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The Type of Men Most Likely to Leave You

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A new survey conducted by stepdadding.com shows that husbands who are stepdads are twice as likely to leave their wives than husbands in traditional marriages.

More than 61 percent of male respondents who said their re-marriage ended in divorce were the ones who initiated the split. These men were all part of blended families and were stepdads to at least one child. This is in contrast to the 30 percent of men who leave their wives in traditional marriages, according to divorerate.com.

Nearly two thirds of the men polled by stepdadding.com said “arguments over the kids and a feeling of being unappreciated” contributed to the divorce, while one third said they weren’t clear about their parenting role in the relationship.

Source: [HuffingtonPost.com]

Comment(17)

  1. No surprise there. No man worth his salt will subject himself to a situation where he’s expected to.be responsible for everything yet have a say in nothing that goes on. Yeah, I know somebody will say he must prove himself first, and I say that’s backwards as h3ll, because if he’s not worthy of what’s due, why did they choose to marry him? If he’s not worth his respect then he’s not worth his ring being accepted nor his last name being taken.

  2. Not to mention OTHER factors…I keep hearing, reading stats that say 2nd marriages are more likely to end in divorce than the first marriage….3rd marriages, the frequency is even higher than the first or 2nd. I have 3 uncles with 9 ex-wives between them…2 of them are still with their 4th wives….not saying who is at fault because both husbands and wives have married and remarried…and remarried. Just interesting to see from the outside looking in. And just proves to me that folks should take that marriage step seriously but ultimately, they REALLY don't.

  3. How you're gonna parent/rela with the kids and stuff should be worked out prior to marriage. Now, I understand that talking about something and being in something are two different things but…still. Walk out the agreement and make adjustments as needed. I have no idea how you get married and the agreement/what was working concerning the kids all of a sudden stops working. I also agree with the comment above that says that 2nd marriages are much more likely to end in divorce anyway.

    1. "I have no idea how you get married and the agreement/what was working concerning the kids all of a sudden stops working"
      Marriage and kids are fluid situations. (experience talking here) and caution to future stepdaddies) you've got to understand beforehand that you are number 3 (considering one child) in the heirachy. 1st, the child, 2nd, the child's father, then YOU. This may seem like an agreement that the man accepts but unkowingly it's really a starting point of a falling snowball. The key is for the woman to adjust that downhill slope so that it takes longer for the the man to get tired of that reality.

      1. I have experience too…so I can't co-sign this, lol.

        Now, I'm often told that I have the best co-parenting arrangement ever…and I think that influences my perspective here. But, as single parents, we need to have our co-parenting plan locked and working before a man/woman even comes into the picture. That way, he/she can see it in progress and determine if it's something he/she can handle. You shouldn't even marry a man/woman that you don't trust to help you carry out the co-parenting agreement already set and in place and discipline your children as needed.

        The issue, to me, is that people wing this stuff…they don't take the time to write out custody agreements/parenting plans, etc. They let parenting issues limp along. They let the other parents issues play in their house/relationship. But wanna bring another woman/man into the mess…

        1. Cosign Cyn. Communication is Imperative Before any proposal, ring and wedding plans are made. It's also very important to stay "plugged into the relationship" and continually "check in" with each other as Dr. Phil says. Communication and checking in should not stop or slow down after the wedding ends and life begins.

        2. The constant is the reality that the man has to accept being 3rd. The variable is how well the woman manages the man's reality. You accept that this is the man's reality in the way that you distiguish yourself by being a good manager. In a general sense however, men who accept this reality run the risk of the gambit of good and horrible (in relation to how well they manage thier man's reality)
          I agree that a strong plan is essential, but the original post doesn't mean that most people didn't plan. My point is that to be a "stepdaddy" is not a static situation to be in. It is ever changing based on how the woman, the child and/or the "baby daddy" is acting. These are all individual sliding scales. In short, things are always changing. Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is divorce. I did'nt do it but I understand.

        3. Uh, not according to my understanding of a family structure: God, Husband, Kids, everything else. Since I'm divorced, their father falls under them…meaning their well-being trumps his cause his is no longer my responsibility (not that I wanna make his life difficult). Any changes to the parenting plan would be discussed with my husband so that, at minimum, he'd be given an opportunity to voice his concerns/perspectives/ideas. All final decisions/stances are mutual. In the 5 years I've co-parented, we haven't had to revisit the agreement at all! It runs like a well-oiled machine.

          My point is that though the original post doesn't say anything about their original plans, I believe that most of these people don't have a strong plan…cause most don't period…and this is the root of the issue with being a step-parent. Even when I assess my own environment, most do not have strong co-parenting plans/arrangements.

  4. I am in this situation now. We are not married but we live together. The woman I love doesn't put me first. She believes the kids should be first. The kids' father has a vendetta against me because he still has feelings. The 9 year-old boy lies on me because he wants his parents to be together. The 5 year-old girl has always been my little sweetheart, but even she has become a little distant after spending the summer with her dad. There was no planned co-parenting. So I agree with cyn. But I also agree with high five ghost because I still feel 3rd or worst. I feel like the complete idiot for wasting my time. Never again.

    1. @SAD stepdad

      Get out while you can!!! It is not worth it, trust me! There will be other women you will fall in love with, without all of the baggage it brings. AND PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT PUT A RING ON IT!! DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN!!! TRUST ME, YOU WILL REGRET IT!! What is the point in being in a relationship when you feel sad and unneeded? Roll up out of there while you still have your dignity. You have no commitment to her or those kids whatsoever. I have seen some men end up DEAD in situations like this, especially if you are already on the bad side with the baby daddy. If that boy is starting to lie on you now, boy will he lie on you forever until it gets you hurt. Please do the right thing, use your judgement, and pray about it. You do not have to go about life like this just so you can please the woman. If she doesn't put you first now, she never will. Don't get it twisted.

    2. I’m going to agree with “Kinectic”.

      I feel for you mane, I can relate.

      What women miss is that “step-daddy-ism” is living in a constant state of liability. Women don’t get that just being in the house with the children alone or you driving the kids to a game are huge liability problems. Women think that this is just normal and shouldn’t be considered. Sure, I signed up for it, but that doesn’t give women the right to disregard it.

      What “Cyn” and other women miss, is the point that you can only plan with the idea that everyone involved has sense. The plan works as long as that remains true. Where’s the plan for the lying children? Where’s the plan for the sporadic “babydaddy behavior? In the immortal words of Mike Tyson, “everybody has a plan, ‘til you get hit in the mouth”

      Get out while you still can.
      Lying children can put you in jail, the hospital or a casket.

  5. Kinetic and High_Five_Ghost…
    You two are totally right. It never crossed my mind that the little girl could lie on me just like the boy did. And I'm sure that could be a lot worse. I have to take the hard route and put my feelings aside. I'm gone. Thanks. This was just what I needed to follow up on what I already knew I should've done a while ago.

    1. Glad to hear that. Life doesn’t necessarily have to be hard. Most of the times, we make it that way. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but in the future, it will be for the best. I wish you well.

  6. I can understand clearly. I had a step mom. Well my dads long term partner. She punished me but didn't punish her kids. Long story short the exact reason I don't date men with kids. I don't have any so I don't wanna be bothered with his,

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