Home Dating & Relationships Dating 10 (or so) Harsh Realities About Why You’re Single

10 (or so) Harsh Realities About Why You’re Single



The internet is not at all short of posts about why you or anyone else is single. It’s actually a ploy to try and get you to keep reading blogs, online magazines, or however any of these sites wants to classify themselves. Let me be the first to tell you, most of those articles are full of shit. They are like negative horoscopes that are so open-ended that it could apply to anyone. Have you ever read a horoscope in the paper and really didn’t know how it applied to you? They always are hedged perfectly;

“Libra – Today is going to be one in which you’ll seek much clarity for something that’s been on your mind. Some will be willing to help you and others will not. Deciphering between those two groups will help you find the answer to what’s been on your mind.”

And then you’re like… what in the hell does that mean? That’s exactly what those depressing relationship blogs about why you’re single sound like!

That’s why this post won’t be that way.

Here are 10 (or so) harsh realities about what separates the hopeless from the hopeful:

  1. Ugly people typically don’t get married or dated. While it would be easy to say fat people fall into this category too, it’s actually not fat people, it’s sloppy people.
  2. People with screwed up views on dating are typically single.
  3. Those who sweat the minutiae of courting, dating or whatever else you want to call it are almost always single and looking… their ad is on the second to last page of the newspaper.
  4. If you’re convinced that you’re going to find someone who’s going to love you for you, kill yourself now.
  5. After a while, you have to accept that you’ll have to date someone in your league. (This means, if you’re a hoe, just admit to being a hoe and start dating other hoes.)
  6. Men and women who refuse to believe that gender dynamics exist and aren’t going anywhere anytime soon should line up single file in the unmarried line and start collecting benefits.
  7. Everybody has a closet, everybody keeps baggage in that closet, some of that baggage you can never get rid of and nobody will ever want to deal with. Deal with it.
  8. If you ever feel like you’re teetering on the line of hopeless, start making some concessions.
  9. At 30, don’t overreact. At 35, buy cats. At 40, be the best aunt or uncle you can be and cut it out. Remember THIS guy hit the lotto at 80, but I bet you he wasn’t waiting around it.
  10. If you have a long list of shit you won’t do, everyone else has a long list of why they won’t do… you.
  11. Nobody cares about your daddy issues. Whether he was there and made you feel like a princess or wasn’t there and made you feel unwanted, nobody cares. Which also means fellas nobody cares about your mommy issues. If you’re a momma’s boy own it and work on it; nobody is trying to be your second momma.
  12. All goals are not created equal; some of them need to be classified as hopes and dreams. If you want to have a great career, excellent lifestyle, marriage and family come to grips with the fact that you need to rank that list from most to least important.
See Also:  10 Secrets To Showing Him You Love Him

Now pause for effect…


I know what you’re thinking, I agree, God hates us all. I guess the real takeaway here is that the majority of us are doomed. That’s just in line with statistics. Roughly 50% of us will never get married and the other 50% who do get married, roughly 50% of them will get divorced. I think I found a solution. Instead of dating or wasting our time in relationships, let’s just all focus on other things like ourselves and the pursuit of wealth and achievements. Wealth and achievements actually do make you happy contrary to what they always told us and not having to share any of it with someone else is probably the best way to go.

I propose a toast.

May your glasses never run empty (because you don’t have to worry about sharing it with anyone), may you be free of stress and strife (because you won’t have to argue with anyone or worry about their wants/needs/desires), and may you live a long life and prosper (because if you haven’t figured out the leading cause of death in women is men, and the leading cause of death in men is stress and heart problems, I wonder where that comes from).



  1. AWESOME! Just what the black community needs! More focusing on the individual and not our community/relationships as a whole. This strategy has been working very well to improve our relationships (amorous or not), family unit, financial success, and psychological/emotional health over the past few generations so let's keep it up! Besides, we all know that the most successful races/groups are always those that work individually rather than together right? (Note: If you can't tell that I'm being sarcastic/humorous, PLEASE re-evaluate yourself cause I ain't the problem!) Peace out my peeps!

  2. I agree with all the other points.
    A few I would like to add are:
    1. People who are overly and extremely picky. If your always saying what you won't do, people will wonder what u will do. Also people who make no effort whatsoever to find a marriage material type of partner. For women, if all your dating is a certain type of man who is far from marriage ready, despite how good he looks, what he does for a living, his swag and sex appeal, and his social status then your time will be wasted on years of dead end relationships with men who never have any intentions on getting married, or they never have any intentions on marrying you.
    2. If you spend decades in a dead end relationship simply for convenience and just to say you have someone, then thats your time. If you get with someone in your 20's or even your teens and spend 2 or 3 decades in a relationship with this person only for you never ever to get a ring or never ever make it to the alter, that could be a reason why your now in your late 30's or 40's and still single.

