Home Featured Karen vs Samatha: Is it really easier for men to find a wife?

Karen vs Samatha: Is it really easier for men to find a wife?

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Yesterday, two photos hit my Twitter timeline (@WisdomIsMisery) that had “other Twitter” in an uproar. This happens from time to time so it wasn’t much of a surprise. The exercise, which called for men and women to choose from two anonymous men/women based solely on their photos and vague descriptions, started off entertaining enough. That was until the existentialist and intellectuals, terms used loosely, of Twitter began opining on the subject. In their opinions, the world offers more variety than the limits imposed by the photos; therefore, it was pointless to choose between the two. Many self-proclaimed they were the best representation of both featured, and they had many men and women as personal friends who represented the same.

I guess.

It’s interesting that everyone on-line is always the best representation of all that exist in life, yet we have websites like SBM that seem to imply differently. Most people are not the perfect combination of sexy and cute or polished business man and thug. That’s just not how life works. With rare exception, I actually believe the photos are fairly representative of what many of us have/had to choose from in the dating pool. Stated differently, if everyone is perfect, then why is it so difficult for everyone to find their perfect match?



Regardless of your answer to that question, there seems to be a popular assumption among women – one that I would qualify as a misconception – that it’s easier for men to find a wife than it is for women to find a husband. This isn’t a new concept. I wrote about it before in Women Have Less Good Men to Choose From. Maybe it’s easier for men, maybe it’s harder (Hint: It’s relative).

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This is why it’s interesting to me whenever someone states their preferences and someone else is always quick to inform them how wrong or right their list of preferences are based on their opinion, which is itself based on their own personal preferences. In my opinion, as long as what you want aligns with what you can get, then your preferences can never be wrong.

For example, I was listening to the radio last week. Coincidentally, they were speaking on the same topic, preferences. A 34-year old gentlemen called in and informed the listening audience that he only dates women between the ages of 19 – 22. As you can imagine, a number of women called in afterwards and gave this man an earful about how “wrong” his preferences are. While I have my own thoughts about a man who targets women over a decade his junior, I must admit that if he is successful in meeting his objectives – dating women between the ages of 19 – 22 – then clearly his preferences can’t be that wrong. What he wants align with what he can get. He doesn’t need to change a thing, and he definitely doesn’t have to apologize or explain himself to anyone but the man in the mirror.

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I would say the same to a woman who had the same relative expectations for men she dates. Why it’s ok for women to prefer richer, taller, older, educated men, yet it’s somehow superficial and wrong for men to prefer younger, attractive, formal education optional, women is beyond me. From my observations, the top 10 things women and men look for in a mate are approximately the same. Where things turn ugly is if you ask men and women to prioritize their lists. That’s where the real discrepancies show up. It seems men and women want women and men to value in themselves, what they value in the opposite sex. Well, I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you. That is never going to happen.

But, getting back to the subject of today’s post. Here are the photos that hit my Twitter timeline yesterday.

For the Men:

Karen and Samatha
Left OR Right?

For the Women:

Raheem and Eric
Left OR Right?

To keep things interesting, I am less interested in whether you feel “in real life” people are more diverse and varied than the men and women represented above. That’s no fun. I’d also argue it’s untrue. In the reality I’m familiar with, most men and women possess good and bad qualities. Some I desire. Some I overlook. However, it is very rare that someone only possesses all of the best qualities. If you’ve had the benefit of making it past age two, you might have realized that sometimes life requires you to make tough choices.

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Today, you have to make a choice between the men and women pictured above: Left or Right? If you are so inclined, you can further explain your choice in the comment section below. AFTER YOU’VE CLEARLY MADE YOUR CHOICE BETWEEN LEFT OR RIGHT KNOWN, then you can explain if you think these pictures are representative of real decisions you’ve had to make in dating or if you’ve had the benefit of finding or representing the “best of both worlds”. Lastly, do you think it is easier for men to find a wife than it is for women to find a husband?

Comment(116)

  1. This is a nice post because it's true – men have wayyyy more options than we women do. Which leaves me puzzled as to why so many are single even though they "claim" they are ready & willing to be married.

    You wrote, "As long as what you want aligns with what you can get, then your preferences can never be wrong". I have to disagree – what's wrong with preferring something that's not available? That's like saying I shouldn't prefer a man who doesn't have children because there aren't many available. Or I shouldn't prefer to date a Black man even if I live in the middle of Nebraska and there aren't any living there. There's nothing wrong with having those preferences. I may not get what I prefer, but there's nothing wrong with preferences. It's what you PREFER, not REQUIRE.

    My recent post What Do You Mean My Name Is “Ghetto”?

    1. This is a nice post because it’s true – men have wayyyy more options than we women do.

      False. Only a minority of men have tons of options in America. Those are the men women notice.

      The rest of men have a girlfriend or nobody.

      Which leaves me puzzled as to why so many are single even though they “claim” they are ready & willing to be married.

      Because these type of men are usually not the most attractive, so they can’t land their match. or he is straight up lying, and trying to lure you in. Kudos.

      You wrote, “As long as what you want aligns with what you can get, then your preferences can never be wrong”. I have to disagree – what’s wrong with preferring something that’s not available? That’s like saying I shouldn’t prefer a man who doesn’t have children because there aren’t many available. Or I shouldn’t prefer to date a Black man even if I live in the middle of Nebraska and there aren’t any living there.

      I am not letting you get away with that. This is why women are in trouble NOW!!!

      You have women who are 30+, who think they can get the same or superior quality of attractive men that they landed in their 20s (Only because your youth & beauty, made up for all your flaws), and waiting for GOD or Tyler Perry to drop a Boris Kodjoe via Divine Intervention.

      This is not a winning strategy for those who want somebody.

      If you looking to be alone forever, knock yourself out.

      There’s nothing wrong with having those preferences. I may not get what I prefer, but there’s nothing wrong with preferences. It’s what you PREFER, not REQUIRE.

      Semantics. When a man or woman talks about PREFERENCES, that is code for REQUIREMENTS.

      Because a lot of women are single NOT because HER pool of available & willing guys won’t commit her or treat her like a lady. (REQUIREMENT).

      A lot of women are single, because they are holding out for an attractive dude to come through. Their PREFERENCE.

      That is a WILLFUL choice. Which has nothing to with male commitment. This is about WHAT YOU WANT, HOW YOU WANT IT.

      And the men YOU WANT, are not cooperating.

      It is too early in the morning to be disingenuous.

      And the only reason a person would put their PREFERENCES/REQUIREMENTS out in the open, because they are basing their desires on internal confidence and/or past success.

      For women that is a false sense of confidence, especially if you are older.

      1. I swear there must be two people typing as Adonis because lately I get a Dissertation or Rant coming from you….. Either way I'm digging these comments and am entertained.

        My Man (In Denzel's Voice)

      2. "Because a lot of women are single NOT because HER pool of available & willing guys won't commit her or treat her like a lady. (REQUIREMENT).

        A lot of women are single, because they are holding out for an attractive dude to come through. Their PREFERENCE."

        Not true I and 5 of my girlfriends are single and childfree because we would like to be with someone who is, reliable, college-educated like we are and like some parts of the arts (fashion/music/artwork). This is because we all are passionate about this and work in that field. We are all black, we are all under 30 but in are late 20's and we have all never been pregnant nor "slutting around". So for you to say that we are holdng out for an attractive dude is false unless you are talking about an attractive personality.
        "And the only reason a person would put their PREFERENCES/REQUIREMENTS out in the open, because they are basing their desires on internal confidence and/or past success.

        For women that is a false sense of confidence, especially if you are older"

        Also untrue, so when you are a woman you should base your desires on what you see around you, regardless of your self-confidence?? Desires come from within, Sir, once you base what you want on what others tell you you can have, you are willingly making yourself INSECURE. The same people who then hold the power to your expectations can crush you at any time. You just gave the worse advice I have read today. I would rather believe in this: "If you want a butterfly, you have to be a butterfly". Especially when it comes to PERSONALITY. You want a generous man, be generous in the things that matter to him (as long as it's reasonable). You want an attractive man, than polish yourself. You want to be married then make a clear difference in what you allow when being a girlfriend, so being married has perks for the guy as well (like living together and kids). But that mess you just stated is masochinistic, patriachial and damaging to the progress women have made in the west so far.

        1. Hey if it doesn't apply to you… let it go ya know? If you and 5 of your girlfriends are "different" then you're excluded from the comment. And you say you're single because of certain characteristics you PREFER, doesn't that essentially confirm his point? You won't seriously date a man that doesn't have a college degree; so the college degree makes him attractive, amirite?

