example.

        Emotionally men are known for running through dozens of women and not giving a second thought to one of them. Women on the other hand can barely be sexually involved with one man without being " all up in her feelings" as you all say.

        So no you cannot, and if you are honest, you DONT WANT more than one. Women by nature are monogamous. Which is why you are in such a clamor to get married or " booed up" as you all say.

        But I will concede, when a woman can honestly handle two households, sexually please two men on a daily basis and maintain traditional duties for BOTH households without slack, THEN SURE! 🙂

        1. There is NO WAY you have four wives and are able to keep up with the emotional needs of all of them, not to mention the children you have with each.

          I can't fault your wives, though. Maybe they were facing financial hardship and you were their only option.

          I have plenty of options though, and I refuse to settle for someone who brings less than what I have to offer – being solely committed to and focused on raising our family (my husband and the children WE have together).

        2. No, those are your VAIN DESIRES in order to try and discredit polygyny. Actually My Eritrean lady is a physician assistant and my Maldivian lady is a electrical engineer. This is why I used them as examples in my first comment. Let it also be know that all of my wives are at least two to three years older than me and married All of them after they received their master degrees except one whom I married while we were both still in university. So you can take that poor women, uneducated women only marry in polygyny theory and shove it. Nice try though.

        3. Also men who have multiple children by multiple women are they able to take care of their children emotionally? This seems to be the case a lot of time in the black community? So what say you about this ?

        4. @Obvious

          Again, like @WildFlower, technically you are right.

          If she meets a dude & she s*xually clicks with him, she is going to forsake all others.

          Women are not as monogamous as we think, but they are more likely to be monogamous to the right guy, than a guy being monogamous to the right girl.

          If you feel my drift.

          For the polygamous relationships women do have, those dudes are hella soft. I don’t feel like looking for links, I think if you Google search the topic, you have to be the lowest of the lowest male, to knowingly share a woman.

    3. @Obvious

      Round of a F*CKING plause.

      Especial for older black women, they gon have to share or get a stable boring dude. Or like @Shamira get an alcohol habit & sleep with cats.

    4. "Or just marry monogamously and talk with your white co workers and friends and find out how they keep their wife happy while dating their secretary and other mistresses. "

      ….sweet!!

  14. I THINK so many good black men are single because they're more than likely not good men. I know a lot of men that like to call themselves "good men" because they have a good job and don't live with their mothers but they don't say that they're also serial cheaters, or like to abuse their women, or don't know how to treat women, or have multiple baby mamas, or they're assholes.

    I don't know any genuinely good men that are single. None. Every man that I would call a good man has a gf/wife/fiancee.

    1. @RandomRN88

      I know a lot of men that like to call themselves “good men” because they have a good job and don’t live with their mothers but they don’t say that they’re also serial cheaters, or like to abuse their women, or don’t know how to treat women, or have multiple baby mamas, or they’re assholes.

      So basically men should abuse, should walk out on their children, should live with mama, & should be unemployed & just be attractive & chase women all day.

      Point taken.

      1. What? I think you read that wrong because your response makes absolutely no sense. I don't even know how you got that from my post.

        I'll see if I can make it simple, The men I know say they are good men and that they're single because women don't want good men.

        These men think they are good men solely because they have jobs and don't live with their parents.

        But these men ARE NOT good men because they are serial cheaters, they abuse women, they have baby mama problems, and they are assholes. So they repel women.

        Get it?

        1. Can a man create himself?
          Since most black men are raised by black women ? Everybody wants to be the teacher until everybody flunks the class!!

  15. How about I am single because I want to be single don't want to get married again or even have children happy with my girlfriend. They forgot that one.

  16. I'm a good Black man. I don't fall into the categories listed but I can't lie, some do. At this point in my life, i'm ready to move to the next step in my life and therefore decision making is paramount. I don't care to waste time with someone I know isn't worth my time. I don't care to over invest in situations by having sex too early or committing too fast with someone I know later on I will have to break things off with because it's not working out. I'm looking for someone who fits what I want in a woman and it's not lofty at all but it's specific. I'm simply looking for "the one." We all know when she's not the one, and we all know when she's not the one. The one isn't easy to find, but it's easy when you find it.

