Home Featured Don’t Believe Her, She’s Lying: 4 Things Women Say They Don’t Mean

Don’t Believe Her, She’s Lying: 4 Things Women Say They Don’t Mean


Portrait of pretty young woman gesturing keep silence isolated on white background

Let them tell it and men are the most likely to tell a lie, cheat or steal. That’s how she’d like you to think about yourself as a man. They say, “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.” The truth is men lie, women lie, we both lie and that’s just the way it is. If you find me a woman who has never told a lie before in her life whether harmless or not, I’d like to meet the unicorn so I can kill it. Since you can’t find one, I won’t be killing any women or unicorns. Women lie differently than men. They omit the truth, they misguide the truth, and they are always convinced that they are taking into consideration everyone else but herself when they lie. The truth is, nobody lies for someone else… except men. That’s what I want to talk about today. Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that there are things that men just can’t say to women. It may be the truth, but he’d be best to keep it to himself. For some strange reason, women haven’t reached the same conviction. They feel it’s perfectly okay to spew lies or stretches of the truth. With that said, I thought I’d help out the fellas by giving you a short list of things women say that they don’t mean. In other words, don’t believe that sh*t.

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1. What do you think about [insert anything here]?

She might ask you this question and truly believe on the inside that she’s genuinely interested in your answer. This is a trick, this is only a trick. What she means to say is, “Confirm that you feel the same way I feel about this.” I ain’t got a clue why women continue to ask men questions like this. They probably want to give the man a chance to speak his opinion before they tell him their own. In reality, this is only a trick that’s best avoided by saying either “I’ve never really thought about it” or making a real good assumption at what you think her answer will be and making that yours.

2. Where is this going? Or, what are we?

I don’t know why women even ask this question because I’m not sure that I’ve ever known too many men who answer the question honestly. It’s one of those questions that falls into the category of “if you needed to know, you wouldn’t have to ask” but women ask anyway. But do they really want an honest answer? Hell no. The reason why men pause for so long before answering this question is not because they need to think about the answer, it’s because they know the answer but they know she don’t want to hear it.

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3. How do you think I look?

Translation: How do you think I think I look? If you think back to how many times you’ve heard this question and how many times you’ve ever told the truth it makes you wonder if the woman actually wants to know the answer. No woman wants to hear, “Yeah that style looks good on Beyonce, but not on you” or “I think you could stand to lose a few pounds, maybe ten.” They tell you they WANT to hear the answer, they’re lying through their teeth harder than the way your mother used to scold you in church on Sunday.

4. I’ll only do that for my husband.

Don’t buy it… don’t you buy it. A lot of women claim to have this list of stuff that they’ll only do for their husband. Take for example the post from yesterday, that’s a good example of how the nature of women is the more they respect a man, the more they tone it down. There is simply no evidence that something that is not happening right now will happen once they’re on the other side of a marriage license. That old saying, “It’s better to have one in hand, than two in the bush” is true. For those who don’t know what that means or haven’t internalized it, simply put, you have what you have now, what you might get later is not promised.

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That’s just a short list of statements or questions that women make that are better off referred to as lies. They may say it but they don’t mean it. They either don’t want the answer to the question or they don’t even believe themselves when they say it. I’m sure there’s tons of other things that women say that you can categorize as a straight lie but there’s these things called word counts.

Do me a favor, what are some questions or statements that women make that you can go ahead and take with a grain of salt?

Dr. J


  1. From a female perspective, I find the article to be entertaining & true except when it comes to #2. As women we really are interested in knowing the truth related to “who are we/where is this going”. I believe women really do want an honest answer on this one so we can decide whether to stick it out or pack our bags & move on to other things. How would you propose a woman get an answer to this question without actually asking this question?

    1. i agree, its not that women dont want the honest answer, however they will lie in the aftermath. they will say they understand but dont, willing to wait but wont. usually she knows what time it is, and its either play oblivious and be kinda happyand wait for something better to come along or walk away for what you truly want.

  2. #1. Is completely valid (for me at least). I really wanna know what you think.How else do you get to know someone I may not like your opinion but I wanna hear it. It's not I'm gonna go Kujo on you if you don't agree. Depending on the topic it may affect the course of the rest of the relationship. A guy is either b*#&#*%# up or with a b*%^# if you feel you can't share your thoughts.

    #2. Valid question especially this days when everyone on their ever-changing, unpredictable, no definitive outline or schedule pursuit of happiness. Taking the time to see where you stand in someone's life is a must. I do agree that if you have to ask then you already know. But like the writer said, people lie or worse….withhold the truth.

    #3. Ehhh. Insecurity. This is one of those Emily Dickinson moments….tell the truth but tell it slant. Plus I think that if you make her feel good when does look good to you and remain silent when she's doing something you're not feeling, she'll pick it up (it's our thing). I would also say to give changes time before you diss em. I change my styles up quick, haven't missed a beat yet but some of them did take time for people to adjust to.

