Home Dating & Relationships Dating The Ex Factor: How to Pick Your Next Mate

The Ex Factor: How to Pick Your Next Mate

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Most of us have at least one cringe-worthy skeleton in our closet. But have you ever had an ex who makes you congratulate yourself for your excellent standards? You know, the “she was hella fine, had money, and I used to BEAT THE BREAKS OFF that ting” type of ex? I have, because I started picking my women based off the type of ex she will look like, rather than the fun she looks like in the moment. And from this day forward, I challenge you to draft for your franchise, not the upcoming season. By doing so, you will actually attract increasingly better talent as time goes on.

At some point during every courtship, you two are going to broach the subject of exes. This is inevitable, because both of you want to know what the other one likes, and there is no better indicator than looking at the types that have come before you. This can actually work in your favor if your past women are high quality. A strong ex can make you look like royalty; and you can’t attract a true queen messing with peasants. Before she decides to upgrade you, she wants to know whether you wife tramps or pursue Empresses.

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When I talk about my exes, I find myself speaking so highly of them that I get asked, “so why yall break up?” They were all amazing women, physically stunning, intellectually inclined and professionally accomplished. It’s hard to explain that I care more about the vibe than how we look as a couple. Nowadays, everyone is so visual and superficial that it sounds almost cheesy to suggest that our partnership was more important than how photogenic we were. I can find any girl to swallow and throw it back; I’m looking for one who will shepherd me through life with as many smiles as possible, and so should you.

If a woman had to view a slideshow of all your exes, complete with Street-Fighter type attributes ranking intellectual and professional prowess, is she going to be repulsed or impressed? You want each new mate to one-up the last one, just like a job. Because that’s exactly what exes are: a resume of your romantic/sexual history. Your prospective employer is going to evaluate your skills based upon the caliber of mate you’ve “worked” previously. This isn’t some distended metaphor. This is really how we determine value in the 2KTeens. It’s not a perfect indicator, but it is an accurate gauge.

At the end of the day, you must start being more concerned with your legacy, not a fleeting desire. As time passes each man has his moment on earth. The one thing that has never changed is this: the type of woman that you choose can be your crown or your downfall in life. Your mate is your mirror, and you cannot be a Boss and be involved with [email protected]$$ women. So be smart, and pick’em as if you’re already looking back on her, not her looking back at it.

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Do you judge your partner based on who they dated in their past? Do you past relationships influence the type of person you date in the future or is every relationship a “fresh start”?

Comment(24)

  1. No, I don't judge guys by the chicks they dated before me at all. Truth be told, the least I know about them the better.
    I wouldn't say that they type of men that I dated in the past, dictate the type of men that I choose, except for the fact that that they all have to be tall…at least 6'3, ex pro football players…just kidding…kind of…
    My recent post What Do Women Want In Bed?

    1. I agree! I don't give a damn about your ex's and don't ask me about mine. It's in the past. Hopefully we are both upgrading/growing and learning from past mistakes. You can't judge a book by the cover anyway….she/he may look fine as hell and be cray cray…true story!

    2. I guess I'm just different, because I need to know a woman's complete history before I get seriously involved with her. This doesn't just apply to her exes and sexual history, I ask her to tell me her life story because I need to know her relationship with her family, and important events in her life. I cant really get a good understanding of who she is unless I know what she comes from.

      Now if she's just a fling or a casual partner, I don't need to know about none of that. In fact, the less, the better LMAO,,,
      My recent post The Ex Factor: How to Pick Your Next Mate

  2. i try to leave the past in the past but im a nerd and a sucker for trends. Love is blind sounds good, but it does reflect on you who you choose to commit to. Relationships are 100% optional, so it does matter a bit what standards you hold ur mates to. Dont come to me with the highest of standards when you never dated a man with a full time job. How would i look saying i only date dimes when theres plenty of 6s on my resume. I take commitments seriously, I need to see how seriously you take yours.

  3. ^What he said.

    It should be less about comparing your current to your ex since your ex is an ex for a reason and more about the relationship aspect. How the two of you did together and less about how I stack up against her (him) because every relationship should be a new start and not picking up where the last left off.

  4. I make note of a partner's exes and it's a huge eyebrow raise if I hear anyone talk negatively about their ex because he/she is a reflection of you. If he was not shit and you now think all dudes ain't shit then maybe it's something not shit about you sis. So I agree with you, Mr. Grace and Tristan, with the added thought that you also have to look at the type of person you are. Would you date you? Do you hold the qualities you want from the opposite sex? If not, maybe you should work on that instead of them, but dah well.

  5. It’s hard to explain that I care more about the vibe than how we look as a couple…. Took me years to get to this, but yep, can't be with the fine bum dudes anymore simply on strength that he's fine LOL

    And paragraphs 2 and 5, pretty much summed up everything! This was a good read 🙂

  6. I used to have a rule that every new GF had to be finer than my old GF. This was all fine and dandy until I dated a woman that was too fine to top. Then I realized how silly/petty that goal was in the first place. Now, I just try not to associate with ugaboos. Anyone that knows me knows I like pretty women, and I stopped apologizing for that a long time ago. However, I like a pretty woman that brings more to the table than just her looks. This is surprisingly more complicated than one might think to find (depending on how you define "pretty" and "well-rounded," of course.