          I also think you're missing the second point. I interpret that as the insanity clause (trying the same thing over and over with the same result). The issue is that you are basing your dating life on something that HASN'T WORKED. You're still single. So instead of producing bad fruit maybe change your mindset to produce long lasting companionship. Just my unwanted opinion, but I guess that's what it's for haha

        2. * His point was attractiveness. He mentions Boris Kodjoe and the like later on and that (looks)is not the reason we are single.

          * I will respond to whatever sparks my interest, including this,

          * I didn't miss the point, I interpreted as: "Ladies you should base your desires on something else than confidence from within or past success.". That statement rubs me the wrong way. And you don't know what I have been doing in my 20's. I will have you know that during college, a degree wasn't a must, reliability wasn't something I payed enough attention to and compatibility was something I learned later on in life. So these desires came with EXPERIENCE. You are looking at it as black and white as the 2 choices offered above. I don't know what bad fruit you are talking about and my mindset is on people of my level. Companionship is much easier when you have important things in common with each other. I consider, hobbies, education and the make up of one's household as important aspects. Next to the mindset, personality and goals in life that is. Besides, you don't know my dating history, I have lived, loved and now I just know better so will do better

        3. You're absolutely right. I don't know your dating history. Don't care much either. Don't know you. You may be the sweetest woman in the world. May be the spawn of Satan himself. Whatever. But what I'm looking at is your comments about attractiveness, and for whatever reason you seem to portray the image that your preferences aren't the same as what you're attracted to. It's MORE than looks.

          Also, I understand that you are not the same person as you were in college. Neither am I. My preferences have changed just like yours have. And when I see someone who exemplifies said preferences, I am ATTRACTED to them. What you're considering important now in your late 20s won't be what you consider important at 40. Preferences will always change just like the person who has them. You may say financial stability and good lovin is all you need. Point is we're talking about preferences and the surface level of finding a companion. We both know these things won't matter as the relationship progresses.

        4. What's important to you in your late 20's will still be what's important to you at 40. The only difference is that you are more willing to do without. You still want the same things – financially stable, no drama, good personality, faithfulness, etc. Not much changes in my opinion.

          My recent post It’s Days Like Today When I Wish I Had A Boyfriend

        5. * His point was attractiveness. He mentions Boris Kodjoe and the like later on and that (looks)is not the reason we are single.

          Boris Kodjoe is the pinnacle of male attractiveness.

          Good looking & TALL (6"4")
          FAMOUS
          Lightskin (Although black women don't criticized for this like black men)
          Can speak multiple languages (Strong Social Skills)

          Looks are the not the reason you are single.

          Not choosing the right dudes (marriage minded &/or financially sound) at the right time (18 – 29)

          Also, I say this all the time.

          Women do not prioritize dating, when it counts. You all have a fairy tale approach to getting the man that you want. And that is on YOU

          * I will respond to whatever sparks my interest, including this,

          You go girl!

          * I didn't miss the point, I interpreted as: "Ladies you should base your desires on something else than confidence from within or past success.". That statement rubs me the wrong way.

          You will get over it.

          And you don't know what I have been doing in my 20's.

          All of you are sl*ts & wh*res to me. You were just smart enough to use birth control.

          I will have you know that during college, a degree wasn't a must, reliability wasn't something I payed enough attention to and compatibility was something I learned later on in life. So these desires came with EXPERIENCE.

          Sounds like lots of secks. Variety IS the spice of life.

          You are looking at it as black and white as the 2 choices offered above. I don't know what bad fruit you are talking about and my mindset is on people of my level.

          Unless you are putting up pics, WE HAVE NO IDEA what level you are on.

          Companionship is much easier when you have important things in common with each other. I consider, hobbies, education and the make up of one's household as important aspects. Next to the mindset, personality and goals in life that is.

          Blah & Blah

          Besides, you don't know my dating history, I have lived, loved and now I just know better so will do better.

          This is a reluctant admission that you have made poor choices in men. That is a YOU problem & men have very little to do with it.

          You are a VOLUNTEER. NOT a victim.

          Good Day

        6. Before I will go into all of this, I will state that I believe hurt people, hurt people. You know very well what would/could hurt a heterosexual, single woman. Whether you take joy in pushing people’s buttons or have strong sadistic tendencies, you will only knowingly hurt people, when you are hurt yourself. Bitterness is a natural stage a hurt adult can go through. I just don’t believe it is healthy to make that a permanent state of mind. So, I consider everything that could be hurtful as a signal of your underlying pain. I hope you will move past it. Life is too wonderful not to move on from pain.

          Looks are the not the reason you are single.

          Not choosing the right dudes (marriage minded &/or financially sound) at the right time (18 – 29)

          I am 27 at the moment and have been engaged to men like that twice. Unfortunately other problems occurred between us that had me breaking those engagements of. Besides, what makes you think that choosing the wrong guys between the ages of 18-29 is the main reason someone like me can be single? Other reasons could be divorce, death, late blooming, not being attractive enough for your environment (being a wallflower), illnesses, religious reasons, the ending of a long relationship, it being a conscious choice etc. etc. You seem so closed minded and judgemental, that I am taking notes so I can recognize this kind of behaviour in men that I would like to avoid.
          “All of you are sl*ts & wh*res to me. You were just smart enough to use birth control. ”

          That statement is problematic on so many levels. I will not sl*t shame the sisters and brothers that are sexually free. I believe that nor men nor women who are sexually responsible (meaning strictly on their birth control/std prevention) and honest, should be vilified for their choice of lifestyle.
          I don’t feel comfortable around strangers like that (nor exes for that matter) and that is my choice. However, in 2013 nor prudes, nor sexually free people should be shamed into doing what the masses think is ok.
          The problem is that some (damaged) single (brainwashed) people in their late 20’s, approach their preferred gender in their late 20’s with this assumption, which is negative and actually sabotages the dating process. If I expect every guy to be a dog/sl*t/wh*re, how can I ever trust him? And being that trust is the foundation of any good relationship, how can this suspicion ever be healthy or useful?
          It is just as unproductive as the female claim that “all men are dogs”. It sounds angry, bitter and to be be frank, childish.
          I cannot imagine going on even one date with someone who tells me that he expects me to be a sl*t/wh*re based on my age. I could say more about that but I won’t.
          Misandry and misogyny are not my favourite ways of dealing with the genders we know and love. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion right? Right.

          I will have you know that during college, a degree wasn't a must, reliability wasn't something I payed enough attention to and compatibility was something I learned later on in life. So these desires came with EXPERIENCE.

          Sounds like lots of secks. Variety IS the spice of life.

          You concluding this, says more about you than me. This excerpt meant that I gave someone a chance that didn’t have a degree nor was working on one, that the signs of unreliability weren’t clear to me until after our break up (because I was inexperienced, which isn’t strange for a 20-year old woman from my cultural and religious background) and that the concept of compatibility was one I learned over time. But I did love him and no, he was no Raheem. I didn’t step into the dating game knowing the concept of compatibility. Which isn’t strange either. Some learn that from their parents, others have to learn that from experience.
          You are looking at it as black and white as the 2 choices offered above. I don't know what bad fruit you are talking about and my mindset is on people of my level.

          Unless you are putting up pics, WE HAVE NO IDEA what level you are on.

          I talking about mental level. My hair structure, skintone, slim/thickness, etc have nothing to do with that. Once you respect us all like you would like your mother/sister/cousin to be respected, instead of considering us all “sl*ts and wh*res” with a Phd in birth control, you will understand what that means. I hope.

        7. Part 1

          ———

          [email protected]

          (1) @SecretSweetLady says:
          Before I will go into all of this, I will state that I believe hurt people, hurt people.

          That is a cop out, but keep going

          —————————————-

          You know very well what would/could hurt a heterosexual, single woman.

          Heterosexual single WESTERN minded women Struggle with the truth. Especially when it comes from a sharp tongue.

          IDGAF because there is no love lost, and chances are you are not worth me sparing your precious feelings. Get over yourself

          ——————–

          Whether you take joy in pushing people’s buttons or have strong sadistic tendencies, you will only knowingly hurt people,

          It is fun tho.

          when you are hurt yourself. Bitterness is a natural stage a hurt adult can go through. I just don’t believe it is healthy to make that a permanent state of mind. So, I consider everything that could be hurtful as a signal of your underlying pain. I hope you will move past it. Life is too wonderful not to move on from pain.

          Whatever.

          Looks are the not the reason you are single.
          Not choosing the right dudes (marriage minded &/or financially sound) at the right time (18 – 29)

          I am 27 at the moment and have been engaged to men like that twice. Unfortunately other problems occurred between us that had me breaking those engagements of.

          Exactly. Men have little to do with that. That is a YOU problem. You will not be specific (and PLEASE DON'T, it is irrelevant at this moment) because then we can get into the "meat & potatoes" of YOU & your shortcomings.

