Home Featured Infidelity Rates May be as High as 70 percent

Infidelity Rates May be as High as 70 percent

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unfaithful man

Anyone who has been unfaithful and then gone to couples therapy to “work on the marriage” — assuming he or she hasn’t already been given the boot — knows that the therapist probably isn’t going to take his or her side. You cheated, you’re bad, end of discussion.

Yet it’s clear that with infidelity rates that may be as high as 60 percent to 70 percent (although it’s hard to get an exact number because it’s all self-reported), there are a lot of people who are being less-than-honest in their marriage. That’s a big problem.

So why is it just an individual’s problem? If so many are getting some on the side, isn’t infidelity a societal problem?

What if instead of being branded with a Scarlet A, those who stray are told at the therapist’s office that the problem isn’t really just his or hers; the problem is monogamy, which clearly isn’t working for a good percentage of couples.

That’s what some contributors suggest in The State of Affairs: Explorations in Infidelity and Commitment. Among the questions posed is, what do affairs tell us about the institution of marriage?

It’s a good question to ask.

We get a lot of mixed messages about marriage. While it still is seen by many as something desirable, it’s always sort of couched in something that borders on the negative — whether it’s how the bachelor/bachelorette party is the last night of “freedom,” or the amount of “work” it takes, or how unhappy marriage makes us, or how sex becomes boring and requires new positions, gadgets, lingerie and quickies to spice up things…

Read more at [HuffingtonPost.com]

Are you surprised by these stats? As the HuffPost article suggest, do you think infidelity has become a societal problem? Do you still see marriage in your own future – if yes, what are some of the benefits you hope to gain? What are some of the risks that concern you most?

Comment(12)

  1. I don't think infidelity is a societal problem, but a problem with folks committing who don't take the time to prepare and fully understand what they're actually committing to.

    No one is forced into marriage. In this day and age, there are too many alternatives to traditional marriage, and being honest and up front about what you think works best is the only way to avoid the drama that comes with lies and deceit in any of them.

    Folks have to learn to take responsibility for their poor decisions and stop looking for excuses to blame it on society so they can feel better about themselves.

    P.S. Folks also need to stop trying to make marriage look bad, simply because they don't know how to do it!
    My recent post #NEWRULE: Doubt Is Actually Good For Your Commitment

    1. Excellent comment, I believe communication is key in any relationship, not to mention honesty but most people live in the fantasy world that marriage is suppose to be perfect and they don't have to due anything. Like going to college and expecting to graduate just by showing up.

  2. I cannot see myself being with only one person for fifty years. Especially if I end up with someone that decides to let himself go after fifteen years.

    1. This is where you would stress the importance of staying in shape and eating more healthy, let your opinion be heard, I'm sure you'll find someone.

  3. It’s not working because monogamy isn’t natural to humans, polygamy has been around for thousands of years compared to the spec of dust monogamy is and it’s biologically not built for us.

    1. Polgamy wasn't nearly as much of a societal norm as you probably believe. And of the cultures/societies that did allow it it was more about displaying a sign of power and/or wealth.

  4. "So why is it just an individual’s problem? If so many are getting some on the side, isn’t infidelity a societal problem?"

    Sounds to me like just another attempt to scapegoat responsibility and blame our faults and/or shortcomings on someone/something else other than where it belongs………ON OURSELVES.
    I also don't think I believe that statistic. 70% seems very very high to me. And as stated, those stats are self-reported. Those faithful and happy i their marriages likely aren't even wasting their time to add in their reports of fidelity.

  5. The real issue is the definition of infidelity.

    Like if we not in a relationship, is it cheating?
    Or if we not married, is it cheating?

    1. Assuming your question isn't rhetorical….I would say no and no. If you're not in a relationship, it is not considered cheating. It's considered doing what (or who) ever you want. If you're not married it is also not considered "cheating". It's considered not being monogamous. At most I could stretch and call it a breach of some sort of verbal contract (but that would be pushing it).

  6. The trend is up because we are constantly exposed to people who are truly better than the person we're with… Who wants to settle for "pretty good" if there's a chance you can have "better" or "the best"?

    If you dont want to risk infidelity, live in isolation with no TV or Internet.

    Back in the day, your choices were usually limited based on your geographic location. Nowadays, your choices are closer to limitless.

  7. Any infidelity numbers can be accurately attributed to the fact the modern society is more sexually permissive, liberated, and emphasized. You can't expect a society that becomes more and more liberal to not have conventional and conservative institutions like marriage take a hit. Marriage doesn't hold the societal and cultural importance it once did. No excuse for individual behavior, but you have to acknowledge the trends in society to have a better understanding. However some will still hold to their own personal feelings and dismiss facts and reality. To each their own.

  8. I don't believe in the idea that monogamy isn't "natural". You find examples all through the animal kingdom of monogamous relationships, not every animal does it but there are plenty that do. In that way I believe that maybe monogamy isn't for every person.

    What I think people seriously miss are the benefits of monogamy and why it is practiced in the first place. If you want to look at from a scientific stand point one man + one woman keeps the population down so that resources are never overwhelmed and driven to scarcity. Now think about all the dudes you know with more than one baby mama. Also think about the world's population as of today. Monogamy is also a key to survival. You protect your mate, your mate protects you. You have increased your chances of survival: herd benefits.

    From a romantic standpoint, monogamy provides a comforting constant in a world that always changes. I personally think there are very few people who don't want that. Living free with no ties has the appeal of being able to go anywhere but also has the drawback of being left in the wind. Otherwise why put all that time and energy into deceiving someone? Ultimately people want that rock of reliability but they don't want to pay it back.

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