Home Dating & Relationships Dating Before You Get Married: The 5 Relationships Everyone Has Before You Find The One

Before You Get Married: The 5 Relationships Everyone Has Before You Find The One



Behind every married man or woman there usually can be found a number of men and women who, at some point, thought they might be the one but were lost along the way. We rarely talk about these relationships, these stepping stones to the altar because ultimately, marriage is the holy grail of relationships; once one hits that pinnacle, everything that came before seems to pale in comparison. But those relationships deserve better because without them there’s a good chance we’d never have been able to recognize the real thing when we found it. Over the years, I’ve noticed that of all the different iterations of romantic relationships five stand out as the ones we have before you get married. In today’s post I want to identify each and discuss why they’re important.

5. I Know

Have you ever been addicted to another human being? Ever had someone who you could not bring yourself to not be around regardless of how healthy or unhealthy being around that person might be. Sometimes, the chemistry between you and another person mixes in such a way that it just seems impossible to separate yourself from that person. The weird part is that you might not even be particularly attracted to them, you might not be that fond of their personality and they might not even be that great in bed – still though – you can’t seem to get away.  I’ve been in an addictive relationship before. The kind where you keep going back to each other despite your relationship status – I’m glad I experienced it before getting married. The addictive relationship is important because it’s a reminder that you are human. It’s a reminder that you’re capable of inexplicable attraction and that feeling has you trippin, nose wide open… it’s your addiction and the only way to break it is to avoid it.

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4. Rolling In The Deep

We all like to say that we have no regrets in life. We pretend that we wouldn’t change anything that’s happened to us because doing so would prevent us from becoming the person we are today. I hear all that and that sounds nice, but I’m pretty sure I would have turned out alright even if I took back a one or two previous relationships.  If there’s not a person in your life that you wish you never fell for there’s a good chance that you’re the person someone wishes they never fell for. I know that for one person on this Earth I’m the person she wishes she never fell for. I’ve promised myself I’ll never write a post about her, but what I will say is that from that relationship I learned that it’s completely possible to love someone who doesn’t love you and will never love you. Loving someone that doesn’t love you is the most impossibly pointless endeavor anyone can ever find themselves sucked into and usually, when you finally pull yourself away you realize that you learned nothing, gained nothing, and lost – for a time – everything.  When the scars of your love remind you of the fact that you could have had it all, and didn’t, you’ll probably wish you’d never had met that person.

Head on over to page 2 to check out the rest of the relationships you have before you get married:


3. Freakn’ You

It’s completely possible to marry ‘the best you’ve ever had’ but most likely you won’t. This is something that a lot of people will never admit to, but for most of us there’s one person who will always have the only key to unlocking certain carnal sides of our nature. These are the parts of our bedroom personalities that we never knew existed till we found ourselves letting them loose with that one person. It could be a number of things, I’m not going to get to listing them here, but let your imagination run for a little bit. Think about that thing you did that time that you never thought you’d do, but also know you’ll never do with the person you marry. Some things are just in the DNA of some relationships and other things are not. When the DNA of a particular relationship includes the best sex you’ve ever had and ever will have, it’s hard for you to deny each other when the opportunity presents itself – but you have to I mean, when your wife calls, are you really gonna play it off like she’s your cousin Dawn?

2. Bestfriends

It’s really common for a man and woman to develop a friendship and then have that friendship develop in to a romantic relationship. In my mind, this is actually the ideal way for a relationship to be born. But every so often, the opposite happens. You meet someone and begin dating them with the explicit understanding from jump, that the relationship is romantic in nature; but somewhere along the line you realize you guys make a terrible couple but awesome friends. If most of the time, you argue and fight, learn to make her your best friend. The thing that’s great about this relationship is that you can use that person as the prototype for your future mate. You want someone who has all of the things that make them best friend worthy, but none of the stuff that makes the two of you incompatible. Plus, they know you better than your friends know you because in attempting to date them they saw a side of you your friends never see and can share that with their friends who might be actually be perfect for you. They’ll be your biggest spokesperson consistently championing your awesomeness.

