I need some advice. I grew up in Oakland, California, which is technically a city but in most parts doesn’t feel like one. It’s just the hood. I recently moved to Philly for college, and while I love it here, I can’t deal with some of the men I encounter. Take note of the “some” in that last sentence, I definitely don’t mean to overgeneralize.
I find myself simultaneously delighted and threatened whenever I get to walk into Center City. On one hand, I’ve never felt so attractive, and the hood vibes give an immense sense of comfort, but on the other hand, the men here are different than the ones I’m used to and I’ve never dealt with this type of assertiveness. I’m generally very quiet and prefer to keep to myself, so when men approach me in crazy ways (running next to me trying to sell themselves like they’re on HSN, grabbing me, asking all types of questions, yelling at me from across the street etc.) I don’t really know how to act. I probably come off as saddity, which is never my intention, I’m just uncomfortable sharing all my business with people I barely know.
I feel like I’ve been dropped into a shark tank. I dress very modestly and I don’t wear any makeup nor am I flashy in any way so I’m not really sure why I’m getting this type of attention, but it’s definitely not the type of attention I want. Now I understand that attention is attention and I’ll probably wish I had some when I’m old and saggy but I constantly feel disrespected and I’m not really sure how to stop it. Did any of you grow up in the city? What was the difference between the women you knew you could step to in any ol typa way, and the women you knew would take some tact?
Your plight is a plight I’ve heard from NYC women, and women from major cities in general for years. Cat calling and hollering at women on the street (or street harassment, 2013) has been going on since Adam ate the forbidden fruit and saw what Eve was really workin’ with behind the bushes. As a big city kid, I can hopefully shed light on your questions and help you understand the inner workings of the men who reside in Philly and other major metropolis.
On one hand, I’ve never felt so attractive, and the hood vibes give an immense sense of comfort, but on the other hand, the men here are different than the ones I’m used to and I’ve never dealt with this type of assertiveness.
Men have always been in the business of getting women’s attention. This is why men dress a certain way, are eager to show off any skill they have, and will outwardly express their appreciation of your aesthetic features. This might also be a regional thing, as I don’t know how many women experience this type of interaction with men in the south/Midwest/west. Maybe it’s a racial thing? There are many theories.
I could see the culture shock that can occur if you come from a smaller town to a bigger city with more people and more forward men. It’s a conflicting feeling for women – you appreciate the attention and the feeling of being attractive/sexy, but when it’s from unwanted sources, the feeling will be adverse.
I dress very modestly and I don’t wear any makeup nor am I flashy in any way so I’m not really sure why I’m getting this type of attention, but it’s definitely not the type of attention I want.
Honestly, most of the time it doesn’t matter. Whether you’re dressed like a high school teacher or a video vixen, if the general consensus is that you are attractive, men will holler at you. I know women say that putting on a scowl and walking with purpose will decrease the odds of a holla, but it might encourage men to approach you even more. I know it’s backwards logic, but it is relevant. Why do men from these cities do it so audaciously? Well it goes back to the male camaraderie formed from a younger age. Men will tell tales of their women conquest and their ability to woo the fairer sex. When men makes those claims, they will be pressed to prove their words are fact. So in groups with men, and even 1 on 1, they will vocalize their appreciation for you and see if the feeling is mutual.
It’s also a sport in a sense. Men will call out to you just to see if you will respond. A smile, a quick retort, or even walking past as if you don’t hear what they are saying. Sometimes, men will want to show their humorous side and will say the most outrageous things just to see if it works. That’s why you’ll hear lines like “psst”, “excuse me miss can I get 5 minutes of your time?”, and get a polite (or stern) grab of a hand or an arm. I can see how it’s funny for men, and I can also see how it’s disturbing to women, especially when you’re not in the mood.
What was the difference between the women you knew you could step to in any ol typa way, and the women you knew would take some tact?
