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Americans In Bed: A Lesson In Love On HBO

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Black couple in bed II

HBO has outdone themselves with the summer series Documentary called “Americans In Bed.” Americans In Bed chronicles ten couples and their stories of love and how they arrived at that place. The beauty of this documentary is not so much in the content covered, but in the variety of the couples. Just to name a few, you have a couple married for seventy-one years, a lesbian couple, a gay couple, and a Muslim couple. The Muslim couple didn’t even hold hands until they were married. There’s even a couple where the man wants to be poly-amorous and the woman is adamant about monogamy.

As I said previously, there are a plethora of scenarios here, but a couple things really jumped out at me while watching.

Sacrifice/ Compromise – Sacrifice is a huge quality that you would see throughout this film. There was an older married couple in which the husband could no longer function sexually. The wife doesn’t cheat, she instead chooses to take care of herself manually. To my wet-behind-the-ears self, I’m like sheesh! how do you deal?! It’s pretty shortsighted to think that way but I know I couldn’t be the only one.

There’s another situation in which the woman who is pro monogamy allows her partner to be involved with someone else if he sees fit. This isn’t an easy pill for me to swallow…it wouldn’t be at least. She shows great compromise in that situation. Most of you ladies might say she’s pretty damn stupid. Still, many women stay with men after they cheat on them anyway. It’s almost one in the same.

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My Opinion

If nothing else, the documentary shows me that everyone has different definitions of love. The oldest husband in the film said that he didn’t know what love was exactly, but whatever it was he had it for his woman. I thought that was profound. You go with that gut feeling I suppose. People worry too much about how other people define their relationship. That’s really only for you and your partner to do. Whatever your arrangement, you exhaust the hell out of that arrangement. If you feel you love someone but you can’t totally articulate it to someone else, it’s no problem. To these couples love has many meanings. This film gave me a very complete view of how enduring love can be. When treated properly you can experience the joys all these couples are experiencing today.

I promise I didn’t give everything away, if you can give this film a try. If nothing else it’ll open your mind up a bit. Maybe it would help you with something you’re currently dealing with.

Have you seen the film? What do you think about some of the couples I mentioned? Let’s talk about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/ 

Comment(14)

  1. Well….I barely watch television so I didn't know this show existed until just now.
    So about that woman who allows her man to be with another partner *side eye*….whatever floats her boat I guess. I couldn't do it but I will say that I have dated someone who cheated on me once during our relationship. It stung but at the end of the day he was honest about it so we moved on. Plus he was a freak in the literal sense (BDSM, industrial parties, wore things that no average straight black man would, and overall obsessed with..well…sex) so I understood why he did it. At the end of the day it was what it was. Did I regret it? No. That is the beauty of forgiveness and not allowing past mistakes to define a person. Shit happens.
    My recent post Denim in Distress

    1. “that no average straight black man would….”

      Not sure what your social circle of black men looks like, keep in mind, some people don’t tell you everything about their sxe life….but don’t put anything past anybody when it comes to closed door activities.

  2. I think with all relationships you do have to have some form of compromise. That is what will make up the majority of the relationship. Where people falter at points is the unwillingness to be flexible, yet want to win every war. You can't do it. Forever is a long time, you have to pick and choose the battles. Ol girl who had to please herself because her man can't function, it doesn't seem outlandish to me. People place such a high regard to s*x, that they don't think about how in the future they could possibly not be the same stallion they were in their youth/prime. That is where the importance of liking and loving the core being of a person comes into play. Because when your tool stops working and the money dries up, they'll still be there.
    My recent post What is right to you, might be true

    1. True. You sound like my mom lol “you know when men get older , like over 50, it might not work quite the same way it did when they were in their 20’s/30’s”. I was reading this article about men who have a hard time with getting erect. Some actually used d!ldo’s or [email protected]’s on their partner. Also that couple is 70 years old. I wonder how something like this would effect a young couple let’s say 35 plus.

      1. honestly if he completed me mentally, spiritually and morally, but his s*x game fell off, i could deal with it. I love to do it, yes! However, finding someone who has all that you need is hard, so I could do with not getting it in all the time like i'd like. I abstained from relations for two years, so I know that I can do without, but…i'd prefer to have it! lol
        My recent post What is right to you, might be true

  3. Polygamy; I got to get me some of that!

    Seriously.

    But alas, I’m black in America and the Mormons won’t have me.

    I didn’t think very highly of the “diversity 101” casting but I appreciate any show that demonstrates to the masses that love looks different in every situation. Most people are certain that love can only exist in the form that they have witnessed. I’m under the impression that the lovely-ness of love exists in the dysfunction (or what others would judge as dysfunction).

    But, I’m a contrarian at heart, so I love that ish. Good job HBO.

      1. Maybe; but one problem is that I’m not very religious, so I’d have to fake the whole thing just to get 3 wives. And the grand prize for 3 wives is….

        3X the love but………
        3X the nagging
        3X the children
        3X the unnecessary shopping
        3X sex, yaaay! (but probably not all 3 at the same time, like I’d want it) and how, with all of those damn kids everywhere.
        And ultimately 3X the divorce/ child support.

        See there, I just talked myself out of it.

  4. I saw the documentary too and as you stated HBO did a great job with this presentation of love, marriage and the dynamics of relationships. I enjoyed the versed points of views and circumstances of each situation. Bravo, on the article. I think you said it best summarizing about sacrifice and compromise. I like the woman in the poly-amorous relationship, understand it in theory, but not in practice. I couldn't deal with it, but to each his own.

    1. Word, I basically felt like hey that's real sweet of you I just couldn't deal. But it shows you how we all love differently. The documentary is a great conversation starter.

  5. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan listen! LiL, you know that you're my boy, but this film right here…..this film right here!!!

    I believe this new age Love is straight BS. I think people are abusing the power of love to manipulate their partners into allowing them to do what THEY want to do. This poly-amorous thing is this man's way of cheating on the books. If this is love, why can't HE be the one to compromise his thirst to be monogamous like his woman? His woman is buggin'! As for the older couple, things like medical situations or unforeseen occurrences throughout the relationship requires adjustments and sacrifices. I respect that. That's why these old folks last longer than the new age. This film might present a new perspective but there is one thing about me will NEVER change. There are only THREE beings in my relationship: me, my man and God. If another woman should EVER comes to the mix, there will be two left: my EX man and his new biddy because I'm taking me and God and PEACING OUT!!!!! Good read

  6. Excellent article. Keep writing such kind of information on your blog.
    Im really impressed by it.
    Hello there, You’ve performed a fantastic job.
    I’ll definitely digg it and in my view recommend to my friends.

    I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this site.

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