Home Featured I Hate Talking On The Phone

I Hate Talking On The Phone

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angry-black-man-on-phone

A few mornings ago I was heading to work and I looked down at my phone reviewing over names of friends I hadn’t spoken to in months. I’m lying… I looked at my gchat and looked at several girls that over the years I had fallen out of touch with because they only like talking on the phone and hate text messaging. I thought about sitting down and making time to call each one of these girls and reconnect, if only to be the one who reached out last, then I remembered something.

TALKING ON THE PHONE IS THE MOST ARCHAIC FORM OF COMMUNICATION ON EARTH!



There are a ton of reasons why people say talking on the phone is better than texting or sending an email or even a snapchat. I ask them, prove it.

What’s the actual purpose of talking on the phone?

A telephone, or phone, is a telecommunications device that permits two or more users to conduct a conversation when they are not in the same vicinity of each other to be heard directly.

Has anyone ever really paid attention to the actual purpose of the phone?! Nope. Telephones were created at a time when it was almost impossible to travel to see a person on a regular or as-needed basis. Here’s the other thing, only rich people had telephones. Everybody else had to do it the old-fashioned way; arrange a time to meet in person or write a letter. What a novel concept! You mean to tell me that if you weren’t rich enough to have a phone, you’d have to meet face-to-face or spend time putting your thoughts on paper? Those poor people had it rough.

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However, that’s why it bothers me when someone doesn’t want to meet up for coffee or drinks, or refuses to send an email or text message. In my opinion, I’m just reconnecting with history. With the phone being a fairly recent invention in the history of mankind, I’m sure that people did just fine before its existence and they’ll do just fine without it.

Yet, it seems to be such a required staple in dating.

Fans of the phone conversation over any other form of communication suggest that it comes down to setting aside the time to talk on the phone and that the person has your undivided attention. That is the most selfish and arrogant piece of shit I’ve ever heard. Last I checked, your significant other was a companion not a deity. Since when was there this presumption in a relationship that “thou shall have no other gods before me” as in your significant other? It’s just flat out ridiculous and absurd.

On my way to work one day, I counted that I had spoken to about fourteen people via text, email or chat from the time I woke up that morning until I reached my office. I thought about how many people I would have spoken to if I had only talked to them on the phone. The answer was one. I would probably be able to make one phone call just briefly before I had to iron my clothes, shower, pack my work bag and leave. I would also not be able to talk to anyone on the train because that would be rude to other people’s commute or I would be in a tunnel. That would leave a few minutes from the time I walked from the train station to my office which is just about enough time to dial a number and hope they pick up before I would have to say, “Ok, time to call you back later.” That probably relegates that idea to a bad one. Therefore, the most I would have been able to talk to was one.

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If someone is suggesting that maybe you don’t need to talk to that many people but you have to decide who the most important people are in your life and talk to them, I have two things to say:

1)      Why do you want to even remotely suggest that I cut myself off from contact with the outside world and do you understand how weird, awkward and sinister that sounds?

2)      If I’m so important, why are you insisting on trying to talk to me on the phone instead of in person? Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

So yeah… I’m not afraid to admit that I actually loathe phone conversations. The only reason I have phone conversations is for the other person or when I’m unable to communicate with you in any other way. Any other communication outside of that can, and from this point here on out, will be conducted via electronic communication. Stop being selfish and stubborn and join us in the 21st century. We’ve come a long way from T9. You have a full keyboard on your phone, use it.

– Dr. J

Comment(69)

  1. The thing is you miss out on tone via text and email and that makes a huge difference in communication. Yes you absolutely can use the correct punctuations when typing but that can only really take you but so far. For business its great because the tone is pretty straight forward, its standard. Relationships are almost the complete opposite. Tone makes all of the difference.

    1. yes some things do get lost in translation via text, like if im mad i much rather yell at you than start typing it out 60 wpm when i know sprint is going be like nah and only send half those texts out of order

    2. I agree and disagree. I think I should say that I'm not saying, I never talk on the phone. But on the other hand, if tone was important, why wouldn't you meet up in person to have the conversation? That's why I think it's weird to choose the phone in that situation. If it's that important then you should probably have the interaction face to face. If not, then you can probably just go with text and "that's not what I mean" is not that hard of a message to send.

      PS – Don't date anyone who jumps all the way down the street when she misinterprets your message.