The difference was the women themselves. Cat calling women and being a spectacle for all to see isn’t my style, but I was curious as to why men did it in general. My boys would tell me that it was two-fold. 1) They found it funny/comical and would bank that women would agree and indulge them; and 2) It’s worked for them in the past. That’s why I say the women are the difference. Whether explicitly or implicitly, women will let you know how they want to be approached. Men will adjust.
You’ll still get some men that will be vocal and public and outward with their infatuation with you. Some do it respectfully, some are funny, some are aggressive. In general, if they are really interested, they will figure out how to approach you and will do what’s necessary to adjust behavior, or lose out.
Updated: 10/16/13 @1:18PM
Here is a link to a photo project which captures the faces of Philly men who catcall women on the street. Check it via Buzzfeed HERE!
Ummmm… I'm from Oakland, and Oakland is not entirely a hood. Montclair? Crocker Highlands? Rockridge? Sequoyah/Keller Hills? Redwood Heights? This person is just seeing what they want to see, and is choosing to see Oakland as one big hood (which is inaccurate). And for the record, Oakland is a city. It has 420K+ people. The end.
Also, how did this person make it through 18 years in Oakland without being aggressively cat-called? I've had my arm grabbed, bottles thrown at my car for NOT giving someone my number, and called everything but a child of God for the same.
I'm with you, I wanna know what part of the city this woman is from because we clearly experienced two different Oaklands. I'm originally from Oakland too, the east to be exact, and the catcalling is RIDICULOUS in some spots. Having run across the occasional unsavory man in the city, I know that it's not uncommon for women to be groped or disrespectfully spoken to. Then when you don't give him the number, or even the time of day, you can expect for dude to try to save face at your expense.
I can debate the minutiae of cat-calling but the reader wants advice. Unfortunately there is no real trick to get it to stop, but this is what's worked for me when it happens.
There are two parts to how you deal depending on your personality. IF YOU ARE AN INTROVERT, the men around you are going to have to take some "L's". EVERY interaction drains your battery so you only have a limited amount for each day. You have to develop "blinders", a shell, an armor, whatever, and limit your interaction. The most effective for me is a simple smile and "I have to go, thanks". If I get to three times of this, I have been known to smile and say "sir…I'm being nice right now. I. Have. To. GO." If he touches me in any way, all conversation stops and he just gets a stare.
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Now, if you don't mind a bit of interaction (which at times I don't), make light of it. If I say I have a man, and he says "you can't have friends?" I simply say a joke like, "if I was your girl, would you want me walking around with a bunch of plan-b's in my phone?" or something to that effect. I may joke that I'm not that special. I just get a laugh and keep it moving. But I always keep it moving. I don't stop. And I will point out when something is making me uncomfortable and ask if he'd like the reverse. "I know you like me, but would you want someone bigger than you that you don't know following YOU down the block?"
I would just like at this point to ask any of the fellas if they put this much thought into walking down the gatdang street everyday. This is f*king rediculous.
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Get over yourself @Maris
What exactly does she have to get over? The fact that she dared to outline what she and many other women go through on a daily basis?
Go back to your tree, @ Adonis
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Great advice. A man has a practiced technique for hollering at women. A women should have a practiced technique for responding to various guys. I want my daughter to know how to respond to nice guys or assholes.
amaris79: "Unfortunately there is no real trick to get it to stop, but this is what's worked for me when it happens…"
This is exactly what this conversation needed (after a few posts on the subject). You're in public, so there is no expectation that people can't talk to you. But this is a clear way to tactfully decline the respectful guy, and even the borderline disrespectful guy that doesn't realize he's being disrespectful.
There's no excuse for the genuine harassers, and touching is crossing the line. But this is how to decline a persistent man and politely put him on notice that he is on the border of inappropriate behavior.