  3. 4. There are women (like Oprah) who do not have the desire to Ever marry, and they don't. Some women focus everything on their career or if they are a single parent on their child. I've known several women who never ever entertain men in a relationship or in a relationship long enough to reach the point of possible marriage. They give their all to their kids, (usually by choice) and they know they will have nothing left to give to a man. So they just never go there and they're content, until their kids are grown and out of the house maybe.
    5. People whose lifestyles are not conducive to a long-lasting, healthy, satisfying, long-term relationship, much less a marriage. I know many men and women particularly here in the DMV whose plate is so full of stuff including their job, kids they may have, friends, family, etc etc etc that they have very little time to spend with anyone. Their lifestyle makes it very difficult for anyone to get a smidgen of their time. Usually they like their life like this. Although part of them does want a relationship and they will say they want a relationship and want to get married, they won't ever make the necessary sacrifices so it can happen. Hence they will remain single.

    1. oh one more to add to the list.
      6. People who choose to carry on affairs with married people. Particularly women in the hopes that if she is patient and gives him the time he needs he will leave his wife. When u spend close to a decade or longer with a married man, in that situation, those people do indeed doom themselves to a possible life of singledom until they can leave the married man alone. (sorry to all the Shirley Murdocks of the world)

  4. The majority of people are far from Doomed. Everyone who really strongly desires to get married and who are willing to make whatever sacrifices and compromises to make that happen, does get married. Just like most everyone who strongly wants to have a child, will have a child.
    It's like anything else in life. If you put enough effort, time and energy into it, and you want it badly enough, you can have it.

    1. Very true..the doomed status really has to do with actually having successful longevity with a significant other. As long as somebdy focuses on the aspect of getting into a relationship/marriage instead of focusing on finding someone to be happy with in the long run, they are going to stay losing ultimately.

      1. Exactly…and there are people who are serial marryers….lol Like my dad married 3 times.
        If your repeating obviously something is not working for you.

  5. Aiight Doc i got beef wit you on this one "If you’re convinced that you’re going to find someone who’s going to love you for you, kill yourself now."

    My understanding was a relationship pans out a lot easier if both parties can learn to love and accept each others good and bad ways

    1. I mean you know how people say just be yourself? That's a horrible idea. You need to put your best foot forward and that means not just being yourself.

        1. Oh I have one more.
          7. People who are incapable of loving Unconditionally & Everlasting and Selfish people will be single for a long time. And even the ones that look good, if they are selfish and inconsiderate won't be in relationships that will have staying power.
          Most impnt thing I've learned from people married longer than I've been alive. 2 things you cannot be and expect to have a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship are: Selfish & Inconsiderate.

      1. It means being yourself…but being your best self. But regardless when it comes to Real Love the person that chooses you and chooses to love you should love you even when your not your very best self. Cause "Life is not a crystal stair." and "Everyday won't be peaches and cream." So your s/o and especially your spouse should be able to love you on your worst days, as well as your best days.

  6. This is the most spot-on post in regards to dating/relationships ever! I am so down with this, many of us need to so get over ourselves.

  7. When I say #5 made me crack all the way up, boy do I mean it!!! Talk about perspective. Lol. Hopefully this list helps somebody. I do agree with #4, 10 and 11 though.

  8. In my experience, ugly people have no problem getting married or dating. And, this is true especially for men. All an ugly person needs is a nice personality, a job (don't let it be a good job b/c then they're seen at a dime level), a gym membership they use, and dress nice.

  9. Let’s face it. Most of us are single because feminism. Now I am not against the fact that we as women are able to vote, work, etc..but after the 70s the dynamics of the nuclear family went poof. Women do not want to be feminine anymore. Women do not nurture women do not cook. You know what my instagram pictures are mostly? My meals I cook because I genuinely enjoy cooking! Does it take away from my education no. But I believe gender roles have fused together and no one knows how to be in a relationship anymore. Men also have suffered from this.

  10. Girl age 16: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: ” I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a bitch to my friends, but I’m really much more attracted to Bad Boys – outlaw bikers, the football team’s quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You’re Nice, nice and mundane”

    Girl age 22: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You’re really sweet, and deserve a girl (which isn’t me) who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are.”

    Girl age 28: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “I know you’ve always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it – any sane guy would’ve found a far better prospect by now. And while I’m beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I’ve dated, I think I’m gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up”

    Woman age 32: “Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”

    Woman age 35+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Oh, you’re a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can’t appreciate your kind of dedication – you are so different from “other guys””.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This