For whatever reason, I’ve often found the explanations behind why women cheat to be far more sophisticated than why men cheat. So, when I saw that the “experts” over at COSMO had parsed the reasons down to a simple list of five, I decided to take a read. My three favorite are below.
1. Going Through A Transition
“If it is graduating, turning a certain age, losing a parent or advancing the relationship status, women become introspective,” explains Lee. “Even if it is something she wants, such as just getting engaged or graduating, the transition can stir up an array of emotions about where her life is going or where she is in it. The discomfort of change can trigger an impulsive desire to find someone to take her focus off the change and be a diversion for what she is going through.”
2. Not Feeling Adequately Celebrated
We’ve all been here: “May it be getting a promotion, organizing a fundraiser, or making Thanksgiving dinner for a party of 20, men often make the misstep of “not complimenting their partner’s achievements,” Lee says. “Women seek an emotional connection that their partner notices them, is proud of their achievements, and appreciates what they do, so when they aren’t getting this at home the residual effects lead to feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction, depression, and restlessness.”
And that’s when they could go looking for it elsewhere. “When you are living in the day to day with someone, it is challenging to step outside a situation and notice the things that do matter to someone,” adds Lee “As this wears down over time, so as soon as the woman encounters someone who ignites the spark they are lacking at home, they equate it to an emotional connection and seek companionship with someone else.”
5. It’s Boring In The Bedroom
Men aren’t the only ones who need to spice things up. “Women need to feel desired!” Lee declares. “If she is not getting any, enough, or nothing to talk about, women start to feel a sexual void. With the popularity of books such as Fifty Shades of Grey, television shows, or listening to friends talk about their fun single trysts, women have that moment when they compare their love life at home to what the rest of the world seems to be experiencing.” And that’s when she may start to wonder what she’s missing.
“Though it is easy to pinpoint the flaws in one’s sex life, it is often hard to make the changes needed to correct them,” adds Lee. “This creates a temptation in women to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere with someone they don’t have the baggage with and can be more uninhibited.”
Read more at [Cosmopolitan.com]
We all know why men cheat, or at least we all should because I told you why here, but I think there’s still some confusion about why women cheat and the frequency of women cheating – for the record, it’s a rising amount. Equality for the win!
A brief personal breakdown:
- Reason #1 is one of the many reasons why I gave up dating women under 23, but that’s neither here nor there.
- Reason #2 is something I admittedly struggle with, which surprises many people considering I write, professionally and personally, for a living. Yes, I’m good with words. Emotional verbalization and appreciation? Not so much. I’m still a man or at least that’s the convenient excuse I prefer to use. Couple this with the fact that I don’t believe in “chasing” and you have someone who’s not to keen on complimenting women in general. I rant about this on Twitter all the time – and with movements like #TheThirst in full effect – complimenting women in 2013 has gone the way of krumping in the club, extinct. Therefore, when I’m finally in a relationship, I have to consciously remember to remind my fine woman that she is still fine to me – not because I’ve forgotten that she’s fine, but because her fine-ness is so natural to me, like the rising of the sun, it seems hardly worth mentioning since it is so self-evident. Basically, I’m not big on stating the obvious, but sometimes even obvious statements go along way, especially if they’re appreciative in nature.
- Reason #5 I hear this a lot, from both sexes. However, it seems a bit strange to say your sex life is boring and your solution for that problem is to explore sex with someone other than the person you’re having the boring sex with. Such a solution, at best, seems temporary, unless you plan on remaining unfaithful forever. I’ve had men – college educated, fairly functional men – look me dead in my optic stems and tell me, “I can’t do that with the wife/misses/main (or whatever you kids are calling your wives/girlfriends/mistresses these days).” While I’ve always found this reasoning quite stupid for more years than I can remember, I honestly didn’t realize it was a plight shared by women. I won’t sit (write) here before you, and pretend to be an angel whom has never been with a woman whom I knew was in a relationship; however, I assumed she was cheating due to any number of reasons that I never thought to attribute to her simply wanting to be “more uninhibited.” Strangely enough, although I’m sure they wouldn’t use the words “more uninhibited,” this is the exact same reasoning many men give for their infidelities. Go figure.
As a man, I’m going to recognize my own limitations on this particular topic and turn it over to the experts, the women.
Ladies, how accurate is this list? What’s left off? Is there anything that’s completely wrong? Which of the five is the most important for men to keep in mind to keep their woman happy and faithful?
Fellas, are these reasons much different than the ones you’ve used (or heard…from a friend…obviously) for why men cheat?
The same reasons why women cheat, is the same reason why people murder,
They have a strong motive & opportunity.
For men like myself, who value monogamous women (or cooperative women).
We have to
Be Attractive & have viable options
And set strong boundaries.