      1. Truthfully the phone deal is just a staple in the structure of dating…dammit I need to hear her voice. We are still humans right? its the human factor…i'm all about meeting up but 99% of women need a phone call before that happens….don't ask why doc just do it….lol

    3. That's why I hope that tone fonts are being designed and will roll out in the very near future!! I hope there is a 'check yourself before you wreck yourself' tone font, 'Biggie voice who y'all talkin to, man' tone font, 'I'm too old to be frontin' what I'm feelin' tone font… Just to name a few…

  2. I think from another perspective it could be argued that not wanting to give someone the time and attention to talk on the phone is selfish. On another note, how did I know you wrote this just from looking at the title? You’re not a people person, are you?

    1. I think you could argue it both ways, if there as a point in arguing about this.

      How can I not be a people person when I actually enjoy face to face interaction with people? You must not notice any real pattern, i'm one of the most social people on Earth.

  3. As a woman I feel like a traitor for saying this but on this topic I agree w/ Dr. J.

    For me long phone conversations & my particular brand of awkwardness don’t always mix. Plus my longest relationship began with a guy who I only texted and im'd for the first few weeks of us dating- He was a real genuine dude but was just kinda awkward – like me, so I never pressured him to “call me or else!” lol. We just let our communication grow naturally & eventually the phone calls just naturally came w/ the territory, but even then they didn't eclipse the one on one time.

    Now I’m not hating on all the phone people out there, but us ladies get so caught up in the “proper phone dating etiquette” that it’s good to remember that just because a guy prefers text doesn't mean he’s a player and just because a guy prefers a phone conversation doesn't mean he’s relationship material.

    1. “that it’s good to remember that just because a guy prefers text doesn’t mean he’s a player and just because a guy prefers a phone conversation doesn’t mean he’s relationship material.”

      THIS!!!!!

  4. I feel the same way although I suspect mine is a lot worse, I visibly cringe when I get a phone call especially when all I wanna do is chill and watch some tv after work. Can't you IM me or something? I find it hard getting my preference across because I ll come across as a douche. Oh well, I just put my phone in block mode so no one can call me except close family.
    My recent post Nice/Shy Guy = No Game? Do nice guys finish last?

    1. theres no way to say i dont want to talk on the phone because i want to talk to you, watch this game and tweet at the same damn time….you just gotta say you’re busy and dont text them for a few hours

      1. Lol Tristan. I think it’s how you say it maybe . Like I’ve men during football/basketball season , if I call or am returning their call And the game is on he would say ” hey I’m watching the game , I’ll text you ” or ” hey I’m watching the game , I’ll call u when I’m done “.

        Or just say ” hey I can’t talk on the phone at this moment , I’ll text you”.

        Personally I don’t get mad , but if you just avoid having any type of phone conversation with me period … That won’t work .

  5. i hate it. I hate it so much yo. I hate when im doing something on my phone and someone calls like this is a phone or something, i hate awkward silences, i hate long winded storytelling….ugh. Its slowly dying out but of course if you meet a woman in her mid 30s she’s all about that phone life, even on a cell phone i picture them standing in their kitchen twisting the phone cord like its the 90s. I’ll tolerate it depending how much i like the woman but i’m still the most showertakingest, phonedyingest, myfatherconvenientlycallseverytimeigetbored dude ever

    1. Huh? What are you going to do when you get married? You don't think your wife will have long winded stories to tell?
      #GetOverItDude

  6. At some point in the ” getting to know you ” phase we should have had at least one or two phone conversations . I work two jobs so text has become the fastest way to reach me and receive a response right away. But at some point I still would like to talk on the phone . It doesn’t have to be hours and hours , but if your trying to ask me very detailed or in depth questions , then pick up the phone.

    Also I know people who say they aren’t ” phone call ppl” but like FaceTime over a phone , minus seeing each other it’s the same thing . I also don’t expect to speak to you on the phone in the middle of the day or anything like that.

  7. I thought it was just me, once we get to a point where I am comfortable with our relationship, I am totally okay with texting and then meeting in person. I hate talking on the phone! You hear all this person's bodily functions through the fun that you might not notice in person (burps are louder, heavy breathing, mouth liquid movement). Not to mention if they aren't a conversationalist and there are these long periods of silence. Texting allows me to multi-task which i am always doing, so instead of me having to sit down and solely focus on the convo, which if it's at night during my routines can make it difficult for me to focus on the caller) I can keep a fluid conversation. Nothing is worse than being on a phone with someone and you aren't paying attention to them, or better yet talking to everyone in the background.
    My recent post Say what? Why her kindness was latin for wanting a relationship

  8. Yes! Love this special! I’ve talked for a living since 2005 the LAST thing I want to do in my “spare” time is sit on the phone and listen to you talk to your coworkers, significant others, crying kids or cats in the background after 11 “hold on” “gimme 2 seconds” “wait, i cant hear you” breaks.

