A couple of week’s ago I read an article called “5 Reasons Why He Won’t Give You Oral Sex.” It was written by Ty Knighten (@Uheardmeright) who runs “The Sexy Single Mommy.” The article profiles some reasons why a guy may not go down on you. A couple of the reasons included foul odor and having excessive hair in the area of question. The article led me to think a couple of things. First, I wondered if I could be with a woman for a long period and not receive any oral attention. Second, I wondered if there are an abundance of women who could survive without getting oral as well. I decided I’d go to a trusty female source to get a lady’s perspective. Enter stage right author Tassika Lloyd (@T_lloyd). She’s the author of the novel She’s Your Daughter Too, she’s also a blogger and I wanted to share her greatness with you all.


As with most things in life, there are more than what meets the eye in many cases. In the case of receiving oral it’s quite easy to say you want it because it feels good. As a guy it could also have more meaning. Chris Rock says in his last stand up that women can’t go backwards in lifestyle and men can’t go backwards sexually.

Some fellas need that oral to provide the extra stimulation needed to perform at a high level.

I personally don’t think I would agree to commit to someone if we didn’t mesh sexually. To me, that’s the equivalent of ignoring a crack in your windshield; it only gets bigger with time.

I recognize that this is a touchy subject, and I am not saying you should be going down on people left and right. As the aforementioned articles suggests, you ladies should make sure all your bases are covered. Control what you can to ensure hopefully your dude will do his part. I’d love to tell you a quick story. It’s my personal account of when I was first asked to take a trip to “South Beach.”:

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When I was in high school, one of my biggest crushes ever asked me to be her first. I was eyeing this girl since she was in at least sixth grade. So to me this was like real life Dawson’s Creek type ish. We were on the phone one night and she told me she wanted me to go down on her. I was a bit skeptical but I said okay. I figured I wanted this girl for so long I better make it all count. The time comes when we’re together and we’re heavy into things and I go down… I wasn’t pleased. I was pretty intimidated. As alluded to before, excessive pubes can turn some off. It was one of those moments for me. So I politely came back up and whispered “I don’t think I can do this.” I didn’t do it then and she took it in stride.

 I say that just to give an example of me being a willing man, but the conditions weren’t right for me. I say all this to say that there should be balance and compromise in all of these things.

Partners should feel comfortable and willing to do these things if their partner enjoys it.

Too many times prioritizing your sexual desires seems shallow. I disagree. It’s important that you’re as engaged in your relationship as you can be, don’t compromise it. You ladies do not have to stay in situations where you aren’t being fulfilled while you’re the one doing all the fulfilling.

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Let’s talk about sex.  The topic alone gives me the heebie jeebies.  It’s not that I can’t talk about sex; I just take great caution in who I talk about it with.  Sex seems so complicated to me – there are preferences, fantasies, unchartered territories, rules, expectations and plenty of other things that can take a beautiful romantic moment to an extremely awkward memory.  Even though sex is a private act, it’s a very public discussion.  People are becoming more and more open about it everywhere – on Twitter, on television, in magazines and even in books your mom reads on her way to work.

All this chatter has exposed a new standard – Sex; batteries not included but head is.

Now, call me old fashioned, but oral sex is not mandatory.  What we give and what we accept from our partners is completely left to what they and what we are comfortable with.  Sex and all that includes is a choice.  Even with all that sex has to offer, I still think that there are parts of it that are sacred (and that may or may not include head). Have you retained anything to exclusively share with your husband or your wife?  Or is what you’re keeping for your husband/wife more emotional than it is physical?

Either way, this question is for the ladies:  Could you stay with a man if he didn’t give head?

It’s possible.  First of all, penetration, stimulation or both can achieve the female orgasm.  If your orgasm is dependent on penetration, physically, head is not a necessity; it’s a perk.  Even if your orgasm is dependent on stimulation, his mouth is not his only tool.

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Some fingers can get you to the finish line.

In my mind, sex is an entrée.  Appetizers are nice; dessert is even better but even without all the trimmings, sex can still be damn good.  Although sex is about preferences – yeah, maybe you want head because you just like it, but sex is also about compromise. Someone with perfect sex might not give head, and someone may give perfect head and mediocre sex.  Prioritize what you need in a partner and what you need in bed.  Maybe it will line up, maybe it won’t but just consider for a second, as long as you’re happy, does it really matter how?


Just to piggyback on one of Tass’ points- I agree with the idea of saving certain things until marriage. I think that is a very feasible reasoning for someone not going down. I’m all for it. I just want to know who could care less if they couldn’t get any oral forever?

We come to spark discussion SBM fam; let’s have some fun. What’s your thoughts on the issue?

These are our words and we make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS