As occasionally happens, an old blog or news story begins making the rounds again and has a resurgence to “viral” status. In fact, sometimes a post I wrote in my younger years comes back from my writer’s closet to haunt the older version of myself. It happens to the best of us. This recently happened, although not to me, when a 2012 post titled Sorry People In a Relationship, Being Single Is Actually Better hit my Twitter (@WisdomIsMisery).
Honestly, as I’ve aged, I’ve grown to believe that it’s not better or worse to be single or in a relationship. Frankly, there are pros and cons to both. But, the people of the Internet aint got time for varied opinions. Online, everything is black and white, right or wrong, 1 or 100. There is no room for middle ground or healthy debate; only an idiot would believe otherwise.
After reading the post mentioned above, I must admit there is one thing I agree with in regards to being single. It is far, far, farrr easier to be selfish. It’s not that you can’t be selfish in a relationship. You just can’t be selfish in a healthy relationship, and you can definitely be more selfish as a single person.
When you’re single, everything is about you. You don’t have to take anyone else into consideration. You can do anything and everything your heart desires and all that matters is pleasing yourself. In a relationship, good or bad, you have to (or you should) take your partner’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions into consideration. Who has time for that?
Perhaps most difficult, you also have to consider how your actions or lack there of can impact people outside of yourself – your partner, and if it applies, your children. For some people, this sounds like hell, so I can understand why those type of people would prefer the single life to the relationship life. Who can blame them? In fact, I recently told a good friend that he should either get into a relationship or date women in 6-month intervals, because eventually, a real relationship will take some level of vested interest to sustain and I figure 6-months is right around the time when the honeymoon phase wears off (if you’re lucky). I would encourage most everyone not to settle down one day before they’re capable, willing, and ready to think about a person beyond themselves, because until that day the following will be true for you…
Sorry People In A Relationship, Being Single Is Actually Better
Single people! Let’s rally!
Granted, I am in a very happy relationship and maybe shouldn’t be the spokesperson for you, single people — though, I don’t know, let me make my claim because someone needs to say something in our favor!
Before this relationship, I was THAT SINGLE GIRL in your group of friends who was just never dating anyone ever. Like, you know that girl? You wonder about that girl. You have questions about how she lives her life. You don’t get why she just doesn’t get a boyfriend. I was that girl.
I have over two decades of experience being MAD SINGLE. Like, the type of single where you’re not even remotely texting someone you might be interested in. There is no one to text. The type of single where if my lightbulb went out in my bedroom and I couldn’t reach it, forget it because there was no one to do that shiz for me. The type of single where I did not hang out with anyone with a dick in a one-on-one situation for an unbearable amount of time. The type where an elbow brush with a barista at Starbucks became erotic because no one ever touched me. SO. SO. SINGLE.
Then, one day, that changed for literally the first time in my life and now I have a boyfriend. But I did not have a high school sweetheart. AT ALL. I dated sporadically and unsuccessfully in college, fluctuating between a lot of tears and frustration and not being able to understand why I was so unlovable and gleefully listening to other people b-tch about their relationships while I wore full-on acne masks to bed in a comforter covered in Cheez-it dust and did not give one single f-ck.
So yes, I am in a relationship now, my first one ever. But single people, I feel as though I have a right to speak on your behalf. And although I love my boyfriend, I am actually incredibly glad for all the time I spent by my lonesome, because secretly…
Read more at [ThoughtCatalog.com]
What are the benefits of being single versus a relationship? Is one truly better than the other?
"What are the benefits of being single versus a relationship?"
I think we should point out some of the physical ramifications of being in a relationship.
For guys in a relationship:
-Your testosterone drops over 20%. Which means you might gain weight, get depressed, get complacent/passive, and lose your drive/ambition. Your body wants to attract women for reproduction using testosterone. Once you get regular sexual exposure to the same woman, your body stops wasting energy making all that testosterone.
-You get industrial-grade doses of oxytocin from her. This makes you want to trust, cuddle, impregnate, and not cheat. Dangerous stuff. It doesn't mean she's your one and only, dude– its all in your head. Once you cross the line, you can't be convinced otherwise. Oxytocin is the scientific name for "pu$$ywhip juice".
-Dopamine increases. This makes you want to keep being in a relationship for the same reason eating one slice of cake makes you want to eat two. The brain says it feels good, so you keep doing it!
-Seratonin decreases. This makes find everything *else* in life a little less enjoyable compared to interacting with your partner.
So you see, the single life vs relationship life isnt just a debate about preference and lifestyle– to really compare them we have to take into account all the physical changes that are included, especially when those changes happen naturally.
This is the best example I’ve heard thus far. And it can make a tumultuous relationship feel good . Relationships are scary and after dating at a very young age, and being married at a young age with 3 kids and 3 dogs…..it’s a very frightening status to be in. Because you never know the feelings and thoughts of what your mate truly feels for you. You can only hope and trust that the GOOD LOVING feeling is mutual.
i prefer relationships, im not great at being single. I’m never MAD single theres always someone with varying levels of feelings and exclusivity. I disagree its easier to be selfish, the perks to being single is being able to do what you want, when you want with no one to answer to but how many are really bout that Derek Jeter life, it sounds good in theory but we’re always held accountable to someone whether its a wife, girlfriend or some chick you smashing. Or you’re woefully single where you just have absolutely no one. Single is convenient, but not ideal.
I think it depends where you are in life. Being single has it days during the summer and when you are finishing school, but those winter nights get a little cold regardless if you have an industrial strength comforter. I frankly prefer relationships, because it's always nice to have that person to go through the hard times of life with. However, I will be living up the single life while i'm at it because I know i'll be missing it at times when i settle down.
