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Politics of the Side-Piece

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In observance of Side Piece Day coming up on Neverary 32nd, we need to take a moment to appreciate how far the side-piece has progressed. She was the catalyst exposing one of the deepest mayoral corruption scandals in US history: that of former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. These days, she can take her ‘talents’ to a major cable network and be cast in a reality show, or publish a tell-all book detailing her liaisons. Men have thrown away marriages, families and even careers to be with her. It’s quite impressive actually. Today, we will explore the politics of that ever-changing role, and examine the reality of being involved with multiple women as a domestic arrangement.

By strict definition, a side piece is a woman who is involved with a man who is either married or a committed relationship. It is a clear hierarchy in which you have your main and a step-woman-in-law with whom you maintain an ongoing romantic connection with (not a one-time throwaway). She typically caters exclusively to the two strongest senses a man has: his sexuality and his ego/self-esteem. Not ironically, these two areas sometimes get neglected in long-term relationships (*message*). Men secure side-pieces for reasons totally independent of his main woman as well, but the fact remains: she boosts his sentimental concept of himself, champions him as a sexual titan and admires him as one of the “good ones” stable enough to enter into a serious comittment with a woman (more on that later).

In contrast, there have also been some very tragic Hindenburg disasters when men took it upon themselves to do slightly too much and ended up getting Steve McNair’d. So anyone seeking to romanticize – or participate in – the practice must also examine the realities of drawing water from multiple wells.

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When you are sexually and emotionally involved with multiple women, it takes much more energy from you than it adds to your life. On the surface it seems like the ultimate charge, having felines all over the city to run through at your leisure, but it will leave you on E if you aren’t careful. Not every man is equipped to deal with multiple women because our society is not structured in a way that is conducive to maintain multiple relations. It forces you to sneak around, lying and scheming to have it the way you want. I’ve personally found this too draining. I opt for one amazingly badass woman over several single-use. A real empress can fill your cup for two eternities.

The second thing you must know is that eventually, your side piece is going to grow dissatisfied with being a plaything. I haven’t known one woman who was comfortable being tucked away while a man is giving his queen the throne and throwing her a bone every so often. At some point, she will begin to demand more of your time and want you to become more emotionally attached. Finally, she will begin to question why she is your side piece in the first place, and not your main. That admiration I mentioned earlier will quickly turn to jealousy, because her “why not me?” meter begins rising as time goes on. At THAT point, she has you by the balls, with the ability to blow up your happy home to hell with one disgruntled Timeline Post.

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You have to watch for these women. You don’t have ‘em in check like you think. Many of these women are wolves in heels. Compared to our objectives (usually sex or chump change), theirs are much more costly: the destruction of a happy home, psychological chess against your woman, even the ol’ keep-a-n!%%@ baby. They tryna LIVE, and will use the honeypot as a spiderweb to extract material gain. Nothing in life is free.

Conversely, there are women who extract financial resources, bill payments and groceries from multiple men, for little or no reciprocity save for a Coochie Coupon. Be very careful with that, because no man will sponsor you for little or no commitment, sexual or emotional. Ladies somehow believe that they will slip away right before having to consummate with this man. Understand that some men are just as possessive and territorial as women, even more so when he has paid for goods and services and anticipates receiving them. An item bought becomes the property of its buyer, and there will be a day of reckoning.

We are at the age now where people are playing for keeps. You cannot afford to be reckless with your romantic connections, or you risk incurring much more than you intended. I’m not encouraging you to be 100% monogamous – some men (and women) are just not wired for that type of arrangement, and some might have the capacity for a more communal type of love. Just be honest about your intentions: you cannot play games with people’s hearts as if we were still teenagers with no real consequence other than negative gossip. Nowadays you risk a host of unintended consequences, from domestic disturbances to STD’s, to violence or death. The heart is not to be trifled with, and countless men and women have had their lives irrevocably changed testing this theory.

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You must be transparent with your dealings and actions, giving your mate(s) the freedom to choose whether or not they will accept or reject participating. This isn’t the 1950’s, when there was one socially accepted way to love. These days, people engage in all types of unorthodox arrangements, and it works. But, only if those involved are fully aware and able to make an informed decision. You will find that most people will respect almost any manner in which you choose to live your private life. What society does not respect, however, is a trickster who preys upon the feelings of a woman (or man) to satisfy his (or her) own shallow desires. Make a decision about how you want to live your life, and proceed as openly as possible. I guarantee you will find less mess and stress to deal with.

Grace

About the author: Jontae Grace is a 27 year old, single father of 1 son. His blog, “My $0.02″ can be found at http://jontaegrace.com, and he has a free app in the Google Play Store (search My $0.02). A graduate of the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!), his literary goal is to empower people to take control of their social and romantic relationships.

Website: http://jontaegrace.com
Facebook: facebook.com/my02cents
Twitter: @my_02cents
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Comment(20)

  1. that featured image tho…..

    okay on to the topic at hand, be good or be good at it. In an age of social media and smartphones, theres plenty more tracks to cover. I know someone who got caught up by the recent places on his GPS. Honestly its not worth the headache, people seemingly forget that relationships are optional and you dont actually have to be with someone who isnt making you happy. Why have a girlfriend and a mistress when you can just be single and date both. Cheating, as the word implies, isnt playing fair if you bout that life you can get what you want from either without false commitments.

  2. Good post. There are exceptions to some of what your saying but I will not digress on pointing them out because the exception is not the rule. But just know that many women look at being "the other women" as strictly business.

    I think the idea of only being with one person after marriage is unrealistic for many. People evolve. I'm sure a lot of married people don't have the intent of cheating but after years and years of being with the same person, the grass oftentimes looks greener on the other side. Yes, it's good to be honest with both parties but that's rather idealistic.

    I also think it's funny how the other person is always a woman by default.

      1. I'm talking about honesty in the context of wanting to see other people outside the marriage. I don't believe most people can handle that type of honesty.

        1. Wanting to is one thing, actually going forward with doing it is another. What's unrealistic is the expectation that every other woman stops being physically appealing after a relationship/marriage takes place, and the same holds true for men. But that's where self control comes in, and it has to take place long before the clothes hit the floor. Not saying it's impossible to say no, but it's harder when the thing you want/find appealing is saying yes and they're buck naked waiting on you.

  3. This is going to sound depressing as hell, but there are a good number of women that relegate themselves to "side peice" relationships because they feel like at least they know what they are dealing with. It's just easier to deal with a man who has already 'let you down" than to be vulnerable and build trust. It's the same as women who gravitate toward @ssholes-better the devil you know. At least you can blame your heartbreak on him being a heartbreaker, not anything you did wrong specifically.
    My recent post Emily Yoffe Thinks you Shouldn’t Binge-Drink. Neither Do I; My Story On Assault and Alcohol

      1. I really took issue with that sentence. It’s 2013, why are people referring to women as property? Like for real. It’s offensive.

      2. I feel like writing a paper titled “The Dehumanization of women through everyday conversation: side piece stories”

  4. Lol this post sounds like a lecture from your grandparents

    "When you are sexually and emotionally involved with multiple women, it takes much more energy from you than it adds to your life." – Morgan Freeman

    thanks pops…

  5. Women can get a higher caliber dude if they are willing to play the side-piece role. I'm sure that plays a factor as well.

    1. That is true but define get? Does she really have him if he belongs to someone else?

      And how high caliber is he really if he is that dishonest?

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