          Besides, what makes you think that choosing the wrong guys between the ages of 18-29 is the main reason someone like me can be single? Other reasons could be divorce, death, late blooming, not being attractive enough for your environment (being a wallflower), illnesses, religious reasons, the ending of a long relationship, it being a conscious choice etc. etc.

          A lot of women around that age don't know WTF they are doing dating wise. Instead of working on a family & husband, a lot of then waste their precious youthful years on ventures that will amount to nothing at the end of the day.

          Again, that is on YOU, not the men you have dated, or men in general.

          Also, you just proved my point that your lifestyle choice or why you are not married to a decent dude.

        8. Part 2

          —–

          You seem so closed minded and judgemental, that I am taking notes so I can recognize this kind of behaviour in men that I would like to avoid.

          I hope it works out for you darling.

          “All of you are sl*ts & wh*res to me. You were just smart enough to use birth control. ”

          That statement is problematic on so many levels. I will not sl*t shame the sisters and brothers that are sexually free.

          I will, because women think that they can s1ut it up in their youth, and a man is going to want to wife that ran-thru, disease-ridden f**king for weed & Cheetos box.

          I believe that nor men nor women who are sexually responsible (meaning strictly on their birth control/std prevention) and honest, should be vilified for their choice of lifestyle.

          Men & women are different, and are held to different standard. The quicker you get that, the less stress you will go through & the happier you will be.

          I don’t feel comfortable around strangers like that (nor exes for that matter) and that is my choice.

          Just proved my point that your lifestyle choice or why you are not married to a decent dude. Or single overall. Men have little to do with your choices or your entitlement mindset.

          However, in 2013 nor prudes, nor sexually free people should be shamed into doing what the masses think is ok.

          Some people need direction. Like you.

          The problem is that some (damaged) single (brainwashed) people in their late 20’s, approach their preferred gender in their late 20’s with this assumption, which is negative and actually sabotages the dating process.

          You are not even in a relationship & don't want to be, and you preach is not even WORKING FOR YOU.

          How do you know if there way is problematic.

          YOUR WAY IS PROBLEMATIC.

          If I expect every guy to be a dog/sl*t/wh*re, how can I ever trust him?

          Because you should let your guy get new p*ssy every now & then, just to stratch that itch.

          New p*ssy ordained by GOD cleans the spirit

          And being that trust is the foundation of any good relationship, how can this suspicion ever be healthy or useful?

          There will not be any suspicion because YOU are gonna let your husband sleep with new women whenever he pleases. Simple.

          It is just as unproductive as the female claim that “all men are dogs”.

          But if "all men were dogs" were 100% true & verifiable. No problem.

          But you cannot have a certain type of dude that you are attracted to (usually of the AZZHOLE variety) and talk that man-hating BS. Simple

          It sounds angry, bitter and to be be frank, childish.

          That is exactly what I think of FEMINIST RHETORIC. Angry, bitter & childish

          I cannot imagine going on even one date with someone who tells me that he expects me to be a sl*t/wh*re based on my age.

          Maybe you were a NUN. But I can tell you let more than a few guys tap that.

          I could say more about that but I won’t.

          It sounded like it would give us insight to your BS.

          Misandry and misogyny are not my favourite ways of dealing with the genders we know and love.

          Blah

          But everyone is entitled to their own opinion right? Right.

          Whatever

          I will have you know that during college, a degree wasn't a must, reliability wasn't something I payed enough attention to and compatibility was something I learned later on in life. So these desires came with EXPERIENCE.
          Sounds like lots of secks. Variety IS the spice of life.

          Compatibility just means that you are attracted to the guy. And although I don't care to know how many dudes tapped that. I have a strong inkling that MANY DUDES TAPPED THAT.

          You concluding this, says more about you than me. This excerpt meant that I gave someone a chance that didn’t have a degree nor was working on one, that the signs of unreliability weren’t clear to me until after our break up

          Are you telling that 80% of the population the people that do not hold a degree of some sort, ARE UNRELIABLE??? Really

          And the 20% that do, ARE???

          You just have not gotten played by a dude with a degree. But whatever.

        9. Part 3

          ——–

          _

          (because I was inexperienced, which isn’t strange for a 20-year old woman from my cultural and religious background) and that the concept of compatibility was one I learned over time.

          ………

          But I did love him and no, he was no Raheem.

          I believe that 100%

          I didn’t step into the dating game knowing the concept of compatibility. Which isn’t strange either. Some learn that from their parents, others have to learn that from experience.

          Okay.

          You are looking at it as black and white as the 2 choices offered above.

          Being "black and white" bring clarity to a situation.

          I don't know what bad fruit you are talking about and my mindset is on
          people of my level.

          Unless you are putting up pics, WE HAVE NO IDEA what level you are on.

          I talking about mental level. My hair structure, skintone, slim/thickness, etc have nothing to do with that.

          But we will never get to know your beautiful soul (word to Jesse) if it is in a body like PRECIOUS.

          Once you respect us all like you would like your mother/sister/cousin to be respected, instead of considering us all “sl*ts and wh*res” with a Phd in birth control, you will understand what that means. I hope.

          My mother had two husbands. You have none. Try again.

          And of the sisters i know of, all of them habe seen more than a few paynuses

        10. Companionship is much easier when you have important things in common with each other. I consider, hobbies, education and the makeup of one's household as important aspects. Next to the mindset, personality and goals in life that is.

          Blah & Blah
          I wish all misogynistic, bitter men were an open book like you are. Crystal clear.
          Besides, you don't know my dating history, I have lived, loved and now I just know better so will do better.

          This is a reluctant admission that you have made poor choices in men. That is a YOU problem & men have very little to do with it.

          You are a VOLUNTEER. NOT a victim.

          Good Day

          Actually it is a mature conclusion of my answer. I did not call men (in general) anything negative. I believe that whoever I allow into my life and beyond, is someone I gave the green light to be there. So whatever outcome may have been, I had a say in. That is how I handle this subject. You called all of us sl*ts and wh*res. Seems like you have a very clear “YOU” problem and I will not join that parade.
          I believe that speaking of love with love is the key. Which is simple but not easy.

        11. "Because a lot of women are single NOT because HER pool of available & willing guys won't commit her or treat her like a lady. (REQUIREMENT).
          A lot of women are single, because they are holding out for an attractive dude to come through. Their PREFERENCE."
          Not true I and 5 of my girlfriends are single and childfree because we would like to be with someone who is, reliable, college-educated like we are and like some parts of the arts (fashion/music/artwork). This is because we all are passionate about this and work in that field.

          Are you telling me each of you could not find one college educated, commitment minded, guy of ANY RACE that wants you for more than s*x?

          And then you wanna put the blame for YOUR failures of men?

          Now, I don't want you to put your pics out there @SecretSweetLady, I want you to remain anonymous. So we are just going to go by what you write & any comments you make from this point forward.

          Most women who comment here are average looking (5 or less), with the average looks of a (3) on a 1 – 10.

          And chances are your body is average. But since you are young, you should be getting some s*xual attention unless you are grotesquely overweight.

          We are all black, we are all under 30 but in are late 20's and we have all never been pregnant nor "slutting around". So for you to say that we are holdng out for an attractive dude is false unless you are talking about an attractive personality.

          Well based on your writings, attractive means

          – College Degree
          – Passionate about fashion/music/artwork
          – Reliable

          Usually women prefer in addition to your requirements

          Employed
          Strong social skills (Passionate & Masculine)
          Decent looking
          Decent Height (5'9'+)
          Decent size paynus
          Decent secksual skills

          Now, I don't believe for a second that you are telling the whole truth. You sound like a serial monogamist who has slept with A FEW (3) guys who meet your requirements, but don't see you as a long term option.

          But what about every single guy who as approached you romantically. None of them make the cut? NONE?

          I throw a flag on the play.

          "And the only reason a person would put their PREFERENCES/REQUIREMENTS out in the open, because they are basing their desires on internal confidence and/or past success.
          For women that is a false sense of confidence, especially if you are older"

          Also untrue, so when you are a woman you should base your desires on what you see around you, regardless of your self-confidence??

          You should base your EXPECTATIONS & desires on the men that are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED long-term, and you pick THE BEST MAN out the guys who wanna MARRY YOU.

          Desires come from within, Sir, once you base what you want on what others tell you you can have, you are willingly making yourself INSECURE. The same people who then hold the power to your expectations can crush you at any time.

          See above. If you take the time out to reflect @SecretSweetLady, you know what you can reasonably get in the dating/marriage market.

          You are taking this conversation unnecessarily off until the abyss.

