Home Featured Blogger Responds to Dr.J: Do You Want to Date Me or Text Me?

Blogger Responds to Dr.J: Do You Want to Date Me or Text Me?


In response to @DrJayJack’s SingleBlackMale.org post, ‘I Hate Talking On The Phone’, I had to remix and run this blog post back…


Let me get right to the point. I’m not a huge fan of text messaging. I don’t hate it, but it’s not my preferred method of communication. I use it when I can’t talk but I don’t use it to replace conversation or to conduct business. So if I’m busy and I MUST text back…I say it in quick text. I also may send a phone number or an address…give a quick update or eta…let someone know to check an email…let someone know I’ve arrived or tell someone my location in a party or at a game so they can find me.

I don’t have issues with informative texts like that because they are simple and to the point. Sometimes you can add a little smiley face to make it more personable or an LOL to ease the tension but otherwise…I don’t want to recap the entire night or give you a list of who showed up over text.

Bizreport.com reports that the average U.S. mobile phone subscriber now sends and receives more text messages than voice calls. Included in the research are typical U.S. teenagers who send and receive over 1,700 text messages per month.

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So does this mean we should all keep up with what seems to be the “hip” and technologically savvy thing to do? Or are we falling behind when it comes to creating, developing and nurturing relationships?

Or are we just too busy to talk?

With Facebook, Twitter and other Social Media websites and Apps, it seems to me that people don’t want to talk! And God forbid someone calls you and you don’t pick up! Oy! Nowadays people won’t leave you a voice mail message but expect you to scroll thru your missed call log just in case none of your new calls bumped them off the list. But wait…what if they aren’t on the missed calls log? How would one know you called?

What annoys me even more is when someone texts me and I don’t reply…they then decide not to call only assuming that I got the text. So you don’t call? So instead of the inviting me over the phone or verbally telling me the story you were dying for me to hear…you send a text…wait 9 days then curse me out for not returning your text?

And what about when it comes to dating? I guess it all depends on how you met the person, right? Or doesn’t it? What are the new rules of communication when it comes to dating or being in a relationship? If you start off texting and I reply, does that mean I’ve given you license to never call me? I know a girl who NEVER spoke to the guy she was dating on the phone. Only time she heard his voice was when they saw each other. I have another friend who convinced herself that it’s easier to communicate with a guy thru text. Her words, “I learn more about guys via text messaging because most of the time they hold back on the phone.” I’m still laughing at one friend who used to swear by it but then after getting disappointed by her habitual texting male friends…she decided that enough was enough. Welcome Home, Liris 🙂

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I’m not saying any of this is false nor am I co-signing it. I’m saying that sh*t doesn’t work for me…PERIOD. I tolerate it to a certain extent but yes, babe…I want to hear your voice. I did some research and found that I’m not alone.

[Originally published on HelloMissJean, click here to enjoy the rest]


  1. My text game is weak. I avoid it. I am trying to get FaceTime to become a thing. Damn near all of us are on iphone, most of us either got wifi or data…. just call the dude up via facetime lol its more technologically advanced! I think its a great idea.

  2. Dr J getting “Control” responses….hilarious.

    hard to argue with her, as she said it’s what she prefers. What I will say is

    1. I don’t mind talking on the phone if there’s something worth discussing I can’t fit in 160 characters

    2. I never ask anyone out via text, I want an instant answer

    3. if you reply to texts that means a man will use that as rationale to never call? slight reach.

    1. I can actually see #3 happening. It sets a precedent. If she doesn't speak up then he will never know her preference and may continue texting her because he thinks she's okay with it.

    2. I know right…

      I mean, like I said, I talk on the phone because I have to. I basically said I prefer to meet in person. I add it to the list of things that men have to do but don't necessarily like all that much.

      I also have never asked anyone out via text. That's just stupid.

      And to #3, not a reach at all. I constantly tell women seeking advice that if you don't like him texting, just tell him. But then you have the odd ones who will just ignore his texts because by some act of osmosis he'll figure out that he should call. It is what it is.