    Chill. By all means text me, email me, gchat, group me chat, tweet me, etc. Our relationships in this 2014 will be better for the strides in technology we’ve taken advantage of.

    BUT, unless you’re away at war (or we’re in a long distance relationship) don tface time/skype or oovoo me.*shrugs* You’re basically holding me hostage.

  9. Death to phone convos!!!

    I give enough phone between the hours of 9- 5, so texting/emailing me is my preferred method and I will tell anyone exactly that, but I always get THAT ONE person who still try calling who end up getting a “You called, what’s up?” TEXT response from me.

    1. You would be classified as a lazy flake in my book resulting in no response via phone nor email. Death to your convos.

  10. Welp the easy thing to do is date someone who hates the phone as much as you do. If you’re seeing someone and you like text and the other person like the phone, just end it right then and there don’t try to explain or get them to see things your way.

    I really don’t think phone people (at least phone ppl who are busy during the workday or employed, are trying to sit on the phone with you everyday for 3 or 4 hours straight). But at some point in our dealings a phone call shouldn’t kill you. Also if you don’t feel like talking just say “I’ll talk to you later” don’t say “I’ll text you” and then send some dry a$$ text messages.

  11. I personally feel it all boils down to this age of instant gratification we've entered into. We must admit that technology has a lot to do with it. I for one, after getting off work despise talking on the phone, however, I chalk that up to the fact that I spend a great deal of time on the phone (work related) while at work, so during the week it is definitely a struggle. However, when it comes to my love life, I have no problem spending time talking to someone that I want to get to know and am in a relationship with and yes, I expect the same in return. For some reason it appears that people have come up with the excuse that they choose to not talk on the phone to others because it somehow “takes up too much of their time” TF?! I admit, I’m guilty of texting all the time as well, it’s definitely easier, more convenient and you can definitely kill a fleet of birds with one stone, however, it’s something really impersonal and even a bit disingenuous about a text. There’s something different about having someone text me good morning, rather than call me. I guess that’s just me, though. Good read.
    My recent post x "…Like Bad Guys" Part II x

    1. Here's the problem Ana, the phone is an example of instant gratification. Why do people act like the phone isn't technology? How can you attack someone for not wanting to be on the phone and instead wanting to meet in person? How can having time to talk on the phone be heralded over face to face time?

      1. Dr. J – I absolutely agree with the phone being technology, that was the point I was trying to make, it fits right in with the instant gratification age . I wouldn't attack anyone, per se for not wanting to communicate with me over the telephone versus in person, I mean, who doesn't prefer face to face, however, we are not living in times where your boo thang lives across the railroad tracks anymore. I expect phone convo's during the in-between time when we don't necessarily have an opportunity to see one another face to face. Sure, texting is cool while you're working or multi-tasking. But once all things have settled, a phone call at the end of the day is not an unreasonable request in my opinion.
        My recent post x "…Like Bad Guys" Part II x

  12. I don't "hate" talking on the phone but it definitely isn't my preferred method of communication. I also equate text, chat, gchat, IM, and pretty much every mode of e-communication available to talking on the phone. Yet, I've had confusing "conversations" where I text a woman all 24-7, 364 and the one day we don't talk on the phone that night she's like "we never talk" *insert confused faced emojicon*

    I notice, for the most part, this is one of those issues that seems pretty evenly divided along the sexes (and age) as well. As Tristan noted above, women – especially 30 or over – love being about the phone life. I notice women, especially those 25 or younger, don't seem to care as much (granted they don't seem to care as much about a lot of things). All that said, I pretty much adapt to the woman…because I like women and sexual relations. If a woman prefers talking on the phone, WIM is gonna talk on that phone, personal feelings aside. If it were up to WIM, I would ONLY have a text-based phone plan. The only people I use my actual (unlimited) cell minutes for are women and my parents.

    1. I agree with that. I said on a panel not too long ago, if a man likes you he will do what he has to do.

      That said, there's a ton of things that men hate doing for women but we do them when we have to do them.

