Home Advice Find Your Ride Or Die: A Letter To All Ladies

Find Your Ride Or Die: A Letter To All Ladies



Just because someone desires you does not mean they value you.”  – @SlimDarskin

I saw this tweet on my timeline a couple of weeks ago and it caught my eye. I had a few thoughts I wanted to express on it, so I figured what better place than SBM. I know a whole heap of ladies read this site. Knowing this, I hope these words help some.

It’s damn near common knowledge that a lot of men can be extremely ambiguous when it comes to their intentions. A lot of ladies spend a bunch of time in this grey area trying to figure out “what are we?” Trust me, most guys have heard that question since high school. Today, I tell you that you don’t have to question yourself so much in regards to your stance with someone.

Often times a man tells you all he needs to tell you through his actions.

I’ve said a number of times that you have to listen to what a person is not saying. There should be no sort of confusion once you read someone’s actions. Men desire many things from a woman. His behavior towards you will lend itself to exactly what he’s desiring.

Pay close attention to the conversations you have and the things he remembers about you. To the ladies void of going on dates, pay attention to see if he ever proposes that you all go on one. Figure out what sort of treatment you want. It may annoy you to have to do so, but put it out there. If you want to go out sometimes, even if y’all split the bill, let it be known. Every guy doesn’t have the wherewithal to have that base covered.

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If he values you, he’ll take your concerns under advisement without question.

Don’t ever get excited about attention. Attention is as simple as turning any man’s head. Time and effort correlates more with value. When a guy values you, you get a full complete feeling of what’s going on. Your texts get answered, your guy keeps you smiling, and he has interests in what makes you happy. In addition, he’ll have even more interest in what keeps you happy.

The truth is many men have formulas in their head that have shown to work.

They may desire women to solely sleep with. Under that motivation, they have their ways of going about it. This has created women who “fall” for that tactic; therefore, it gives his process some credence. These fellas find ways to get what they want through limited effort. Lies and excuses are fed while not enough attention is spent just feeling out the little things.You ladies just have to make sure a guy is into who you are versus what you are.

We all love ass and breasts….who doesn’t?

Just make sure that same dude wants to see you get your promotion, your master’s or whatever else is the case. In all things, let their be a balance. I think at the end of the day that’s the brass tacks of what I’m trying to say. Nothing works in this life without balance. If you’re not feeling a balance with someone you’re dating, then it’s simply something that should be addressed. Of course communication is paramount. If for no other reason, the more you communicate, the higher the likelihood you have to weed out the bullshit. You want to be valued more than desired. If you succeed, then you’re more than deserving.

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These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status


  1. Facts only. I will make a point that most women are aware of this, they are conveniently oblivious. Theres a difference between accepting and conceding; not going out because you’re a homebody and no going out because he’s one, doing things to make you happy and doing things “to make you happy”. Dating isn’t budgeting, yet people are steadily trying to stretch minimal feelings into the most you can get, she’s in love and all it took was a d ckdown and some Good morning texts. But challenging one to come harder might mean they will find someone a bit easier, and you know, it’s getting cold out, can’t have that.

    1. Noooooooooooooooo, she is not in love after sex this is a set up my brotha. That’s gonna get you a big fat long nasty text on grounds that you are cheap and her booty is going to the man who spends 20 dollars a week for them to see a movie or grab her lunch. Don’t fall for that trap especially if she is a dime piece. I’m a woman it feels soo good when a guy does little things cheap or not so cheap, the feeling is better than sex makes u wanna give up the sex. Women are never just happy with sex we are naturally born to be takers and even if its 2 dollars spending money makes a woman feel secure and happy to be with u and willing to be with u, excited to tell dad that u are a provider, a keeper, a REAL MAN. It may sound crazy but its nature. JUST A FEW DOLLARS HERE AND THERE just SPEND SOMETHING. Yes I know this info may be a hard pill to swallow, its the equivalent to hearing life for women sucks if u pick a dead beat don’t expect sympathy if you end up a single mother a few years down the line (The signs were there, “gasp dang why its gotta be all on the woman!!!” reply “life is not fair”).

  2. Women are accepting things that we shouldn't be accepting all for the sake of not wanting to be alone or miss out on our good childrearing years, or because all of our girlfriends are getting wifed up. Some men will tell you how they feel flat out and some ladies will ignore it because we feel that we can change their minds. Until you are very sure that he wants to go the direction the you want to go in, ya'll can be cool all day long, but be careful about being physical because it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to both sexes.
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  3. Women hate rejection. And sometimes we act like we don’t see the signs because we know that means this “man” is rejecting our request to be something more than “a quick lay”. In some cases that’s all we want. But there are a lot of ladies that compromise their standards to only end up disappointed in the end.

    Also if you feel like you keep running into men who only want one thing, it starts to hurt your pride/feelings. So sometimes you just give in and hope for the best because you start to feel like that’s the best that’s available to you.

  4. This isn't anything different from what we've heard in the past half-century in correlation with feminists, and women's independence movements. We have to come from a better place of understanding with each other in this area. A previous post discussed the obstacles women face due to their reluctance/inability to adapt to today's dating climate. We have a generation of men who haven't been raised to value a woman romantically in the proper manner. Lack of fathers, lack of healthy relationship examples, and the hypersexual imagery and objectification of women are just a few contributing factors. Ladies if you're going to continue to look for your old school male prince that's cool, but don't complain at the slim pickings because of the current trends in society. Some confuse being flexible with settling.

    1. Since the beginning of time men have always had women that just wanted to lay and play with and women who they loved and wanted to be with. The only difference is back in the day there were “Brothels” where men could pay without worrying about it being illegal. When you pay to play you don’t have to worry about feelings getting involved 90% of the time, because it’s just work. And even then men still romanticized women to get in their pants only to leave them high and dry after. It’s just in this current time period, dudes don’t have to romanticized because we are scaring women into think they’ll be single forever, so they take what they think they deserve.

      1. It's not that simple @smilez. Women back in the day were more ladylike and dainty mostly. Women didn't parade around like objects other than the brothels you spoke of. Men don't have to romanticize because societal norms have changed. Women have become more liberated, and expressive that aren't "working girls." Sex and Love aren't the pair that they were generations ago, that's part of the problem. Ladies mostly still assume men should court them for sex.

        1. I say that because it is an incorrect/improper assumption. Men court to gain your trust, loyalty, respect, etc….your booty is just an added bonus. If me doing for you is just to get some, then I'd prefer you tell me your price up front and I can choose if I want to "date"! Rofl!

        2. lol..ah ha, I see, said the blind woman. OK good point. I can't say that I am a rep for all ladies everywhere, by any means, but personally, I prefer, or would like to be courted..PERIOD (I prefer relationships to relations). However..if you are just after the booty, then say that up front. Men would be surprised how many women would be down for that if the "rules of engagement" are laid out clearly in the beginning. If you just wanna bone, then all I expect of you is to be available when you get my 3am "what are you up to?" or "Excuse me, Mr. Plumber, I need my pipes fixed" text.

        3. Of which time period are you referring to when you say back in the day? There isn't much going on now that wasn't going on somewhere in the past.

  5. This is just women not wanting to take full responsibility for what they like. Men don't make excuses for strippers & any other women they sleep with for fun.

    Women make excuse for dealing with their boytoys.

    Get over yourself.

  6. Women (some, most) need to learn how to increase their standards and not lower themselves to nonsensical dudes. If a man can't value a woman he probably doesn't deserve her, we've seen this all too much. Good woman who's a hopeless romantic finding the wrong dude all the time and getting screwed over and the more this happens the more she closes out shuts down and won't give a legit good man a chance.
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