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My Experience Dating a Bisexual Woman

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Based on a few comments I received on this particular post, I will add the following context. I agree that someone who identifies as “bisexual” is no more likely to be faithful or unfaithful than anyone else. To cheat or remain faithful is an individual choice people make for themselves, regardless of sexual orientation. However, in my personal experience, the two bisexual women I dated in the past were still interested in, at minimum, seeing other women (if I was open to it). They were honest with me about this preference, and it was what it was. You can feel however you want to feel about people’s sexual orientation and personal lifestyle choices. It’s not my job to persuade you to feel one way or the other on those particular topics.

Regarding cheating, simple math dictates that if you are attracted to both sexes, then you are attracted to twice as many people as a heterosexual or homosexual person. That is a fact. If cheating, to some degree, is dictated by temptation, then a bisexual person will arguably face twice as much temptation. Whether they choose to act on this temptation or not is another story. With that said, an excerpt from my post on the subject…

I am not an expert on the topic of dating bisexual women, but I have dated at least two bisexual woman before so that experience makes me about 200% more qualified to speak on this subject than some of you. Of the two, the woman I dated for the longest period (two years) had dated several women before me, and she probably dated a few women after me. Honestly, she dated a few women while we were together. I think I know all of them, but I won’t pretend like I know or care for sure. I was far less concerned about her sleeping with other women than men anyway. I bring this up because there are a lot of women who claim they are “team bisexual,” because they think it’s trendy, when in reality they’re about as likely to seriously date another woman as they are to seriously date a billy goat gruff.

For the sake of today’s post, I think we need to clarify the different types of bisexual women that exist. You see, back in the day it was simple. If a girl kissed a girl and she liked it, she legitimately liked women or was at least experimenting to discover herself. Today, women make out with other women to increase their likes on Instagram. These are truly confusing times. In my opinion, there are approximately three types of bisexual women.

  1. Lesbian Women. These women are attracted to other women, period. However, like any other young person, they might experiment with men just to see what all the hype is about. If you’ve ever met a lesbian with a child she conceived from a relationship with a man, then you might know what I’m talking about.
  2. Bi-curious Women. These women are prone to make out with a friend after a few drinks, to just have fun, or to make their lives look more adventurous on fake-life sites like Instagram/Facebook/Twitter than they would ever be in real life. These types of women are usually “team bisexual” in that they’re only attracted to women as a matter of convenience, but you’ll rarely find them willing to go much further than second base.
  3. Bisexual Women. Last but not least are the truly bisexual; women who are as equally attracted to women as they are to men. Truly bisexual women are as open to dating a woman as they are a man, and they don’t need the excuse of alcohol to justify being attracted to someone of the same sex.

Despite all the rap songs, adult films and rumors to the contrary, seriously dating a bisexual woman is really not that different than dating a heterosexual woman.

Read more at [MadameNoire.com]

Would you ever seriously consider dating a bisexual man or woman?

Comment(25)

  1. As a woman I would never consider dating a bi-sexual man. I’m sorry it’s not for me. And before anyone jumps down my throat about “double standards” on my time line the question came up “how many men would seriously date a bi-sexual woman” and a lot of men said they wouldn’t. The one’s who said they would were looking for their women to share that experience with them (I wouldn’t want to have a threesome with two men). The one’s who opted out after the option of getting a threesome was no longer presented and just letting the wife have a sexual relationship with a women outside of their relationship was open, I didn’t see to many men respond. I also wouldn’t be comfortable with my man having a relationship (with a man or woman) outside of our relationship.

    I think most women view male sexuality as either gay or straight. If you bi people just think you’re in the closet. With men (using Wim’s post as an example) they see the range in women sexuality from straight (everything in between) to lesbian.

  2. "Regarding cheating, simple math dictates that if you are attracted to both sexes, then you are attracted to twice as many people as a heterosexual or homosexual person…. [S]eriously dating a bisexual woman is really not that different than dating a heterosexual woman."

    Respectfully, this framing of the issue–in terms of "cheating"–is misguided. The main issue, at least regarding a long-term relationship with a bisexual woman, is that the man cannot provide a fundamental aspect of what the woman strongly desires: in a literal sense, he simply doesn't have the body for it. If the guy is open to her going off to pursue her same-sex interests sometimes, who knows when and for how long, the situation could work. But, understandably, most hetero guys will not want to put themselves in such a deeply unstable situation.

    I've seen this issue in advance–and she accepted why I could never get "serious" about our relationship. I wasn't trying to extract exclusivity or even stability from a woman we both knew had strong desires to also be with women.

    1. Good point. To a degree, yes it is inherently "unstable" because it's different than the status quo. For example, if everyone was in polygamous relationships, we would consider monogamous relationships "strange." To a degree, it's a matter of perspective.

      That said, the reason I chose cheating as a relative framework is because, in my (not particularly popular) opinion, if you were in a relationship where you or your partner cheated, you were in an open relationship. Whether you honestly acknowledged this fact is another story. I do respect your take on is that the man cannot provide a fundamental aspect of what the woman strongly desires: in a literal sense, he simply doesn't have the body for it. That specific viewpoint is actually something I hadn't considered beforehand.