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Agree. It depends on where you are in life and what you’re willing to put effort into. I think being single is the best option when your trying to figure out who you are, build a foundation for yourself (finishing school, looking for a job, etc…) or if you’re just not willing to take others feelings into consideration. If you just want to do you and not worry about anyone but yourself, or even if you just need to reevaluate a few things, then being single is perfect for you.
I miss being single…but when I was single I didn't enjoy it b/c I was too busy looking for a relationship. I think the key is to make the best of whichever stage you find yourself in while you're in it.
Also, while I totally advocate the single life I will admit since experiencing my first Northeast winter – I am ALL ABOUT CUFFING SEASON. It's too damn cold not to be cuddling with someone every night! But during the non-winter months – yea I'd say single is pretty great. LMAO
Yeah I definitely think the whether the single life is good or not is dependant on where you are in life. In school, working on finances, or focusing on your career the single life maybe the way to go. I think that is why when you do get into a relationship, it has to be with your friend. Someone that you can almost do single things with (strip clubs, trips, and etc.).
I disagree that it's easier to be selfish when you're single. You have to think about more people because you might be dating around (not sleeping around), so you actually have to "keep up" and do more for several people vs. just the 1.
Plus, you might always be scheming on how to get with somebody so that certainly doesn't make you selfish
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I'm inclined to disagree with the title, because being single is an acquired taste for some. There are people who are single and are loving it, but at some point the loneliness creeps in and you yearn for nights where you have someone under your arm. Also being 40 still chasing women in the clubs to me is kinda redundant after a while…
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Being single in today's dating climate seems pretty ideal. Mostly because we live in two different ages: the information age, and the "ain't nobody got time for that" age." We know too much about bad relationships, and we are very selfish/impatient beings with one another mostly. There are successful relationships out there, but I really feel that single people are now in the majority in our society today. Monogamy, Marriage, and Sacrifice have become antiquated notions, now most are about themselves whether they admit it or not, or whether they do it subconsciously or not. Even our media caters to and encourages the single life. I'm not saying that being single is good or bad, just giving my view of the weather…your seven day forecast is up next!
Agreed. We live in the "casual, no strings attached free sex, I'ma do what I wanna cause I can" age. These are very selfish times with very different social values and a growing eradication of 'moral values'. YOLO right?
Mr. SoBo
My recent post If Women Need To Know Just Ask (Pt 2): 10 Questions Women Ask Men
"These are very selfish times with very different social values and a growing eradication of 'moral values"
When was this not the case? Let's not start romanticizing the good ol days. We’re simply allowed to be more honest about the moral values that we never had to start with.
Romanticizing? Since when is pointing out an obvious shift in the social standards considered romanticizing? Furthermore, to suggest that the only difference between now and 'then' (seeing as though no actual time period was provided as a reference) is that society now is more honest with itself is a completely dishonest observation of life. Times, attitudes, et al have indeed changed, along with social values. Its part of societal evolution(devolution) depending on one's perspective. So lets not romanticize the present days of man and be willfully ignorant towards the existence of time, space, technological advancement, evolution, and other factors, all of which directly impact social mores, standards and interactions.
Mr SoBo
OpinionatedMale.com
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“Moral value” are the words that you used, so I responded to that. Morality is a judgment based on a system of right and wrong. (based on your perspective) You’re right to have any perspective that you want. However humanity, at its base level, transcends time and space. In fact, to even attempt to be moral is an exercise in trying to be the exception and not the rule as it relates to human behavior. Put 100 people on Mars in 2090, present day Afghanistan, England in 1482 or the 4th dimension and they will exhibit “human” characteristics. Let’s list some.
Selfishness (as you pointed out)
Greed
Dishonesty
Envy
Lust (as you alluded to)
Altruism (wouldn’t want the list to be all negative, right?)
This is humanity mane. Your judgment of morality is the only variable here.
Your statement: “We live in the "casual, no strings attached free sex, I'ma do what I wanna cause I can" age.”
My question is: When was this not the case? That question went un-answered in your response.
I have to agree with this. For every old church lady complaining about kids these days, I can give you one who used to do the same thing back in the day. It is always funny to hear women my mom's age and older talk about what wasn't going on back in the day and what they were not doing, that is, until you get older and realize what the real story is. The real story is often times more scandalous.
Therein lies the problem, where that ratio was maybe 2 out of 10 back in the day, it's now 7-8 out of 10. People want to make the blanket statement that times really haven't changed. Human behavior does transcend time, however the practice and manifestation of said behaviors is linear and can be quantified
So very true and so very depressing.
yes very yolo….that's some muddy water out there to jump in full of sharks, piranha, and barracuda…lol
I' m gonna say that it depends about single life vs relationship on where you are. I'm in line with the thinking that being single is more convenient than better. You have that freedom to pick up and go whenever. I guess I would enjoy being single more if I had a lifestyle out of the silver screen. But my life is far from Sex and City at my mid-twenties. Graduated with a crap load of debt, took too long to get an entry-level job, gotta slave away working nights to make ends meet. If I could get the time and the money to join clubs, go to clubs, and take trips on a whim I probably would enjoy being single more. Days are long and nights are longer when you're single and struggling. At this stage it would be nice to have someone to come home to and build with. Maybe once my lot gets better I'll feel differently.
Like Katt Williams said, the single life is the best life until you go Home and lay on that cold bed and start crying to Jesus.
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The single life is the best for the person who knows how to make the most of that life until it's time to progress. Some people that are miserable when they are single is unlikely to be happy with somebody for long if at all.
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…did I mention that I love that poster!……..well…I do.