Home Featured Her Husband Is Bisexual: Could You Date a Bisexual Man?

Her Husband Is Bisexual: Could You Date a Bisexual Man?

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my-husband

In private, my husband, Paul*, has started referring to his sexual orientation as “Results-Oriented.” As in, he doesn’t care what gender his sexual partners are if they can get the job done, so to speak. He’s being glib when he says that — no, he wouldn’t go to bed with just anyone — but there’s also some truth behind it. For a person who isn’t ready to socially, culturally, or politically identify as bisexual, Results-Oriented is his way of saying that he’s not quite as straight as most straight-identified men.

Paul started calling himself Results-Oriented around the time we had our first foursome with a straight-presenting, queer-identified couple. For the most part, we engaged in heterosexual and lesbian activities, but at one point, I let it slip that watching two men together has always been one of my top turn-ons. Our male partner looked up with excitement and climbed on top of Paul. Once he obtained consent, he gave Paul…

That was the first – but not the only – time Paul has engaged in sexual activity with a man. At this point in our increasingly polyamorous relationship, he’s just as likely to play with an interested male partner as he is with an interested female partner. Yet, whenever we discuss his evolving understanding of his sexuality, he stops short of calling himself “bisexual.” (To be clear, I’m using “bisexual” as an imperfect catchall here; he doesn’t call himself “pansexual,” “omnisexual,” “queer,” or “heteroflexible,” either.) In part, that’s because he is primarily hetero-romantic, in the sense that he has never been interested in having an emotionally intimate and romantic relationship with a man. I often wonder, though, if part of his hesitation in claiming the sexual descriptor that I’ve used to describe myself for the last five years has to do with the reality that coming out as a bisexual man is much, much harder than coming out as a bisexual woman.

[Read more over at theFrisky]

Ladies, could you date or marry a bisexual man? Have you ever dated a man you believed to be straight and later told you he was bisexual? Is it more acceptable to be a bisexual woman than it is to be a bisexual man?

Comment(23)

  1. -Ladies, could you date or marry a bisexual man? NO

    -Have you ever dated a man you believed to be straight and later told you he was bisexual? NO

    -Is it more acceptable to be a bisexual woman than it is to be a bisexual man? YES

    Sorry, but it would just be uncomfortable if I thought a random guy was attractive and my man would agree.

    But hey, if it works for some ppl, fine! But it surely wont work for me!

      1. She didn't say that it was better though. She said that it was more acceptable. More people do accept women being sexually intimate with women. I believe it stems from male fantasies of being with two women — why it is acceptable. But that doesn't make it better.

        1. Because gay male sex involve penetrating another man.

          That is not the greatest visual if you know what I mean.

  2. I've always thought of human sexuality as a scale, where one can be all the way to the left, all the way to the right, or somewhere in the middle at any given time, but partially influenced by your genetics and partially influenced by your environment + experiences.

    Is there some cutoff point where a person is considered more bi-sexual than hetero or homo? Why the double standard when women do homo-like things, like kissing and grabbing each others boobs– they arent really considered homosex for doing that. Or is that the equivalent of guys giving each other nipple twists or punching each other in the nuts? These, questions.

  3. Nope, but I would support his coming out ; – ) In my experience, men who claim bisexuality are actually homosexual, but fond of women for various reasons. You can love and support someone without having a sexual relationship. The bisexual partner in the marriage may always feel a part of their life is missing…It may be best for the people involved in the story above to just have a 100% open relationship or end it entirely. Basically, if partner does not have or cannot give what you need to be happy – why are you together?

  4. What I think that needs to be addressed, is the homophobia in the black female community.

    I support my gay black brothers & transsexual female-to-males 100%. Some of the most talented & brightest people I know. Being a ton of value to humanity. They need more praise.

    I cannot elaborate on the topic, because it does not apply to me.

    1. I don't think it's necessarily homophobia, per se. I mean black women have tons of gay black male friends who we would hang out with all the time. Some may have even experimented with that gay friend to make sure he doesn't like trim. (sorry i still can't)

      I think this is one of those situations where double standards are applied. Homophobia is generally a negative reaction to someone who appears/is to be gay. I just think when you think of your man getting hammered by another dude, it's a complete turnoff because that face upon penetration is not too masculine…..IMHO…
      My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor

    2. YOU must be one of them my brotha because the way you talk about women (especially black) is sorry. Black men are waaaaaaaaaaaaay more against it. I go to the shop for a beard trim twice a month and the shit they say about dudes who walk out and seem to be gay or bi is wrong as you know what. I don't here ladies saying that shit. That's bull saying black females are homophobic because they don't want a bisexual male? My uncle is bi and sooner or later he is going to want another man up in the bedroom. It might be at age 60,but come on! My aunt divorced him after my cousin found ol dude in the garage giving dome. SMDH.

      Men don't need to get married to stay in the closet. My old professor is well known to have a partna and nobody gives a hoot. If a woman wants a man who doesn't want another man,so be it. As long as she is not attacking him. I don't see the problem. I have a fiance and I like straight women. My aunt has told me that there is a kinsley(spelling) scale,on sexuality and ish. I know that many aren't 100% straight,but I have been offered dome from dudes and never felt the urge. I turned my stomach. I never put gay dudes or whatever down. Their gay who cares? Just because a chick don't want to date a dude who likes dudes she's homophobic? nah

  5. I wouldn’t date a bisexual man because the thought of my man being attracted to other men isn’t appealing. I don’t have a problem with men who claim to be bisexual. I just don’t deal with them romantically. The woman in this article actually is turned on by men being intimate with each other, so it works for her.

    I went on the website and read the rest of the article. It seems like the wife doesn’t have an issue with her husband being intimate with other men. She just wants him to feel comfortable enough to claim his bisexuality (he did admit to his doctor he was bi after catching an STI). But the woman in this article is also bisexual and has an open marriage so I can see the situation working out for them.

    I couldn’t picture myself with a bisexual man without him bringing up the option of us having an open relationship were he can still have sex with men, or him wanting me to use toys to penetrate him, which wouldn’t work for me either.

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