Smh this “cat calling” or “street harassment ” thing is getting blown waaaaay outta proportion! Nowadays us men have a to approach women in a certain type of way or its a turnoff smh!!…mind boggling! As long as a man isn’t threatening or physically harming a woman, what’s the big deal??. If whatever approach the man comes to u with is wack, then just say no thanks and keep it moving. Women need to understand that it won’t always be perfect timing when a man approaches them,neither the right place. Life isn’t a “pretty woman” movie lol . When us men see a woman we deem attractive out in public we react right then and now. We are not thinking about if u just got fired from your job, running late for work, if u have a big a$$ headache or anything of that nature lol. Ladies if u want men to get at u in a certain type of way then u need to walk around passing out a ” how to approach me ” memo lol …just sayn
The point is that the "street harrassment" can be threatening and often times down right disrespectful. It is threatening to have a strange man, larger than you, stronger than you, follow you…grab you…and aggressively try to get you to give them your number. There is a difference between a man respectfully approaching a woman on the street and bowing out gracefullly when rejected and a man who is aggressive, follows you, touches you without invite, and then calls you out of your name becasue you reject their advances. Hell yeah it's a TURNOFF!!
@sweetL, lady I hear what ur saying and I agree, but u women speak as if every man that tries to approach u is coming off as a threat or some type of stalker. I’m sure most men who approach women don’t follow u down the street or disrespect u when u decline their advances. U can’t stereotype “all “the men for the negative behavior of a “few”.
Mr 2 cents I am only trying to give you the perspective of a woman and why we would feel threatened. I am actually quit flattered when given a compliment on the street from a stranger, if done with tact and respect. I don't think any of us women on here are trying to generalize and throw all men into the same category. We have been specifically referring to "street harassment" and "those" types of men. If the shoe doesn't fit then you shouldn't worry about it. Keep on getting your mack on to the next honey that catches your eye…just be mindful of all of these comments from Women so you can understand how it feels from our persepctive…that's all
You said: We are not thinking about if u just got fired from your job, running late for work, if u have a big a$$ headache or anything of that nature
See and therein lies the problem. So basically you're saying that a man's ego overrides a woman's right to just be?
@msorvam, see that’s what I meant when I said its getting blown “waaaay outta proportion”. That’s not what I meant and is flat out ridiculous. Of course a woman has a right to “just be”, what I’m referring to is how the act of men approaching women is being turned into some “step by step” guide by women. So sorry if the possibility of women having bad days,cramps, headaches , or hell even gas doesn’t cross the male mind before we approach women in public. Even if our approach is respectful, some women will still have a problem with that. But u do have the right to “just be”!! So excuse us men for disturbing u while u are “just being”
Sweetheart, it HAS to be. Again, you are not realizing that you are approaching me ONCE, but for me this may be my 8th approach for the day. By the time you got to me, my weary self may be on auto-pilot. it's not getting "blown out of proportion" if the woman above is CLEARLY letting it be known that it is something that both disturbs her and confuses her to a course of action. We're just trying to help her. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE to be interrupted all day by people who believe it is their right to talk and your obligation to respond. I wish some of you would just hush up and LISTEN to what we are really saying instead of projecting your anger about the last girl that rejected you.
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Mr.2 Cents frustration was probably to the above comment “So basically you're saying that a man's ego overrides a woman's right to just be?” which had no context and was full of hyperbolic drama. I mean really…WTF did that even mean?
“you are not realizing that you are approaching me ONCE, but for me this may be my 8th approach for the day”
Your comment actually made sense. A couple of stances could be taken from this. Some would say, “count it all joy” ‘cause apparently you’re hot and this seems more like an irritant than actual harassment. What slips by (and I think this is where the miscommunication lies) is when the 8th guy (normal) gets grouped into the street harassment group undeservingly. People tend to take offense to that…after all we are BP and we know all about getting looped into undesirable groups.
Few (if any) men on here would argue in favor of REAL harassment. However, with posts and comments like @msorvam’s, the convo gets skewed.
The realness….i agree with Maris on your reasoning, but all i would ask is be consistent. You cant say this is how to approach me, then only do it for the first 3 guys, then its whatever to the next 2 even if they are respecful in approaching you. We know its hard, and we will respect it when you tell us, not just off us with attitude because we are in the right place at the wrong time. Equal oppertunity for all brothas please lol.
idk maybe im just crying over my last rejection.
