Home Dating & Relationships Dating Casualty At The Club: Being Turned Down To Dance

Casualty At The Club: Being Turned Down To Dance

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Stush– (adj) “Conceited, superior, having an air of bitchy hauteur particularly with regard to personal appearance – but with good reason.”

Source: Urban Dictionary

I don’t take for granted that most people who read this site are familiar with Caribbean lingo. Stush is a term used in the West Indian circle. In the shadow of this past Labor Day weekend, I thought it would be fitting to share a funny story with you all.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a going away BBQ for an old classmate of mine. At this BBQ there was great music and great food. To top it all off, there were a couple good looking ladies there as well. So there was a point where this lady was dancing and whining up real crazy. I mean shorty was dropping it. This leads the DJ to leave his corner and try and catch a dub dance with this young lady. Now after all this gyration this lady was doing on her own she starts acting funny style with dude. It’s at that moment in which my boy angrily says “I can’t stand when girls do that yo!” I chuckled at him cause his frustration was so genuine. I told him I could dig it.

Today, I want to start a discussion with you all about why this happens. All I can do is give you a male point of view. I implore all you ladies to leave your two cents here today. As a man, I recognize and accept that women obviously can choose who they want to dance with. I’m not writing today to beef with that at all. I just would like you all to just feel us fellas for a few.

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Understand that we heterosexual men don’t come to clubs or parties to stand in our own circles to dance with each other. We come to parties to boogie with y’all ladies. Everything about the nightlife is catered to women. I personally don’t have any problem with a woman not wanting to dance, generally speaking. I think the main problem guys have is a woman who basically dances on her own and entices a guy to ask her to dance. But, when a guy asks for a dub dance, she catches a crazy attitude or acts stush. It just comes off as wrong.

These events lead guys to wonder “why the f*ck did she come to the club in the first place?” I think that frustration, at the very least, is warranted. The only way these qualms are negated to me is if a guy asks for a dance and he isn’t respectful in the way he goes about doing it. If he’s been a gentleman in his approach, then there’s no need to give attitude. There’s no room for stush gyal inna di club women in the club. It throws the whole vibe off.

For my ladies, do you all go to the club sometimes with the mindset not to dance? If so, why? Have you ladies ever been stush? And am I being insensitive?

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Fellas, has a woman ever acted stush with you? Let’s speak on it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/

 

 

Comment(85)

  1. I have never commented on this site before but I have had this convo soooooo many times with my male friends that I just HAD to. I am one of those girls who goes to the club to dance WITH MY GIRLS and only with my girls. I go because I love the music and the vibe! I like getting dressed up because I like to look good NOT because I'm looking for male attention. Especially attention from a man grabbing my arm on the dance floor or creepily sneaking up from behind me.

    As for the "gentlemen" trying to get a girl's attention on the dance floor, if she's not looking and she doesn't know you, you're just killing her vibe. You may be a good guy, you might be the most honest, kindhearted man in the spot but the point is she doesn't care. She's having fun and you're interrupting. If you're really interested her, talk to her OFF the dance floor. Come by when she's at the bar and introduce yourself. She will be far less defensive at the bar than dance floor and it will give you a chance to stand apart from the kind of men she's trying to avoid. Honestly, there is just nothing appealing (to me) about being groped by a stranger in a club. If you really want to dance and she seems like the "stush" type, at least talk to her first.

    1. “I like getting dressed up because I like to look good NOT because I'm looking for male attention”

      CUT THE SH*T…..please

      What you’re leaving out is the obvious feeling that you get that any number of men find you ( and what you’re doing) attractive.

      I dare you to put yourself in the wallflower, fat girl or ugly girl’s shoes for that night. You’d go home feeling rejected and quickly call Tyrone (who’ll plow anything) just to get the satisfaction and attention that you didn’t get at the club.

      I suggest you count your blessings that you are seen as attractive enough to touch. It’s a blessing.

      You may not like the attention that you’re getting form the dudes on the floor but you can go somewhere with all that. “not for male attention” BS….cause I ain’t buyin.

