Home Featured 20 Tips for Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage

20 Tips for Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage

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happy black couple

Recently, a well-known motivational speaker separated from his wife of 16 years. Despite claiming he is not a relationship expert, Gerald Rogers decided to share 20 tips on “Marriage advice I wish I would have had…” This post went viral, eventually resulting in him being featured on numerous national media outlets. Most of his advice reflects what men should do to prevent divorce, and although I don’t agree with all of his points, I do believe most of his advice is good. I’ve shared some of my favorites from his list below.

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

Check out the full list at [GeraldRogers.com]

What do you think of Gerald’s list? What would you add or delete? What are some lessons you’ve learned from being married yourself or witnessing other’s marriages succeed or fail?

Comment(17)

  1. Let me tell you why this guy is getting love right now.

    Because he is airy fairy with the magic & HE IS WHITE.

    That is why I love & hate Tebow simultaneously. Being WHITE & religious with marginal talent gets you far in America.

    I don’t believe in a white person’s advice as much as I used to. They steal OUR stuff, flip it & bastardize it. So, always try to go to the source. Always go to the thorough Negroes.

    Let’s critique this. It is not all bullspit.

    You have to understand female psychology (ESP. The dark elements) if you want to have a successful heterosexual marriage. I know that much. Being a dutiful, GOOD husband will NOT cut it.

    Holding your wife accountable (like an adult) for the marriage won’t cut it. The man has to take full responsibility for the success or failure anytime he engages with a woman in anything.

    Women are grown children, and need male direction.

    I don’t know anything about being married in America, but I know alot about of male leadership within a patriarchal alpha framework.

    1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating.

    I disagree. Courting & dating in general in 2013 is not the business.

    Leading her through an exciting experience is.

    Giving her structure & setting strong boundaries and a fun metaphorical BOX to play in, is.

    2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.

    Agreed. Being a leader is a lonely road.

    3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.

    Magic bullspit.

    Marriage is about business more than anything.

    I promise you they don’t take away LOVE or any of its derivatives in court.

    Nothing guaranteed about how you might feel about your wife down the line, especially if she gets fat or get severely disfigured.

    4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.

    Marriage specific. Might work in SOME marriages.

    My thing is this, if you pick a REALLY GOOD, ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.

    Then you should see her at her best more often than not.

    5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER…

    If you pick well & you lead (influence) well, this should not be a problem.

    6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions:

    7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry,

    I am glad he is admitting women are inferior creatures in these quotes. Everything falls on the man. Women give a little support.

    8) Allow your woman to JUST BE.

    So, I am suppose to allow my wife to f*ck other men.

    I am suppose to let her disrespect me in public.

    If she gets out of pocket. Check that Ho. If that doesn’t work. Divorce that Ho.

    9) BE SILLY.

    Marriage specific. Otherwise irrelevant.

    10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and…

    I agree with this. As long as you are effective with filling her up & leveraging her personal psychology, I like this.

    11) BE PRESENT.

    Agreed. But make sure you make enough MONEY to have that ability.

    12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY,

    Yes. I agree. Handle your business in the bedroom.

    13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT

    Basically don’t BE A SIMP or [email protected] orifice while being an IDIOT.

    See: Ike Turner. Win

    See: Stereotypical Nerdy Black Man. Fail

    14) GIVE HER SPACE…

    And you should be banging other women while she is getting her life.

    Hopefully, the way you set your relationship up helps.

    15) BE VULNERABLE…

    Pick your spots. Optional. Will not break you.

    16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT

    I disagree. I believe in always keeping apart of you as a man for you.

    17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER…

    Agreed. Even if you have to drag her.

    18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY.

    Bullspit.

    Money is like 30% – 40% of male leadership.

    I think what happened was that WHITE GUYS are NOTORIOUS for trying to get over in their marriage with money & social status/privilege.

    Most White & professional black guys need to be more fun/attractive.

    And the attractive black guys need money and a some moral restraint.

    19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY

    It depends.

    Cheating & any severe form of disrespect is grounds for divorce.

    If you pick well & leading your woman well, you should not be in a position of having to forgive a broad.

    20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.

    In conclusion. BLACK WOMEN love BLACK MEN. For the most part. That is not our problem.

    Black women collectively don’t respect Black men.

    And they collectively avoid the kind of black men that are worthy of being respected.

    I think I am at a point in my personal development, where I can inspire LOVE from most women.

    But I will take FEAR & RESPECT any day of the week.

    And if we get to love, that is a WELCOMED bonus.

    I would take advice from Mr. Spradley before I take advice from random simpish Separated/Divorced random white guy.

    GOOD DAY

  2. I find # 15 (Be Vulnerable) to be very important to the success of relationships/marriage. We all want to keep that one thing to ourselves, or restrict just how much access your love has to certain things, but lacking that openness can seep into other aspects of the relationship, causing them to go bad. If you can't be real with yourself, how do you plan to be real with your girl?

    1. i agree, but also don’t rally against your instincts, theres not being able to be vulnerable with anyone and just feeling like you cant be vulnerable with them in particular

  3. I really believe the first step to divorce proofing your marriage is first other standing the other person as a man or woman, then learning to understand this under the scope of their individual personality.

    Basics such as learning how to be an efficient communicator helps too, and makes understanding them a lot easier, of course.

    As a woman, it is very important that I cultivate my ability to respect my husband unconditionally. For anyone who says, "What if he doesn't deserve respect?" my response is that right off the bat, humans should respect humans. If it's even a felony to disrespect dead bodies in most places, what exempts from respecting someone with air in their lungs? My next response is I wouldn't marry someone it was difficult to respect, so that question is moot anyway.

    1. @Suni

      , “What if he doesn’t deserve respect?”

      Unconditional respect. Nawl. Now you don’t strike me as a woman who likes getting duffed out or having men physically abuse you. There has to be boundaries.

      Humans respecting human & the GOLDEN rule is BS. That is a feminine POV speaking from a vantage point of weakness.

      And that part of human nature is not the dominant force in our society in America. Power & politics (protecting & promoting your own interests) is everything.

      Some humans are more VALUABLE (attractive) & more RESPECTABLE than others. A unfortunate & fortunate fact of life.

      And the true GOLDEN RULE is

      And HE who has the GOLD, makes the RULES. Turn on your Netflix & review Aladdin if you are confused.

      And for those who really wanna be AHs this morning here

      “Give me control of a nation’s money and I care not who makes it’s laws”

      — Mayer Amschel Bauer Rothschild

      Good Day

    2. "my response is that right off the bat, humans should respect humans. If it's even a felony to disrespect dead bodies in most places, what exempts from respecting someone with air in their lungs? "

      agreed. +1

  4. I think his list tells a story, basically he came he saw he conquered but as time wore on he saw her changing and spent too much time trying to get that old thing back instead of adjusting. So while he’s been able to sit back and learn the error of his ways, i dont consider this much “advice”. If you go into any relationship/marriage with a motive to try and change that person, more often than not you will fail and even if some things do sink in they will only benefit the next one, you will always be the one who couldnt accept and love her for her

  5. #20 is my favorite and the master key…it encompasses the rest of the list.

    My biggest issue with the list is that it doesn't mention the fact that it becomes completely irrelevant if each item is not reciprocated. One-sided relationships don't work….at all.

  6. I like the point where you talk about falling in love over and over again. This is a key point and I think for you to have a successful marriage, you must learn to fall in love over and over, especially for men when the time will come when your wife is going to start giving you babies and the slim girl you got married too may not still have the sharp she use to have. You just need to fall in love over and over again and you're find yourself living a fulfilling marriage.
    My recent post How to know when you’re in love

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