    And since sh*t ain't easy, i'm pretty sure i'm still in search.

    So… single, looking, not desperate. Focused on making the right decision instead of just a decision.

    That's me.

    1. I'm looking for someone who fits what I want in a woman and it's not lofty at all but it's specific. I'm simply looking for "the one." We all know when she's not the one, and we all know when she's not the one. The one isn't easy to find, but it's easy when you find it.

      Pretty much.

  17. lmaoooooo at this comments section.

    I'm just gonna kick up my feet, get some cats, and develop an alcohol dependency problem, because if these are the requirement for long and happy matrimony, I ain't ever gettin' chose. *picks up knitting needles*

  18. One of the first things women say very early on is "I am a strong, independent, educated, pay my bills on time, take care of myself, kinda woman".

    What men hear is "She does not need me, a man, in her life. I want to be a provider and protector to my family, but she's doing it all on her own. I have no VALUE to HER in this capacity. Check that off the list. Now what?"

    You cannot make an argument for INDEPENDENCE (not depending on another's authority)…
    and then another for a RELATIONSHIP (the way in which 2 or more people are connected) in the same sentence. Both concepts are polar opposites. You see?

    I think men, real men at least, want to feel that their woman is holding it down at work, bringing her A game and working hard everyday just like THEY are. BUT she's doing it for the greater good of us, not for some narcissistic, egotistical, self-righteous crazy talk about me, me and more me. (My upcoming post: 5 ways that degree CANNOT keep you warm at night….j/k)

    I am layered and dipped in degrees like most modern women and work a professional job. But once I leave the 9 to 5, my focus is EQUALLY as intense on my home life. Of course my job fulfills my need to be a professional woman, have a great career, make money and all like that. But I work to HELP support my family, so the discussion isn't what I need to do with MY money when I get paid, but instead discuss with my husband what WE need to do financially this month.

    I am as type A personality OUTSIDE of the home/at work as much as possible because it is necessary to advance my career. But at home, I SWITCH gears and focus on "How can I help my husband achieve his goals for us?" Being the great leader and problem-solver that he is, he is constantly focused on moving US forward, you see. This I NEVER question. Ironically enough, sometimes the answer to the question requires some use of my degree and skills. (I'm a hustler, baby, I just want you to know). So in this way, we both love AND benefit from my higher learning, without all the me, me and more me rants.

    And let the congregation say….

    1. "She does not need me, a man, in her life. I want to be a provider and protector to my family, but she's doing it all on her own. I have no VALUE to HER in this capacity. Check that off the list. Now what?"

      When women list their characteristics that dudes don't really care about, what men actually hear is more along the lines of the "wahn wahn" sounds adults make in Charlie Brown cartoons.

      Guy's dont have some innate desire to be a provider and protector. And women being able to provide for themselves isnt a strike against them. That's just a huge misconception that I mostly hear repeated by women. In general, I dont think dudes care how independent and accomplished she is. Being able to change your own oil simply doesnt get the peen hard.

      In fact, thats a great barometer to determining what men value. Whenever you are thinking about the things that attract men to you, ask yourself "would it make the peen hard?" If the answer is "no," dont even mention it to the dude since its not really gonna help your case.

      For example, I had this one chick mention she just finished a 7 day cleanse. At first, I was like "oh, thats nice." Then i got ta thinkin… "that would make for an ideal ay-nal experience." Ding!

      Therefore, we can conclude that implying you have a squeaky clean bootyhole is something that a dude would value. See? Easy.

      1. Real men do indeed want to be a rock for their loved ones. They want to be relied and depended upon to solve problems, provide guidance and counsel. Provider and protector isn’t strictly an economic term. Men do desire to take care of their family and be taken care of as well. They have a unique familial role and understand this.