    2. " If a woman prefers talking on the phone, WIM is gonna talk on that phone, personal feelings aside."

      LMAO I love you. You really crack me up! That has me dying…

    3. I am definitely about that life WIM. The woman I am seeing, if she likes phone time, that's what it is. If she doesn't, then it's all good to me. I don't prefer the phone because I am an in-person kinda of dude where we can talk face to face and I can admire the female's cute face.

      1. Peter and all the other men out there I don't know what type of women yall are dating, but phone conversations typically should be for during the week after work when you cannot see each other after work every day. Or when one or both of you are apart and cannot be together then you communicate over the phone in addition to text and IM and email.
        Also they have Tango, Skype and other technology where you can video chat and see each other and talk with ease as long as u have a phone, ipad, tablet, pc, or laptop and a video camera.
        There are numerous ways to communicate now, so there is no reason we should resolve ourselves to just one. But I would think that most women prefer talking on the phone moreso when they Cannot be with you in person due to the circumstances or distance between you.
        Seriously on a tuesday if your lady is working and going to school even if she lives only 20 mins from you do you really expect her to want to go outside to meet you or come to your place if her day is done at like 9:00 at nite? Oh and she has to be to work by 8:00 am the next day.
        Fella's if you want that much face time live with her and/or put a ring on it. ijs

  13. Nope. I am in my 30s so I guess I fit the mold. I am not about that text all day life. If you can't have a phone conversation with me then I start thinking, especially in the beginning, that you can't form complete sentences or verbally express your thoughts. To be quite honest, this was actually the case for some guys I encountered who were all about texting in the beginning. I use text for quick thoughts and messages. I am not going to hold a whole conversation with a dude over text. I am not one of those who thinks that guys who love to text are cheating or being deceitful. I just think it is a bit lazy.

    I also agree with the first commenter regarding tone. Everyone doesn't get my humor. Sometimes it can be dry or even a bit morbid. That doesn't always translate well in written form.

    1. I agree with you 100%. I too am in my 30s and am leery of dudes who don't want to talk on the phone. I've met guys who just want to email, text, and IM at least 95% of the time. I am not about that. There is a place for non verbal communication, but not when I'm just trying to get to know you because as it's been said by you and the first commenter, tone is important. Especially when you are trying to assess someone's personality. Not to mention text and email, to me, is so sterile and impersonal no matter how many emoticons you jam into them.

    2. exactly. When your writing even your most clear well thought out expressive thoughts other people just don't always get. I don't mind texting and emailing because I happen to feel I best express myself through my writing. I love writing. However, when it becomes too much rather than write a person a long-winded dissertation that they probably won't read, it's best to communicate verbally.
      Things get misconstrued via text and email all the time. And Not always because people can't write well but people misinterpret and misunderstand what is said. We don't always comprehend things the way the deliverer intends. It's part of life. We all have different ways of perceiving things and comprehending. What may not be offensive to you may offend someone else and vice versa. Not necessarily right or wrong, just differences.
      Fairly short haiku like convo's via text are good. It can be a paragraph or 2 in an email. Once you start texting and emailing 4 page letters like Aaliyah your doing too much. jmo.

  14. LOL to all of this! I'd say this was an age thing but I think late 70s/early 80s ppl are getting the hang of texting.

    Personally, I don't want to talk on the phone to most people. Mainly, folks I don't know well. Text/email is for brief conversations to me. When I really have something to say, I'm a phone person. I can be animated when I'm telling stories…jokes, all that, lol. And since ppl like to hear my unfiltered reactions to things, they call me when somethings up. To me, it takes less time to do it that way and its just more fun. In relas, I prefer whatever form of communication makes sense. If we're at work, we text/email. If we're busy (work or watching tv, etc.), we text. When we're free, let's chill together. If we're free but we can't chill together (ex. one's out of town), we talk on the phone. I don't run into issues with men and the phone…and most times, they say stuff like, "I'm not a phone person but I really enjoy talking to you. I had no clue we were talking this long". *shrugs*

    1. The other thing I'll say is that I'm easily distracted if you're not keeping my attention. So, I'm only down to talk on the phone if we actually have something to talk about. If not, I'll be watching tv, surfin the web…anything but listening, LOL…especially if you're not funny at all or you're rambling about nothing I care to hear.