          You just gave the worse advice I have read today. I would rather believe in this: "If you want a butterfly, you have to be a butterfly". Especially when it comes to PERSONALITY. You want a generous man, be generous in the things that matter to him (as long as it's reasonable). You want an attractive man, than polish yourself.

          The truth be told @SecretSweetLady,

          YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE AND/OR VALUABLE ENOUGH TO THE MEN YOU WANT.

          END. OF.

          That is why you are having problems, because never mentioned how you would be an asset to these men. I just heard about WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT YOU REQUIRE.

          You want to be married then make a clear difference in what you allow when being a girlfriend, so being married has perks for the guy as well (like living together and kids).

          Finally, you get it. But you are badgering me, like I am giving people sh*tty advice.

          Lay off the alcohol.

          But that mess you just stated is masochinistic, patriachial and damaging to the progress women have made in the west so far.

          I am a proud PATRIARCHAL male. And (non-black) American women & women of the world love me for that.

          Women (and white men) are very masochistic. See "BDSM Internet adult films"

          And WESTERN women are some of most entitled, ungrateful women I have come across. So, y'all can go play in traffic.

          Considering some of the men you DO CHOOSE. I give AVERAGE, REGULAR people PRACTICAL advice.

          IF you are elite, then you play by different rules

          Most average, regular women think they are more than what they are. Which the tone of your comment SCREAMS low-value & entitlement.

          Good day

        12. "Because a lot of women are single NOT because HER pool of available & willing guys won't commit her or treat her like a lady. (REQUIREMENT).
          A lot of women are single, because they are holding out for an attractive dude to come through. Their PREFERENCE."
          Not true I and 5 of my girlfriends are single and childfree because we would like to be with someone who is, reliable, college-educated like we are and like some parts of the arts (fashion/music/artwork). This is because we all are passionate about this and work in that field.
          We did and some died, some divorced and some ended up in break ups.

          Are you telling me each of you could not find one college educated, commitment minded, guy of ANY RACE that wants you for more than s*x?

          We did and some died, some divorced and some ended up in break ups. It is called life.

          And then you wanna put the blame for YOUR failures of men?

          I don’t see myself blaming men.

          Now, I don't want you to put your pics out there @SecretSweetLady, I want you to remain anonymous. So we are just going to go by what you write & any comments you make from this point forward.

          Oh, ok.

          Most women who comment here are average looking (5 or less), with the average looks of a (3) on a 1 – 10.

          Sure.

          And chances are your body is average. But since you are young, you should be getting some s*xual attention unless you are grotesquely overweight.

          Sexual attention is always around. I just don’t consider that the most important thing.

          We are all black, we are all under 30 but in are late 20's and we have all never been pregnant nor "slutting around". So for you to say that we are holdng out for an attractive dude is false unless you are talking about an attractive personality.

          Well based on your writings, attractive means

          – College Degree
          – Passionate about fashion/music/artwork
          – Reliable

          Usually women prefer in addition to your requirements

          Employed
          Strong social skills (Passionate & Masculine)
          Decent looking
          Decent Height (5'9'+)
          Decent size paynus
          Decent secksual skills

          Now, I don't believe for a second that you are telling the whole truth. You sound like a serial monogamist who has slept with A FEW (3) guys who meet your requirements, but don't see you as a long term option.

          But what about every single guy who as approached you romantically. None of them make the cut? NONE?

          They did. It ended in ended engagements. What can I say, we weren’t compatible. But I wish them the best.

          I throw a flag on the play.

          …..

          "And the only reason a person would put their PREFERENCES/REQUIREMENTS out in the open, because they are basing their desires on internal confidence and/or past success.
          For women that is a false sense of confidence, especially if you are older"

          Also untrue, so when you are a woman you should base your desires on what you see around you, regardless of your self-confidence??

          You should base your EXPECTATIONS & desires on the men that are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED long-term, and you pick THE BEST MAN out the guys who wanna MARRY YOU.

          I agree. Wow, I really do agree.

          Desires come from within, Sir, once you base what you want on what others tell you you can have, you are willingly making yourself INSECURE. The same people who then hold the power to your expectations can crush you at any time.

          See above. If you take the time out to reflect @SecretSweetLady, you know what you can reasonably get in the dating/marriage market.

          True. And what I want is very possible. I just would like to be passionate about the man I marry (next to trust etc). Not everyone believes in passion however…

          You are taking this conversation unnecessarily off until the abyss.

          ….

        13. (D) SecretSweetLady

          (3) @SecretSweetLady says:
          September 23, 2013 at 10:51 am
          "Because a lot of women are single NOT because HER pool of available & willing guys won't commit her or treat her like a lady. (REQUIREMENT).
          A lot of women are single, because they are holding out for an attractive dude to come through. Their PREFERENCE."
          Not true I and 5 of my girlfriends are single and childfree because we would like to be with someone who is, reliable, college-educated like we are and like some parts of the arts (fashion/music/artwork). This is because we all are passionate about this and work in that field.
          We did and some died, some divorced and some ended up in break ups.

          You gotta settle.

          Are you telling me each of you could not find one college educated, commitment minded, guy of ANY RACE that wants you for more than s*x?
          We did and some died, some divorced and some ended up in break ups. It is called life.

          Holla at your back-up dyck.

          And then you wanna put the blame for YOUR failures of men?
          I don’t see myself blaming men.

          I concede that.

          Now, I don't want you to put your pics out there @SecretSweetLady, I want you to remain anonymous. So we are just going to go by what you write & any comments you make from this point forward.
          Oh, ok.
          Most women who comment here are average looking (5 or less), with the average looks of a (3) on a 1 – 10.
          Sure.
          And chances are your body is average. But since you are young, you should be getting some s*xual attention unless you are grotesquely overweight.
          Sexual attention is always around. I just don’t consider that the most important thing.

          And you are not taking full advantage of the men that step to you.

          We are all black, we are all under 30 but in are late 20's and we have all never been pregnant nor "slutting around". So for you to say that we are holdng out for an attractive dude is false unless you are talking about an attractive personality.
          Well based on your writings, attractive means
          – College Degree
          – Passionate about fashion/music/artwork
          – Reliable
          Usually women prefer in addition to your requirements
          Employed
          Strong social skills (Passionate & Masculine)
          Decent looking
          Decent Height (5'9'+)
          Decent size paynus
          Decent secksual skills
          Now, I don't believe for a second that you are telling the whole truth. You sound like a serial monogamist who has slept with A FEW (3) guys who meet your requirements, but don't see you as a long term option.
          But what about every single guy who as approached you romantically. None of them make the cut? NONE?
          They did. It ended in ended engagements. What can I say, we weren’t compatible. But I wish them the best.
          I throw a flag on the play.

          That is on YOU.

          …..

          "And the only reason a person would put their PREFERENCES/REQUIREMENTS out in the open, because they are basing their desires on internal confidence and/or past success.
          For women that is a false sense of confidence, especially if you are older"
          Also untrue, so when you are a woman you should base your desires on what you see around you, regardless of your self-confidence??
          You should base your EXPECTATIONS & desires on the men that are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED long-term, and you pick THE BEST MAN out the guys who wanna MARRY YOU.
          I agree. Wow, I really do agree.

          So why are you still giving me a hard time.

          Desires come from within, Sir, once you base what you want on what others tell you you can have, you are willingly making yourself INSECURE. The same people who then hold the power to your expectations can crush you at any time.
          See above. If you take the time out to reflect @SecretSweetLady, you know what you can reasonably get in the dating/marriage market.
          True. And what I want is very possible. I just would like to be passionate about the man I marry (next to trust etc). Not everyone believes in passion however…
          You are taking this conversation unnecessarily off until the abyss.

          Well, first of all you are NOT the total package, and even if you were, there is a very small chance you will always feel passion with the man you are with.

          Now, at least you can get along over time. But passion & fire comes & go for everyone.

          I disagree, what you & a lot of women are asking for is NOT practical. And here we are.

        14. You just gave the worse advice I have read today. I would rather believe in this: "If you want a butterfly, you have to be a butterfly". Especially when it comes to PERSONALITY. You want a generous man, be generous in the things that matter to him (as long as it's reasonable). You want an attractive man, than polish yourself.

          The truth be told @SecretSweetLady,

          YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE AND/OR VALUABLE ENOUGH TO THE MEN YOU WANT.

          END. OF.

          Not really. I have no problem meeting what I would like on paper (or even looks). Passion is something else.

          That is why you are having problems, because never mentioned how you would be an asset to these men. I just heard about WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT YOU REQUIRE.

          Once I am conversing with a man I am romantically interested in I definitely try to talk with him instead of to him. So, you’re preaching to the choir.

          You want to be married then make a clear difference in what you allow when being a girlfriend, so being married has perks for the guy as well (like living together and kids).

          Finally, you get it. But you are badgering me, like I am giving people sh*tty advice.