        Just like a woman’s ability to change her oil and tires isn’t a barometer of independence as much as it is an indication of her ability to navigate a car’s engine and use a lug nut.

        Independence, in any form, is a strike against her or him if they are seeking a relationship. Since one cannot exist in a state of independence and a relationship, by definition, at the same time.

        Men care about a woman’s professional and academic accomplishments as much as she does since as I said above, it fulfills her needs for a career, to make money, help take care of the family, etc.

        What men don’t care for is the narcissistic, egotistical, self righteous gloating that some women ascribe to their accomplishments, the me, me and my degree rants.

        Peen barometers?! Are grown men still using these?

        1. "Real men do indeed want to be a rock for their loved ones."
          "They want to be relied and depended upon to solve problems, provide guidance and counsel. "
          "Men care about a woman's professional and academic accomplishments as much as she does "

          I think you're projecting what some women want "real men" to want. It doesnt reflect the reality of the situation.

        2. Having a degree, does not automatically qualify you to be a good gf, wife or life partner. I feel like a lot of women who are on this high horse about having a career and degree (even though those things are what grown people do, I’m sick of women almost 30 wanting some type of acknowledgment for paying their rent on time) feel that those things should automatically make them first in line to be partnered up. Yes most men want a woman who can contribute and do for herself but does that men those are the only qualities he’s looking for… NO?.
          Like WIM sai those things might fall at a different number on a man’s priorities list for a partner than a woman’s. I mean think of how many woman are trying to lock some man down simply because he has a career and degree. When most women say what they want in a man the first thing they say is a career and degree so I can see why some women don’t understand that while men admire those qualities, that’s not enough to make him fall all over you and marry you.

        3. I concur, butt those qualities of having a degree are excellent checkoff lists items to have. I can't lie, as a professional single black male, I relate better to women who went through the entire college experience. I think having a degree says alot about someone because let's be real, it's not that easy to get those 120 credit hours….Takes a dedicated person to endure those 4+ years….

        4. True but that's not what’s going to take them from a woman you may be interested in to a woman you would marry. It's like I said about applying to a job. If the job requires everyone who has a degree to apply, then everyone in the room waiting to interview just like you most likely has a degree.

          So what qualities other than a degree a career separates you from the other women in the room with a degree and career?

          Most brothers that went to college and have a successful or good career are usually looking for someone with similar qualifications. But most people with those qualifications hang within the same group. Basically it’s not that men are opting to not date women with degrees/successful careers (even though a degree doesn’t guarantee success, but that every woman with those “things” isn’t necessarily going to be someone’s choice or aren’t necessarily great partners.

        5. Totally agree because the first things that are important for me are: do we have the same core values. Those core values will determine whether you get my last name. Everything is secondary, but the odds of marrying someone without a degree vs. a woman with a degree, for me atleast, is slim….

        6. I agree. I'm just saying that as a woman with a degree there are other women out there with degrees and careers as well, so using that as my main "selling point" or quality when it comes to be in a relationship isn’t going to make someone want to be with me.

          Example: I know plenty of brothers with careers and degrees. That’s definitely something I want my husband to have. But just because those guys meet that one check mark on my list doesn’t mean their automatically in the running to be my man. I feel like some women think their degrees and career should put them in the running to be everyman (they want and even some they don’t want) woman.

      2. @12 Point Buck

        Guy’s dont have some innate desire to be a provider and protector.

        I disagree. A sizable amount of men want to be protector & provider, but modern black American culture has devalued men.

        Because assuming what you are saying is true, then I will ask you why men wanna grow up to be firemen & police officer & heavily identify with Superheroes & protagonists who have a savior complex.

        Us new negroes are taking women at their word about making money & being independent & we are just supplying d*ck & letting her do all the heavy lifting.

        1. "why men wanna grow up to be firemen & police officer & heavily identify with Superheroes & protagonists who have a savior complex."