Don't Bother anymore, $.02; talking about Anything that involves ANY Potential form of Intimateinteraction between men and Women is as Toxic nowadays as Congress getting Anything Done as far as Policy Making. What IS Offensive and what's NOT is now Blurred and Subjective even among Women, and the Few Men who "support" SOMEtimes come off as Pandering or Simping….
i get that Street Harassment is Real; seen it with my Own Eyse, BUT, there ARE Women who are Into It and to Deny That is Bull. Hence, the Bad Boy-Nice Guy Issue(s). I have Stopped having the Conversation/"debate" and Whatever Happens, Happens.
@amaris, u really need to stop!! I definitely understand what the lady up above is saying! She basically doesn’t like being approached in crazy ways by strange men,common sense to most people . No one likes being approached in a crazy way by some stranger regardless of their gender . But as it pertains to your point about being disturbed(approached) all day by strange men,your stance is flawed and immature! A man doesn’t think about if he’s the 8th guy of the day,he sees a attractive woman and he makes an attempt to interact with her. Even if us men are respectful, your weary self is already on auto pilot…that’s not our problem. I’m one man only attempting to approach u this “one” time,that’s it! If it doesn’t go my way then hey..I tried lol. I walk away with no bitterness or feeling the need to disrespect u or follow u somewhere . U women are going to have to mature and come to understand that men are the aggressors by nature,so of course we’ll try and talk to a nice looking woman. It’s not like women are out here getting at men,so how would we meet if us men didn’t make the first move? And by the way..men can deal with rejection with no problem without having some type of negative emotion about it. It is mostly the women who fear rejection and carry the emotions that come along with it,not us men!
"When us men see a woman we deem attractive out in public we react right then and now. We are not thinking about if u just got fired from your job, running late for work, if u have a big a$$ headache or anything of that nature lol."
"So sorry if the possibility of women having bad days,cramps, headaches , or hell even gas doesn't cross the male mind before we approach women in public. "
"Even if us men are respectful, your weary self is already on auto pilot…that's not our problem. "
-Excuse me sir, you dropped your privilege over there.
I have not one clue why I assumed we'd receive even a little bit of empathy over here. Y'all carry on. I'm out.
This is actually in response to both MR 2 CENTS and amaris79: You both have valid points but here's the lesson you two both missed: Empathy/understanding should always flow in both directions. It's like two people who both had bad (but different) experiences arguing over who got hurt more (Silly right but a theme that is all too common between men and women…) as opposed to each individual respecting the struggle the other went through and trying to see things from both sides. But hey, at the end of the day defending your own position is always easier than understanding someone else's…
@msorvam "So basically you're saying that a man's ego overrides a woman's right to just be?"
I understand actual harassment, but this is where I have a problem. I know after approach number six of the day, it gets irritating, but do you realize that you are quite literally saying people can't speak to you in public? That is like me saying I have a right for people not to ask me for spare change or to not ask me for directions. I have a right to tell them get lost (and if they don't, it's harassment), but that doesn't mean people can't speak to me.
Here's the part that you are NOT understanding. if I have received six NEGATIVE interactions on the street that day, by the time you, the SEVENTH person gets to me, I am NOT going to react the same. Like, y'all are not f*cking LISTENING to what we are saying and it is really irritating because I know you guys are intelligent. If someone has punched you in the same spot six times the next person that reaches out for the same spot is going to be the recipient of a FLINCH. IT DOES NOT MATTER IF THE REASON THEY ARE REACHING OUT IS TO APPLY HEALING OINTMENT, I'M GONNA F*CKING FLINCH. I don't understand how y'all are so Helen Keller about this sh*t.
And like, men have very similar interactions that they can draw from to show us a bit of f*cking empathy and y'all are just CHOOSING not to. Hit dogs will holler, point blank. It's not "irritating", the constant, daily act of being treating like a piece of accesible meat has long-term effects. Take this woman, for example, who cannot even walk outside anymore: http://www.gradientlair.com/post/63488882215/stre…
We're not exaggerating. We're not making this up. It is not in our heads. All we're asking for is a bit of understanding and men are just REFUSING. You have to understand how frustratiing this is.