      1. That has got to be the single most arrogant, delusional thought process yet. Face it, not EVERY woman thrives off male attention. Accept it. Soak it in. You will survive.

    2. "I am one of those girls who goes to the club to dance WITH MY GIRLS and only with my girls. I go because I love the music and the vibe! I like getting dressed up because I like to look good NOT because I'm looking for male attention. Especially attention from a man grabbing my arm on the dance floor or creepily sneaking up from behind me."

      – My response to this would be why do you might as well just go to an all male gay club if that's the case. SMFH LOL.

      "If you're really interested her, talk to her OFF the dance floor. Come by when she's at the bar and introduce yourself. She will be far less defensive at the bar than dance floor and it will give you a chance to stand apart from the kind of men she's trying to avoid. "

      – This is beyond unrealistic. Striking any kind of convo at the bar with blaring music and everyone hunched over trying to get the bartenders attention is just not even possible unless YOUR aim looking to get that free drink. LOL.

    3. Woah! I knew men wouldn’t get my POV but really? And @SMH I have plenty of fun at gay bars, thank you.

      I don’t understand why it’s so hard to believe that I genuinely enjoy dancing with my friends! I’m not there to meet men and if he’s interested, I want conversation before I touch him PERIOD. Call it what you want, but it’s the truth and I am DEFINITELY not the only girl that thinks this way.

      1. Girl, its not you. Men just want to get laid…Period. Point Blank. #DONE
        I act the same way sometimes in the club. Sometimes I dance, but most times no.
        I just love dancing in the club atmosphere.
        I totally understand.

      2. You aren’t. I feel the same exact way. I don’t go dancing for cheap thrills or to pad my self-esteem. These men who deny that there are women like this who exist are just speaking thru their own insecurities.

        I don’t even get angry most of the time, just feel sorry for em, that so much of their lives revolve around chasing the opposite sex, they spend almost ALL of their time at bars and clubs. Don’t let them fool you, they’re miserable, and you just killed their dreams.

    4. Exactly. You said everything that I’ve been telling my guy friends for years. The club is not a pick up spot for many women its just a place to go to get cute and have fun. I’m married and I’ve had many guys ask me why I was even in the club. I just wanna put on something cute, dance and have a drink. I’m not looking for anyone and I don’t understand why dancing gives off the impression that I’m searching for someone. I try to be nice when I tell guys that I don’t wanna dance or I’m not intersted in talking and they still get an attitude.

    5. That has got to be the single most arrogant, delusional thought process yet. Face it, not EVERY woman thrives off male attention. Accept it. Soak it in. You will survive.

  2. Also, I think "stush" is the wrong word… I don't think girls, particularly girls like me and my circle of friends, act like this out of conceit or arrogance. We just don't want to dance with random men just because we happened to catch their eye. It has nothing to do with superiority at all.

  3. Not all women go dancing to dance specifically with men. You guys may do that with us, but the reverse is not all the time true. Sometime we just want to get out and look cute. Simple as that.

  4. I haven’t commented on the site in a long time, but I am a very regular reader. First off, I love that you used the word Stush! Big ups. lol

    I have to agree with IMO to an extent. I do prefer to dance with my friends while at the club in comparison to random fellas, however, give me a good 30 minute reggae set and I will be looking for a nice dance partner. The problem that the gentlemen in the club face is usually in their approach. They have no respect for the solo groove, or personal space. Thank you for finding my dances so enticing, however they are not an open invitation to touch me, or just position yourself behind me and grab on. Seriously, who over 21 still does that and thinks it’s cute?

    Now for the actual gentlemen that politely ask and get turned down… sorry, just wasn’t feeling your vibe, but maybe the next girl will. 🙂

    That’s all I’ve got.

    1. Yep, the "let me sneak up behind her" moment. Dudes still try this. Grown azz dudes. My friends and I call this the booty sneak.

      I agree with most of the women who say that they go out and want to just dance with their friends for the most part.

