Home Featured How Friendships with Married Men Become Affairs

How Friendships with Married Men Become Affairs

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why-did-i-get-married-too
Most women agree that they would never have an affair with a married man and even vehemently oppose any accusation that they would. But if that’s the case, “Why are there married men still out here having affairs? and “Who are they having them with?” Someone must not be telling the truth.

From the beginning, he tells you what a great friend you are — and you how nice it is to finally meet someone he can talk to. You eat it up, thinking to yourself, “Yes, talking. That’s all we’re doing…”

Then suddenly things change. He seems different. Before you know it, he makes his move. He springs it upon you ever so slyly, making you feel special; making you feel unique. He’ll say things like, “Wow, my wife just doesn’t listen to me like you do.” Or, “She just doesn’t understand me. And it’s really nice to be with a woman that does.”



He’ll tell you this over a glass of Tempranillo as he looks longingly into your eyes, sweetly brushing a stray hair from your face. It’s kryptonite for the nurturing woman. And it kind of sounds like a date. A date with a married man.

Sure, on the surface, he looks like the All-American dad. On the surface, he looks like a great husband. He tells everybody that it’s OK his marriage isn’t passionate. He’s grown so much as an individual he thinks he doesn’t need wild, fulfilling sex anymore. He’d rather have somebody that’s a great mother than someone with great passion because “passion dies.”

He’s convinced himself of this.

And it’s sad because he’s trying to convince himself he’s in a relationship he wants. But really, he’s unhappy. He’s lonely, and he sees you as an opportunity for escape. You deserve more than that; you’re better than an escape route.

So, how do you spot this guy right from the beginning? Well, he’s usually the man who immediately wants to be your “friend.” Yet, these men are never just friends with women. They’re only friends with women they’re attracted to.

[Read the rest on YourTango]

Comment(23)

  1. What it comes down to is responsibility for yourself. He isn't making you have an affair with him, you are choosing to have the affair, then throwing the blame on him. I know married men that I am cool with and some that I am actually friends with because we've known each other for so many years. Single women have to do their duty in these situations. No late calls, no intimate dinners, cut off conversations that are becoming too chexual.
    My recent post Say what? Why her kindness was latin for wanting a relationship

  2. Interesting article. A couple of years ago I befriended a married man and at first I thought he just wanted to be friends. Then he kind of flipped the switch and started telling me those same things. I thought I could just shake it off and continue to be just his friend, but he wouldn't really accept that and continued this flirting bit until I decided enough was enough and cut him off completely. I'm sure he is off doing the same things with another woman now. I run into him from time to time, but I can't ever seeing myself going there, and I'm not sure what kind of woman would….

  3. I read this before and I don't think most married ppl who fall into this are preying for affairs, honestly. Friendships become affairs when you don't set and respect boundaries…period. When this happens, what started out as an honest friendship becomes intimate without intention or even realizing it. Then, you just start feeling feelings when you speak to them/get around them.

    Most ppl trust their friendships so much and love their spouses so much that they don't bother with boundaries thinking "I could never do that"…only to find out later that it can happen to anybody.

  4. What in the Fwuck was that…….Kan-ye? – the late Bernie Mac…well DeRay Davis as Bernie Mac

    Is this really a tutorial on how not to get caught up with a married man? What weak a** woman needs this? Oh, yeah…none of ‘em. Weak women don’t sleep with married men, regular women do …and they do it intentionally. (no judgment)just saying)

    1. “Wow, my wife just doesn’t listen to me like you do.”…
    *** well, ….Why are you listening? Whatchu tryina here about?

    2.“He’ll tell you this over a glass of Tempranillo…sweetly brushing a stray hair from your face"
    ***Wine is a sensual (and consensual)ceremony for what’s to come…(entendre? oh yeah!!!)

    3.“It’s kryptonite for the nurturing woman.”
    ***……”nurturing woman” …LMAO…Ouch…I think I ruptured my sleen!

    4.“You deserve more than that; you’re better than an escape route.”
    ***The type a woman that gets in this deep doesn’t.

    I’m not a cheating man apologist but don’t be creating a “how not to be a victim” after school special ova here.

  5. It actually ain’t that complex. Women don’t become close friends with married men that they aren’t attracted to!! Now those married guys that women find themselves being attracted to,they are more open to having a “friendship ” with that man. It starts off as a casual friendship and once they began to open up emotionally to each other,the sex begins!! All those so called boundaries are crossed and tossed aside, now u have a intimate relationship with a married man,which is what lots of women want anyways. It’s a reason women lust after men that they can’t have,so befriending a attractive married man is right up their alley lol.

    # the game never changes

  6. “How nice it is to finally meet someone he can talk to…Wow, my wife just doesn’t listen to me like you do…..She just doesn’t understand me. And it’s really nice to be with a woman that does.”

    Seriously?? This is not example of two people getting caught up. Its an example of a married man INTENTIONALLY looking for another woman, likely running game, and a naive woman who falls for the BS. No intelligent woman should be any married man’s “go-to” for him to express himself. If you aren’t his sibling, relative or therapist then you are playing yourself. Send his tail back to his wife and tell him to talk to her.

  7. very often, married men have affairs with other married women, if they're smart. Obviously, its smart to NOT cheat – period. But if you are going to, it may as well be with someone who has as much to lose as you do. A lot of women play coy and innocent but no damn well what they are getting in to…and hoping for. Its always 'I didn't know' or 'he pursued me' or 'he never told me' – all just weak excuses. Granted some cats are slick with it. BTW, I don't condone it or encourage it.

  8. One thing I don't like is how women will scream, "I never did this or did that but everyone has did something they regret." Why not be honest and learn from it. If you are screwing a married man or have screwed one just own it and do better next time… much better.
    My recent post Let Me Explain

    1. Yes I hate when women hypocritically throw women under the bus for doing the exact same thing that they did. Just because you don't do something "NO MORE" doesn't give you the right to condemn others!

  9. As a single woman, I don’t have loyalty to anyone except for myself. The married man made a vow to his wife. I didn’t make one to her. His problem not mine. Now I don’t purposely go around being with married men but if it happens, that’s how I feel about it.

      1. I don't purposely go looking for married men however if I just so happen to hit it off with a married man, I can't say I will turn him down. So I guess the answer to your question is no.

        1. Then you are actively choosing to be a part of a disgraceful act. Not judging you, I'm just pointing out that you are just as responsible because you "chose" to be involved with a married man.

        2. Of course you are judging me no need to deny it. Own it. It's all good though because the beauty in how I roll is that I truly am over the opinions of others. I'm going to do what I want and keep it moving.

  10. What about the women who do the same damn thing! I have slept with 2 married women and both of them have pushed up on me. Women are worse then men when it comes to it. They dont have to hide their intentions. I dont like the fact that it seems as though men are the guilty ones. This is a 2 way street!

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