          Lay off the alcohol.

          I don’t know where the alcohol-comment comes from. I actually had to laugh.

          But that mess you just stated is misogynistic, patriarchal and damaging to the progress women have made in the west so far.

          I am a proud PATRIARCHAL male. And (non-black) American women & women of the world love me for that.

          Women (and white men) are very masochistic. See "BDSM Internet adult films"

          And WESTERN women are some of most entitled, ungrateful women I have come across. So, y'all can go play in traffic.

          Considering some of the men you DO CHOOSE. I give AVERAGE, REGULAR people PRACTICAL advice.

          IF you are elite, then you play by different rules

          Most average, regular women think they are more than what they are. Which the tone of your comment SCREAMS low-value & entitlement.

          Good day
          I prefer men that are on the middle road. And I agree many men and women hold on to strong patriarchal values, which often works for them when they are in environments where the majority thinks in that way.
          I am not in such an environment, but am familiar with it because of my cultural background (African).

        15. (4) @SecretSweetLady says:
          September 23, 2013 at 10:52 am
          You just gave the worse advice I have read today. I would rather believe in this: "If you want a butterfly, you have to be a butterfly". Especially when it comes to PERSONALITY. You want a generous man, be generous in the things that matter to him (as long as it's reasonable). You want an attractive man, than polish yourself.
          The truth be told @SecretSweetLady,
          YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE AND/OR VALUABLE ENOUGH TO THE MEN YOU WANT.
          END. OF.
          Not really. I have no problem meeting what I would like on paper (or even looks). Passion is something else.

          Passion just means you find a dude attractive whether the reason is physical, vibe or personality.

          Those dudes are out there, but you are going to have to share.

          The dudes that you are not so passionate about is the dudes you need to choose up on if you don't want to be someone's sidepiece.

          That is why you are having problems, because never mentioned how you would be an asset to these men. I just heard about WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT YOU REQUIRE.
          Once I am conversing with a man I am romantically interested in I definitely try to talk with him instead of to him. So, you’re preaching to the choir.

          Again, we have no idea how you would be of great value to a kick-azz PASSIONATE man. YOUR vag must be magical.

          You want to be married then make a clear difference in what you allow when being a girlfriend, so being married has perks for the guy as well (like living together and kids).
          Finally, you get it. But you are badgering me, like I am giving people sh*tty advice.
          Lay off the alcohol.
          I don’t know where the alcohol-comment comes from. I actually had to laugh.

          I get bored, so I have to spice it up.

          But that mess you just stated is misogynistic, patriarchal and damaging to the progress women have made in the west so far.
          I am a proud PATRIARCHAL male. And (non-black) American women & women of the world love me for that.
          Women (and white men) are very masochistic. See "BDSM Internet adult films"
          And WESTERN women are some of most entitled, ungrateful women I have come across. So, y'all can go play in traffic.
          Considering some of the men you DO CHOOSE. I give AVERAGE, REGULAR people PRACTICAL advice.
          IF you are elite, then you play by different rules
          Most average, regular women think they are more than what they are. Which the tone of your comment SCREAMS low-value & entitlement.
          Good day
          I prefer men that are on the middle road. And I agree many men and women hold on to strong patriarchal values, which often works for them when they are in environments where the majority thinks in that way.
          I am not in such an environment, but am familiar with it because of my cultural background (African).

          Because you lack a patriarchal mindset, and you are average looking, you will struggle.

          If you can't get an average passionate dude. You are doing it wrong.

          Good Day

        16. (A) @SecretSweetLady

          I skimmed through your comments & basically I got the gist of what you are on.

          1. Men & Women who subscribe to feminist ideology in some form are always going to have problems dating. An attractive men tend to be very patriarchal & "seck-ist".

          And it is sad that you come from an African background that you are on that BS. What a waste.

          2. Educated women are going to have problems as well. Especially black women with degrees. A segment of them loves black bums & make questionable dating choices.

          3. If you were as good as advertised, the men that you want would be all over you. But chances are the are passing you up for more high quality women (beauty, brains, relationship intangibles).

          4. Men prefer younger vs. Older. Now, I don't believe you as far as your body count, but we will take your word for it. H0es be in denial.

          Thanks for being my sparring partner. This will be fun. Tap out if necessary.

    2. "This is a nice post because it's true – men have wayyyy more options than we women do. Which leaves me puzzled as to why so many are single even though they "claim" they are ready & willing to be married"

      attraction is a two-way street.
      men have options only if their options, see them as an option.
      otherwise, they're creeps. no?

      majority of men don't have many options, because majority of men are invisible.

  2. Today, you have to make a choice between the men and women pictured above: Left or Right?

    Right – Samatha

    If you are so inclined, you can further explain your choice in the comment section below.

    Notes.
    Nobody said that she was CRAZY.
    Or put you on child support.
    Or shoot you in your sleep.
    So, I gotta roll with what you gave me.

    4. I will put that kid up for adoption with the quickness.

    3. I am assuming tho, that when I bust, she is going to keep s*cking, I am not sure Karen is gonna do that. Actually Karen reminds me of Shamira, with this comment

    Shamira says:
    August 29, 2013 at 5:22 pm
    wait….I gotta give morning top EVERY. DAY. or I ain't real?! *parks self in not 'bout that life corner, gets cats and knitting needles*

    Signs That She’s a Ride Or Die Chick

    #2. She gives me money. I love a generous woman, because I am a generous man. The truth is, women don't need money , women need a man who can give her the allure of protection & a man who is going to upgrade her mentally & s*xually.

    #1. She gotta phat butt, and assuming she isn't K. Michelle or Nicki Minaj, she gotta natural phat butt. That is something that you cannot develop. Either you have it, or you don't.

    ————————————————–

    AFTER YOU’VE CLEARLY MADE YOUR CHOICE BETWEEN LEFT OR RIGHT KNOWN, then you can explain if you think these pictures are representative of real decisions you’ve had to make in dating or if you’ve had the benefit of finding or representing the “best of both worlds”.

    I feel like as a average, regular black men. This is the choice I have to choose between.

    Functional vs. Dysfunctional
    Sexually Lazy vs. Sexually Exciting
    Classy vs. Ratchet
    Intelligent vs. Ditzy
    Chef vs. Takeout
    Spit vs. Swallow

    And the beat goes on.

    I am a firm believer, as you mature & evolve as a confident, sexy, man who has the best qualities of Raheem & Eric. You tend to "see" the women who are the best of "Karen" & "Samatha".

    But to extend upon yesterday's post.

    Dating is a process. There are no shortcuts. You have work to do.

    —————

    Lastly, do you think it is easier for men to find a wife than it is for women to find a husband?

    What happened was two things. Women see the men that they like, who are the Raheem's of the world (20%) and project that lifestyle onto the "Eric's" (80%)

    I believe most men are "Eric" and the men who are attractive that most women want when it counts are "Raheem."

    I believe (80%) of Raheem's (20%) have very little Eric in them.

    And the "best of both worlds" guys & gals are about 5% of the total population, if that. And they naturally gravitate toward each other.

    ———-

    In conclusion, if an average women in a particular geographical area believe that husband's are hard to find,

    In that same exact geographical area, an average man who wants a wife has the same exact difficulty.

    That's all for now.

  3. Eric…my clear choice.

    So if the implication is we pick between these "clear" options in the dating world then I disagree. But I also disagree that people exist who are the "best of both worlds". That is not true. What is more realistic is meeting the church guy or pastor with 2 kids from 1 or 2 baby mamas. Or the educated, well spoken guy who can "put in that work" in the bed and a little "hood". Or you meet a great woman who doesn't regularly attend church for whatever reason. I think you really get the good and the bad. It becomes our choice to make a decision. The problem is most of us don't want to make that tough decision and believe we're sacrificing the "best of both worlds". That is an illusion and if we finally recognize that illusion, we will see our options increase. I think the most important thing in a relationship is how you feel around that person, even at your worst, and how you handle conflict. If the person makes you feel like you can fly AND you can overcome grievances and disagreements then that is probably someone you should try to stick with…even though they are more than likely not the best of both worlds.

  4. i’m sure i’ve said this before, but theres a difference between a good person and a good partner, i consider myself a pretty good guy does that mean im perfect for every woman, no, results may vary. Karen is a good woman, but give me the choice im taking a Samantha with an order of waffle fires.