      1. *raises hand* I've been a booty sneaker on many of occasions LOL. It has succeeded and it has failed. Its always a gamble. Thank god I've had more success than failure lol

  5. It's because only women are capable of having fun dancing alone, and as a guy that's absolutely mind boggling. Men look and feel pathetic dancing alone and just can't comprehend why you would want to. So when we approach you kindly and you turn us down, it's frustrating and confusing because we went into it doing you a favor.

    1. Ok thanks, but now you understand that you're just killing her vibe.
      Try eye contact first if she's not giving it back then "on to the next 1".
      Thanks for understanding 🙂

    2. …also, this not dancing alone thing for men must be a particularly African American male problem, b/c I’ve walked into many of dance spots in NYC and seen dudes killing it, battling each other, battling females, AND dancing with females. Where did the male dancing art go??

  6. Who wrote that definition. Stush is never for good reason. Don't teach these Americans the wrong thing.

    But otherwise I agree. It's annoying when the best songs are playing, and the girls are turning me down.

    1. You got it! The best song is playing so we don't need you disturbing our groove!

      Most guys want to wrestle you to the beat instead of dance. That isn't fun or sexy!

  7. I never read too much into it, I think I’d feel some type of way if she turns around and rejects me and then starts busting it open for a lightskinned ninja with 4 fake chains on, but the girl in the pack, dancing with poles and speakers not so much.

  8. I have no idea where my comment. I’ll just sum it up.

    1. Posts like this are reason, I have no sympathy when black women have dating challenges.

    2. When you go clubbing, you have to have tight game. Best place to practice, but you have to have the mindset where you are there to have fun, and detached from any specific outcome.

    3. I am not a club dude. I like daytime action. But two things that can make your bar/club life easier.

    A. Wear a wedding ring, and tell her you are having marital problems.

    B. Bring attractive female friends with you & use them as bait.

    Good Day

    1. Choice B… I learned that a long time ago… Don't go to clubs with your just boys, cough up the bread and bring a long a few ladies, it will open the dance floor for the team.

  9. Lol ,

    As a woman I go out to enjoy myself, not to provide entertainment for the men in the room. If you want that kind of attention and treatment the strip club is right there they’ll surely give you what your looking for.

      1. girl i love to twerk in my living room in the mirror with some booty shorts on. I aint ashamed of it. I have no problem with ratchet activities when it's done in the privacy of your own home. Just to start you off here's a few tips on twerking:

        1. Agressively Bend over
        2. Continue to show him what you are working with
        3. Be prepared to shake it fast
        4. at this point, you will then you will watch yourself
        5. rinse and repeart
        My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor

    1. "but now I slick it back in a ponytail and go to dance my a** off. "

      I'll high Five that

      "…they just want to thrust you."

      aside from the "kid-n-play" and "the whop", what's left?

      1. When we are dancing at least thrust on beat. It's a slow song and you try to bang the sh*t out of me.. No thanks. Not to mention, this is about to get graphic but i'm feeling it today:

        Men who dont know how to place their "p*nis" or who have massive "p*nis" will have a raging boner and try to grind up on you and to me, that is so gross. I know that's the point for some of you guys, but i can see why women dont want to dance with a man. I don't know you bruh! Don't be rubbing your meat on my a**. If ya'll could see my face!
        My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor

        1. @Paynewell

          “When we are dancing at least thrust on beat. It's a slow song and you try to bang the sh*t out of me.. No thanks. Not to mention, this is about to get graphic but i'm feeling it today:”

          Cosign… I remember the when Daggering first came out , dudes in the club trying to literally bang ya back out. And yeas some men can not keep a beat lol like Bro maybe you should stick to the 2 step instead of trying to whine with me or catch this twerk.

          Also you have the men with the wondering hands, keep your hands on my waist, no trying to rub the kitty, (Yes I have had to stop dancing with dues because they couldn’t keep their hands at were my eyes could see )

  10. A couple observations:

    1) Overall, I think it would behoove men (and women) to stop assuming because "woman does X, this means she automatically does Y, too." This is the rough equivalent of a woman assuming that just because you have sex with her, you also want to marry her. Just because a woman is dancing, doesn't mean she wants to dance with YOU or anyone.