      1. +1 . I honestly don’t have an issue with men texting/emailing /gchat etc… But I think certain conversations need to be had via a phone call if in person isn’t an immediate option. Plus I think theirs a certain connection you build with a person when you hear their voice vs. just texting in certain situations.

        Small talk, random conversation, quick questions, just checking up, wyd = text conversation

        Life story, delicate situations, long but entertaining stories, important ish, an explanation or discussion that isn’t going over well via text: Phone Call

        Also the boring thing; it’s easier to deal with a slow conversation via text vs. on the phone. So if you want to chit/chat but don’t have to much to say upfront, text is perfect.

        1. Yes to alladis!!!!

          You know who else I can't talk to? People who talk slow. Omg! On the phone, in person…I can't take it. You don't have to be like Charmaine on The Cosby Show but all that pausing and umm's and taking 5 mins to respond to "how was your day" with "pretty good"?! Burns me up! I get all types of annoyed, lolol. My brain moves too fast and too much to deal with it. I def text/email these people…

  15. Southerngyrl_: "I am not going to hold a whole conversation with a dude over text."

    This is how I feel. Text wasn't meant to replace the phone, it was supposed to be for relaying brief messages or when you are unavailable to talk. I don't mind texting, and I prefer it in many situations. But if we have ten text exchanges, it's time to pick up the phone. Most people can say something quicker than they can type it with their thumbs.

    Then again, I'm in my mid-thirties, so I'm the old guy you youngins talk about. #don'ttrustthemnewn!ggasoverthere

    1. I also feel this way. Constantly picking up the phone to text imo is more annoying than just talking on the phone for a few minutes and leaving it at that. NO ONE likes a person to blow up their phone with a 10-page text message. How did your thumbs not fall off?!

      Usually how things go with me: text conversation to meet up in person.

      If I have quite a bit to say to someone, but I don't plan on seeing them soon, I may text them "hey, is it okay to call you?" or, "call me when you have a minute." BUT, I don't like it when a phone call is made and all the other person is doing is holding the phone.

      I'm not sure why so many people are scared to talk on the phone (not wanting to be put on the spot? Afraid of how your voice sounds?). Many of them have no real reason why. I think having the choice to communicate so many different ways is a good thing. No real reason to lean to one more – they all have their different purposes. And I'm in my mid-twenties. A former coworker told me that he hated talking on the phone. He was also not the smartest person in the world so whenever people tell me that they HATE talking on the phone, I think they have some sort of an issue being able to verbally express their thoughts in a successful manner. If that's not true for everyone, then prove it by telling me..by phone!

      1. I have to make the point that texting all day long to one person gets old. Annoying to me. Like damn, every time I look at my phone YOU sent another text. Save time by a phone call if possible. If the phone conversation gets TOO long where it's taking up a bunch of your time, save it for another day or agree to meet in person. Simple as that, people!!!

  16. Thank you for writing this article. As a man. I HATE talking on the phone, and the only reason I do it is because women be soooo pressed to talk on the phone lol you can't do NOTHING else, but talk on the phone. Can't play a video game, can't focus on watching TV, can't look at twitter, NOTHING. You can text me, and I can do alllllll this at the same time without missing a beat. Now it doesn't say I don't want to give you any of my attention but not wanting to talk on the phone, because I still do it, but like the writer said, it's very selfish of someone to demand 100% of my attention just so I CAN'T do anything else. And have you ever tried to get OFF the phone with a woman? Smh. Just text me bae.

  17. Oh Dr. J! I'm shocked that you feel this way! I agree with moving into the 21st century as far as being able to text but come on now, not all the time. If it's in the morning like you said when most of us have to get up and go to work that's fine, but what about in the evening after work when you are sitting at home doing nothing? Should we still text then? Or how about if a man is trying to court a woman or vice versa should all courting be via text? What about the good ole courting days when a man or woman has to work for it? And a quick text here and there is zero effort. Sorry Dr. J I do not agree with you on this one lol….

    1. I'm never sitting and doing nothing. I think that's where a lot of this stems from for all. I think that some people get the impression that i'm idle, i'm not i'm rarely even at home. I like interacting with people.

      1. For 24 hours in an entire day you are not idle for 30 minutes to speak with a woman you are courting? Very hard to believe Dr. J. I'm sure alot of people like interacting with others but if the woman you were trying to attain wanted to talk on the phone for 30 minutes out of a 24 hour day, don't you feel you should oblige her? Texting is completely impersonal majority of the time and like someone mentioned earlier you can't understand someone's tone via text. We can agree to disagree on this subject Dr. J. Love your writings….