  5. Karen EASILY wins the the HFG jackpot.

    Considering…
    1.She doesn’t try to drag me to church
    2.Teacher = professor ( or at least on the way to that level)

    Samantha loses…

    1.Samantha’s head game will get old.
    2.Her big booty will eventually become just another big booty.
    3.I’ll make more money than her….easily. (she doesn’t look all that motivated)
    4.I’ll cook my own food, thank you….and you get no points for “having your own spot”.
    5.1 kid……HELL NO! (baby daddy issues are written all over Samantha)
    6.Thick and (very close to overweight) are interchangeable and require complex mathematical formulas ie ratio, matrices and graphs etc.

    honorable mention ***Thumbs up on the 3some, but that’s an event…not a lifestyle

  6. I feel like it is easier for guys to find a wife. I know we shouldn't use "feel" but I have to go with this notion. I was reading one of those relationship pages on Facebook, you know where people send in their problems and let everyone who liked that page comment on what they should do. Well there was this one question about if a man wasn't in the right place and they met a really good woman, would they pass her up or would they pursue her. A lot of men said because they aren't in the right state of mind, or place in their life, they would pass her up because they want her to have all of them. Very admirable, but to pass up on what you think is wife material because you are not set in life, allows me to think that he believe he will run into one down the road again. So regardless of what our requirements are as men/women, at the end of the day, i think it is easier for a man to find a wife.
    My recent post Check out the trailer here!

    1. Interesting. Perhaps as a man, I had a different (yet similar) takeaway from the story you shared. It tells me that those men seem to believe when they are ready, they will find & make one woman their wife. It seems on the opposite spectrum, women believe there is one (or relatively few) men who are husband material in the first place. Speaking to preferences, then maybe it's easier for men, because the attributes men use to describe a woman as "wife material" seem to encompass a larger population of women than the attributes women use to describe a man as "husband material."

      1. I can definitely see that, because, in my situation, it's not that I'm not finding eligible bachelor's or good men, it's the fact of compatibility, and chemistry. Which are things that I don't think you can grow completely. You can learn and alter things, but you have to have something there already. So to me when it's hard for me to find that, and I come across a man who emcompasses all those aspects, I personally do not want to let him go. Which is why you have so many women 'chasing' after these dudes who are not checking for them in that way. They have deemed this man a 'good' or 'compatible' partner and will sit there and wait.
        My recent post Check out the trailer here!

  7. "Today, you have to make a choice between the men and women pictured above: Left or Right?"

    Until I hear them talk for about five minutes, I'm not making a choice. I've been out with too many women that looked good on paper, and things went south after they opened their mouth.

    And there is only one reason it is easier for men to find a spouse than women. Because so many women steadfastly refuse to approach man, so there options are limited to who will approach them.

    SN: Eff Raheem. I ain't sucking toes and eating a$$. Eat your own a$$.

    1. "SN: Eff Raheem. I ain't sucking toes and eating a$$. Eat your own a$$."

      lmbooo

      Uhhh huhhhmm that's what they all say in the beginning…. *eyeroll* 🙂

  8. Hold Up, Wait a Minute!! Why do guys have better options to pick from than women? Who made this? The first ninja has 2 kids, 2 baby mothers, Eats Ass not the Box, Sucks Toes and Sends D Pics? But Samantha only has 1 kid and got her own crib and we don’t even know where this Ninjas lives? That’s Ain’t Right (Chris Rock Voice). Then the second Ninja want’s to turn of Football to TALK??? What is Life? lol

  9. I'll take Raheem for $300 ALEX… !!!!

    My reason is that I am still enjoying my residency on SINGLE Wisteria Lane and I don't plan on moving any time soon, so Raheem is a good fit for me right now. Eric is definitely Long Term/Hubby Material but I ain't ready for all of that right now.

    1. Now, if Men said they wanted to have Samantha until they are ready for Karen ya'll Ladies would be going Man-Bashing to no end, SMH

  10. Since I must pick, lol…WIM being a pushy in the post…I'd pick Eric. I def want a brother who randomly sends a link to Carl Thomas' "Just Thought You Should Know" on YouTube when we're apart. I don't wanna text all day though…I got other things I must do like work, lol. I'm not with Eric's d*ck pics or booty munchin…not a turn on for me at all, lol. And he's only paying a cell phone bill…meaning he doens't have his own place??? Pass!

    But, I just really don't accept that these two extremes are the majority of guys. It's not about taking all the good qualities to make the perfect guy…cause all Eric's qualities were good. It was the fact that the description made him sound like a lame simp that was bad, lol. Like he's all soft and cuddly with zero passion or intensity ever. Eric prob still gets down with effin, listens to 90s hip hop, stops texting when he's busy or just doesn't have anything to say, hangs with his boys, and has smelly ballz when he returns from playing bball/football, lol. *shrugs*

  11. I find this to be a pretty close account of the choices that a (30plus) black man has.

    You see Samantha isn’t ratchet trash, but she has the stench of having been ratchet at some point in her life…and Samantha ain’t 20 nothing. Samantha still thinks that her skills will keep a man’s attention, when all it’ll do is keep her in my contacts. There are just too many Samantha(s)

    Karen (sigh)…God love her… She’s just great isn’t she? Except she isn’t…well…not all the time. Karen takes SOOO much work and requires sooo much emotional attention. There are constant, ”Do you miss me” texts all day. I just spent 6 hrs with her last night (and I didn’t get any).
    Is it worth it? Yes, but daaaamn. Karen had a standup dad growing up and constantly compares me to his old school a$$. Her mother claims that she never gave head in her life (lying a$$), and Karen does'nt know who Slick Rick is. #theruler

    There are so few Karen(s). So, If she's wifey in this hypothetical world, I contend that it's just as hard for a man to find a wife out here.

  12. I had "Raheem" and that's why "Eric" is for me…
    But can I just say…why is Karen (good) slender while Samantha (bad-ish) thick?
    Whats that about? Before my bf, I got dudes that NEVER dated a thick chick (or thats what they said) b4 me. This always astounded me. Size really shouldn't matter as long as you can handle what God gave you, IMO.

    1. “…why is Karen (good) slender while Samantha (bad-ish) thick?”
      Context Ma.
      That’s not what I’m saying..at least. However, Samantha (unfairly) has a superficial list of features and “thick” happens to be one of them. In context, it reads like an extra Cadillac feature…and we all know about Cadillac quality.

      “Before my bf, I got dudes that NEVER dated a thick chick (or that’s what they said) b4 me.”
      Maybe you’re hot. ..IDK ….but I’d go with that one.

      Karen could be thick as Jill Scott and still win the HFG sweepstakes. (Though I agree that the size comparison was unwarranted) it was more like guy code for #flatbooty, #ittybityy….comittee, ))

  13. Eric all day. Once you know what it's like to be treated like an Eric, it's hard to go back and deal with all the bullsh** Raheems will put you through.

      1. Eric is a simp because hes nice and treats his woman kindly. Okay.

        9 times out of 10 you will find Raheem trickin off spending tons of money for a girl he doesn't even know at the strip club. But that's not lame…

    1. "Karen probably on here in the comments right now writing something man-bashing"

      …damn you Chris for ruining my Karen fantasy with the truth.

  14. Is it easier to find a wife? That depends on the man and his mindset. Is it easy to find somebody to marry? Maybe, after all, we're the ones who buy the ring, and as such, being the aggressor/initiator/hunter, it is easier because we have to go get it, as opposed to women who generally wait to be chosen. Is it fair? Absolutely. You don't get the same results from laying back as you do actively pursuing what it is that you want. Are some people reading this going to like it? Absolutely not. Oh well.

    Finding a wife? That is a different story. There are plenty of men who got married, but didn't find a wife though. (Two different things) A wife has favor attached to her, she helps her husband, and his life is improved because of her, she helps give his vision life, and adds a structure as well, he can safely trust her because she does him good, he can trust her to bring himself into the next generation (his children). Finding one of those? That's not easy at all.
    My recent post New friends

  15. P.S. It's always the people who don't have to do a thing that say it's so easy to do. It's easy because they're the ones sitting on the sideline Monday morning quarterbacking instead of going out there to win games.
    My recent post New friends

  16. Ok 1st- I AM CRYING at Karen having natural hair and Samantha having a weave. That's just evil.

    The only issue I take with this is the odd absolutes (sidebar-Samantha doesn't sound that awful, why is one child so bad?). Most women I know are a handful of either quality put together, though not in the "perfect combination". Same goes for most guys I know (although, hilariously I actually do know two or three "corporate thugs".)

    1. But what happens to the women/men who, because we work in these odd absolutes, find themselves getting shoved into one category by potential mates? I know an Eric with two baby mamas, that constantly gets friended because the women don't hang around long enough to find out how he got them two kids. Shoot, I'm 80% Karen but most men I encounter automatically assume I am grooming them for husbandom and give me the "listen, I never said anything about getting serious" speech mid-second date. O_o
      Wouldn't it just be easier to take people as they are instead of what you define them to be through your perception and go from there?
      PS- If I had to pick right now it would be Eric. That "lights off" thing is pretty simple to remedy. I've heard. From a friend.