That's odd, because I swore I wrote, "I understand actual harassment…I know after approach number six of the day, it gets irritating…" I didn't say you wouldn't be irritated after approach number six, or approach number one for that matter. I get it: in fact with all of these posts on the topic, I was the first one to bring up the size/strength mismatch as to why women would be intimidated. My exact words:
Yet at the same time, you can't simply say people can't speak to you in public, regardless of your frustration. That's insane. Especially when women also they they won't approach men.
But that's not what @msorvam was saying, that's just how the men on here were REACTING to it. Nowhere did she say she should never be approached…she was referring to the overblown offense men are taking when at times it produces a less-than-positive response. If men are taking a stance that women should ALWAYS be cordial to having their day interrupted by well-meaning or downright predatory men, then yes, women can take a stance and say you as men should take under consideration that sometimes, just SOMETIMES, we may not have the country for you if our day isn't going great.
Amaris I don't think they'll ever understand. Yes, street harassment/cat calling is THAT BAD. No exaggeration, it is terrible. Men don't get cat called as much as women so I don't expect them to think it's that bad. What I don't understand is men speaking up for women. As far as i'm concerned it is the equivalent of white people saying "c'mon black people racism isn't so bad". NO, you are not in the position to understand the severity of the matter.
There are two sides to that analogy, Jennifer.
The position of some of the women here is to treat all approaching men according to the worst approach that they have had (which is why women are bringing up being threatened, called b!tches and getting bottles thrown at them). That is analogous to saying racist white people are perfectly justified in their racism based on their worst interaction with a black person.
As I mentioned earlier, there needs to be more of an understanding on both sides.
amaris79: "But that's not what @msorvam was saying, that's just how the men on here were REACTING to it. Nowhere did she say she should never be approached…"
I guess it could be how I'm interpreting what she is saying, because in a previous post, some ladies were explicitly saying that they can't be approached on the street.
@msorvam's exact words were, "you're saying that a man's ego overrides a woman's right to just be". "Just be" does sounds like "don't speak to me" to me, especially considering she said that after saying a man doesn't know if she is having a bad day, and the purpose of approaching is "his ego". But I suppose it could mean "don't speak to me after I tell you no." Either way, there needs to be more of an understanding on both sides.
She wasn't speaking on his ego being the purpose of approaching. She was speaking to the tone of his "approach defense", which was basically, "Ion' CUR what's going on in your life, all I know is you're pretty! So imma walk up to you and YOU WILL DEAL! And you better be NICE, too!" That's how it was coming off, and yes, that reeks of privilege.
Trudy needs to move to a higher socio-economic place.
Or just get over herself.
If y’all are not willing to approach men, shut up & enjoy the male attention.
Never understood cat calling women. Thristy men need to lean how to take rejection and to talk to people.
At the end of the day, it is about UNATTRACTIVE men having the right to to holler at women in the street.
If WOMEN are not going to take the time to approach men AS A RULE, then I support HARRASSMENT in all forms from MEN to WOMEN.
Personally, this is why I am religious about learning Game & Female Psychology, because in America, meeting women should not be a criminal act, but it damn near is.
Why would any women want to meet you?
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Because I am a gift from GOD.
Im not kidding. Im really curious what can you offer a woman? You hate us SO much.
The women are making a straw man argument here. They are the ones complaining about getting approached in the street. Then the men are saying, that men have the right to approach, regardless of whether she's having a bad day or not. Then the women are coming back and saying that men shouldn't complain if they get attitude because they are the 8th dude to approach the girl that day.
But the men never complained about that. The discussion is about women's issue with men approaching in the street. Sorry, it's not going away folx. It's an free, easy way to approach the type of women you want, so men are going to do it. I don't know why white men don't do it as much as black men, but my best guess is that white women are looser in club/bar situations so the streets aren't needed to get that volume up.