  18. This makes me so sad because I actually enjoy talking on the phone. I'm one of those people who will only talk on the phone once in a while but when I do, it's gonna be at least an hour long conversation. There is just something comforting about the phone. I don't need it daily but every so often I make my dude sit on the phone w/ me for an hour or two before he comes over LOL. I communicate most freely on the phone. In person I still get embarrassed or change what I was gonna say b/c of a facial expression etc. Or, I find that especially when it comes to my guy, in person convos never get "finished." lmao Via text and email/chat I tend to stay very short/ tight lipped. I am in constant fear of screen shots and forwarded emails/texts. Also, if the convo gets too long where I have to text for too long I am over it and will just call. The only time I really use my gchat is at work and that's because I can't be on the phone. Maybe it's b/c I have trifling friends who send screenshots to groupme and ish like that. Maybe it's b/c I am that 30-something aged woman. Who knows? But I find comfort in talking on the phone. So my old ass I still have love for Ma Bell.

  19. 1) Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. If I gotta wear five-inch heels and a push up bra, pick up the damn phone.

    2) A LOT of relationships are starting out online, with people unable to just drop everything and travel two hours to see you in person. If the point takes more than five texts to get across, pick up the damn phone.

    3) NOTHING, and I repeat, NOTHING IMPORTANT EVER should be relayed in text form. Yet somehow I’m supposed to build the fundamentals of a relationship in 150 characters. Occasionally, pick up the damn phone.

    4) I’m not suggesting you call every day but for women, out of sight, out of mind. She lying if she said she’s never returned a text while someone else was taking the time to whisper in her ear. Pick up the damn phone.

    PS- I don’t even know why I’m bothering, we all know how well “what I’m NOT BOUT TA DO!” goes when you really like someone.

    1. "She lying if she said she's never returned a text while someone else was taking the time to whisper in her ear." [THIS IS A GIRL CODE VIOLATION]

      ooops! GUILTY! You can't be tellin all our secrets! lol
      My recent post What Women Want

  20. I was actually just having a similar conversation with some friends about this the other day. I am actually a 30 year old woman who doesn’t like talking on the phone. The only person that I consistently talk to on the phone is my mom (and thats cause she is old and refuses to text me jk…kinda lol). The majority of my communication is via text or email. As far as dating goes…most men don’t like talking on the phone either so it works! lol. Seriously…If I am dating someone I much rather see you face-to-face and spend quality time with them. If by chance we can’t see each other I am fine with a text conversation. As far as texting being less personal or too easily misinterpreted, most of those conversations should probably be had face-to-face to begin with. I am also the friend who will text you an entire story via text message and I get irritated when friends call me just to tell me something they could have easily text. I usually don’t have people misinterpret my text because I usually have the same personality/tone in person as I do via text. I ignore more calls the older I get too. Oh and for friends/associates who still leave voicemails that is a complete waste. -_-

    1. How about I've had a new phone for over a month and I have yet to even set up my voicemail, LOL!

      For what? If I didn't answer, text your message. If not, it wasn't important.

    2. "Oh and for friends/associates who still leave voicemails that is a complete waste. -_- "

      We <<<<<<<< >>>>>>>> Here. *lol*

      I already seen your missed call, no need to leave me a vmm too because it won't get check until days later in which by then I already had either texted you or if it's my parents called you back so now you gotta relay the message to me again anyway..

      My mom is forever is getting on me about that

  21. I love my phone. I just don't like talking on it. so many other ways of communication. I will still call people but if I had the option, it'll be a text or hit you up on the Hangout. My last relationship spoiled me. She was a texter and that allowed me to go about my routine and still talk to her. If something needed a call it got it, other than that…tap tap tap.

    I don't play favorites either. I mainly only call my parents. Everyone else can and will get a text unless it's important. My wife gets an eye roll half of the time she actually calls me.

    Phone calls break the flow of whatever I am doing. This is what I do not like.
    My recent post The most powerful scene I've ever seen in a video game

  22. When I was younger, with nothing to do but school, extracurriculars and a job in the library, I LOVED long convos. I was the QUEEN of long convos that lasted until the sun came up. I really felt like I was connecting with a guy when that happened, and took it as a warning sign when it DIDN'T happen. I really felt like my convo game was on LOCK, and if you weren't into that, you weren't into the best part of me.