    2) I do wonder if some of this is geographical in nature as well. Down south, we dance. Anyone from the southern states can vouch for this. I've noticed, personally, the further north I've traveled in my many travels, the less receptive women become to letting my gyrate my nether regions on their hindp parts. I don't know why this is. Of course, there will always the woman who will act like this: http://youtu.be/gW-dwYFCeOw. With those type of women, you just have to charge it to the game.

  11. A club is a social environment where dancing with the opposite sex is the norm. Why go out if you’re going to be anti social? And for the woman who are against “dubbing” with strangers..what about turning down dudes when a genre of music comes on that doesn’t involve dubbing such as bachata, kompa, etc ..when your face to face with each other

  12. Ladies
    It’s a club.
    It’s not a cocktail party. It’s not a sock hop, social, meet & greet or a banquet.
    It’s a club.

    If you’re there to meet someone “interesting”, yoouz a damn fool. Even good girls are there to meet some “strange”.

    …and then there are you, (ladies) in a lion’s den shaking booty meat and then throwing salt at lion’s tigers and bears.

    I stopped going to clubs at 22y/o (back when rump shakers took on all takers). What do I look like complaining that all the baby mommas, cougars and (insert other) are trying to get at me when I’m on their hunting grounds looking all good?

    Like Adonis said. If you REALLY just want to dance with no hetero attention, go to the gay club. They’ll love you.

      1. Incorrect.

        You see, up north is your twerk tutorial. If I saw that live at a club, maybe I’d “behave “and maybe I wouldn’t. (variables: skill, booty to waist ratio, leg thickness, whether or not I had some before or set up after the club..etc) But, I’d totally understand the brothers who would grab some a$$.

        Excusable solo dances are, two steps, any old school dance…..uuuuhhhh
        ….you know what….f*ck it………anything but twerkin

        Twerkin is a full blown invite to get freaked…and in the most disrespectful way.

        IT’S A BOOTY DANCE… damnit. ….A BOOTY DANCE
        ….and if I go to a club, I’m not signing up for them, “look but don’t touch” rules that night.

  13. I'm a Yankee that grew up with yardies and I remember one time when I was 16 I went to one of those infamous back yard reggae bashes Brooklyn is known for. I couldn't dance to reggae, but I wanted to go. nonetheless, a boy came behind me. I did the best whine I knew how!! And ol' boy literally went mad loud in the party "what the FUCK are you doing?" I was beyond mortified.
    Now I love whining because I know how, but I am never asked to dance whenever I go to these parties. Where they do that at? Most men just get behind, if a woman push back then they will probably get a dance for a song or a song in a half depending on how good his whine is.
    My boyfriend now doesn't like the idea of me gyrating on another man, so I go to parties either to support my girls or the promoters that invite me. I curved a lot of dudes because of that and their feelings get hurt, but just because a woman is at a club doesn't mean she's there for the entertainment of men.

    1. LMAO @ "WTF you doing?" I'm also a Yankee who learned quickly how to whine properly on a gal. You only need to get called out ONCE and you'll get the picture.

  14. Dear men, you are acting ridiculously entitled. Yes, I look good, yes, I am twerking it up like I need a pole. But truth is, women like to tease. It's so easy to get reactions from men. I like feeling sexy and desirable so imma put my freakum dress on and go dance like I used to own a pole just so I can get a reaction from easy men to make me feel hot. I'm in the south and I don't mind dancing with a stranger but the amount of men who think it's ok to do the 'booty sneak' is ridiculous. Sometimes I just wanna Dance alone coz I don't wanna have to worry about some dudes hands or lack of rhythm or stank breath. Sorry for not being sorry. I can say no and guess what, you can't do anything about it.