    I don't pay too much attention to the men women used to date, because I'm fully aware of how men can play the wolf in sheep's clothing card. More important to me, is how a woman speaks on her exes. If she lacks the ability to take responsibility for her choices, especially if she habitually dated "aint shit" men, then I think that reflects more poorly on her than it does on them. If a woman has dated a handful of aint shit men, learned, got better, bought the T-shirt and became a better woman because of it, then that's fine with me.

    1. " I like a pretty woman that brings more to the table than just her looks. This is surprisingly more complicated than one might think to find (depending on how you define "pretty" and "well-rounded," of course. " <~~~~~~~~ This complicates my entire dating life

  7. I'm not going to lie. I don't ask about people's exes, however guys ALWAYS wanna bring it up. And especially if your ex(es) or baby mama is lacking somewhat superficially, then yes I do question a man's tastes. I don''t hold it against him, but it is duly noted.

    I do think you should look at trends and what people say about others. I agree, it does reflect more on you than on them. And I think, wow, this is something you could potentially say about me if it doesn't work out. So yeah, only speak positive about folks you've dealt with. You're only holding a reflection up of yourself from that period of time. And that speaks volumes in and of itself.

  8. To me every relationship is a fresh start. The only thing i bring into the new relationship is those things I need because of what the last gf did.

  9. I tell all my single girl friends to watch who you date because the streets is watching.lol. I have always believed good men will look at your dating history and simply choose not to consider dating you based on the men in your past. If you date a bunch homeless thugs why would a man that has something going for himself want to date you?!?! My girls don’t seem to get what I’m saying but they keep finding themselves dating the same type of man they constantly complain about. Now their choices are affecting their self esteem and they have no one to blame but themselves.

    BTW, love this site. Keep up the great work!

  10. Granted that I never want to go backwards in terms of my non-negotiables, this dictum seems too much like impression management to me. And we know how much the dating game needs more of that (It doesnt!!!). Also, I’ve had a pretty plate with nothing on it before…women who were physically perfect but values didn’t line up or the communication sucked. I’d prefer the opposite of that.

    1. Beauty isn't the only indicator when looking for a new woman. Values and professional standing also have a huge factor in the equation. Apologies if my tone indicated that one should just look for a mate who is better-looking than their last.

      As far as impression management, there are some who argue that the illusion IS the reality. When you sit in the chair and wear the hat, people start treating you as if you already have power. And then you ACTUALLY have power. I'm not a huge proponent of "fake it til you make it", but there are some instances where it actually applies. For example, Kanye said that he would be great long before he was actually considered great…
      My recent post The Ex Factor: How to Pick Your Next Mate

  11. As a married man for some time now, your tend to look back on your legacy or resume. I know you found the one and the others shouldn't matter but its a good way to see how you have grown. Compare your first job to your last job, did you upgrade with each job. Your exes are like ex jobs, your resume tells if you qualified for the future position.

  12. I think WIM's comment mixed with your article's major point is an accurate portrayal of how I view things (also of how I'd want a potential mate to look at my dating history). You live, you learn, you make mistakes, but you grow continuously with each one and choose more and more appropriate people as your potentials. At this point, my last three look pretty damn great, the one before that was good, and the prior was a total mistake. That's growth, right there.

  13. I’m a 20 year old that has been dating a 30 year old for about 6 months. I’m not going to lie, looks are extremely important to me. In the past I have modeled ( not professionally ) but still. I always thought that his exes would look like me ( size2 , very well groomed). But that is not the case. They are mostly below average girls that you wouldn’t normally notice. This makes me feel insecure. I would think that someone should have higher standards.. Am I being unreasonable? Any thoughts on this?

    1. No need to feel insecure. His past women all had their own purpose and their own lessons to teach him. Maybe you're a better combination of everything that his past women weren't. It could be a myriad of things, but still never a need to be so critical of yourself. The past was what it was.

  14. Its all about the fresh start – learning from your past but choosing not to live it. But I do love this: " I challenge you to draft for your franchise, not the upcoming season." 🙂

  15. If you are respectful of me as I am of you, and we're compatible, we'll work out just fine. Your ex's looks from a scale on 1 -10 and where I currently fit on an upward or downward slope don't matter one bit. If the way my ex's look can somehow determine the longevity of our relationship, then chances are you're probably showing me exactly why your past relationships didn't work. You're so worried about other people that you're not focusing on the main/ONLY people that matter (me and you). I think people who hold so strong to things like this have a huge problem with letting go of the past.

  16. it's simple, (for men) do you all have things in common? does she look at her father in a positive light? and how have her past relationship/dating experiences ended? For women: Is he close with his mother/treat her right? Do you have things in common? Also is he a drinker or weed smoker and to what extent. And for both I feel is a big deal to me, is how spiritual they are.
    My recent post What If I Make More Money Than Him? Why Do Men Suddenly Ditch Us? If You Need To Know Just Ask (Pt 3)

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