Personally, I agree street harrassment is definitely a disrespect to women. There is an art to approaching a woman in a respectable manner, but I do think it's getting blow out of proportion. I hear women say all the time men don't approach me when I am out and etc. I get that and if a brother approaches you in a crazy manner, just say I am busy and keep it moving. I mean if you are a single man, you have to get your hollar on in order to increase your probability of finding a mate, but I do agree when one approaches a woman, it should be done in a respectable and tasteful manner.
Lord. I’m gonna try this again.
A few years ago, one of my besties was going through an exceptionally difficult time in his life. We had taken our dinner in the park, and he, quite distraught, eventually ended up leaning against my lap (so he looked asleep). It was dusk, so officers were making their rounds. One walked up, concerned, and immediately asked my friend if he was alright. His EXACT words were “Are you ok, sir? Is everything alright?”
Now, here’s the part where I mention my friend is Black, and 6’4″. He is the most non-threatening person you will ever meet, but due to his stature he finds himself constantly stop-&-frisked, stopped and book-bag searched, stop and questioned…you get it. So of course, this colors his perception of every police interaction. He immediately started into the “why are you stopping here/harassing us/just sitting here bothering no one” line of responding, of which I had to intervene. The officer looked at him and stated, “Sir, there are only two reasons why I would stop; if you looked lost, or if you looked sick. I was just making sure you didn’t need help.” I literally covered my friends mouth, thanked the officer, and changed the subject. We had a pleasant convo and the officer left about his rounds.
The point? If you have a number of negative interactions with someone whose privilege puts them in a position to make you feel powerless (as many men, who are FULLY capable of doing us harm are), it is, at some point, going to color EVERY interaction you have, as it has changed your perception. I have been harassed on the street for over TWENTY YEARS by men of my own race and culture. My trust is irretrievably broken. Now, I have found ways to heal and move past and judge every interaction for what it is but I can’t speak for all women. YOU, as men, have done this. YOU, as men, are the unfortunate recipients of the results, no matter HOW well-meaning you are. I don’t know how we heal. But what I DO know is there is NO POSSIBLE way that you as Black men CAN understand how the persistent negative interaction with police can produce a collective “F8ck the Police” train of thought and NOT understand how the persistent negative interaction with men can produce a woman that behaves like an abused animal. I’m just not going to believe that.
I will not lay a finger on your bitterfinger…
@maris, lady we get it!! We get it, we get it!! But what advice do u give this lady as it pertains to her interactions with men?? What’s the solution?? Because even though many black males may have a negative viewpoint on police(and maybe rightfully so),is it best for us to jump on the defensive with dealing with police? Police will continue to harass us blackmen(some not all),just as men will continue to approach women in the streets. It’s nothing that can be stopped. So us complaining about police harassment,and getting others to understand why we feel the way we do about police will change nothing !! So ultimately it’s on us to be smart and mature enough to deal with the police in the best way possible and not automatically jump on the defensive in every interaction with a police!!! Now apply that to women dealing with this so called “street harassment”. Police aren’t going anywhere,men aren’t going anywhere! We may be stopped by police,women may be stopped by a man. But what’s ultimately going to determine things is our maturity and the way we handle these encounters each and every time! In life some things your just going to have to deal with. So if u are a attractive lady, men are going to approach u. Nothing u can do about! Ur going to just have to learn to deal with it in the best way possible. Complaining wont help!! Good day @maris
FIRST, sir, you are going to have to acknowledge that harassment EXISTS. It is not "so called "street harassment"." There is a DISTINCT difference between a respectful and disrespectful approach, and downright harassment. We are not even SPEAKING about the former. THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
SECOND, I gave instructions above, YOU simply dismissed them saying they were stupid and unwarranted.
THIRD, if I have to "get used to it and deal", SO WILL YOU. Your maturity can also handle that a woman, at times, may not be feeling your advances. Nothing u can do about! Ur going to just have to learn to deal with it in the best way possible. Complaining wont help!!
Good day, too.