  3. Hey, text messaging as a solitary means of communication has its advantages…it ensures the woman will never get fully emotionally attached. Great for a "I want a girl when I want one and when I don't" kind of guy. Some guy will put his voice in that girl's ear and have her staring at her texts like "meh".
    Texting actually is more advantageous for women if you do it correctly. As men fall in love with their eyes a few well-timed pictures and texts that paint a picture work wonders in keeping you on his mind. There unfortunately isn't such a shortcut for women. They need the voice.

      1. I used to joke about this because I have a friend that "Oxytocyn-Proofs" her non-serious dealings. The rules include no cuddling and no long convos over the phone, lol.
        There is actually merit to this, though, I have to find the article that says if a man wants a woman to be more attracted to him physically on the first date he has to touch her at least three times during conversation. Voice and touch gets it much more often than not.

  4. I agree…. I lead a very busy life, those who no me can attest to that, but I most certainly MAKE time to have verbal conversations with those I care about. Not saying I have to have a phone conversation for every small occurence, but definitely want to hear the voice of the woman I'm dating….that's a personal relationship so I want personal conversation!

  5. Well this one struck a nerve I see.

    I've always found it funny when someone would choose to send 30 tome texts rather than just call and briefly explain. Specifically in situations when they're just sitting at home on the couch. And that's coming from someone that despises the phone except when absolutely necessary. None of that ellipses in the ear stuff.

    My recent post A Few Thoughts on Acceptance and Recognition

    1. Thanks! I'm a multi-texter if I'm in a place where I can't talk and/or I need to get what I need off my chest right then and there. I also talk how I write….long winded! So at times I may be embarrassed and would send the muti-texts knowing that I may take even longer to get my point out over the phone.

      Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment.

  6. Nothing more annoying than a women who don't got a man preaching about all these rules men have to follow to get w/ her lol…..curve

    1. Rules? I'm sorry sir…wrong blog post. No rules here but a good discussion and valuable opinions being shared. Big assumptions though…and you sound hella immature. Perhaps you'd be better at being curved?

      1. Whoah! Thanks for having my back…but since this isn't my site…let's not do the name calling. LOL! Although I FEEL YOU ON THAT. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

        But you're right, no rules and I appreciate you and everyone commenting on this site and on my actual blog. We all matter. We just need to listen and communicate more effectively and respectfully.

  7. I like texting for casual dating. Phone calls for more serious contenders. The worst thing is when you have nothing to talk about and the person insists on staying on the phone. For what?!?!

    Text me, and if you are entertaining, then we can have a talk. Otherwise, yes, lets meet in person. That way you can see how people react in person. Communication involves body language. Don't forget that.

    Not a big fan of FaceTime, the camera is Oh so Unforgiving, and sometimes the lighting is off in the room. But I'll still do it, gotta know your angles right, lol.

    1. Very good points. I guess I'm weird…I don't give everyone the same amount of attention but I try to give the same respect. If I value you, I'll call you. I won't put you in a category for dudes I'll just text because I like you less. Maybe our conversations will be shorter if I'm not as interested but if one of us calls, I don't mind chatting and catching up. I also love face to face time. I'm all about the eye contact and body language. But that can be tricky with Social Media websites and apps, right? People just don't know when to put the damn phone away!

      And LOL at the right FaceTime angles. Ha!

      Thanks for reading and thanks for your comments.


  8. I think that when you are dating someone, to hold entire conversation via test is ridiculous. The time that it takes to have a conversation thru text and wait for responses, you could have spent picking up the phone, saying what you had to say and be done.
    Plus, when you text, somethings can be misconstrued. It is much easier to actually talk to the person and HEAR what it is they have to say and how they are saying it.
    Now, there are times when texts are acceptable, if you are at work or busy but again, those are quick texts.
    If a man only talks to you thru text, he probably has a "situation" where he can't talk on the phone or he isn't really into you, Any woman who accepts text ONLY as a means of communicating with a man needs to reevaluate that situation!
    My recent post Confession of a (Reformed) Female Player

  9. I used to only text/IM, but maybe I'll give the old fashioned call a whirl. I'm a big fan of adapting your approach strategy to maximize a successful hunt.

    But since I also dont like giving a lot of time and priority to women who are only gonna be in my life for a few weeks/months, I need to optimize the effectiveness of the phone call. No talking just to talk– each call has to be meticulously planned out game-kicking to get me to the goal as fast as possible.

    Its a good thing I have this deep sexy manly voice. lol #thanksgenetics


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