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For some reason or another, the topic of celibacy was on my mind the other day. In the realm of relationships, the topic has always fascinated me. I wanted to bring you all my ideas and see if you could relate. Maybe some of you have your own stories to share or thoughts on why you should stay with a celibate partner. I look forward to reading them.
I will be the first to admit that when I’ve been in a good sexual relationship, one question always rears its ugly head. Don’t know if the fellas would be with me on this one. I’ve been asked on a couple of occasions by a woman “What would you do if I said I wanted to be celibate?” Sound familiar? Well, I would usually answer quite honestly and say this: I might give it a shot, but I would probably leave. I promise you I couldn’t force myself to give any other kind of response. I truly feel this way in my heart and I know it will be difficult for me to have a dating experience with a celibate man. This here speaks to a deeper issue. My honest response wasn’t met with happiness or thankfulness. The response was quite the contrary, which should be expected, I suppose. Me not wanting to go on the same journey as the woman I’m seeing was seen as wrong.
What happens in relationships when one party wants to abstain sexually and one does not?
A common answer to the question is, “easier said than done.” Many things are easier said than done, but there’s a lot of shit we just have to do. So with a response like the one I gave above, many people would say you can’t just do that after being with someone for a long period. I can most definitely dig that.
At this point, it’s a matter of who you are and what you can handle.
This is my philosophy. Someone abstaining from sex is fine. If it’s important to them, I can surely respect it. Conversely, maybe sex is very important to you and you want to have it. Why are you seen as selfish or insensitive where in reality you’re just being honest like your partner?
I always say that unless both parties talk about and agree to be celibate, then being celibate is a single decision. It does not mean I don’t love you. It does not mean I’m in it only for sex. I simply think it means you’re just not trying to participate in something that your partner likes. If your partner cannot handle it, I think it’s quite fine to leave.
As a man, I have always felt there was an idea that we must stay or else. I guess I’m tired of that idea. This time, I understand the plethora of reasoning as to why people may want to be celibate. I happen to feel that most of them are irrelevant enough to think a partner will just stay off the strength of because you made an independent decision. Why should I be labeled selfish for not wanting to be celibate? All the while you made a singular decision to no longer have sex? I don’t think anyone wins with the selfish argument. I simply think parties need to be understanding of one another, whether or not they agree to be celibate together or not. Respect is always paramount.
Have any of you made the decision to be celibate in a relationship? How was that decision met by your partner? If someone doesn’t want to stay involved, do you consider them shallow? Do you really think you should stay with a celibate partner?
I’d love to go back and forth on this, talk to me.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
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