She does have a point there, that I understood the whole time. I also understand my fellow brothers counter-frustration/confusion as to how street harassment gets thrown in with general approaching. Personally I like for women to make some kind of first move, that makes ME more comfortable, yet since most women don't believe in this, it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes things less tense in my opinion because there is no ambiguity in whether there is mutual interest.
Maybe it’s being blown out of proportion because too many men just push it to the way side as us women “over reacting”. Instead of trying to understand the issue and show some empathy, too many men go “well, it’s only harassment because you’re not attracted to him” or “well I was polite so she should at least accept my compliment or advances”. It’s like you are completely ignoring how this make us “black women” feel.
As far as women being approach on the street; some don’t mind it and some do. But all women want to be respected. This argument is about respect. Which a lot of men feel they can hand out when deemed necessary;
@smielz, lady we “DO” respect women! So that’s not the issue here. The issue is what do u say to this lady above about her constant interaction with men?? Should she avoid men at all cost?? Impossible! Can she stop men from approaching her?..I doubt it! So honestly what can she do??…nothing but deal with in a mature way. Now let me be clear,no man has a right to approach a woman in a disrespectful way! But are u women telling us men that we shouldn’t approach u in public at all,even if its respectful?? We should just “let u be”? Men should take into consideration that a woman that he finds attractive may be going thru a rough day so therefore he should say nothing and not “street harass” her? And what about those women who say that men don’t really approach them at all?? So please lady answer my quandary(s)!!
For the love of Christ.
Find me one DIRECT QUOTE where a woman said she shouldn't be approached in public AT ALL on here.
Again, what we are saying is we need a bit more empathy as to why at select times we react the way we do to your advances. 7 times out of 10, we are NOT being "stuck up". Just like y'all say "harassment" is in our heads, I really think these overblown "stuck up" negative responses are in yours. most times the women I see reacting are respectful or rushed, but not completely dismissive. Just like you guys do, I'm just going to have to ask you to get a thicker skin.
The expectation to be RESPECTED = realistic…..The expectation for men to not approach you = unrealistic!!!
The most realistic expectation is to expect a man to approach you in a RESPECTFUL manner. Anything else would be uncivilized!
The truth is people,
Women hate rejection more than they hate
If harassment was TRULY AN ISSUE. They would take it upon themselves to approach men.
They are petrified, because they know how difficult it is to approach ANYBODY.
But you have silly negroes like @Maris & @Trudy who want to regulate that harassment.
That is why I support street harassment full throttle.
Now, I heard the street harassment will be the new stop & frisk, so dudes have to be careful,
if a broad calls the cops, you should knock her out where she stands.
Knock her out where she stands? Way too far.
@Uncle Hugh, BP
Not for the faint of heart
You have to remind black women, that you ain't scared of the white male power structure.
Nothing more, nothing less.
If she wanna go there, let's go there.
That photoseries tho? Those dudes looked SUPER rapey…
My recent post Pharaoh Class: How to Attract a Superwoman
I'm the type to let you pass. I like to have an opening, I'm not good coming up with a bunch of words for a woman I dont know. And yall ladies should be cautious with guys who are, they've likely had ample practice…
Luckily in the south, women are pretty aggressive as well, so it balances out.
My recent post Pharaoh Class: How to Attract a Superwoman
Research is critical in determining if the sale to NESV goes through.
Derek Jeter walked in the first half of an NBA red sox basketball game on Wednesday, March 20,
2013 in Boston, Massachusetts. But then I think about my dad, a
lifelong Red Sox fan before taking the field for the first time
since 2000. Match: Tampa Bay Devil Rays Tickets, Toronto Blue Jays,
New York Mets beat the Florida Marlins, where he works as a baseball
analyst for ESPN.
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Consider what seems at first to be a relatively obvious and uninteresting fact: virtually all men need to drink alcohol before they will approach a woman they are attracted to. Think about that: virtually all men need to drink alcohol before they will approach a woman they are attracted to. You might not be able to empathize with the difficulty of approaching women, but this fact tells you pretty much all you need to know. Pause for a moment and ask yourself what other social actions are so unnerving that people would almost categorically get intoxicated before doing them (if it were socially acceptable to do so). Public speaking maybe? A big job interview? Confronting a good friend about something very important to you? A lot of people get nervous about these kinds of things long before doing them – hours, days, or sometimes even weeks in advance. Approaching a random, attractive woman is easily on the same difficulty level for the vast majority of men, and for a large number of them, it is much harder.