    1. Well this wasn't necessarily written for us to do anything about it. I recognize and I think we'd all recognize that it's obviously all you ladies decision to do whatever you like. I really wrote this just to have this conversation. Guys need to know your logic, that's all I felt. We experience the night life so differently, I thought it would be a great space for some interesting and funny dialogue. But no one is going to beef with you about your choice lol I just thought it was worth the conversation.

    2. “Dear men, you are acting ridiculously entitled”
      “……Sometimes I just wanna Dance alone coz I don't wanna have to worry about some dudes hands or lack of rhythm or stank breath”

      All the entitlement is on your side ma.

      Club Math.
      20 guys “booty sneaks” you, you reject 19.
      Okay well, the numbers game goes both ways.
      The 19 guys you rejected each “booty sneak”(ed) 20 other twerkers that night (you ain’t got the only booty)

      Some dudes know they’re gonna get shot down and just enjoy touching a booty for the 3 seconds that they get (mildly pathetic,…sure)….justsaying

      “I can say no and guess what, you can't do anything about it.”
      They just make it up in numbers sweetheart.

  15. I'm going to keep it ALL THE WAY REAL with you guys.

    As you may or may not know, I'm no longer bout that club life. But when I was:

    1. I got dressed up and looked cute to get male attention.
    2. I was always very confident in my dancing skills, so when I would "gets it in" on the dance floor, it was indeed to entice other men to come and dance with me.
    3. If I refused to dance with you, it's because I wasn't attracted to you — sorry. There was no way I'd turn down a dance from a cute guy I've been eyeing, regardless of how tired I was or if I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't grind on any guy.
    4. If I didn't get any male attention that night, it would be summed up as a wack night. And I wouldn't go back to that venue again.

    I did lose the urge to dance with guys though, because I realized how degrading it really was…for me at least. Some guys really will take advantage of the opportunity and touch you in the most inappropriate places, thinking it's okay or that you wouldn't mind. No, no, no, no sir, that is not okay.

    1. Finally a female that will tell the truth…us women do all of that for the attention and if you don't get the attention we aren't attracted to you… get over it and move along.

  16. I think its very funny how different it can be depending on the venue and kind of music. If its a regular club spinning todays current hip hop you get a good mix of women who want to be danced with, women who want to entice but not be touched and women who are just out with friend. Switch the venue to something like "Grits and Biscuits" with all the "twerk" music and the percentages of each can change dramatically. Switch again to something like true Dancehall party/Soca fete and you can, at times, be hard pressed to find a single female that isn't giving out the mean dub.

  17. You all just inspired me to go out soon and back it up one time and not be stush! But seriously, ladies be nice, sweat out your perm and your fros. For me it is all about approach. But when reggae, soca or dancehall comes on, I could careless!

  18. I believe we have to look at how women are built and socialized. Women can be satisfied by just getting attention from a man–they don’t necessarily need to touch or feel him. If men are looking and/or complimenting a woman when she’s at the club, then she’s good with that–she got what she needed for the night.

    As men, we’re visual, so, our eyes create the desire. What we see makes us want to touch and feel.

    So, men and women at the club are working with two different goals. Men see it and want to get up on it; women just want to know that you want to get up on it…

  19. 1.) I definitely enjoyed getting danced on from behind by attractive strangers in my college days. If the guy was unattractive, my girls dancing near me would pull me away and that was that. Problem solved and now to wait for the next dude to latch on.

    2.) I never went HOME with any of the dudes I danced on from the club. I rarely even gave them my number. It was just some titillating grinding for 1-3 songs, excuse myself to mingle and reposition myself on the dance floor, and then wait for the next dude for 1-3 songs. If you DID give a guy your number from the club, they rarely called because they were either 1.) Drunk, 2.) Don't remember what they saved you as in their phone, 3.) Met someone else they liked more after me, 4.) Were just collecting numbers to boost their ego with no intent on calling.

    3.) As I grew older and wanted relationships with men and not just something to rub on in the club, I STOPPED GOING TO THE CLUBS. I did not continue to go to the place where strangers grab your booty and hold on for dear life thinking I'd meet a nice guy there. I switched to lounges where grown folks have drinks, food and conversation.