    #4. ……Pending feedback…..

  3. if you're on a first date & a woman says "I've got the bill" she never means it & if you let her pay, just say goodbye to date #2 but that's an easy one.

    1. Funny but true, letting me pay during the early dating period will get a man a check minus and thrown into the friend zone. I always offer to pay on the first few dates at least, but I only really mean it after I've gotten to date #3. This is not on purpose, it's just a pattern I've noticed.

  4. I have truly asked the first two questions. If I ask anyone their opinion on something, then I really want to know, otherwise I wouldn't ask. That doesn't mean that I am going to take said advice or suggestion. It just means that I want to know what you think about it.

    The second one is a bit touchy. I think for the most part most women actually do want the answer to this question. There are some delusional chicks out there of course, but those women wouldn't probably bother to ask. They'd rather let the dream run its course and then blame you later. Me? If I am asking, I want to know the answer. I need to figure out my next move. I really don't like people wasting my time so I will ask that question if I feel like you aren't going to bring it up. I don't fully believe in the, "if you have to ask then you already know" statement. Men can be just as obtuse as women sometimes. I had one guy assume that I already knew we were in a relationship. Uh…how was I supposed to know? There was no conversation. I assume nothing.

    1. what it boils down to is, once i answer the question what are you going to do with the answer? If i give my perspective on something will you take it in or brush it off because it conflicts yours? if i tell you we arent together are you going to accept it and move on, or hang on to something you know you cant have

      1. @Tristian I feel you in the last part. Some women get the answer to their question (especially number 2) and brush it off or interpret it in a way that makes the answer work in their favor or make you look like the bad guy

      2. If your answer isn't what I want to hear, I keep it moving. I said above, I don't like people wasting my time. For what it's worth, I am in my 30s, I don't have time for that twenty something BS for real. I'm serious about that. I have taken this course of action in the past and will continue to do so.

  5. i have seen number 4 played a few times, i think in part women like to incentivize things because they hate the idea that after youve got their mind, body and soul theres nothing left. but spoiler alert, men marry because they want to spend the rest of their life with you not because you got a trick with a tongue ring and an ice cube or a bicurious homegirl

  6. Lmao…. Can we live

    I will admit that when women ask these question , while we want honesty , we would like your honesty to confirm what we already feel is right or confirm the positive in a situation that maybe questionable . The real issue is men don’t want to deal with the consequences the truth may bring to them.

    Example #2. If I ask you ” where is this going or what are we ” I want the truth. Now I may not like it but I want it . The real issue is that if I want your answer to be ” babe , you been u my girl since day one, were together ” an your answer is ” uhh what do you mean, or I thought we we’re just kicking it ” you may lose the privileges you were once receiving ( my time , company , sex , food ). And we all know you don’t want to lose that , or at least you don’t want it to stop until your ready .

  7. Fellas be honest lol ( no really ) is question number 2 really that bad . Like is it really ” if you have to ask” or is it simply something asked for clarification . Basically can a women ask you this and get a positive answer ?

    1. The question itself isn't bad, the bad part is WHEN the question is asked. Don't ask a man that after you have gotten down and dirty with it. If you really want to know what you two are, ask with your clothes on and the blood fully flowing into his brain. In this case, asking after chex is misleading and manipulative, basically trying to stack the deck.
      My recent post New friends

  8. If after she has received some bad news from you regarding something you did/didn't do or if an argument may ensue. She may hit you with this one liner word or text. "You good"


  9. Like all the points…

    1. What do you think about [insert anything here]?
    You are SPOT ON!!! They don't want your opinion. They just want to vent. If she has taken a stance about something or someone your only job is to listen. Maybe offer vague nonsensical opinions/advice like, "Maybe..I guess", "You are probably right", "Wow..um…I don't even know".
    Only exceptions: Trival things like "What do you think about leaving at 6 instead of 5?" or "What do you think about eating out tonight?"

    2. "Where is this going?"
    Nothing good will likely ever come out of this convo. If she is asking then its probably sign that "this" has been going on aimlessly for quite a while. I.e. You's in trouble trouble Truuuuhhhh,,,Bulllll!!! lol

    3. "How do you think I look?"
    This is dangerous because telling her what she doesn't want to hear can trigger problems…..but so can telling her what she DOES want to hear. Lord forbid you tell her something looks good on her that doesn't and she goes out and embarrasses herself, sees herslef later in some horrifying picture or her friends see her and ask why she is wearing that. She will come for that head like, "If you know it didn't look good then why did you lie?"
    You have to tread carefully on this one. Know your woman and how to break the bad news.

