We advocate that you avoid men with crazy exes here on #SBM. But if you truly have some strong connection with a guy and want to make it work, these are a few tips on how to deal with his crazy ex.
Look, when someone you are seeing is talking about their crazy ex, you are probably supposed to say somewhat supportive things. You are supposed to tell them that they are not actually any of the horrible things that she is saying. That’s really all they want.
Remember she could be your friend
Look, taking into account this woman may not be “crazy” we all have friends who have gone somewhat irrational after a break-up. You haven’t said “you’re being crazy.” You’ve said “you’re in pain, take all the time you need. When you boiled his bunny that was just you expressing your feelings.” No, we haven’t said that. But we have let people dump expired dairy products all over the place in fits of rage (you’d be astonished by the number of expired dairy products in my apartment). Anyhow, remember that this girl is someone you would probably sympathize with if circumstances were reversed. Maybe you’ve even been this girl.
You cannot refer to her as crazy
Your ex can, but he still had a relationship with her. You can’t say she’s crazy. It’s like talking about how you hate your drunken aunt, but realizing you’d be horribly insulted if anyone else did that…
Let this be a reminder not to be crazy
If you break up with someone, you need to not be this girl. Emotions will be high. There is always a possibility that you could snap and start doing crazy stuff. You will certainly want to.
But at a certain point, you learn that life is fundamentally about minimizing regrets. You also learn that you will wait a few months, or years, and you will heal, and you will fall in love with someone else, you will fall in love with a lot of someone elses…
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I did in college. She came for me and for whatever reason he let her! In his mind they would always be "friends" (probably still are) and because of that she knew more about my relationship than I did. Since I was younger then I fought for the relationship (after a bunch of other stuff I broke it off after 6 months..seemed like a lifetime) but if that were to happen now, I wouldn't fight to keep the relationship together, I'd do an about face and quietly remove myself from the situation and block the necessary people on my phone and social media.
I figure if I don't talk about my ex(es) and don't bring drama in the relationship, you should be able to do the same. If the dude continues to talk about the ex then we just have to be friends at that point. If that much. Give me that respect. Don't bring someone new into the picture if you're still emotionally involved with an ex. But in a way, I encourage red flags like that to be exposed early in the relationship. That way very little of my time would be wasted.
I have to ask a few questions before a guy I am seeing can talk me into believing his ex is crazy.
1)Do they keep in contact? The only ex a man should keep in contact with is one that he has a child with. If he’s keeping in contact with her, (not her stalking him) then that’s part of the issue.
2)If he is keeping in contact with her why?
3)Was she crazy from the start?
4)What was their relationship like before she was “crazy”?
5)Does he feel the ex is crazy enough to try and come after/ harass me?
Some men like to drag their exes along. Play with their bodies and emotions and wonder why the witch won’t stop calling and acting a fool. There’s a man right now telling one of his new interests that his ex is crazy knowing well enough that he was over at her house last night feeding her b.s/ chexing her, adding fuel to the fire.
The few times I've heard someone refer to their ex as crazy, I've also known someone who knew the ex. There's always three sides to the story. Sure, there are always people who are emotionally unstable on their own. But more often than not, the ex had a reason to be "crazy". Steer clear of people who actually call their exes crazy, there's usually more to the story that will give you insight into this person's character. Chances are when your relationship is over, you'll be the next crazy ex…
I havent had to deal with an ex but I did have to deal with a sidepiece in college. But like always.. Mama gets the last laugh.
My recent post Are Non Black Women More Appealing to Black Men?
WAIT!!!! I am not feeling sorry for some crazy ass chick! I was with a guy whose ex wife was calling and playing on my phone. This chick was in her mid 40's! She would call and not say anything, until I decided to call her by her name and tell her that if she was looking for him, he had just left and proceeded to call her a no life having *itch! I guess that did it because she has something to say then! After I read her, she didn't call back.
The stories I could tell about crazy chicks….
My recent post “My Fiance Can’t Make Me Dump My Male BFF!” Listen Up, Ladies Series
I like the "you cannot refer to her as crazy" part. I have once been a victim of that and knows how it feels. Thanks so much for making me understand some other things you've stated which I did not know of.
My recent post How To Get Over Your Ex