    4.) My college roommate could easily have been the girl from this story. She planned her outfit the whole week and then went on the dance floor and threw it down. She was a dancer, and a fan of long weaves, so of course all the dudes would drop what they were doing to gawk, to the dismay of the non-dancer women in the room, like myself. One brave soul would try to step to her and if that's who she wanted, it was on. If not, she'd distance herself and start again once the main guy could take a hint.

    It's a mating dance, fellas. Yes, most of the women are dancing the way they are to attract a guy, but it's not necessarily to attract YOU. If she's dancing crazy, you step up and she calms down, it's not 'cause she doesn't want to dance with guys, it's because she doesn't want to dance with YOU.

    1. YES!!! I have tried to explain this to so many arrogant confident cocky men! maybe you aint all that and a bag of chips and she wasnt interested!

  20. Going to a club tonight and I will not be dancing with any men as usual. Strippers charge and I'm supposed to just let strange men grind on me? Gtfohwtbs! Plus if I'm dancing alone I'm doing exactly what I came to the club to do.

  21. I agree with the poster her said that they guys on this thread feel very "entitled" to women's attention and company. Check your selves! Women do not exist on this earth for the pleasure of men. We exist as strong, independent beautiful and opinionated beings. Some women enjoy dancing with men at the club, some are there to dance with their friends/girls, some are there for other reasons. Don't assume just because someone is at the club that they want to dance with dues. They could be 1) in a committed relationship 2)not interested in guys (ie GAY) 3)put off by the way guys grab them, grind on their ass without introducing themselves first and asking if they want to dance 4)all of the above.
    Stop whining about why women go to the club to dance by themselves/with their girls, it's really pathetic and you need to stop being so egotistic and chauvinistic.

  22. That post from the guy promoting rape & physical abuse should be "moderated" by now. I mean seriously, why is that kind of hate being tolerated? Not only is he an apparently violent mysongynist, but his point is completely pointless. Nothing positive or stimulating contributed to the topic.

    That being said, last I checked, I did not have a dance floor or dj in my house. Therefore, I and my girls, do and will continue to, dress up, go out & dance in public venues, just for fun. Yes we want to feel hot, yes we are dancing in provocative ways to get your attention, and yes we will probably reject 99% of you who dare come up to us & threaten our vibe. But guess what? Your chances of being that one guy we do actually okay, are much better if you just don't act so damn skeezy. I mean, help yourselves a little. Close your mouth, keep your hands where we can see them, and make some eye contact. Just be f**king normal, try that. It's not rocket science. We know you're caught up, but looking like you might try to slip something in (us or our drink) is not how you approach a girl. And if that's what you're looking for then sorry to tell you, but you've paid for the wrong show.
    My recent post Top 5 Sexy Man Traits…

  23. Fellas, its all about body language and to each his own. Some women don't have a problem with dancing all up on a few men in the club, they are there to have fun. Then you have some like myself who are only out to hang with the girls and have fun with their female counterparts. No you wont see me dancing on my head or doing the really sexual moves but it irks me when someone just decides to grab up pon mi backside and tink sey it a go down. In other words just because you are in a club does not mean that's its a meat market fest and that every woman in it will go for that approach.

    Sometimes you have to watch and see what a particular female is doing to see if she would be the one receptive to that. There is trashy and then there is classy, learn to differentiate between the two and you will save yourself a lot of trouble. Just because a woman is out and she may be dressed sexy does not mean she is out looking to have any kind of fun with a man. If you don't see her dancing with multiple men back to back btw (she may be dancing with her crew of guy friends that she already knows) , think twice and observe before making your move. Some women won't mind, its just dancing but then some may feel like their personal space is invaded. I personally don't like strange men touching me without me giving them that indication that it would be ok. Approach and ask first ,don't assume that you can just move my body into position. Especially when I gave no indication that I get down like that. To me dancing sexually with a man when I have a man feels like cheating so I don't dance with other men at all, then throw in the stranger effect and it's a wrap. If I am am single and your approach was decent and the dance not too touchy feely then it would be a different story. Its all about respect, approach and personal preferences. JMO