    2. The funny thing is that the fact she has 1 kid, is the only reason i almost chose her. Besides putting it down, i bet all those other "qualities" wouldnt be present if she never had that child. Is that bad i think like that? lol

  17. The descriptions of each and how they look are pure comedy lol.

    MAN….i really, really, really wanna role with Samantha….like really. The only reason I think she has any of those postive comments we fellas love (minus the chex) is because of that child she has. She was forced to handle responsibility and have nurting qualities, she didnt mature into it. I would even go as far as to say she only does most of that out of habit.

    So sadly……..i have to go with Karen. The nagging will suuuuuuck, but she will be worth it in the long run……i guess smh lol

    sidenote: is it me or do a great majority of men have to make this exact choice in life? lol it could be me

    1. "is it me or do a great majority of men have to make this exact choice in life?"

      “I oughta cut her off, & let another sooth me
      But I don't know, ordinary chicks don't move me
      I mean, I tried to fall in love with a bittie
      But straight up, just be with the chick out of pity
      So although I know, pretty bitch shady
      Here I go, trying to change a ho into a lady
      Nahmean?” – Slick Rick -Da Art of Storytelling -Aquemeni

      it's not just you mane.

  18. first of all, u cant judge somebody by a list of characteristics. the woman on the left (from my experience) is spoiled and disloyal more often than not. the woman on the right is down for coming up. and she dont have a laundry list of silly standards like the woman on the left. women wonder why we get with the woman on the right. aint hard to tell. i dont even get mad at women that get with the thug types because i understand what they want. a real man not no weak ass boy.

    second of all, finding a wife might be so easy that its difficult. imagine going into a grocery store and being presented with a million apples and you told that you have to select one apple to eat, but you can't touch none of the apples to check for dead spots. how would you go about doing that? which one do you select and why?

    some guys just don't have alot of options due to how they are. thug types get alot of women but dont always keep them due to what they do (wind up in jail) or the women cheat on them to try and find a better man due to their girlfriends talking shit in their ear or just their own cheating nature. THEN u got the weak guys who cant keep a woman because the woman just lose interest.

  19. I married a "Karen" (not the church goer), sometimes you pull a little "Samantha" out of her. After looking back in life she definitely is a preference. My preference and wants aligned nicely.
    The Raheem and Eric is a common story for many. How many sisters had to look through Raheem goggles to find an Eric.

  20. Really? This post caused “twitter controversy”?? Aren’t the choices obvious lol..?

    I’ve honestly never really found myself having to choose between the two b/c I’ve always just gone for the Nerd. So the only problem I’ve had in dating these past yrs in my late 20s was lame dudes perpetuating as nerds lol smh.

    I do have a sense, though, that in general, it’s just easier for men to settle down when they decide b/c on average, men decide later in life and by that time a lot of the women their own age are almost desperate to settle (down). Also, when men get to this point, they also seem lower-maintenance in their requirements…

  21. The sad reality for a lot of women like Karen is that men gravitate toward Samantha's. What men often fail to see or maybe they are just blinded by the amazing fellatio and the fat a** is that Samantha's are usually either crazier than most women, extremely materialistic, or amazingly superficial.

  22. All of these people are physically attractive. and Karen and Samantha both probably have a lot to offer, it's not a good versus evil thing. Samantha is probably smart, I've known a lot of samanthas and they DO have substance too. People try to make it seem like girls that are pretty and outwardly love sex are bimbos and I've barely seen that (they prolly just never really opened up who they truly are to you)

    As for Eric, I don't know. I will be honest…. Eric kind of intimidates me. It's almost the way guys talk about being intimidated by accomplished, intelligent black women. Starting to feel that way these days about my male counterparts. I'm confident in myself but I also feel like Eric and I would have little sexual chemistry and further, maybe I'm not ready for an Eric. I'm not all the way where I need to be to be with someone like Eric. Sounds like a cop out, but for real. Raheem is easy and also requires little work and emotional effort.

    1. @Young Heaux

      Most American black women can't handle or appreciate an Eric.

      Because Eric will hold you accountable.

      You can get over on the Raheems.

  23. No but seriously, this rings all too true. The Karen character is such a wonderful person, and you continue to tell yourself, you SHOULD want her! I mean what's wrong with you? She's got everything to offer you to become the best man you can be! And cliche after cliche.
    More problems have persisted with Karen than with Samantha, from my personal experience. Karen looks great to my friends and family. She provides everything you need and keeps everything looking great surface level. But inside your relationship, you're bored out of your mind. You can't turn off from the person you display in public. There's no intimacy with that person. You don't even LIKE the person. Karen can come with deeply embedded issues in the long term. She may feel she has a perception to keep up. She may have worse trust issues than the woman hurt by baby daddy.

    In conclusion, if you can find a Karen that you can really rock with, ya know like you feel like yourself around her, then great. If that's what you like, of course. But, at 25 y/o, Samantha sounds like a better choice. Someone I could just kick it with and not worry about work or stress or whatever.

  24. Oh and I didn't even get into the issue of time spent together. My Karen wasn't a teacher. So her career had her working all types of long business hours. Me myself, I'm in the broadcast news industry, so my hours are doo doo water as well. Karen and I could go days, possibly weeks without seeing each other. Definite strain on the relationship and our intimacy.

      1. Maybe. Maybe not. If that was what she wanted to do. But she is destined for greatness in the career path she chose who am I to ruin that? I would love a companion with a flexible work schedule to spend time with her. I'm off at 10 AM and she's off at 8 PM what time do we have ya know?

  25. "Today, you have to make a choice between the men and women pictured above: Left or Right?
    "

    Eric hands down!

    "If you are so inclined, you can further explain your choice in the comment section below. AFTER YOU’VE CLEARLY MADE YOUR CHOICE BETWEEN LEFT OR RIGHT KNOWN, then you can explain if you think these pictures are representative of real decisions you’ve had to make in dating or if you’ve had the benefit of finding or representing the “best of both worlds”. "

    Well, there are many Raheem's that have been classmates, neighbors and even guys that tried to step to me. But I don't know them sexually nor do I know if they pay girl's bills. I wouldn't want a guy like that because I find one baby momma already too much if you aren't over 30. I also don't find a six-packk all that. My last ex had a pot belly and droopy eyes, I loved him for his passion and free thinking. No, I prefer an Eric.

    In my dating life I have often had to choose between:

    Educated vs Non-Educated

    Concious vs "Going with the Western Flow"

    Obese vs Skinny

    Intelligent vs Ditzy

    Broke vs Nouveau Riche

    Arrogant vs Insecure

    Protective vs Scared

    Marriage-minded vs Not-even-boyfriend-material

    Very religious vs barely spiritual

    Militant vs easy-going

    Dominant vs passive

    Oedipus-complex vs narcisisst

    I have been called "best of both worlds" based on my education, looks and financial status. However being called that will matter the day I get proposed to agian, by someone I actually want to be married to.

    "Lastly, do you think it is easier for men to find a wife than it is for women to find a husband?"

    I think it is easier for Western men to find a wife, then Western women to find a husband because:

    * Out of all the countries in the world only a few Western countries have equal rights for married and unmarried women fully in their judicial system (including voting rights, equal pay and ownership rights). So if you are not the prototype wife-material that would be considered maritable in most places on earth, that is an aspect that is a disadvantage. One that men don't have.

    * Most countries in the world have patriachal systems in place, which means that "independed women" have to mostly work with and date men that have gender roles in the back of their minds that they would liek to see in their (future) household. Which in turn means that when you DON'T take into account how different your views are from the average man, you miss out on a good amount of men that have stereotypical ideas about your type of woman.

    * Men are considered possible newly wed husbands/new fathers for longer parts of their lives, than women.

    A 40 year old broke guy, can still start a family with a 20-year old (daddy-issues having) girl and live happily ever after.

    A 40 year old women doing such thing (Demi Moore?) will be scolded by more women than men about this, AND she has a high probability of losing her dude later on because he feels like he is missing out. As men (in a patriachal system) are taught that it's ok (even necessary) to fool around in their 20's and settle down in their 30 ;s . Wome are taught that your 20's are there for education AND settling down . So a guy in his 40's is just more likely to succesfully settle down with a girl in her 20's, then the other way around.

    * It's easier for men to walk away from women who aren't wife-material than the other way around. Once sex happens, it changes women (not all of us, but many of us).

    I would say more but I have stuff to do. So these are my two cents.

      1. She DID make a good argument on the starting a family bit. Mydad divroced my mom and has a brand new family. A woman at 40 is going to have a hard time getting a husband because men THINK we want kids. I know I do and I know what to expect. Sex might go down and she's feeling like crap for alotta months,so we might end up adopting anyway. How are chick tryna be like men. I see old ass dudes with youngins all the time. Some of this chicks are messin up da game for the ladies.