          Because if they wern't firemen and policemen, there would be nobody else to do it. Women arent signing up in droves to fight fires and work the beat because its dangerous, physically demanding, and men are already doing it. Its not like men got together and came up with a job where they can be protectors. The fact that guys overwhelmingly work in coal mines doesnt mean men have an innate desire to get the black lung.

          The majority of super heroes have a savior complex. Thats why they're heroes. And I suspect little boys want to be like them because of the special powers, cool outfit, and awesome backstories, not because they always save the day.

          What men DO have an innate desire to do is fight/compete, solve problems, and overcome challenges. In doing so, some women think our innate behavior is all about them and that we're out there doing these things in the spirit of protecting them and their babies. And sometimes there is a correlation. But I have a feeling the last thing on a firefighter's mind whilst battling a blaze is "I gotta protect the women and children because of genetics!" Because that emotional logic doesn't help him solve the problem.

          The thought process probably looks more like: "next, i shall put out that fire using this water and my super fireproof suit!"

    2. @Carissa

      I love that you use all your accomplishment, swagger to better the relationship. Also, I like that you have developed your sociopathy to be able to be whatever person is depending on the context.

      I can tell you first hand that American women my age (25) are bullsh*tters & are selfish & arrogant because white men let them in the lobby.

      1. “I can tell you first hand that American women my age (25) are bullsh*tters & are selfish & arrogant because white men let them in the lobby”

        You might want to look into getting your white bed sheets in a higher thread count, say 800 or so…yeah.

        That way there’s less chaffing for you and the horse as you ride around at night Adonis…

      2. @ Adonis

        Sociopath?! No

        I am just a humble, grateful wife married to my African American king. He brought me from a small fishing village called Mayaro in Trinidad. He put me through school, now I have an undergrad in accounting, a masters in taxation and my CPA license. I do taxes on the side (my hustle) and work a corporate 9 to 5 in Manhattan. I am happy as hell and crazy in love…..as opposed to just plain old crazy 🙂

  19. I agree with the writer in that accountability is needed when it comes to conversations about relationships. It’s too easy to point fingers at the other group and say “if they weren’t xyz then blah blah”. The reason why single men are single, and why single women are single is 99.99% is their own doing.

    And most of us who have ever been in a relationship that was more than “dating”, would agree that when you like someone, you like em. And if the other person is open to you and gives you a window of opportunity, you make an effort to enter that window and you open your window so they can enter yours, too. If someone you’re interested in has a closed window, you don’t go breaking down the front door (at least normal people dont do this). You look for the nearest A train, and bounce. I don’t think this is all that complicated.

  20. Good black men are single because they are not attractive.

    Black women are not into Good Black Men, they way they are into the street dudes & the non-committal players.

    End. Of.

    And alot of us are too stubborn to learn Game & master female psychology so we could have better women & better relationships.

    And alot of us are top prideful to date fat/ugly/old single baby mamas.

    So there it is.

    Just like women have no right to complain about their dating market in 2013.

    Men definitely have no excuses.

    ——-

    But BW can never, ever, EVA say that Good/Decent/Nice marriage minded black men who wanted to marry them were not offered to them.

    As WIM pointed out.

    Available husbands vs. The Men you want,

    And the men who fall in both pools simultaneously likely ain’t checking for you.

    As Smilez eloquently pointed out.

    Enough for now.

  21. And one more thing just because you look good and have a great body do not make you a great woman. simps sweat over women with looks not real men who look for more in a woman.

  22. Just date African men and forget black American men. African men are much more marriage minded and family oriented and they know how to take care of their women.

    Black American men have to many damn issues and just wanna play games and smash everything in sight. Don’t waste your time with them, they will forever be single!

    1. I somewhat agree, but how many African men you know are looking for a strong, independent woman who shuns traditional roles and constantly espouses that she " don't take no shit". Do not start simping Hakeem, if you think black men are hard on black women, let her date an Arab, Asian or African and let's see how far she gets with the i'm a strong woman rhetoric.