  24. Ok awesome topic by the way!!!

    Let's see, there are several reasons why I wouldn't want to dance with a guy who approached or asked
    1) I don't like him and if it's a song I like to dance really ratchet to, I don't want to grind in his man parts and get that poke that disgusts me to no end. I know it's kinda uncontrollable, but it makes me feel dirty inside.
    2) He led pelvis first! I have so many guys approach me with their pelvis pushed forward. This makes me feel like a little school girl about to get molested by a dirty old man. Not a good feeling.
    3) I'm already sweating and taking a break. This may be a little Stush as you all say (my first time hearing the term), but who cares
    4) I'm too grown and sexy to be dancing like the chick in the pic at the beginning of the article. The most a guy will get is a two step with an occasional back view and a drop. THAT IS ALL!!
    5) If he's dancing too hard. I don't want to have to try to keep up with someone who looks like they're auditioning to be a stripper. Hard dancers = turn off
    6) I may have a man, and just wanted to go dancing with the girls.

    I could go on, but these are probably my top 6. Notice half of these have nothing to do with the guy, so don't take it personal.
    My recent post What Women Want

  25. Just go grind on her. If she aint with it, find another booty.

    It doesnt matter what reason women are there for– women be trying to think too much anyway. Just pretend like this is your party being held in your honor, and there are some lesbians mixed in who might not like peen. Thats how I honestly feel– I come up looking like a diety and you dont want my meat on you? Lesbian. Next.

    As a truly confident man, you SHOULD feel and act entitled.

    Walk in the spot like "all this booty… for me?! Thank you based god"

  26. A lot of the time, going out to the club is about going out with your friends! If you're out with a group of girlfriends you're not looking for a man some of the time. You just want to dance with friends. A girls night out with friends is just for girls. Especially if you all have a man and are just out to have fun. Also, just going up to a girl and grinding on her is a terrible way to get a girl to dance with you! Especially if you jump in crotch first, half hard feeling like that dirty old man in the train every girl has met. Ew. What happened to asking for a dance? How about walking up to someone when they're at the bar and starting a conversation. A real one, not "damn i got something i want to give to you". And if she moves away how about jut moving on? So annoying when some guy just starts acting like someone purposefully dogged him when you don't want to dance. Nobody owes anyone anything at a club! You don't owe women a drink, a ride, or anything else. And she doesn't owe you a dance or to go home with you.

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  28. i had to comment – you're slightly misogynistic. we ENTICE a man to want to dance with us? control your urges, we are not responsible for YOUR feelings. we could be standing, minding our own business and there are men who would still want to dance and harass women.

    with that being said… maybe she just didn't want to dance with you.

    1. This story wasn't about me Miss. It was observing another man (the DJ) going for a dance. I personally have no real beef with the issue, but it doesn't mean it's not valid conversation to have. I can understand a guy's frustration is all. I had to present it from a man's perspective.

  29. I loved reading every single comment that has been posted here… well.. except that rape ish, that dude gotta go.

    Anywho, I feel enlightened on the woman thought process regarding their night out. My boys and I usually don't do too much, just lowkey with a drink gettin hype when the time is right…

    Then, they slow that beat down. Ladies, y'all just don't know how sexy it is when your confidence exudes through your body. I won't even try to dance with you though (unless you feelin' me) I may peep your moves, salute, and look in my cup to see if it's time for a refill. Remember folks we're all out here to have fun. I don't want to ruin your night so if I do come up to offer a drink or dance (in a respectable manner of course) just be cordial about your answer. Simple smile, yes or no. No harm no foul

  30. There is a big difference between jumping behind a dancing woman, who you think is sending off subliminal invitations, and asking a woman to dance. It is the woman's body and therefore HER decision as to who she allows to touch it and grind up on it. The bad attitude comes when some stranger trespasses and that is UNDERSTANDABLE. Actually you fellas need to give props to women who doesn't allow just any man…that RESPECTABLE. Go old school and bring your own date or politely ask the lady to dance – if she says no, respect that and keep your party moving. Or better yet, instead of being thirsty to have her grind up on you….spark a convo with her during the event….you'll probably get more than a dance!