    1. Part 1

      @SecretSweetLady

      @SecretSweetLady says:
      September 22, 2013 at 9:02 am
      "Today, you have to make a choice between the men and women pictured above: Left or Right?

      Eric hands down!

      Bullsh*t. Eric's dominate our society, and some are passionate. But you think you are too good for your dating pool.

      As long as you mind being alone forever. I support your POOR choices.

      "If you are so inclined, you can further explain your choice in the comment section below. AFTER YOU’VE CLEARLY MADE YOUR CHOICE BETWEEN LEFT OR RIGHT KNOWN, then you can explain if you think these pictures are representative of real decisions you’ve had to make in dating or if you’ve had the benefit of finding or representing the “best of both worlds”. "

      Well, there are many Raheem's that have been classmates, neighbors and even guys that tried to step to me. But I don't know them sexually nor do I know if they pay girl's bills. I wouldn't want a guy like that because I find one baby momma already too much if you aren't over 30. I also don't find a six-packk all that. My last ex had a pot belly and droopy eyes, I loved him for his passion and free thinking. No, I prefer an Eric.

      Based on what you are writing, you need to settle. And quickly. Because those looks are gonna hold up too long.

      In my dating life I have often had to choose between:
      Educated vs Non-Educated
      Concious vs "Going with the Western Flow"
      Obese vs Skinny
      Intelligent vs Ditzy
      Broke vs Nouveau Riche
      Arrogant vs Insecure
      Protective vs Scared
      Marriage-minded vs Not-even-boyfriend-material
      Very religious vs barely spiritual
      Militant vs easy-going
      Dominant vs passive
      Oedipus-complex vs narcisisst
      I have been called "best of both worlds" based on my education, looks and financial status. However being called that will matter the day I get proposed to agian, by someone I actually want to be married to.

      These guys want a better woman, otherwise they would have chose you already. Unless you are leaving some key detail out.

      "Lastly, do you think it is easier for men to find a wife than it is for women to find a husband?"

      I think it is easier for Western men to find a wife, then Western women to find a husband because:
      * Out of all the countries in the world only a few Western countries have equal rights for married and unmarried women fully in their judicial system (including voting rights, equal pay and ownership rights). So if you are not the prototype wife-material that would be considered maritable in most places on earth, that is an aspect that is a disadvantage. One that men don't have.

      The flaw in this reasoning, is that

      MEN HAVE TO WORK TO GET WOMEN.

      He has to have his life in order to get a decent woman.

      Like a place to stay, mode of transportation, etc.

      Then he has to face rejection & learn social skills.

      And then he has to maintain all that, ALL THROUGHOUT the relationship.

      But in your myopic world, that is an easy feat.

      At least most women do not need these things to get a man.

      Trust me, it's all even when you tally it up.

      ————

    2. Part 2

      * Most countries in the world have patriachal systems in place,

      Which is a reciprocal thing between men & women. It is not perfect & NEEDS some renovation , but it takes care of most of our needs.

      which means that "independed women" have to mostly work with and date men that have gender roles in the back of their minds that they would liek to see in their (future) household.

      First of all, if a guy is going to get his life in order, so he can have a shot at getting a decent wife, & invest in her long-term.

      YOU BEST TO BELIEVE SHE BETTER COOPERATE AND GET WITH THE PROGRAM!!!

      The men that you are looking for are AMERICAN BLACK DUDE who grew up in single BLACK mother HOUSEHOLDS.

      They might be a little broke, a little emotional, but they won't be the overbearing patriarch that you rail against.

      Which in turn means that when you DON'T take into account how different your views are from the average man, you miss out on a good amount of men that have stereotypical ideas about your type of woman.

      Sounds like a PERSONAL problem if you ask me. I told you where to go if you want a different flavor of dude. And you also have simp azz white dudes.

      Like I said, you don't prioritize dating like you should. So whatever.

      * Men are considered possible newly wed husbands/new fathers for longer parts of their lives, than women.
      A 40 year old broke guy, can still start a family with a 20-year old (daddy-issues having) girl and live happily ever after.

      That 40 yr old broke dude STILL has to have something going for him & have to be doing something. Great s*x, great lingo w/e.

      That 20 yr old woman is usually in a better position than a 20 yr old man.

      She just has to not eff it up.

      A 40 year old women doing such thing (Demi Moore?) will be scolded by more women than men about this, AND she has a high probability of losing her dude later on because he feels like he is missing out.

      Being 40 & man less is not the business. Pick good husbands in your 20s.

      As men (in a patriachal system) are taught that it's ok (even necessary) to fool around in their 20's and settle down in their 30 ;s .

      It depends but as stated before. Only a minority of men in general are getting the privilege to fool around in America.

      A lot of dry paynuses out there.

      Wome are taught that your 20's are there for education AND settling down .

      We have a lot of women out here spending their 20s doing a lot of s1utastic behavior. Definitely not marriage minded.

      So a guy in his 40's is just more likely to succesfully settle down with a girl in her 20's, then the other way around.

      Men & women are different & are held to different standards

      * It's easier for men to walk away from women who aren't wife-material than the other way around. Once sex happens, it changes women (not all of us, but many of us).

      True. But that is why women have to pick well before they get s*xually active with a dude.

      I would say more but I have stuff to do. So these are my two cents.

      Good Day

      Stay in your "female" lane

      1. Like I said before homie,you like dudes. This whole write up you got here is not horrible,but a couple of points make it pretty simpish.

      1. "Maybe they didn't connect in the way he or she wants."

        This answer and it's variation gets me every time.

        They "connected" just long enough for him to leave his seed in her I guess. Or maybe that's all they wanted.

        I digress.

        1. So what's your point? Are you saying that everyone you lay down with is your soulmate? Or that at that time, she had feelings for him that he didn't have for her? Or what?

        2. Nope. But I make DAMN sure that if the person is temporary, they don't leave any trace of themselves behind that I can't throw away (diseases, kids…that sort of thing). There are preventative measures people have invented for that sort of thing. I've also been told I'm old fashion in my way of thinking about relationship and sex, so this might not register with some people.

          Again, I digress.

    1. Raheem all day every day. Except with no kids. Never that, and trust they DO exist!

      They also contact during daytime hours, and won't have a felony.

      And YES for asking about my day! One time.

      We can remedy those dick pics, cause nobody likes that. Little known fact: Men, dick pics are shared amongst friends, so repeat do NOT send. That's my PSA for the day. You're welcome

  26. This is funny. I can't help but think I need to change my ways to my ways and not the right way. Even though people don't exist in these extremes the point is one option is legit one option is shady. Karens and Erics are the people that are good for your and Samanthas and Raheems are the people that look good to you but aren't good for you. Most guys opted to go with Samantha and her baggage over Karen and her lack of. Just goes to show you can be the "good girl" that guys say they want and you'll be passed over just for that reason because now you require too much time, too many standards etc. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm ditching the Karen profile for Samantha. I bet she has more fun. LOL.

  27. I think some men don't have the patience to look for the 'wife' type females especially when it comes to being physical. Some men seek instant gratification. And depending on the dude 'Samantha' sounds much more appealing than 'Karen' but the sad reality is, those same dudes get stuck with the 'Samantha's' and wind up having a child with them, being miserable in the long run, and maybe end up paying child support. But different strokes for different folks some like karen some go with samantha.
    My recent post Not This Year: Best Individual Teams To Never Win A Title

  28. This post is pretty funny. It's never this clear cut in my opinion, but I get the point. I'm currently dealing with a variation of Raheeem. One thing we have to realize about Raheem is that if he is a Que which means he at least went to college lol Although I really like my "Raheem" if I had to make a choice I would chose an Eric all day. Eric seems like all he needs is an open minded woman to turn him into a freak. I can do that for him as long as the sexual chemisty exists. I would say that i'm definitely more like Karen than Samatha, but I am not a prude in the bedroom and am not big into religion. All the other qualities are me all day.

  29. I would have loved to read these discussions and what ppl had to say about each person I think this is realistic enough although their are some guys who are intelligent and all those great characteristics but depending on his upbringing can have a tougher exterior same for women but it doesn't change that they are mostly karen or eric. Either way I choose Eric since I'm a Karen but I like a man to be physically fit and healthy so ideally Eric would look like Raheem with a suit on 🙂

  30. Eric and that's my final answer (Hesitantly)! But the last time I stepped out of my comfort zone and dated a Kappa, he asked me for a polyamorous relationship 0_o… You can think your choosing a safe piece of chocolate, and end up with some crazy coconut, fruit jelly filled piece… SMH, but isn't that life????

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