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Snoop Through His Phone At Your Own Risk

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cell-phone

You have your suspicions and that phone of his is staring up at you from the side table next to the bed. It’s practically screaming your name vying to get your attention. You stare in its direction for far too long then your good sense kicks in and you ask yourself, do I really want to snoop in his phone?

This is where things can get tricky. You need to make sure that you are real with yourself. The minute that you decide to sneak around and riffle through your partner’s cell phone you are making a statement. You don’t have trust in your relationship—at least not on your end.

When you decide to embark on a search and seizure mission you have to be emotionally prepared for what you may find. One morning I went looking and I found exactly what I was looking for, signs of deception. Our relationship was rocky and admittedly on its last leg. I wanted it to be right but we had gone through so many ups and downs that I was barely hanging on. He was running late for work and he’d left his gym bag in the backseat of his car. I volunteered to grab it for him.

As if a sign from the universe, on queue, as I slid into the driver side the cell phone that I didn’t know was in his car chimed. Naturally I picked it up from the center console. As I held this treasure of information in my hand I looked at the screen.  I couldn’t resist. It was almost as though he wanted me to look through his phone because it wasn’t locked! My palms were starting to sweat and I was petrified of being found out but I scrolled fast and managed to speed read through kinky message exchanges with “Veronica,” emails with some other chick and the line that caught my attention and dropped my jaw, “I couldn’t do it, I’m going to keep my baby.”

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Pause, baby! On that note, I was done.  I needed that final slap of reality to make me walk. My mission was complete but I sat in a daze with the doors closed and the windows rolled up on a warm sunny morning. Sweat began to form on my face but my hands felt too numb to reach and wipe the moisture away.

Out of the eerie silence there was a jarring tap on the window. My heart thumped and the phone fell into my lap.  I was scared to look in the direction of the noise. I’m busted! Dang it! I tried to channel my inner gangsta before turning to face him and his lies. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned with rage. I was ready for war. I flung the door open and almost knocked down the little old lady in her moo moo. She’d hopped out of her dark blue Buick in the hopes of having found a spot to move her car for street sweeping. I frantically apologized and explained that I wasn’t leaving. I ran back to the apartment to face my liar.

If you go looking then you and your heart better be ready. So when should you go looking through your partner’s phone…when you are ready to walk away. If you find the evidence of an unfaithful partner, which is what you were looking for, right? You better be ready to call it quits in my opinion. If not, what are you searching for? If you are not ready to take action then why put yourself through the torture of snooping, finding something out, then getting upset and confronting your partner only to end up right where you started…not trusting that person. Oh, and I guarantee given what you learned the first time around, if you don’t peace out, you will be snooping again real soon.

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Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who has turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel where the underlying themes deal with relationships, dating in New York, and deception. Angel is the creator of the salacious and popular blog Life According to Her.

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Comment(42)

  1. A woman’s nosiness will always get the better of her lol. What happens when a woman snoops and finds nothing, but her man caught her snooping? Now he won’t trust her anymore. Most women will use excuses of past experiences where their man was cheating as justification to snoop in their current relationships. But the article was dead on point!

  2. its funny that some women have no problem snooping through their man's stuff….but go get a blood test on your kid behind her back and she's a hysterical mess about you not trusting her. LOL. I call bullshit!!!

    1. Lol @Jtsolbro, u called it correctly sir!! Plus it’s forbidden for a man to snoop thru their lady’s things…….let women tell it!! U will be ridiculed and made to feel like less of a man if u do so. But intelligent men know that’s just women’s tactics to get away the dirt theyre doing lol. Just like smart men know that when women claim to have intuition to know that there man is cheating, Really!!!??…….. Fellas know that’s simply a weak scare tactic to have us men be faithful lol. # the game is the game….play on

  3. Well the iPhone 5s will supposedly put an end to all snooping but If you're dating a snooper, you don't need a new phone, you need a new bf/gf. I personally hate snoopers because I'm big on privacy but I don't keep a lock on my phone. I'm also big on honesty so if you want to know or see something just ask and I'll show you, that gives me the chance to explain everything to you in context.

      1. the problem is dishonestly. Some people will lie to your face. If everyone was honest there wouldn't be snooping, now would there? And every person that says they are 100% honest is a bold faced liar

  4. I completely agree, be prepared for what you find. I personally am an open person in a relationship or not. If we are dating, feel free to go through my phone but be prepared for what you will find, if you haven't locked me down then you have no right to feel jealous or get upset. In a relationship, i frankly don't do anything that warrants suspect ideas and covert operations, so i don't mind leaving my phone unlock or him having the code. However, I do not expect him to have the same level of freeness that i have. And frankly I'm too jealous to really want to look through his phone. "Oh so you calling yo' mom twice a day now???? I thought you were busy at work??"
    My recent post Say what? Why her kindness was latin for wanting a relationship

  5. This is a real post as women we all have been here. I think the worst if no matter if you find deception or not you still feel some type away. Your telling your partner they gave you or you created a reason not to trust them. If it happens once you have to make the choice to trust or let go. Your relationship should not be a daily episode of law and order. Great post boo I love it!