      1. ^ THIS^
        I dated a south african guy briefly and I was shut down very quickly when I pulled the "independent woman " card lmao.
        I had to push him to the left when he started talking about marriage. I tried to explain to him that I was a naturally laid back person but I work too hard to be CONTROLLED by anyone. I'd probably be barefoot, pregnant, and a nervous wreck had I married him. smh

    2. Therein lies the issue with your argument. You think marriage ends once we have a fancy 1 week marriage celebration. Are they good husbands and partners, though? Anecdotal evidence suggests NO and that they are not any better than men anywhere else in the world.

      Quit essentializing Africans and creating unnecessary divisions.

    3. The thing about dating outside your culture is you have to be OPEN MINDED…My guy is African and is all that and more, but his family is a different thing entirely. I think I would have left if he hadn't told me that they didn't matter as far as our future was concerned.

  23. Both men and women are single because of individual choice, both good and bad. Furthermore, the dating climate is so hostile and unstable many are either choosing to remain single, or developing unhealthy coping mechanisms that encourage their negative view of the opposite sex.

  24. alot of guys are just tired of the bs and games that come with dating in the modern world and chose to stay single until the correct person for us comes along. no sense in forcing a square peg into a round hole which is what dating is for the most part.

    some guys just go about it the wrong way. trying to get with tyra banks style women when thats not a realistic goal.

    however, alot of tyra banks style women will run to a guy who has unrealistic expectations of obtaining her when they run into a bad patch in their lives. then do the guy dirty. it's his fault for thinking that situation would work but its also her fault for giving the poor brother false hope in the first place.
    My recent post NEW SLAVES

  25. Adonis and Obvious remind me of the bad old days in Black Planet forums, before I found blogs and more intelligent conversation. I hope these blog comment sections don't start going South…

  26. So, this thread is still rocking & it is Friday.

    Again, this whole black dating thing comes down to attractiveness & entitlement.

    The Good Black Male has to work on his attractiveness. You do that, you can have any woman you want, however you want her.

    And black women need to work on being good relationship material & manage their expectations. They think they are entitled to quality men just for existing.

    Nobody has any excuses left for why they have a sh*tty dating life.

    Because chances are, you overlook your dating pool every single day.

  27. @PayneWell

    This is just exercise. At some point, you need to take breather & just move on. You will e-mail me later telling me I am right in a year. Cool beans

    I don’t see you pushing this logic to men that they should stop chasing pretty women(as we know that men are way more visual then women.)

    I don’t need to tell men to stop chasing pretty women.

    If he is attractive (either by genetics/inheritance or by hard work & accomplishment) he can have whatever woman he wants, however he wants.

    Men are more hung up on looks than women, we see this often where there are beautiful women with not as attractive husbands.

    Also, a relationship with men who look better than their wives are mostly bad fits.

    I would never tell a man take what he can get, but he should take what he can appreciate and be happy with.

    Men =/= Women.

    Most Men’s value comes from working hard and external accomplishments to have the privilege of leading & starting a family

    Most women’s value comes from their youth & beauty. That comes pre-packaged (limits) and all she has to do is not f*ck it up.

    So, men & women have to be preached to differently.

    Forever is a long time to be with someone who you are “meh” about.

    That’s life. Not everyone can have the object of their desire return the favor. Tough sh*t

    Once again however, you are waging war on an entire group based on what has been done or what you couldn’t accomplish.

    Explain.

    ———-

    I think you know YOUR game. It’s like you can’t seem to think men can be both.

    I know men can be both. But, selective reading would have you project your issues on me. Most men are not both. And most women cannot get both.

    If you can, GOD bless.

    You think it’s an ‘either’ ‘or’, situation. So from your opinion, and just a lot of your post, you are unattractive but you look good on paper and you have no game.

    Actually, I look HORRENDOUS on paper AND I am unattractive. So, go figure.

    Okay point taken. But other men on this page are attractive, but they are bums on paper, but have plenty game.

    I think most of the men on this page are accomplished. I have no idea what their p***y intake is.