    4. "I'll Only Do That For My Husband"
    IMO, "Husband" is code for "the guy I really really love and consider to be a man I could see myself marrying". Let a woman tell you early on in the dating phase "I would only give head and swallow for my husband". Soon as she can see herself with no one else other than you….soon as she decides that she would not hesitate to say YES to your marriage proposal then head, WITH the Happy Ending, is now in play.

    1. Lol …it’s not a lie. It’s not about what you say but how it’s said. That statement is an example of men knowing the truth might not be in their favor.

      We don’t want you to come up to us and say “when you gon let me fu*k” that’s just rude and I’m a lady.

      I feel like most men know before which woman are just DTF and which the just want to f**k but can’t do so unless they lead her on a little.

      1. Its a trick question is what it is!..lol But yes id only answer that question if it were a smut chick that said it..but let a good woman make that statement and im pleading the 5th..

  10. 1 – 3, I'm def gonna say that there is a preferred answer to this question. It's not that she doesn't want to really know the true answer…but she's def fishing for confirmation/affirmation to say "he's confirmed that I'm right", "we're on the same page", "yeah, I'm in this", and "you look wonderful". However, this does not always mean that she can't handle your response. Even in preferring a specific answer, she may respect your perspectives enough to consider you opinionsl/beliefs and style suggestions. For #2, I think the swindle goes both ways. The woman is def hoping for a green light and, if he's not feeling a rela with her (at least at that time), his anxiety is not about her not wanting the true answer…it's about him losing out (not in a "his loss" way but in a "no more booty and emotional support" kind of way") if he's brutally honest with her.

    1. I'm throwing down the flag on #4 though. Granted, I'll concede stuff like chex acts, vacations…other random lines. Those can be shaky, lol. But, other stuff like nekkid pics/videos, shared bills, living together…those can be very real husband/wife lines.

      1. We're basically <<<<< >>>>> here –but me personally I would send a nekkid body part pic before I indulge in certain chex acts with someone who isn't my husband.

        1. Really? LOL! Over something that could end up on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, World star or TMZ?! Wow…

        2. I did say a body part — I didn't say full frontal (face showing). 🙂 That's just me though. *shrug* I would be more inclined to sending a pic rather than…….. (insert any not your run of the mill or everyday chex act)

    2. "his anxiety is not about her not wanting the true answer…it's about him losing out (not in a "his loss" way but in a "no more booty and emotional support" kind of way") if he's brutally honest with her"

      Thank you.

  11. #4 is not a LIE.. Certain things I've done with my husband that I refuse to do with a guy who's just a BF, "Friend", etc. and I make it very clear too… "Oh, you want to put it where, nah Imma need a ring on this here finger firstt"

    I don't do loans, I don't do laundry and we are not cohabitating. These things all fall under hubby perks..

  12. "what are some questions or statements that women make that you can go ahead and take with a grain of salt?"

    –I've never done this before/ this is out of my comfort zone/ i'm tryin to be more open-minded

    –I only see you as a friend aka The FriendZone — I've seen men get upgraded from FZ to either "Special Friend" or BF. It happens more than you think, if you really like her just hang in there and be patient.

    That's all I got.

    1. "I've seen men get upgraded from FZ to either "Special Friend" or BF. It happens more than you think, if you really like her just hang in there and be patient. "

      I call this, "Simp Recruitment Propaganda" better known as…

      #5 on the list of things that women say that men should take w/ a grain of salt.

      …damnit, I said I was I was gonna let y'all make it today

      1. IDK being in the friendzone you get the insight on her views of men, actions, not to mention you can see what type of person she is. I am in the friendzone with a guy i truely was into, but the more and more i see him and see his actions the more I think "yeah we should just be friends." Im not saying to not date and hold on for hope, but keep dating and see where it could go down the line.
        My recent post Who do I have to be, to gain reciprocity?:The problem with takers

  13. Rather than argue I will conceed #'s 1, 3 & 4 can be true for some women. HOWEVER #2? Nope. You can't tell me it is my fault if I get led on with one side of your mouth and then criticize me for asking a clarifying question with the other. Nope, sir, not today. "What are we" is admittedly one of the worst ways to broach the subject but dammit, at least when she gets an answer she can act accordingly or be held responsible if she doesn't. Eff "if you have to ask, you already know". I know when you tell me. If you haven't told me, I ask. Especially in this land of "oh, if I was looking for a GF you would be it"-carrot-dangling land of ambiguity some of y'all lurk in to get the drawz.
    My recent post Out &amp; About; BLF at the Launch of Eva Mendes for New York &amp; Company!