  6. Yeah, I did this once, lol. Never again. That phone was just jumping off and I'm like…dudes ain't got that much to say about anything. It made me suspicious. So, when he gave me the phone to look at something, I looked…then searched. I didn't find anything major but I found a convo that teetered the inappropriate line.

    What I realized is that I didn't trust him before I looked and that in itself was a problem. I swore to never compromise my own integrity in that way again…and I haven't. Not looking thru phones, drawers, none of that. If I'm suspicious, I'll have that discussion with him. If I'm super uncomfy, I'll just end it.

  7. I have mixed feelings about snooping. I don't think it's ever right to go through someone's phone. But I have to say that I did snoop twice with one particular ex-boyfriend. A lot of fishy behavior made me feel that something was up but I just wasn't sure what it was. Once he left his Facebook up on his laptop, and I ended up reading in his private message that he was out with another girl and they came face to face and almost kissed. I ended up talking to her later (she was nice) and said he never mentioned that he was dating anyone. I let that slide since nothing really happened, but later on in the relationship he was acting weird around his phone and when he left it unattended, I checked it and there was a conversation with a chick saying that she was pregnant and he was the father. That along with some other things led to our break up not long after that.

    No, I don't think it's right going through someone's phone or laptop. I didn't want to do it then and I was hoping I wouldn't find anything. I never snooped or cared to snoop with anyone else I dated. Not sure if I was ever snooped on, but if I was, there was nothing to find. I think in the future if I feel that something isn't right I'll just end it. Evidently my gut instincts are on point lol. Snooping involves a lot of energy I'm not willing to spend. If I get weird vibes I'll just run..no need to find out what it is!

  8. I don’t take snooping women seriously lol you know why? Because 90% of the women who do find evidence DON’T leave. Yea they yell, they scream, cry , go on face book and twitter and post a heart broken rant. But more than likely a week later they are right back on their back with that fool on top of them. Save all those investigative skills for another day if you’re not going to exit stage left if you find your man is doing dirt.

    Also men snoop too. Insecure people men and women will snoop, research and go through their partner’s things. I think if you feel the urge to snoop then you are with the wrong person. You clearly don’t trust them. Save yourself the heartache and headache.

    I’ve never snooped through phones, facebook or twitter. What’s done in the dark comes to light. Trust I’ve been in the situation, the “bull” showed itself without me looking for it.

  9. My Mom has a saying, "If you go looking for something, you just might find it." I have never looked through any man's phone. Not my thing. If I feel like I have to do all of that then there is already a problem.

  10. If you don’t have anything to hide then there should be no problem letting a woman look in your phone! A man’s phone can reveal his true character aside from what he portrays to you in person. I am glad I’m a snooper because it gave me info to prevent me from changing my life for a dang liar!

  11. Been there…did that…found what I already knew. But unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to action on my findings. You are so right; if you have the balls to snoop, then you need to put your big-girl panties on and have the strength to walk!

    OAN… Remember when cats was going through pagers talking about…”who you paging 143″?!?!?

  12. Totally agree, if you are snooping there's an underlying trust issue within said relationship. There's always going to be that urge to "look" when you hear the chime of a text or social media notification, but the question is do you honestly trust him or her? If no, go ahead and look, but be prepare to take action if you find that your instincts are correct because if you do nothing (i.e. stay in a trustless relationship and he/she is cheating) what was the point of looking in the first place?

  13. Here's a question. If you chose to snoop, would you admit to it whether you found something or not? Because as much as you want to indict the person's character that you're snooping on, it also says a lot about your character as the snooper especially if you aren't willing to admit to your transgression.

        1. Maybe so, but if you are planning to use the info that you find you will likely have to come clean and as you said then your character would come into question. If I found out that someone snooped through my stuff without probable cause (lol) I would dead the relationship immediately. Game over dude.
          My recent post Snoop Through His Phone At Your Own Risk

        2. Only one problem, there is NEVER any probable cause to invade someone's privacy. If you have doubts, ask the necessary questions, and if the person chooses to lie, then that will be revealed in due time. People nowadays are part-time PI's trying to find dirt on one another, if you have to do all of that, then just remain single.

    1. The only two times I snooped (mentioned above) I found something and I brought it up to talk about immediately. Like not even 5 minutes after I found it. At that time I couldn't hold in what I found. I think if you don't say anything then you should at least get out of the relationship. Saying nothing and doing nothing is probably the worst decision.