    Fast forward a few years to when I'm working and dating a lot, I still liked phone conversations, not necessarily long ones but meaningful ones, and I definitely WAS one of those women who would drop a guy if his phone game was wack. Like, why can't you pick up the phone, dude? Are you at another girl's house? Are you taking care of the baby you haven't told me about? I expected THE WORST, because I'd had a few situations where the worst was actually true.

    Fast forward AGAIN to when I'm on OK Cupid and dating ALL THE TIME, with some "special friends" and longer hours at work and I didn't want to talk on the phone at all. If you want to have a long conversation with me, you better do it in person, and if you wanna set that up via OKC message, IM, text, sky writing, WHATEVER, I'm fine with that, but don't get me bogged down in all that back and forth unless you're trying to meet up. I just did NOT have time or patience.

    I say there's nothing wrong with women who prefer phone calls because 9/10 times, a text-only dude is juggling dates or hiding secrets. But, play it by ear. If it feels right with the dude and he doesn't like to call, maybe let him have that. But it's definitely a yellow flag for someone like me, who's so verbal, ESPECIALLY in the early dating stages.

  23. So Doc J I guess you Never Ever do long distance relationships? Or relationships where your lady works out of town at least once a month. It's not always easy, quick and convenient to see someone face to face. Or maybe the person is tired and doesn't feel like getting up, putting on clothes, and goin to Starbucks or whatever. Maybe that person is doing housework, or she has a child that she doesn't want to take out with her. As long as you talk to that person that is what should matter the most.
    But hey, I guess you only date women that live within a 10 mile radius of you and are ready, willing and able to drop whatever they're doing and come talk to you and/or meet you when they have something to say at a moments notice. And if the weather is really bad and/or its a really bad snowstorm I guess yall just don't talk and it's all good. lol and smdh.
    Just like texting and emailing the phone is for Convenience.

  24. It depends for me. I do loathe talking on the phone, but for some people in my life that I can't readily see, it's necessary. So, I agree to some extent with J.

    However, when just getting to know someone (dating), I prefer in person, and phone only if we aren't able to connect in person regularly. Texting and typing are tiresome especially if we are having a long meaningful conversation. And I don't want someone texting me all the time. Sometimes, I call because I want to hear that person's voice. Some telephonic communication is a necessary evil, but people that don't like texting, won't hear from me much because I'm usually in situations where I can't talk – like at work, in class, hanging out with friends, etc.
    My recent post What Women Want

  25. I think what we can surmise here is that MOST men don't like extended phone time, while MOST ladies do (although the trend is shifting a bit). If this premise is understood, then why do we still try to impose our respective wills in this area? You will get more phone convo out of me on a periodic level. I hate that daily expectation, or even worse the score-keeper who tallies how many times they've called versus how many times you have.

  26. Some of this I agree with, and some I don't. I'll agree, I do hate talking on the phone, MOST of the time. With some people there's awkward silences, some people talk too much, and some people you are just plain uncomfortable talking to on the phone (maybe even to the point of nervousness).

    However I don't feel that way when my phone rings and its someone that I really enjoy talking to. I have a few friends that I am able to have conversations with over the phone and have no problems at all. If its someone that you really like (romantically) you may even get excited about the prospect of even communicating with them.

    I love my grandmother, but when she calls me I just listen to her talk for an hour sometimes longer. I used to hate it when she called me. But as I got older and more mature, I began to realize something. My grandmother calls me all the time because she loves me, I mean the whole world to her, and she just loves talking to me. She also lives in California while I live in Tennessee which is 2000 miles apart. Sure, she could text me, and sometimes she does, but sometimes she just wants to hear my voice.

    I disagree with the prospect that someone wanting your attention makes them selfish and/or arrogant. As I mentioned before, that person may just love hearing your voice or perhaps they just really like talking to you. Sometimes meeting up face to face just isn't always an option. If I'm driving to work, I can't read or send messages/emails, but I can easily talk on my bluetooth.

    Also, if you were in a committed relationship with someone, and you honestly loved them with all your heart, you wouldn't even have to consider how much attention you give them. You'll want to do it anyway because you cherish them so much. You shouldn't put your spouse before God, but you shouldn't put anyone else before your spouse either.

    People that are in relationships, even the ones that hate talking on the phone, do it because they like or love the person they're talking to. Its as simple as that. Some people love talking on the phone, and I don't think I'll ever understand that, but to each his own.

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