  31. Sorry For the typos in the first one….here is the corrected version! lol There is a big difference between jumping behind a dancing woman, who you think is sending off subliminal invitations, and asking a woman to dance. It is the woman's body and therefore HER decision as to who she allows to touch it and grind up on it. The bad attitude comes when some stranger trespasses, and that is UNDERSTANDABLE. Actually you fellas need to give props to women who don't allow just any man to grind up on her…that is RESPECTABLE. Go old school and bring your own date or politely ask the lady to dance – if she says no, respect that and keep your party moving. Or better yet, instead of being thirsty to have her grind up on you….spark a convo with her during the event….you'll probably get more than a dance! Good read

  32. Here's something to chew on. To dispel all notions of entitlement, Men will stop assuming you came to dance with us and Ladies will stop assuming we came to buy you drinks. Problem Solved!!!

  33. I've frequented all sorts of nightlife both as a patron and employee since 1995 and I honestly think the big problem here is THE CLUB itself.

    Clubs are geared towards women, regulars and/or individuals who will attempt to pay for admiration and/or respect ($150 bottles, $3000 VIP, etc.). Women often get in free, some are allowed access to VIP, many get their drinks paid for by men and outside of celebrities or close friends women are the only ones to get their requests played by the DJs. It's safe to say women run shyt in the club and they act like it too. The suggestive dancing (typically exclusive to each other) isn't even the most glaring example. I've been elbowed, pushed around and even ignored for whatever reason by women in the club who probably felt that this was their territory to act out and whatnot. I've always felt it to be quite tragic to see women come out and LOOK their absolute sexiest in their clubwear AND thus feel empowered to ACT their most-dismissive/standoffish at the same time. Maybe that's just too much sexiness. haha! I'd ask the girls to dance but don't expect anything because women are typically at clubs to enjoy their friends and to see and be seen. Some are there to clown admiring men so be leery. Whatever the case, they typically don't trust men that go there and it doesn't make much sense but it's still the way it is.
    It's all good though. When you approach a person with respect and honestly and they act silly or snobbish they are telling you what kind of person they are right then. Consider it a gift.

  34. Don't really go to clubs unless I'm forced to or get in a random LETS TURN UP mood (every blue moon). Then I want to…turn up. I haven't twerked on a guy in a couple of years and am not comfortable with it now. If I were to dance with a guy now at the club, he'd have to be a good dancer to where we are having FUN going ham (aka not even touching). It would be like a dance off. Thats my dream at the club- a dance off. Step up n***a.

    It's happened once or twice.

  35. LOL. Dancing and dry humping are different. If a man wants to dance that is fine. But if he wants to dry hump of press his hard dick on my ass the whole night.. I don't think so.

  36. Fellas this is the pure and simple truth:

    In nightclub land, the ratio is NEVER in your favor. (Unless u obie or lex or celebrity dem)

    In real life, the ratio is ALWAYS IN OUR FAVOR, on a GLOBAL SCALE.

    I’m not against you going to these “swamp flesh meets.” But if you must go out dancing, go “culture” not “classes”.

    Ex: Fete > reggae Saturday @ club

    Or

    Salsa class > Tielo

    Happy hour > Element Fridays

    Get it? If you gota go to these thirst traps, BRING FEMALE FRIEND. Follow my advice and you too can indulge in more brownstone potluck parties, fashion show loft gatherings.

    Nightclubs are lame. Bottles belong in my favorite restaurant or my wine rack (red always), and the clear is for cooler fetes and housewarmings.

    Leave nightclubs for the people who twitpic celebs they don’t know or wear sunglasses at night.

    Follow the rules and you will flourish young lad (yes especially you, over 35 and still receive DJ Self or Trini Boom email blasts).

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