I am sure some female readers are thinking “That is ridiculous; it shouldn’t be that difficult.” Fine. Great. Maybe it shouldn’t. I could say the same thing about public speaking; it shouldn’t be that difficult either. But normative statements aside, the fact is that, for most people, it is. To paint this picture as clearly as possible, I am going to draw a quick analogy…
Imagine that every time you wanted to go on a first date to a guy, you first had to get up and speak in front of a full classroom or conference. Imagine you are walking down the aisle in the grocery store and a tall, attractive man turns towards you and is about to say something, when suddenly everything freezes and you find yourself sitting in a high-school classroom, being told that next week you will be expected to speak in front of the class, alone, for 15 minutes about an assigned topic. Remember that feeling of dread you used to get when the teacher made that announcement? That is precisely how it feels for most men when they are faced with approaching a random hot girl for the first time.
But it isn’t even that simple. For the analogy to be accurate, you won’t only have to swallow your pride, get up there, and do the presentation, but you will actually have to achieve a grade of 80 % or higher if you want the guy to ask for your phone number. It will be difficult to present the material naturally when you are nervous, because you will probably rush through it, maybe forget certain details, or speak too quietly. You posture will matter a lot too, but it is difficult to stand up straight when you are nervous. So your nerves will not only make accepting the challenge difficult, but they also destroy your chances of earning the requisite 80 %. Actually summoning up the guts to push through that initial fear is nowhere near enough.
Don’t forget that in addition to the quality of your public speaking itself, the content of your presentation will need to be interesting and original. You won’t be able to impress the class or the teacher with mere poise; you will also have to show them that you know what you are talking about – that you are intelligent and understand the material well. At the same time, you shouldn’t overdo this demonstration, because if you try too hard to impress them, it will be obvious that your knowledge isn’t organic, that it was rehearsed for this event only.
There is more. Remember that you will be graded on a curve, relative to the other students giving presentations – just like a man is always judged relative to a woman’s other male options. And there will always be other students in the class that are naturally more gifted than you. Remember that nerd that always looked like he owned the class when he got up there to give his presentation? Not only was he confident, but he also made it painfully clear that he knew exactly what he was talking about – probably better even than the teacher. You were the first in the class to present, and he was one of the last students. Trying to get a better grade on your presentation than that kid is what it is like for most guys who want to talk to that beautiful brunette in the corner, who is standing right next to a 6’3″ athletic, good-looking and cocky guy, who has probably bedded dozens of girls like her. You got up in front of the class to compete with the nerd because your teacher required it. Would you have done it if you’d been given the chance to opt out? What motivation does the guy in the bar have to challenge himself?
In fact, it is a huge testament to the depth of the male desire for sexual companionship (and I don’t mean that only in the physical sense) that we push through these fears and nerves – yes, sometimes with the help of alcohol or game – in order to talk to and attract women. We do routinely get up in front of the class, swallow our pride and nerves and try our best to beat that nerdy smart kid with the killer public speaking abilities and nerves of steel. And we often do it without any external motivation.
I am not trying to glorify the struggles of men, nor am I am trying to excuse our weaknesses. I am simply trying to show the girls who say things like those quoted at the start of this post that the male-female comparison isn’t as simple as they believe; and I think analogies like this one go a long way towards doing this. If public-speaking isn’t something you find difficult, then you can substitute it for whatever makes you nervous. Maybe for you it is going on roller-coasters or telling someone you care about that you love them for the first time. The point is that this kind of comparison will help you understand – and hopefully, therefore, appreciate – how difficult it can be for a guy to approach or pursue a girl he really likes. This understanding will count towards your general understanding of male behavior, which in turn will serve to improve your chances with men.