  14. Bottom line is, if you don't wanna see something you'd regret stay out of his/her phone. If its meant to come to light then so be it. What if you go through her phone and there's literally nothing to see but because you're insecure you look and you'll end up feeling silly. Also if you get caught looking in his/her phone and there's nothing to see it'll be an even worse situation. In the end I don't believe in snooping or being snooped, my phone is my phone, her phone is hers. If she's cheating there's nothing any man can do about it, it's a decision she's made.
    My recent post It Aint About You: How Couples Can Be Better Parents After The Break Up

  15. Bottom line is, if you don't wanna see something you'd regret stay out of his/her phone. If its meant to come to light then so be it. What if you go through her phone and there's literally nothing to see but because you're insecure you look and you'll end up feeling silly. Also if you get caught looking in his/her phone and there's nothing to see it'll be an even worse situation. In the end I don't believe in snooping or being snooped, my phone is my phone, her phone is hers. If she's cheating there's nothing any man can do about it, it's a decision she's made.
    My recent post It Aint About You: How Couples Can Be Better Parents After The Break Up

    1. Agree that if you don't want to know the real then stay out of the phone but if you decide to make that move then you have to be ready to deal with the consequences either way, good or bad. That's why I think you should only take action to snoop if your gut is telling you that something is not right rather than letting your insecurities be your guide.
      My recent post Can You Make Someone Love You?

      1. great post about snooping ….I just broke up with a girl bout a month ago……been together for close to 4 years but never really trusted her. I’m not sure she trusted me either but somehow we coexisted for that while. checked her facebook messages recently and found out she was hanging n smoking with a dude at 1am in the morning at her moms house. I confronted her about him and she admitted they had something going on after her telling me how much she loved me everyday. I just ended right there. the post spoke to me and the underlying message in all of this as many before me have so eloquently stated, if you’re gonna be about this life, you really better be about……I was and I ain’t shy or afraid to say it!!!! peace

        1. Thanks for sharing your story. That is unfortunate that she was lying and cheating but better for you that you now know the truth so you can move on to someone better. I definitely give you much credit for finding the evidence that you needed and taking action. You go boy! 🙂
          My recent post Can You Make Someone Love You?

        2. Good for you Brotha I hope you find another lady. 4 years is a long time,but when it is time to move on it is time.

  16. Oh wow!
    I don't believe in snooping through your partners phone, because 1. You should be able to trust the person you are with. If you don't trust them then why are you there!?' 2. If you find information that you don't like, you can't cuss about it because you should not be going through the phone. You should have had the guts to ask out right. 3. Everyone deserves privacy. You may have your speculations but that's all it is, you shouldn't go snooping for evidence. If you play with fire then you must get burnt!

    This is why people need to use protection. You don't really know who your partner is sleeping with or has slept with, if you are not in a fully committed relationship where trust is the main building block then be safe. Follow your instincts. If your partner makes you second guess your decisions for the worst then get out of that relationship!

  17. I’m a bit late with this topic but still felt like giving my point of view. I do agree with a lot that has been said so far BUT. I was dating a guy. Over 50 and never married before. I came out of a not so good relationship of 9 years and wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was honest with him from the begining as I did not believe our friendship was going to be anything than just friendship. It just happend. Before I knew we were in a fisical relationship and was moving so fast my head spinned. He took me everywhere including his family farm, away for weekends and payed for everthing. He phoned me very single day and sometimes twice.I spoke to him about this and a lot of other stuff that I was looking and hoping for should I be in a relationship. I tend to be straight forwad. I broke of twice with him as I new he wasn’t going to commit and not wanting to fall to hard for him and not being the fling. I’d rather be alone. He came back with all these nice (what I wanted to hear) stories. My point…after a few months I noticed he was acting strange with his cell phone more and more. I asked him straight up wat was going on. Same story every time. The one night he replied it was only a sms notice from his bank. Ye right… WHO answers a bank notice per sms at 19:00. That is when I knew. I asked him again and he denied. That Saturday he forgot his phone when he went jogging. So I snooped. So before any of you judge me I felt guilty as hell. And I was on the ball. Hes been having a thing with a married woman since the begining of our relationship. She even went with us as her husband was injured in a vehicle accident when he took me to my first ever comrades marathon that he ws running for the 21st time. Man hos tupid can a woman be if she likes a guy and how devious can a man be to think we woman are stupid mindless beings to be messed with. I waited with the phone until he returned. He was angry and denied everything and said she was crazy and harrasing him. He forgot thought that he wrote in his sms the same thing that he got rid of the the crazy woman and she repleid, about time, ha ha ha. Her husband found out about them to and that infor was all on his phone and much much more. I left. So yes, its not a good thing but sometimes it’s worth it.

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