      1. I'm inclined to agree with you about the de facto "open relationship" issue.

        As for "unstable," I didn't mean "strange" or unusual. I meant, no reliable expectations over time–for reasons fundamentally beyond a man's control, given that he can't adequately simulate lesbian sex and intimacy for a bisexual woman. In a serious relationship, I want at least a fair opportunity to compete and satisfy.

  3. Yeah, this is one of those things that canNOT go both ways, imo, lol. Dudes seem to, at minimum, not mind casually dating a bi-chexual woman.

    I have yet to meet a woman who knowingly dated a bi-chexual man.

    I certainly could not…would not…no not ever!

    1. I dated a bisexual man. Well, we were in high school-a high school sweetheart. I'm friends with his baby mama on facebook. Cheers.

        1. I got a down-vote for feeling the way I do…can't please everyone.

          I don't knock anyone for being bisexual, lesbian or gay. That would be me hating a relative or friend, because I have at least one of each category in my family and friends….and I love them dearly.

          I just don't understand bi-sexual. It's sounds like someone who maybe a little confused about what "exactly" they want. Don't knock ME for feeling the way I do. I think having open and honest discussions like this can help get a little understanding…on both sides of the fence.

          Like one blogger said "Do you assume that if you were to marry a man, that your husband would no longer find himself attracted to any other women?" That's a good point! See…I never thought of it that way.

  4. I have knowingly "dealt" with a bi-sexual woman before. She was a true bisexual in that she made it clear to me that she craved women just as much as she craved men. But I could never see myself getting into a relationship with her as her mentality towards "dealing" with women while dating a man i could not agree with. As she put it, while in a relationship with a man he MUST be willing to allow her to sleep with women from time to time. However he isn't allowed to join in and he isn't allowed to sleep with any other women other than her. Now if that isn't trying to have you cake and eat it too then I don't know what is.
    Hypothetically if I were single still and was to consider dating a Bi woman who would like to steal deal with women while with me then she MUST include me in those "events". It'd have to be 3-way or No Way!

  5. Call me old school…but it just sounds like a world of confusion to me.

    My cousin considers herself bisexual. She was in a relationship with a woman for 7 years. They went to Hawaii or somewhere and got married. They broke up. She dated and married a man. Has 2 beautiful sons together, been married for about 6 years. The kicker is, she still consider herself bisexual???? I don't get it? How are you "legally" married to a man (still) and call yourself bisexual???

    She tried to explain to me…but all I got out of it was a headache. Pick a side and stick with it!

    1. A sexual attraction doesn't go away just because someone has decided to commit to a partner. You don't want to understand it, therefore, you do not. It's quite simple actually.

    2. Do you assume that if you were to marry a man that your husband would no longer find himself attracted to any other women? If you do you are living in a fantasy. Attraction doesn't disappear because of commitment. So a bisexual woman doesn't become strictly heterosexual just because she is married to a man now. She will still feel the same bisexual attractions she did while single. Its just a matter of whether or not she acts upon those feelings.

  6. Yes, I get it….Bisexuals are attracted to men and woman. But I wouldn't call that simple. Not for a heterosexual. You basically have to take a class in this subject to understand the "rules". Plus, it's really not for me to understand. To each his own.

  7. The man that I'm dating doesn't have to be concerned about me being attracted to "twice as many people". That implies that I'm attracted to EVERYONE. Nah'mean? I would love to date a bisexual man. I think it would speed up a lot of complicated conversations.

    Great post! Thanks!

  8. I am a lesbian woman and my preference is actually against dating a bi-sexual woman. To be perfectly honest, I view it in two ways 1) There is an insecurity on my part that there are desires of your I could flat out never provide you with because you seek it in men; 2) I can’t help but to view some bisexuals as opportunistic- in that, they go with whatever is available at the time and I don’t feel secure in that.

    Great thoughts that you have shared.

  9. What I really don't get is the fact that a lot of guys allow their bi girlfriends to have casual sex with other women just because they also like girls.. In that case, wouldn't the guy be permitted to also have casual sex with a blonde woman just because his girlfriend is brunette but he is attracted to both equally?

  10. No thank you to both. I wouldn't date a man seriously who is bi (although I think women who think there is no such thing as a bisexual man are delusional and in for a world of shock if they ever find out their uber masculine bf or ex-bf slangs it to men every now and then because its not all that rare), and I also wouldn't take a man who wanted a bi woman seriously either. It just reeks of him being opportunistic and trying to use the situation to feign commitment while wanting to sleep with other women because "his girl got a girlfriend". I'm not about that hoe life, sorry.

  11. It's not for me.Dumb ass fools think "OH great,imma get 2 fine ass chicks on my___! Nah bruh she like females too. Don't expect her not to ask having a woman in yall bed down the road and people who say I am bullshi____ get off it.

  12. Bisexuals have a wide array of experiences and tend to lean towards men or women. There are bi people equally attracted to both sexes but that is not the norm for bisexuals. Also, there are plenty of monogamous bisexuals to poly bisexuals to open relationship bisexuals. It all depends on what both partners in the relationship want that works for them.

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