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5 Men You Need to Meet (But Not Marry)



Some guys may teach you something, says the author of the riveting novel The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. That doesn’t mean you need to spend the rest of your life with them.

1. The One Who Never Wanted to Commit—Until He Met You

This sounds like the dream, right? The guy who proclaimed to all that he’d never settle down with anyone ever, and then ate his words when you came along? But the problem is that no matter how wowed by you he is now, the moment things become less exciting, less overwhelmingly amazing between the two of you (and the moment will come), he is likely to have second thoughts. And that will make you feel awful. Maybe you’ll sense it happening, in which case you’ll probably try harder, to do whatever you can to make sure things don’t get less exciting. But that’s a basis for a performance, not a marriage.

You need to meet this guy, however, so that when you meet the guy you should marry you can tell the difference. The one you ought to marry will be a person who wants to be in a committed relationship and who will work with you to make your marriage strong. He won’t feel he has made a mistake, or been duped, every time something between the two of you isn’t perfect, because he will already know that relationships, like other true and meaningful things, operate on an axis that has nothing to do with perfect—they are messy, real, evolving things. That’s what’s so great about them.

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2. The Guy Who Knows Everyone, I Mean, Everyone, In Town

This is a guy who’ll save you when you need to get a table at the hot, new restaurant or a contact at a company to which you’re thinking of sending your resume. But be wary. This guy is always chatting on the phone—or sending emails or responding to texts—during dinners, holidays, all the times when you long for attention. Makes sense: He’s responding to all those other people who need an in at that trendy restaurant or a professional contact, after all, and he’s got to keep his Rolodex up-to-date; it requires constant effort. His desire to help, his sociability, these are some of his best qualities—as a friend.

3. The Funny, Charming, Sensitive Guy Who Pouts and Says “Nothing” When You Ask Him If Something’s Wrong

He’s got so many wonderful qualities. So please, date him—if only because you’ll learn a lot about the importance of another quality: open communication. The thing about marriage is that it’s really long. You might be the greatest, most thoughtful and kind-hearted person in the world; I guarantee you are still going to occasionally piss him off.

It’s easier, for all of us, to sit in silence and seethe and think self-righteously that if our partners were better people, they would know why we are mad and wouldn’t have to ask. It’s a lot harder to say, “I know you didn’t mean it, but that joke you made in front of our friends about my slow work habits made me feel lame.” Yet, so much of marriage comes down to just those moments—spitting it out, explaining what’s wrong and giving your partner a chance to apologize and do better the next time. The brooding guy who punishes you with silence? After a while, you’re likely to become so afraid of making him angry—and so unsure of what exactly bothers him since he never tells you—that you’ll have to tiptoe around him.

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Read the other two at Oprah.com.


  1. Good read, however, if a guy has many other wonderful qualities but still falls into one of these categories….should he be left along the roadside ??

    1. I don't think so, my husband is #3. It took a while but he learned the importance of communicating; I am the type of person that will come to my own conclusion and it's usually not good so he finally figured that his life would be easier if he just discuss the issue.

  2. I don't think I like these lists of the guy you ought to "meet" and "date" but never ever marry.
    The reality is ALL these types of people will be married at some point. Lately people have been trying to figure too much out where love and marriage is concerned and make love have some rhyme and/or reason when it just does not. Most times, people just do whatever works best for them at that time. And honestly what more can you do? You can only do but so much. No matter how much time you spend together, how much you make every effort to cross every single T, and dot every single I, there will be issues, stress, drama, problems.
    When are people going to realize that the folks who have longevity and staying power when it comes to love and marriage aren't staying together simply because they have no problems, issues, drama, and stresses in their lives. False. They stay together because they are totally committed and devoted to one another, and they have learned how to effectively work out whatever issues they have over time.
    People that look for perfection and a life of no problems ever, will be perpetually and eternally Single!

    1. I couldn't have said it better myself. Everyone will have flaws, love is accepting those flaws and growing with the person.

      – However, I will say, I would not be able to deal with number 3, oh no. Express yo' self.

  3. And trying to perfectly prepare for and anticipate Every future problem is not the answer either. Certain things in life, no matter what, u won't know how you will deal and/or how you will deal with it until it happens. For instance, men, Nothing and no-one can prepare you for how to deal with it if you and your wife lose a child. I mean the baby is born and later dies or is still-born. Or if your wife and/or s/o has multiple miscarriages. Or any infertility issues. Just like nothing can prepare the woman for how she will feel and deal with that type of trauma.
    Nothing can prepare you for how to perfectly deal with a spouse who suddenly gets seriously injured.
    Sometimes, you just have to live your life, and make the best decisions you can at the time.
    You have to have faith in yourself and in whatever God you acknowledge.

  4. what's wrong with being a sociable person? #2 sounds like the words of a jealous hater and/or immature person. i could see if i had sex with half the town but knowing alot of people isn't a crime and should be looked at an asset especially if its mostly professional contacts. that means i'm about my business and a viable member of society.

  5. I want a single blk male who’s nt married and dont have kids ,nt short and also nt very tall complection dark working and good looking guy sexy and hunk ,age early 30-40


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