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1. I Guess I’ll See You Next Lifetime …


There’s something wonderfully heartbreaking about meeting a person who’s perfect for you at a time in your lives when that perfection can not be explored. In the movies, love is worth moving mountains, uprooting lives, breaking hearts and whatever other sacrifice needs to be made for the guy and girl to end up together. In real life, it ain’t that type of party. Real life is real and sometimes fate just isn’t on your side. You can’t always give up everything for love. The good thing is, these sorts of relationships can end up being beautiful when you end up finding someone who makes you just as happy. When you do, you’re left with no regrets but instead warm memories of these near-love stories that you look forward to sharing with your kids when they’re old enough to understand life’s complexities.

Where do you all stand? Have you had any of the above relationships? If so how have they helped you as you’ve progressed further on down the line toward settling down? Are you in one of these relationships right now? If so, please over share, we’d love to hear what you’re experiencing.



  1. "I guess I'll see you next lifetime" Yup…I got a friend that I met on social media. And we've talked and everything for some yrs, BUT he's in another state. Time passed and now we're both are in great relationships, but I sometimes wonder "what if?".

    Also another man that's married, & we always play the eye game and "lightly" flirt with one another whenever we're in the same space, BUT I wouldn't get with him even if I was single so I'll just leave it at that. *sigh!*

  2. Great post!

    Where do you all stand? Have you had any of the above relationships? – Been there, done that…with all of these!!!!!

    If so how have they helped you as you’ve progressed further on down the line toward settling down? – They helped me to learn what I liked, what I needed, what I could/couldn't live without, what to avoid, etc. In general, I feel like I can wisely choose a partner now. And although I'm glad I have this wisdom now, I still wish I could have gotten it another way, lol. #regrets

    1. And this:

      "Loving someone that doesn’t love you is the most impossibly pointless endeavor anyone can ever find themselves sucked into and usually, when you finally pull yourself away you realize that you learned nothing, gained nothing, and lost – for a time – everything."

      …ain't nothing but the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I Rolled in Deep couple time with the same person and I Know he was not right. It sure was that person I wish I never met, but I am glad that I met in my past and not in my future.

    I like this post. I think these relationship are healthy to help you realize they are unhealthy. The fact that the aftermath hurts is what we really wish we can take back. Love is pain and we're only human, right.

  4. Dope post lol.. I think a lot of us, woman & man, have experienced these different types of relationships. For me, experiencing these different relationships, have shaped me and made me a better man

  5. I was my husbands first girlfriend, I found out 3 years ago he cheated on me with 3 women during our marriage(supposedly) I am trying to make it work but it is hard. He always said he never fucked many girls and has low self esteem. Sometimes I wonder if He married me prematurely and if I was dumb for letting him marry me without getting more sexual experiences knowing deep down he regrets not doing so. What y’all think

    1. I'm going through something similar, with the "married prematurely" part of your conundrum. I won't say you were dumb, because getting married is a multi-layered decision, no matter what anyone tells you. However, if y'all haven't, I suggest some form of counseling, and he may need separate counseling to help him either deal with, or identify where the low self-esteem comes from.
      My recent post Late Night Thoughts…

  6. Acceptance is important to love, and to so many other positive states of life.
    The trick is accepting ourselves first, and what we want in life, and what we think is important, and what we value. But this is hard if we don’t know what we want.

  7. The “Rollin in the Deep” relationship has to be one I’ve experienced and pray I never do again. Loving someone who won’t and will never love you (like you said in the post) leaves you with nothing… No lesson learned, no warm memory to share one day. Just the time wasted on feelings that were never reciprocated. And when the world says that “true love” is one that gives with no expectation, one that is selfless, I just want ball my hands into fists and actually punch some people… Unrequited love hurts. Deeply. And the passage of time into possibly forgetting that person is long and excruciating. Being the romantic and generally effervescent woman I usually I am, was of no help during that time in my life.. But hey.. I’m still a believer.

    Fantastic post. Loved every line yo… Ate it all up!


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