    Yikes! Just because i’m degreed, have a job, can pay bills(i.e good on paper) does not mean I wife material, as many people (men and women) Have said on this site. Looking beyond paper is regarding ones chemistry. For instance, you and I can’t be together because we don’t click. At all. However, you look good on paper so, by your logic I should just try and get with you.

    My logic say, manage your expectations.

    My logic says, get the best man you can get to commit to you.

    My logic says, black women are not under black men’s authority, and like white men, are free to do whatever romantically. You have no excuse why you have a sh*tty love life.

    My logic says, be consistent with your bullsh*t.

    And my logic says, stay far away from me. I am not the guy for you.

    I do not push for what’s only beneficial to me, I push for the moral code all the time. I give up my needs if I feel that it’s hurting others or just will lead down the wrong path. That’s how I am but hey I know the truth so it’s really no skin off of my back.

    We will let time play that out. I’ll take your word for it.

    I think it is a foolish way to live. But you are still alive, so…

    This is the great thing about the internet because for all the things you spout, it’s probably only 30% true. Which makes me feel great and have more hope in men.

    As far as you finding your future s/o assuming you are older,

    You need to share & be a cooperative side-piece

    Or settle with a bum, and mind-f*ck yourself in believing that he is great. But you have choices. You had fun in your 20s, now the real work begins.

    No one wants to fudge with someone who always sees the world as black. That’s where your issue lies.

    As one of the biggest Scandal fans, that is some bullsh*t.

    You are the type of guy who was salty because you were aiming for some stars, and couldn’t hit them.

    Anybody who has had to work for something who others have gotten with ease is going to see the world differently. You are a woman, you never had to go hunt for yours, so, of course you gonna have a blasé attitude about the dating game.

    That is why it is so much fun to see women get older & lose their looks/fertility.

    Then with that attitude you probably ran into some keepers, but heck if you came at mother Teresa with such a distaste for women, I don’t think she could make it with you. With that attitude that you bring to every chick you meet, it will make you look unattractive and will have her passing on you.

    My program is ready for True Saintly Women who come through.

    But you see in your case, you can’t acknowledge your faults, because she didn’t want to spend her life soaking in your raw speech about how BWs ain’t this, that or the other, she’s the bad guy. I never imagined there was a bitter black men group that would mesh well with the bitter black woman group, but hey, we learn something new everyday!.

    Lol. We will revisit this.

    ——————–

    @LMAO adonis, Like I couldn’t even respond to that. Because it’s so based off of nothing. I do not shame anyone, I just don’t understand how people could just think that women woke up and was like “let’s fudge with men”. We are a product of each other, but people who are never wrong love to sit back and point out everything that is wrong. I’m a dark skinned woman, and I love my chocolate brothers, caramel, heck I love a good man period. However, when people can’t get you to agree with them, that’s when they start trying to disagree with everything you say because you know it’s true. There are black women today who are extraordinary, but yet because you are so biased against them, you won’t let them have that honor. And that my friend, is a shame.

    1. One, I am very self-critical. But you are only here for when I am critical of broads who look like you.

    2. Good Black Women & Black Women of Value have NO PROBLEM getting whatever want out of life.

    The problem is (and it is very fitting for men also) that we have alot of (black) women who are not good/valuable trying to pass off as good/valuable.

    You wouldn’t have a blog or be single if the guys you wanted saw you as good/valuable. And acted on it as far as signing a marriage license.

    Good day.

  28. How about, men choose to be single until they have a reason NOT to be single?
    That doesn't mean because you think they SHOULDN'T be that they WON'T be.
    It just means folks are free to execise their personal choices in their lives.

  29. There are a lot of posts all over the Internet like this one that references the article "about" that original show. But as a fan of the Victory Unlimited Show, I've seen very little evidence that people have actually took the time to listen to the original show. It's called: Mission #21 – Objective: The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single".

    On the show, the host says that the 12 reasons didn't come from one man, but it was a list of reasons that were submitted to him by a large portion of black men.

    If you haven't heard it, here's the link:
    http://victoryunlimitedshow.com/general/mission-2

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