    1. Now, when women are completely full of it?

      1) "But we can be friends"- we do it to placehold or placate. Rarely it will be a case of "dude, you're cool as hell I'd still like to occasionally hang" and if it is, we'll state it just as that. Otherwise, we either don't know what to do with you or are afraid for our well-being if we plainly say "not interested". If presented with this option- DO NOT make yourself available to her beck and call. Pull back-SHARPLY- and she'll show her cards.

      2) ANY SHORT ANSWER- "Ok". "Do what you want". "Fine". "No biggie" We are two seconds away from critical mass.

      3) Any question about her friends. Always act like you didn't notice.
      My recent post Out &amp; About; BLF at the Launch of Eva Mendes for New York &amp; Company!

    2. Especially in this land of "oh, if I was looking for a GF you would be it"-carrot-dangling land of ambiguity some of y'all lurk in to get the drawz.”

      GURLLLLLL…. As many posts I see on here about, be up front, say what you want, now “what are we” is a bad question or one we don’t want to hear the answer to. I can rock with some of the other points, but nope can’t let number 2 slide. Women want to hear the truth, now some may not accept it. That’s a different story. I don’t assume, too many dudes love to live in pseudo, bf/gf ride or die chick situations, for me to just assume because were together a lot, we text all the time and were sleeping with each other exclusively (hopefully, still use condoms ppl, because again I may be assuming because I’m only sleeping with you that you aren’t sleeping with other women) that you are officially boyfriend.

      1. Number 2 should be: “What are we” men hate answering that question with the truth in situations where they no the truth will cut them off from access to the cookie. Men could care less how she takes it (feels), but they do care if how she feels will keep her legs and kitchen closed, and get his calls sent to voicemail or for you non-talking on the phone men, texts unanswered.

        1. I dunno who in here is giving you the thumbs down, I peeped it yesterday too.


          I'm over here chucklin at these comments today.


    3. I'm on the fence, lol. I can see the logic of both sides. On one hand, yes, I don't know till you tell me. On the other hand, something usually triggers uncertainty…beyond "you never told me". This "something" is usually questionable behavior or ambiguous talk. This is where I think men come up with the "you know" stuff. Cause, according to their logic, the "something" was enough for us to shonuff know that "I'm prob not getting that relationship I want from him". This is where I part with the men. That's not enough to shonuff know (you know what they say about assumptions and stuff)…but it is a sign that a conversation needs to be had to see if you're interpretation is correct and, if so, whether or not you can get on the same page. From there, you do what you have to do for you.

      1. Hey you are so right about the "something" triggering uncertainty. The same way dudes talk their way out of drawers, women can talk their way right out of being someone's girlfriend. You're right about conversations needed to be had about questionable behavior. The problem is that oftentimes that questionable behavior is a sign that said conversation can't either be honestly had or will go nuclear in a hurry. Unless dude is just an a$$ like that, he isn't going to go out of his way to start something. Hence, all the "you know" talk.

  14. <DIV id=idc-comment-msg-div-728958754 class=idc-message><A class=idc-close title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(728958754)"><SPAN>Close Message</SPAN>
    Comment posted.
    <P class=idc-nomargin><A style="TEXT-DECORATION: none" class=idc-share-facebook href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.singleblackmale.org%2F2013%2F09%2F27%2Fsigns-shes-lying%2F#IDComment728958754&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20Don%E2%80%99t%20Believe%20Her%2C%20She%E2%80%99s%20Lying%3A%204%20Things%20Women%20Say%20They%20Don%E2%80%99t%20Mean%20-%20SBM" target=_new><SPAN class=idc-share-inner><SPAN>Share on Facebook</SPAN></SPAN> or <A href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(728958754)">Close MessageThe husband one is spot on. And me personally I hate when that happens because you aren't being real. I only give dome to my husband…no! Now don't get me wrong there are SOME women who are really about that. It's far and few in between though. if you like to perform oral, you like to perform oral period,nothing wrong with that.– especially if you're in the heat of the moment and the guy turns you on. I'm sure dudes are the same, they're not known for 'box eating' but if the woman turns them on and they're in the heat of the moment they'd do it. In the end we're all adults here so let's be adults. I mean last time I checked performing oral is apart of sex.
    My recent post <A href="http://opinionatedmale.com/2013/10/02/dress-to-impress-whats-up-with-black-men-in-hollywood/&quot; target=_blank>Dress To Impress: What’s Up With Black Men In Hollywood?

  15. The husband one is spot on. Look, now there are SOME women who are really about that, which I totally respect.
    However most of the time it's a lie. If you like to perform oral you like to perform oral, period. There's nothing wrong with that especially if you are in the heat of the moment and the guy is attractive, it is what it is. Same with dudes and eating box, if you like to do it then you like to do it don't front. And if you're in the moment and she turns you on (and there's no odor) you'd do it too. At the end of the day we're adults here,…right?
    My recent post Dress To Impress: What’s Up With Black Men In Hollywood?


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