Let her know in no certain terms that if she cheats, you will walk as soon as you get an inkling she is setting that p*ssy out.
ima add my cosigned here
Definitely agree with #2. I have some female friends who men just stopped complimenting them. They'll clean the whole house top to bottom, doll themselves up, where something sexy, cook a dinner for the Gods and he just comes in and eat and just talk about his day. I'm not saying it's reason to cheat, but you know how some men will cheat if you aren't giving it up enough at home? Some women will cheat if you aint giving up enough compliments at home. Especially if you are outloud talking about Megan Good or Serena and how hot they are. That can wear on a girl's self confidence. When you are in a relationship/marriage, you can't just become lax. You have to keep doing what you guys did before commiting.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
After looking at the same chick for long enough, and eating her same food she's prepared and placed for you at the same table, and seeing her sexy-it-up the same exact way she always does, dudes get bored. lol.
There's a time limit on desirability. After a while, it has to be replaced with something more substantial. Anything can become monotonous– people are no exception.
I guess they are just going to be two cheating people. You aren't doing the works everytime your man gets home. But I guess my question is what did people think being with one person for the rest of your life was going to do? Yes it'll get boring, if you let it. You have to keep doing what you were doing and trying out new things.
If one cannot fathom with being with one person, then don't. Just keep running the streets and stick with new Pootang.
Marriage is work. If you see that she's trying give her some slack, just like if he's trying give him credit.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
I agree with #2 because women tend to creep when they don't get their emotional needs met. And I was more likely to cheat when I was 20-21 compared to today so yes, age does play a factor.
My recent post Is It Bad That I Never..
Sound like this list needs to be why women LEAVE. Unless we just gonna keep making excuses for cheating and not calling it what it is, being selfish
I believe all three are reasons why most women cheat, however, number 1 has to be the most common, but the least acknowledged. It is my belief, as a woman, that women tend to cheat for the purpose of control. Not in a outlandish creepy way, but anytime there is a transition of some sort, good or bad, especially bad, it leaves us feeling like we have a lesser grip on the reins, it also makes us more daring, willing to tempt fate. Emotionally and physically. Only issue is, it is an indirect result of taking stock after such events occur, most women don't realize this and are left with the excuse of, "it just happened".
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I think some men tend to cheat for the same reason – control. I say that about the type of guy who feels like he has NO control in his home; she has taken over, other family and friends come first, he comes last or close to last….and its a passive-aggressive thing where he seeks out a side chick to say to himself, I am desirable, I am running this…now what-type of thing…subconsciously that is. But we all know folks cheat for different kinds of reasons….bottomline, what are you going to do about it IF and WHEN you find out…if anything at all?
The bottom line is that cheating is a choice. And men cheat for sophisticated reasons as well. We are not mindless drones following our libidos. Many women don't want to admit that they can push their men into the legs of another, just like men can. My article "Why Men Cheat Part 1: Your Fault" explains this. http://wp.me/p1UA3K-3O
Male or female-if your mate is not providing for your emotional needs, it is your responsibility to let it be known, and try to resolve it. If he or she doesnt change, you have to leave- period. Cheating makes you weak.
The link led to a great article Mr. Grace. I’ve read a lot here and your site just to get a bit if insight into the male mind. It has helped a lot in making my decision to not marry. No disrespect at all but the ego issues and emotional fragility is so deep with men. I dont want to live my life worrying if his ego is crushed by me inadvertenly and he will therefore cheat. I again applaud you and this site bc it gives women the tools to make smart decisions. All of you are great writers as well.
Thank you so much Lia! I appreciate it, and my goal is just to help us all be our best selves and find whatever we are looking for in this life – whether that be marrying or not lol.
I think we all have egos, hangups and all that. We just gotta find mates whose issues we can tolerate lmao. Peace to you on your journey!
And shoutout to Streetz and SBM for allowing me to post on this site!
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If women are cheating for all or some of the reasons above, than this also means she is done with the relationship. Women will make the decision (choice) to cheat for 2 reasons:
1. Don't plan to get caught…( example: sneaky ron-da-voo in Jamaica with her girlfriends)
2. Checked out of the relationship, and this is part of the transition of letting go.
I think that is why her reason for cheating is more sophisticated than men, because it's usually planned. When men cheat they don't actually "plan" these things or "plan" to leave their girlfriend or wife….it's more for validation.
I agree with the reasons above….and also believe that the women that do or have cheated, is because they suspect or know their man has cheated.
Not even reading this time. After all the propaganda I hear calling bs on men who cheat, I refuse to hear any justification from any lady about cheating. I will not be having the hypocrisy plate with a side of self-righteousness!!!
I have a problem with #1.
So this is what I'm hearing, "Good man thats faithful to his lady. Her father dies and she was very close to him. She needs to deal with it in some way so she goes and climbs in bed with another man"??? Really?
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If I tell you any more than that, I’d have to kill you. We can continue being happy even when the other is not.
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